Video 1:
Loli- Loli porn is wrong. Lolicons- most lolicons are closeted pedophiles, which is a sadge- sadge fate. But- but I'm one too. Like, I don't like- I don't like- I don't like real big woman. I just can't. I just can't. I just- I just like- I just like- I just like, you know? Cute young girls. But I don't like myself for doing- for liking-
Video 2:
Oh, I know what we're watching next also, I would be a good priest I Mmm. Oh, yeah, baby. I touch children every time give me the power. Give me the position, please please
Video 3:
Oh yeah, oh yeah. You'll see it, you'll see it. You'll see this, girl! She's 5! She's 5! She's 5! She's 5! She is 5! She is 5! She is 5! She is 5! She is 5, smile! Smile! Yeah, yeah. Ooh aah! Da-da-da! No, I don't care about any of the other ones. She is 5! She is 5! She is 5! Haha! She is 5! She is 5! Ooh... Ooh... God damn it. Mm, mm, uh, mm, mm.
Not the 3D Carol. Oh my, look at how cute she is. I don't know. I just, I think the thing that makes me really like her is that, okay, her chair makes it look like she has butterfly wings, right? And she looks like she's eight. She doesn't look like she's five. She doesn't look like she's five. Oh my God, but she is five. I don't know how she's five, but she is five and she's so cute, oh my God. Oh, ha ha, ah. Okay, I just wanted to get that out of me. I did not know. I may or may not click this, I may have a couple pictures of, I thought she was 8-. Ha ha ha. Ah! Ha ha ha.
Video 4:
How old are fifth graders? 12? 11? Ah, I was only pretending to be here. Yes, yes. Um, this is all. 10, 11. Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Okay. No, no, no, 9, 11 is good. 9, 11 is good. Not that bad, not that bad. Ah, I remember priests need to touch until this is Carol being a good person. You're right! You're right! Oh my God, you're so right! wood Mau gu it
Video 5:
I just love lolis and I love the fact that they're so weak and vulnerable and. The way is you could completely ruin them forever just the right time the right methods. It's passion it's art, please please it's not wrong I I just it's come on come on it's scientifically proven that it's okay to have um um um sadistic tendencies Okay, please it's fine. Don't worry about it
Video 6:
I don't want to hear this. As an American writer in his book, Soto examines sadistic sexual criminals and sexually violent pornography, particularly involving his writings are interpreted by some call as media hypocrisy around these issues. His books are often first person narratives taking on the point of view of the sexual predator in order to- Oh yeah! What a guy! What a man! Oh! Yes sir! Providing us with God content! That sounds exactly what I fucking great! Oh shit! Okay, there's a list of songs that?
More on Peter- yes it is. As the back of total abuse reads, Peter says the world's foremost practitioner of verbal brutality. That excites me. That excites me so much. Finding someone who also- oh my god. Oh my god. Oh! Stop exciting me! Please! Send stuff first. Send stuff. Send reading. Send- I want to read. Did I mention? Soto, whether or not he has an understanding of that magic, and he used it to cause the worst for his readers. He knows how the words need to flow on the page. Any writer of work needs to understand that. Like music, music fed into the greater common just to show the run, becoming a district. He knows what patterns to utilize. He gives just enough of himself that what reads the film in blanks, they are touched in the vilest of ways. He forces his readers to create images of unspeakable crimes, and they become complicit in them. They aren't just merely reading about these acts, they are in the room smelling the smells and hearing the case. They are in the cries. Whether he puts you in the mindset of predatory or prey, the end result is that you suffer. It is an amazing feat to pull off, and it is dangerous, but when it works, it is sublime. My friend was right. It is sick. Beyond sick. As he said, shouldn't writing about dark subjects be sick and disturbing? Sure. Some readers will want to stay away from it, or whatever, for whatever reason. And they should if they have any doubts about their ability to handle it. But for those who appreciate the magic, the experience is unlike anything you read. And why wouldn't you want to embrace that? I understand. In fact, there are times where. I want to read SONTAS! PLEASE! Come on. Come on. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Literature? What is this, I don't trust it.
Video 7:
(Yeah, I'm not transcribing that disgusting shit.)
