Let's Sperg Let's Sperg: Baldur's Gate: Enhanced Edition - The Adventures of Alabamy Tranny

c-no said:
SPeak with the guy while thinking how much of a shit head he is. Be sure to friendzone the fuck out of him if you think he's hitting on you.
Click to expand...
Oh goddammit, it's fucking Alec. Alabamy remembers that one time he she asked Alec if he wanted to ride his her girl-penis. Alec refused. What a transmisogynistic asshole!

Alabamy waves back.

zfEJSrw.png
 
Option 2. Gorion may be your dade but he's also an old cis-white male shit head who should die while travelling with you.
 
  • Feels
Reactions: caffeinated_wench
c-no said:
Option 2. Gorion may be your dade but he's also an old cis-white male shit head who should die while travelling with you.
Click to expand...
"Who told you? Gorion? That fucking white cis-male shithead! I hope he dies!"

Alec isn't sure what you're talking about, but he humors you anyway. He's grown used to your outbursts over the years.

ALEC: I overheard Ulraunt and Gorion arguing about it. Ulraunt wanted to send you away alone, like he always does whenever your name is mentioned, and Gorion said he would die, first.

QaGEL3B.png
 
caffeinated_wench said:
"Who told you? Gorion? That fucking white cis-male shithead! I hope he dies!"

Alec isn't sure what you're talking about, but he humors you anyway. He's grown used to your outbursts over the years.

ALEC: I overheard Ulraunt and Gorion arguing about it. Ulraunt wanted to send you away alone, like he always does whenever your name is mentioned, and Gorion said he would die, first.

QaGEL3B.png
Click to expand...
Go with option 4 while laughing at what Alec gets.
 
  • Feels
Reactions: caffeinated_wench
c-no said:
Go with option 4 while laughing at what Alec gets.
Click to expand...
ALABAMY: I got to go, sorry.

ALEC: All right. Safe journey.

Thank the gods that pointless conversation was over with. Good thing we'll never see him again. Now let's get inside the inn and buy shit.

You enter and approach the counter, which ol' Winthrop tends.

After informing you about clean elven asses (maybe he's autistic), he has this to say:

Tt9kgnE.png
 
Gotta go with 1, because you're responding to what you assume as Winthrop hitting on you.
 
Mr Pizza said:
Gotta go with 1, because you're responding to what you assume as Winthrop hitting on you.
Click to expand...
Don't forget, Winthrop is a capitalist and his capitalism is a part of the patriarchy.
 
Mr Pizza said:
Gotta go with 1, because you're responding to what you assume as Winthrop hitting on you.
Click to expand...
c-no said:
Don't forget, Winthrop is a capitalist and his capitalism is a part of the patriarchy.
Click to expand...
This shitlord needs to learn his place!

ALABAMY: That is outrageous! What kind of a fool do you take me for?! Stuff your inn, and stuff your company!

Winthrop is not amused.

WINTHROP: Ever the humorless brat ye always were! It's but for the reputation of your father that I give ye endless chances to redeem yer manner. I will tolerate ye here today, but bother me not.

What a dick.

Mr Pizza said:
Shit, you're right. Make sure you CRUSH the patriarchy by breaking into all the rooms and re-purposing everything up stairs.
Click to expand...
What an excellent idea!

Due to bugged thieving mechanics, we couldn't get all of them unlocked. However, we did find about 22 gold, two scrolls, a necklace, and a pearl.

tr6pdXb.png


One of the rooms you wander into has an occupant that's surprisingly NOT asleep.

You can't break into the chest with him standing there, or else he'll call the guard and the patriarchy will put a stop to Alabamy's adventuring! There has to be a way to get to it...

Or maybe you CAN break into it?
 
Last edited:
Your father understands that you sometimes have... outbursts. All the shitlord guards do is take your money (its kind of like a swear jar.) You could spend your money then liberate whatever is in there.
 
Mr Pizza said:
Your father understands that you sometimes have... outbursts. All the shitlord guards do is take your money (its kind of like a swear jar.) You could spend your money then liberate whatever is in there.
Click to expand...
Aw ye, let's get some free shit! Your dad is a stupid white cis-male, but he'll understand. You've self-diagnosed yourself with kleptomania, after all!

