Let's recommend a Car/Truck for Null

Landrover. A pre 1990 long wheelbase for complete owner serviceability. Anyone who wants to go off grid or rural who doesn't have one of those (or a Toyota Hilux as a distant second) is a fool.

Edit to add: The reason I put Landrovers at numbers one to six on my essential list is, apart from everything being service friendly, the bodywork is aluminium. They don't rust.
 
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Lada samara
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ProsCons
Virtually indestructibleRelatively way more unsafe than modern cars
Easy and cheap to maintainHandling is like driving a tractor
CheapHorrible miles per gallon
Reliably starts in cold weatherLow top speed and acceleration
You need a huge penis to undercompensate it's size with this car Bad AC
 
90s or early 00s Camrys and Corollas are perfect for those who aren't enthusiasts and just want a car that won't break for ages and will bring you from A to B.
 
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I am unironically suggesting @Null gets a '34 Ford coupe. They're great cars. None of that hot rod shit, either. Get one stock it is easy to take care of and makes panties fly off uncontrollably.

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If that is too scary, get a '31 Ford Model A. It was the last year of that make and has all the cumulative upgrades. Less power but a blind person can service it. No really, everything either only goes on one way or it can be used interchangably. Panties won't fly off but old middle aged men will strike up interesting conversations with you.
 
Subaru also makes very reliable cars. they get made fun of for odd reasons like only lesbians or faggots drive them, but if you don't care about that retardation then they are good cars to consider.
 
You can get a nice daily driver condition 80s Mercedes diesel for pretty cheap. Like $5K-10K. The few electronics in the car are analog. There's a really cool (but kind of frustrating) vacuum system that handles a lot of what electric cars handle. Smooth ride and deceptively quick cars once you get past the turbo lag.

Another option to look into is >25 year old imports. That is the timeline where many of the prohibitively expensive import duties lapse. Serendipitously this means all the no-electronics models will be available. Even late 90s or early 00s JDM-spec cars are going to be more in line with the "digital luddite" kind of design philosophy. There might be a computer but it's only going to be able to "talk" over something like OBD ports, if at all. You're far more likely to find clever analog components and relays and shit. You would have issues potentially with something like an EMP, but the CIA glowniggers won't be able to make you do something like accelerate into a tree at 90mph. I'm personally waiting until hopefully 2027 to start importing as many 2002+ 4runners/Hilux Surf's I can but that's definitely too electronic-y for Null's purposes.

@Sneeds makes a solid recommendation. The 7.3 is a legendary diesel and even the 351W for gas is not bad to work on. These are great trucks if you've got a u-pull-it yard nearby. If you look for these try and avoid lift kits in general or at minimum avoid huge ones. There's some "creative" engineering going into a lot of the more rigged kits. You're better off avoiding someone else's mistakes.

If the budget could stretch to something like $20K you start getting into really fun options like a tube-chassis dune buggy. I've even seen some where they elected to use air cooled VW engines. It's hard to get more bare-bones and mechanical only than that.
 
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You can get a nice daily driver condition 80s Mercedes diesel for pretty cheap. Like $5K-10K. The few electronics in the car are analog. There's a really cool (but kind of frustrating) vacuum system that handles a lot of what electric cars handle. Smooth ride and deceptively quick cars once you get past the turbo lag.

Another option to look into is >25 year old imports. That is the timeline where many of the prohibitively expensive import duties lapse. Serendipitously this means all the no-electronics models will be available. Even late 90s or early 00s JDM-spec cars are going to be more in line with the "digital luddite" kind of design philosophy. There might be a computer but it's only going to be able to "talk" over something like OBD ports, if at all. You're far more likely to find clever analog components and relays and shit. You would have issues potentially with something like an EMP, but the CIA glowniggers won't be able to make you do something like accelerate into a tree at 90mph. I'm personally waiting until hopefully 2027 to start importing as many 2002+ 4runners/Hilux Surf's I can but that's definitely too electronic-y for Null's purposes.

@Sneeds makes a solid recommendation. The 7.3 is a legendary diesel and even the 351W for gas is not bad to work on. These are great trucks if you've got a u-pull-it yard nearby. If you look for these try and avoid lift kits in general or at minimum avoid huge ones. There's some "creative" engineering going into a lot of the more rigged kits. You're better off avoiding someone else's mistakes.