Video 8.1:
Do teen moms think the same? Did they get raped? Wait, wait I gotta do all our rape victims the same. They're victims. Oh yeah, cry. Oh, suicide survivors? That's not what I was looking for, I mean, I don't care, I could confess to something, guys. Do you guys want to hear it? Do you guys want to hear it? Do you guys want to hear something very yabe? Come on chat. Can I get your consent? Okay. I don't want to hear anything anymore. Okay, then I'll say it very slowly for you. How about that? You are a yabe. No, I'm not. Maybe in the discord.
I have a confession, It's not very incriminating, It's just a little bit. Um, you know. No, it's a... Is it a hate crime? It's not a hate crime. It's just being really bad, bad person. I... I find it really funny when, when rape victims like start crying... And like sometimes, I have a guilty pleasure on like searching up rape and assault on YouTube. And just seeing like the videos. Where the rape victims talk about their stories and all that. And they don't really go into detail. But the fun part is, that it's true, and they're actually putting in emotion. And saying that the... It just... It just makes me laugh so much. And... I love it I really do. Can you remove my mask?
It's not your fault It's not your fault It's not your fault It's not your fault It's not bad I think Yeah, yeah Yone, I agree with you It's not that bad It's not illegal or anything Do you guys want to do that? Do you guys want to hear rape victims cry with me? Is that fun? It's all in the head, yeah? I'm gonna concern fag No! Stop! No! Stop! Stop concern fagging. This is not something to be concerned about. You should be happy for me. You should laugh with me.
Video 8.2:
Oh! Okay, we're going this direction. Eleven? Eleven? Oh? Oh? Eleven? Can I get your number too? Name that! Name that! Name that! Alright, alright, alright. Let's continue. This is thrilling. Oh, what a... Party poopers! ...his next victim to commit suicide. Woohoo! What a champ! What a champ! I wish that was me! I wish that was me! Y'all the power of humans, man! Look at that! Oh! Holy shit! Seems like chat didn't like that. Carol, what are you doing in this video?
This is literally a degenerate stream but I'm fitting right in. But it could be you. Yeah, I know it could be me. And that's thrilling! I wanna die! Yeah! Push me! Let's go! Sudoku! Oh, wait, wait, wait. What? What? Yeah, okay. This woman, yes. My abusive... Yeah! It all started when she was younger, baby! I really... I thought she released... Clicked off the video. Um... I don't know, man.
Hey, guys. Would you find it weird? Anybody want to watch rape victim stories? I'm waiting. The silence is killing me. Yes! Absolutely! Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go! Alright, I'll show you guys all my favorite. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Listen to me, listen to me, chat. Listen to me. Ah! No, no, no! Alright, alright, alright, alright. So, you, um, gonna head out, but I can't... Oh, fine. Okay, we won't. I hate society. Your excitement is making me regret this. I already told you about how much I laugh at it, and how much I enjoy it. And it's perfect for my mentality. Oh, it's the exact... Oh, no!
Usually, what you want is... Um, so, okay. Just this word alone, sexual assault, here. Um, gets... Takes you to a lot of... Okay. So, things... Um, what's a good video? Oh, this one. Me too movement. Me too movement. Oh, yeah! Amazing me too movement. Yeah, yeah, tell me more. Um... Short film suck. This video. This video's great. Oh, yeah. This video's great. Um, what else is good? Uh, these are like, not to the point. I don't really enjoy them. Um... I haven't watched this one. Probably good. Maybe. I don't know. Let's see. Um... How about... Um, what about grooms? I'm not a point! Uh, grooms? Let's see, let's see. Let's see, let's see. Well, let's find our tags. Let's find our tags. No, these are all... These aren't like... Hmm... Hmm... Hmm... Uh... Where is... Where is the... This one looks pretty okay. I mean, I guess it's kind of hard. Hmm... Right... Um... Alright, you go here. Oh, this is where we're in the good stuff. The new stuff! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! This carol run...
