When I was getting myself sober I wanted to kill myself more than when I was drunk every day, I didn't and realise that every day I am alive and kicking doing something I care about and with my Family and Friends by my side there is nothing I can't do and every moment is a joy for me even when shit happens it's momentary and passing and I take joy in the little things I do each and every little win is me pushing the universes shit back in.
Killing yourself is an option that's not supposed to ever be picked, it's there just for the comfort of having alternatives. I've stopped feeling ashamed of finding that comfort. It makes me really appreciate the fragility of life if a retard like me is responsible for it.
I've tried to adopt the opinion that it doesn't matter if people think I'm wrong because I know I'm objectively right after hearing jersh say it so often. I've got to be able to stand up for my ideas and it's working out.
I only get suicidal ideation when I'm really worn down and tired. Try to take those thoughts as a sign that you need to take 10 and try to bring yourself down.