GlNGEyS.png


Fuck. Well, that didn't work out. What now?
 
Well shit, that's triggering. Winthrop really needs to get his shit together, better find someone to complain to. If worse comes to worse you're going to have to talk to your Dad, despite his ignorance.
 
Mr Pizza said:
Well shit, that's triggering. Winthrop really needs to get his shit together, better find someone to complain to. If worse comes to worse you're going to have to talk to your Dad, despite his ignorance.
Click to expand...
LfZtS3E.png


Ugh, there are only cis white males here. We need to find a fellow transwoman!

You leave the inn behind and set out in search of someone to enable you lend you an ear.

It didn't take long to find one of your teachers, Phlydia. She's a woman and obviously senile, which makes her perfect for the job!

However, you've barely opened your mouth before she shoves a quest down your throat.

Dg8Z5iG.png


You promptly tell the ableist Phlydia to go fuck herself and run off to go cry somewhere like you always do when you're stressed. You quickly discover that you're not alone.

A strange man approaches you.

WWbaepG.png
 
2. This course of discussion will help guide you to an opportunity to lecture this cis white male about how he pretty much raped you by approaching you.
 
Mr Pizza said:
2. This course of discussion will help guide you to an opportunity to lecture this cis white male about how he pretty much raped you by approaching you.
Click to expand...
But of course! The only way they'll learn is by engaging them in civil conversations regarding how terrible they are!

ALABAMY: I do not recognize you. Who are you and what are you doing here? Can't you see you're literally raping me right now?

SHANK: Who I am is unimportant, but who YOU are is very much so. I apologize for this dirty bit of business, but I must seek your death.

ALABAMY: YOU TRANSPHOBE! I KNEW IT! ALL THE PATRAIARCHY WANTS IS FOR US TO DIE OH MYA GODAI'M CRYTYY[ING RIGHT NOW THIS IS ALL YUTR FAULT

SHANK: ...I'm just gonna gut you and get this over with.

Thanks to the power of the goddess Tumblr, we emerge victorious and loot his ass.
c739TMg.png


Just a dagger. We probably shouldn't take it, because it's obviously phallic and symbolic of the patriarchy, but it could come in handy for stabbing any hetero brute males who try to rape us in the future.

After looting everything else in the room, you exit only to be greeted by Parda, who quickly expresses concern over your state. He's a goddamn MALE, but you complain to him anyway about how terrible and PTSD-worthy your ordeal was. Surprisingly, he sympathizes, and he urges you to find your foster father as soon as possible.
 
He WOULD. Lets get one thing straight, Dad has A LOT to learn about the world and one of those things is patience. Might be a good idea to go see the clinic on the south side of the keep though, your [insert sympathy condition] is acting up again and they're usually pretty good about giving you stuff for free when you mention your Dad.
 
Mr Pizza said:
He WOULD. Lets get one thing straight, Dad has A LOT to learn about the world and one of those things is patience. Might be a good idea to go see the clinic on the south side of the keep though, your [insert sympathy condition] is acting up again and they're usually pretty good about giving you stuff for free when you mention your Dad.
Click to expand...
Off to the clinic we go--

JGjFOWy.png


Nevermind. Yet another cismale has impeded your progress! At least he's not white.

Sorta.

Do we really have time for a tutorial?
 
Mr Pizza said:
Tutorials are problematic.
Click to expand...
ALABAMY: FUCK OFF. Can't you see I'm triggered right now?!

kbBnXoP.png


Little one? Okay, now he's just being a dick.

ALABAMY: I said fuck off! I don't need no help from a cismale!

GATEWARDEN: Ay, ye be as ye've always been, then. Worse than tryin' to talk sense to Ulraunt himself. Now there be duties that need attendin' to and I'll not suffer a brat like ye any longer.

With him finally out of the way, it's time to get some free health potions that we totally need.

nAo3LYC.png


Like we're gonna say no to free potions, especially since that's why we're here! He gives us... one measly potion. Cheapskate.

We have a potion, we have a weapon, and we have gold, plus shit to sell. I'd say we're all set. Is there anything else that Alabamy could possibly do before leaving this oppressive atmosphere?
 
This vacation Dad has been planning better be fucking good or we'll gank that stupid magic belt he's SO proud of and sell it at a pawn shop.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back