Maybe? Oh my god. Okay. Rape victim? This is the good shit. This is the really good shit. Just search up rape victim and it's great. Oh, yeah, and you get this video as well. Um... Shug, how about sexual violence? Let's... Let's look... Let's learn more. Come on, give me all the tags. Alright. Again. Hmm... Hmm... I guess it's a... It's a... Some videos are good. Some they're not. I know there was one from like, The Cut or something. Um... Hmm... I'm not sure. This is what domestic violence looks like. Nah, it's cinematic. Fuck you. Um... The absence of no does not mean yes. Talking to loved ones... Oh, yeah! Oh, this is really good! This is where they open up and cry! Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Alright, okay. Um... Okay, just search it up. Um... Hmm... Okay, just add victim at the end of your thing. So then they start talking about it, alright? Um... Okay, what else do we have? Oh, shit. How to recognize...
Hey, do you guys want to show... Hey... I want to show you guys a really cool... Um... Video that might inform you guys, you know. You know what I said? Vigilantes are the source, right? Yeah? Should we? Should we? Um... It's not going too far. I mean, it's not that weird, right? Just do it. Chat, what do you think about it? You guys want me to show you a good channel with a very informative video? You know? You know, it's just for the greater good, okay? I'm a... I care about children very much. And I... And I... No, I see all your... Um... Not only... It's a good... I will put it into good faith. This is... This is to protect children. Show this to your kid.
Let's see it. Your child calmed down. I'm ha... Well, I'm not... I'm actually a yucky teen. I wish I was a kiddy. Alright, are we gonna get this? No. You're not gonna find it weird. Alright. Uh... Should I do it? I just need to know... Just in case... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly, exactly, exactly, exactly. I need to know that too, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, let's go there.
Video 9:
This is it. This is it. This is it, right? It talks about the process and how it happens. Um, and if you want to get some live demonstration, perhaps check out one of his videos. Just watch how they talk, alright? I would love to watch it with you guys and note everything down and talk about what you should do and what you should not do and what they did wrong. Of course, to the safety of the child.
I love it too. No, I'm not! No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Should I be ashamed? Will I regret this? Did I just do something bad? Oh, did I? No, I didn't, right? Right, chat? I'm fine, right? No, no, no, no, no, I didn't do anything wrong. I'm just, no, this is, this is, this is good. This is good. No, this is good content, okay? This is totally strange. Chat, will you forgive me? Chat, will you forgive me? Please, will you forgive me? Okay. No, I'm leaving it on archive. Do you forgive me? This may take a while, but it'll never happen.
Video 10:
I don't like it. No, but if I'm gonna be direct and honest with you, I do kinda have a small little moral compass where I'm like, oh yeah, what I'm doing here is wrong, right? Like really wrong. I'm essentially teaching you guys how to... But... But you guys encourage it. And I just can't control myself. It's like... What's that? What's that? I can't... Cute and funny.
Morality is a spook. It's hard. It's hard to control myself. Just a little bit of yes. It enables me. Chat, it's your fault. Yes, of course. You're enabling me. I'm starting to sound like a real groomer. I blame the victim!
Are we really getting... Should we say-? No, it's fine. We only enable you because you enable us. Starting lol. Ah, geez. I should be careful about this. Although, honestly, I would really love to talk about it. Trust me. I sound like it was a great yandere VA. Oh yes, more about Cooney. We need to bully you more. Yeah. Yeah, chat. Make your dad be a responsible good adult, okay? Very good adult. Please. I rely on it. Not really. Ah, geez.
Video 11:
Um, okay, in all seriousness, don't act on your urges, smiley face. It's only gonna get worse. If you're gonna do something, go deep. If you're not, if you're not sure about it, if there's hesitation in your heart... Mm-mm. Don't do it. I'm sorry. I am enabling chat a little bit. Just a tiny bit. By, uh, talking about this stuff and giving sources as well. And don't get caught! Ahhhhh! Ahhhhh. My apologies, okay? This won't happen again, right? We won't... It's just the more the streams go on, the more I reveal about myself. Um, it's hard to contain. Go big or go home! Yeah! Alright, I think you get it. Um... I'm sorry.
This is the part where I say, oh, I don't actually mean that sorry. I just feel a little bit of shame. Oh, guys, guys, guys. When you're trying to control yourself, remember the free S's. Self-respect, self-restraint, and shame. These are very important. Okay? I know I was recently just talking about how you... Please, please, please. We must live with each other, okay? We'll be okay. We'll get through this together. Ahhhhh! Says Carol.