If the budget could stretch to something like $20K you start getting into really fun options like a tube-chassis dune buggy. I've even seen some where they elected to use air cooled VW engines. It's hard to get more bare-bones and mechanical only than that.
The 560SL is a bitchin' vehicle.
 
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4th gen Toyota Camry, the greatest shitbox ever made

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Pros:
-Jeremy Clarkson of Top Gear once said that "The Camry is anonymity personified"
-Millions of them sold, so you will always have parts and also, you are anonymous virtually anywhere you go because there's always lots of them in traffic
-Every single one goes beyond 400k miles
-It looks uninteresting so nobody wants to steal it
-Has the best kind of electronics where they work and are reliable (ie no chips in fucking doors and lights that turn the whole car off if they fail like a BMW) and nothing in the car's electronics can be used to remotely turn it off or track where you are etc
-Decent MPG
-Shitloads of documentation online and forums
-Made after 1996 so it has OBD2
-People don't know what they have and you can find them for sale even during the current retardation of the car market, for less than $2,000. You used to be able to get these for $500

Cons:
-FWD only, so you will get stuck on snowy hills
-The I4 engine has no overtaking power for the highway, they made a V6 version but it's not as bulletproof
-They used a timing belt instead of a timing chain. If the belt goes out the engine will not self-destruct, you will get stranded but the car will work with a new belt. Timing chains are just better and they should have used one.
 
1. @Null picked a really bad time to buy a car. Prices for new & used have never been worse than right now. Average income versus average price of new (or even used) is FUBAR. If he has any other option whatsoever for travel & transport I would stick to it for a while longer.
2. If he is paranoid about being Michael Hastings'd he will want to avoid anything made after the mid-1990s. A lot of manufacturers stopped isolating electronic components around that period which has led to a lot of fucky-wucky like this. The situation has gotten even worse with time as more and more shit is attached to a vehicle's CAN. Avoid luxury brands even if they were made prior to the 1990's, many of them pioneered this computer faggotry and thus suffer the same flaws.
3. A car having an ECU is not a glownigger risk, having interconnected components is. If someone wants to blackbox an old car that has an ECU the worst they can do is stall your engine. Brakes are manually operated with your foot & so is your gas pedal. Fucking with fuel injection just leads to a stall, it doesn't careen you into a wall. Most old cars have very tiny windshield fluid nozzles so blinding you isn't feasible. If you're terrified of electronics go ride a horse, a lot of vehicles have control modules to govern output actuators but none of them will do anything more "dangerous" than firing off a misfire code that turns your engine off for a couple minutes.
4. Manual is a meme. Unless you absolutely love fondling long rigid objects while driving there is nothing wrong with automatic. Don't pass on a great buy because of how it changes gears, repairs for both will be equally as expensive. The people who poo-poo automatic are the equivalent of range Fudds who think M1911 chamburred 'n ferrty-fahv is the only viable handgun for everyday carry.

The best options people tend to suggest are the Volvo 200 series & any Ford truck made prior to like 1993. The 200 series kicked off in the 1970's back when computers had to be the size of Amberlynn Reid to do basic equations so all onboard electronics will be just as primitive & there's nothing for glowniggers to beam into. If you need a specific vouch I knew someone with a 240 that had 800,000 miles on it and the only thing he'd been replacing was oil, tires and spark plugs. Ford trucks meanwhile are big impressive diesel monstrosities where everything except the cassette player is mechanical. Downsides are limited to poor gas mileage, rust and the delusion that a small inflatable bag will save your life from 5000LBs of steel if you ever get into an accident.

Honorable mentions: Jeep wagoners (1980's variants only), older Dodge trucks (1970's W200 is neat, I drove one), old Crown Vic & Caprice police interceptors if you're interested in personally reprogramming the thing.

Lastly I know that you're the owner of Kiwifarms & that alone gets you tons of dates but if you get around in something that looks like this:
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Girls will actually want to have sex with you. Or at least they will consider it until you start talking to them about Darksydephil.
 
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The only choice for any God fearing Florida man.
  • Carburetted push rod engine with minimal electronics
  • Almost no electronics of any kind really
  • Cannot be electronically tracked or controlled by glowies
  • Comes in automatic or manual
  • Pretty much as basic as someone can get
  • Official car of Indy 500/NASCAR/State of Florida
 
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