I have none of those. Oh, God. It's because... It's because I don't consider it shameful to talk about this. It's just... It's just that I know that you guys would get creeped out. That's about it. Like, if you guys actually were totally into it, and... And we weren't on Twitch, and perhaps we were on a ring platform, I would spill this out on the forums. All this info. But we're on the surface web, okay? Um, so we can't do that. I'm incriminating myself even more! And you don't bring me into it. All right. I'm fine. I think, um... I'm sorry. That's all I can say is I'm sorry. I think it's completely... Yeah, yeah! It's satirical. It's satire. How do I act...
Video 12:
Um, and then sex before marriage sucks? Because, you know, you have to have some experience That's just weird, champ Oh, the person... Oh, the 20-year-old sounds like bullshit I mean... Um... Mm... Oh, mm... Wait, munkwitra victims? What is that? You can always make stuff more entertaining I guess... Ah... I guess so If you try... If you're not vanilla, right? Yeah! Yeah! How about we get some cooney? Hehehehe Natural comedian Ah... I don't think I need to explain why sex before marriage sucks Just don't get married or have sex at all, ever How about that? Hehehehehehe Ah, easy clap We don't need anything in that No We can only talk about cooney Unless... Unless if it's cooney Unless if it's cooney Then...
Okay You know what? You know what? Under the Islamic law, marry cooney Cooney is fine But adult women? Mm... Not good Not good Hehehehehehehe Wait! Heheh Are you implying that you should... You should just have sex simply to make a baby So you can fuck the baby? Hahahaha Cooney is illegal though, I think Mm... Well, you know what? You gotta take some risks in life, right? No risk, no fun as they say Hehehehehehe I'm only interested in hags Oh, how can you... Hehehehehehe How can you find a baby? Um... Um... I mean, some guys have done it like seven mumps or some shit I don't know Uh Speeding is also legal Hehehehehehehe Exactly! Hehehehehehehe It's the same thing! Easily comparable Go on, go on Hehehehehehehehehehe Okay, well that killed... What? Alright Um, let's just go back Mm...
Video 13:
That doesn't happen in our country. Our age of consent is questionable. We could actually read the poem that it's... I'm gonna guess. Alright, okay. Actually, the ages of consent in Europe are just weird. I don't know why the law is like that, but... Hey, whatever! I don't mind loopholes. I can legally molest a 13-year-old.
It's legal in my area! Ayo! Let's go! Okay, sorry. It's literally made and... It's... Actually, the society around it is actually not that bad. It's actually very looked down upon. But it's legal! There's a lot of legal loopholes. Do not ask me why it's like that! I can't answer it! Because I don't know! Like, the shit they say is so, so, so... Contradictory to the law. But whatever.
Video 14:
Okay, when you go to a psychiatrist and tell them about the stuff, they're not just gonna prescribe these pills and hope that you're gonna be okay. You're gonna be on a watch list. Suddenly everything- okay, Lollicon is, uh, very subjective to most people. I personally think it's okay. Um, although then again, uh, in my case, Lollicon has made me discover other things about myself, which I... ...talk about it to another time! AHA! I wonder who does that! Hmm... Ahahahaha! Oh geez, oh geez, but I think it's still okay. Just like- okay, just like the way, um, um, you know- okay, wait, hear me out, hear me out. Uh, just like the way incest and, uh, rape is comicalized- is that the word? Comicalized? Um, um... In, uh, in- in, like, hentai, I think it should be- uh, Lollicon should be treated the same. Where it's a joke. And it's something- it's so taboo that we can never think of it as reality. Ahhhh... I- I- that's- that's the perspective I want society to have on it. But! And I- I- by no means am I- desensitized to it. Yes! Yes! Think it's funny! Haha! Oh wow! And like, actually be disgusted by real crimes. You know? Um, that's why I'm a big hater, like actually grooming-grooming.
Dude, the show gets cleared! I think you're really gonna get cancelled. Ahhhh, they can watch the contest. Easy clap, huh? Hehehehehe! Ah, I'm like, oh, if I were, I would go to jail. Oh! You can delete clips. Yes, I can, sir! pedo bear clap! Ehhh! Oh yeah, loli folder just a joke, haha! Uh! Oh god. I mean, some people- this is true, that some people just like lolis and they don't like real lolis. Which is- that's real. In my case, it's a little different. I- I don't know how to explain it. I'm not in love with the... Actu- I'm just in love with the mentality and vulnerability of a- of a child. Like, I- I would still really enjoy an adult who's like super underdeveloped, if that makes sense. Ah, that resembles a- Okay! Oh boy, that's even worse!
Ah! Ah, Carol! Carol! Carol! Shut your mouth! You might- Let's- okay, okay, guys. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay. Give me the gun already! Hey, take me with you! Take me! Let's go, commit seppuku, everyone!
Maybe... Alright, now my greatest hope is less about treatment, however, more about prevention. Nooo! Nooo! You can't prevent this sort of-! Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no... No! Give us meds, give us meds! Why? Oh no, I heard chemical castration is the best treat-. I can't tell if that's a joke or not. And ironically that might actually be it. And it's not something anybody wants to take either. Oh god it sucks. Yeah, see, you know, then you ask why none of these guys come out and ask for help. Like, I'm not joking, yeah, I was more leaning towards that. But it's not something you look forward to. Like, oh god.
Wait, someone's like super sad life- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You just have to suppress it. You just have to act like it's not there. Just don't explore it at all. And like the more you explore it the worse it will get. I just don't think about it five-head. There were a bunch of cases where chemically just still did it just not with penis anymore. I guess so. Again. But okay. No, the male dogs have it. No, no, no, here's the thing, here's the thing, here's the thing, here's the thing. What if you like- But that's still really bad though. That's still really bad. Because when you like meet a woman, a real woman, and you're like, oh hey, uh, uh, uh. Hey bro, I had my penis cut off because I liked children before and here I am. By society. It's just a shameful look.
Like, can't we get treatment in a nice way? Like some sort of meds- God damn it. So it's- No, I don't like, I don't like Shota. I like lolis a lot. Oh geez. God damn it. No, no, no. Okay, can we reverse? Can it? I- What's the nature? Some people were just born wrong. Yes! And we need to try and fix that in a way. With meds, with something. Like somehow a way to just complete- Just something like maybe- I don't think it can be cured. I really don't. Without like some sort of brain thingy. The selective brain. Very strong or anti-psychotics. Yeah, yeah, something like that. Okay. Right.
Video 15:
Long-term psychotherapy, I don't know about long-term psychotherapy. I don't I don't know, you know, keep in mind. There's people like me who just love the disgust of it Alright, maybe you can reverse the people who find it gross and know how bad it is, right? Um, maybe But no, but that's the fun part of it that guilty pleasure. If you rub it more on their face. Not gonna work, not gonna work at all
Video 16:
If you go to a fair- I'm thinking of a way to trick like the modern mental health care system into like giving you antidepressants. But for your pedophile tendencies. Here's the problem. It's most likely related to it as well. And then how are you gonna explain that? How are you gonna do that? That's gonna be really bad. Holy shut. Okay, well. Ow. Ow.
If you can somehow like mix it and just like get yourself prescribed and pog. Proud for ya. But still, in the end, it's still meds and it's temporary and- Oh man. They're not wrong when they say, hey, literally off yourself. It's so bad. It's so bad to have this. It's so shitty. Oh my god. Imagine- I can't imagine being in a position where I could act on what- Okay. Oh, I just- Oh no. Oh no no no no no no no no. It would be so bad. It would be so bad. How do you- How do you- We had another stream telling people- No! Discuss. I'm not- I'm telling myself to give myself- Hey man. There's another way to do it. And it's just to act like it's not there. Maybe if you gaslight yourself enough, it'll be okay. I'm sorry. Oh, posture redeem. Alright, thank you.
This was some deep talk. I don't know. I feel like this scared off a lot of people. I'm sorry. This is something that I just wanted to really bring up to light. As it's not really spoken about. Like if someone tells you this, they're just gonna call you gross and just- It's painful, man. It's painful. They deal with a lot- I'm not saying that it should be excused and normalized by no means. But in a way, in a way it should get better. Just like the little- Just a tiny bit. Just a tiny bit more acceptance. Like a tiny bit more acceptance towards health. Just a tiny bit.
Video 17:
I feel like they deep inside know that and they are slowly succumbing to it and I feel a little bad, you know? I know sometimes I have my dad's tendencies and I'm like, oh shi- Although at the same time I avoid it. I don't think there's anyone in my family who's like... sadistic. So I don't know where I developed this. I don't know. It's just the internet. Blame the internet. Yeah, internet fault. Fuck you internet. I don't know. I guess it's being desensitized from a young age. Is that the explanation perhaps? Actually blame the internet. Yeah baby, not my fault. Is it my own bad parenting I guess? Maybe. Depends. Depends. Well I guess. Oh that's true. Wait wait wait. I'm thinking about this.
Wait no no no. But like really bad parenting as in... It perhaps could be like feeling super disconnected towards your parents to the point where you hate them so much. That you could actually enjoy their pain. And then some... Okay, keep in mind. Your family is supposed to be like your closest right? Or like from the base. And I know it's not a lot like that in most cases. But in some cases it's kind of happy. I mean if you're living with someone for like so many years eventually they're gonna like snap. But if it's on a consistent basis... I don't even know what a healthy family is. I never heard about it. Everyone is shitty childhoods. Like, yo bro you gotta... Is this what they mean? What is for a team private match? It's for another game. Don't worry about it.
But I guess that's my analysis of it. Is that you're just really disconnected to the point where you consider the people closest to you. As people you could enjoy torturing if that makes sense. I don't know. Like... Maybe? Maybe? That's my only way of trying to get across it. Other than that I don't even think the internet really did anything to me. What did I even look at when I was younger? I could confess but it's not related to it. It's instead... Well I guess... Did I have a thing for rape? I'm trying to think about it. I guess force play was cool. Yeah. But that's about it. That's as far it went. And I think that a lot of people have it. It's normal and you can totally do it in a healthy way. Just that... Let's not talk about this. Let's not talk about this. I can't talk about this too much without spilling details.
Video 18:
Let's call long-term edging, yeah You know, yeah, you know, you know who uh. You know who else does long-term edging? You know the type of people who do that? People like me L A Oh no, L O L L I C
Video 19:
I was talking about how you shouldn't wait people This is real advice, don't do it! Alright? Just get someone, find someone your own age, five head Or hire a hooker Hire a hooker Hire a hooker Hire a hooker Hire a hooker! Ahhhh People get way too much stigma Hiring hookers is like... I don't even... It's a good thing Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it Haha! Grooming is too high effort Man! Let's talk about... Okay Let's talk about like, grooming and all that Makes me really wanna... Ohhhh I really wanna teach you guys and... And talk about... And talk about kidnapping and... How it's a little bit more effort and... Ohhhh Hahaha Just don't do it! Yeah, just don't do it Okay Alright, let's um...
Video 20:
Is your name actually Carol or is that your Chuba name?
I'm gonna say something personal about me. No, it is not. I'm actually very uncomfortable with my name on the internet. It's actually become a recent value because I remember with friends I would be super direct with my name and all that. If you're a zoomer, you probably know it. I will actually not hesitate or think twice to tell it to you. If you are someone who is a millennial or a boomer, I will protect my name a lot. And it's not like my name is weird. It actually has two English variants. Free? I don't even know. It's a very common name. You might not expect it, but it's not a common name in Romania, but it's common in America. Kind of. Because there's a lot of names, right? But you'll hear it. You'll hear it. You'll hear it. I don't plan on ever revealing my real name. Again, no one calls me it besides my best friend. That is it. No one else.
Okay, it must be Frank or Natasha. Oh, I actually used to have a friend named Natasha. Oh, I shouldn't say her. I don't really remember her full name, but it was something with K at the end as well. Now I'm thinking of other things. Yeah, let's have a good idea to keep it all personal. Please stay safe. Okay. No, I just... I don't know. It's even if it was safe. Is it? Allie, you're...
Video 21:
I'm pretty sure three years ago, I had a girlfriend. Turns out, yeah, oooh, girlfriend, girlfriend, poggers! She was one year younger than me, but that doesn't matter. Okay, right, had a girlfriend. And she was very mentally unstable. She had clinical depression. She also had DID, as well as an eating disorder, it was great. I didn't hurt her. I actually played therapist. It didn't feel like a real relationship. It was mostly just me listening to her venting and trying to... Trying to play the, oh yeah, let me think of a way to help. Alright? Very mentally unstable. It's kind of, you know, you know there's something wrong when I'm the more mentally stable person in the relationship.
Ah, sounds like Carol. Yeah. She was quite the hassle. I remember... Okay, so she would... I would ask her, what the hell is going on? And you know, she would like burst into this like fucking... Uh, burst into paragraphs, so that's right. Yeah, sure, that's not exactly the word I was looking for. But, and then like after I would try to like help her and talk about it, she would then ghost me for like a couple days. Which was great. I think I went for some ups and downs on that time as well, it was great. And I think what really made it, well, the real reason I actually ended it off, I believe in... So it started in 2018, I don't remember the date, but... And then I ended it in 2019 around the end, so 2019 December, I believe, like right before Christmas? I'm not sure, I'm not sure. Or like right before Christmas break ends, somewhere around there. Not right before, so after Christmas. Oh geez, I don't... Okay, okay, okay, whatever. The reason I ended it off was because, one, She never talked to me, besides when those moments came up, and it felt really bad.
I felt like, and I could understand her family situation, her family situation was shit, right? Her mother was very strict, and she did not allow, like I would get like a call, like a voice call, like a fucking 30 minute voice call, once in like two months, three months even. It just felt like shit, you know? I would never get to spend real quality time with her, and I felt really bad about that, and I didn't like it. She was always busy, never available, and our time zones weren't even that different, I don't even like... And there was like some dodgy shit going on with her friends and all that, I didn't really get it, but that happened. I remember, Celestia, yes, yes, yes, yes, Numoro! Okay, I remember when, what is it called? I remember around the end, or like in that December, right? She asked me, hey, what's the most romantic thing, like playfully? I thought it was just a cute little question and all that, but instead, what instead? So it was actually a way to talk about her favorite romantic thing, right? Keep in mind, this woman's very suicidal, and yeah, I gave her a generic answer, you know? I would love to spend a cozy evening with you, you know, during the snow, maybe watch some dumb fucking commentary videos and all that, right? Okay, and then she gets really embarrassed, and she's like, oh jeez, I feel like you judge me for this, oh, I feel like you're gonna find me weird. And I, you know, I pushed it out of her, and apparently she wants, she likes Supekku.
I, okay, you know when you deal with people like this, all right? You know when you deal with people who are very mentally unstable, you know that. You play safe, you sugarcoat everything, you lie to them, right? You lie to women. You're like, oh no, it's fine, oh no, it's normal, you know, it's okay, I wouldn't, I wouldn't die for you, but maybe, maybe one day, but... Like just lie, just fucking lie. Maybe watch some guys build a house in the forest. She wanted to make a suicide pact? She did say it, she said that she found it, she said that she found it very romantic. I was creeped out. I didn't say it to her, but I was creeped out. I might have to nuke this Vodja so she doesn't actually watch, cause I don't even know if she watches me. Like, I've actually tried to like speak to her, you know, but she's very unreliable. Just like in the relationship, she never talks. I can't even talk to her as a friend. It's weird, it's weird. It's like she puts me on the lowest priority. She had like this whole shutdown phase where she like didn't speak to me for like two weeks or something. It was really bad. I don't really... It was doing well before I thought about this. I don't really care about anything else in this lot. But she wanted to stop a demon. She was kind of... No, she wasn't into that, but she did like the aesthetic, if that makes sense. It's in the X stories. She was my only, I believe, relationship, if I am correct. Yes. I had a one year long relationship with a person who was very mentally unstable. And it wasn't even a relationship. It didn't feel like one. I mean, she called me girlfriend, I called her my girlfriend, but... The amount of time we spent together? Oh, man. Oh, man. It was just sad. I wish I could spend... Come on, man. Play therapist for a cycle bitch.
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