Off-Topic Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[toilet_rainbow]

So all and all it isn't worth it. For me it's not worth fracturing and straining your relationships with your family over something that needs to be realized by the person themself. The issue with this day and age is that everything is moralized to a point where people just plug their ears when they hear something that meets the small list of requirements for it to be considered wrongthink. They'll never ingest what you say, no matter how sensible you are being. No matter how courteous.

But most of y'all are a lot more brave than I am and are willing to argue with friends or family over something you think is morally imparative. I'm a bit too much of a doormat and I worry about my friends and family cutting me off just enough that I never stress-test their beliefs in something. Except with my dad because he's normal and we are extremely similar so we ultimately agree on everything.

I appreciate hearing your account, and feel for you seeing your cousin going down the same path. As you said, she may not respond immediately to criticism. Any criticism is better than blind handmaidening, I think. It may or may not work, especially immediately, but it’s something. One if the worst things about transgenderism is that it’s treated like a fashion phase when it’s much more permanent. Indeed, many troons act like angry teenagers that haven’t realized maybe Mom and Dad had a reason for not letting them dye their hair purple or to wash the dishes for once.

Being detrans could actually work in your favor, at least in sharing your account with her. Trannies love to completely discredit detrans people to maintain their propaganda, but you do have personal history with her versus being an internet stranger. If you at least share your concern about the surgeries, or how medical transition affected you, she may not immediately detrans either, or she’ll act like an angry teen to you. It’ll still be much needed pushback. And it’ll be from a cousin she was close to growing up, not just mom who “just doesn’t understand” or is being “transphobic just because.” I’m sorry that you have to see this social contagion spread to others in your family.

Hell yeah, give her a big ol' bear-hug for all of us! Y'all's recovery thus far has been a source of hope for me, and hopefully everyone else here.

Y’all are awesome. Although she’s never been perky, her recovery is near miraculous considering how bad it got for her mood and pain wise. I genuinely thought that she had developed rheumatoid arthritis from the way it progressed. She still has issues moving her fingers and arm from the stiffness and how it progressed, but that’s to be expected since she’s still undergoing treatment. It’s a wonderful way to end the year. I only wish the pain ended sooner.

well, i pushed back, and surprisingly other people were in favour. I asked where he'd heard the name from, separate from me, and genuinely struggled before sending a Wikia article from Assassin's Creed. Someone else brought up that it would be confusing for us both to use the same nickname, and the tranny already had a nickname (bamba, after the Israeli snack, which he ate almost exclusively one semester (why yes, he is fat))

He then asked me, in the group, if I'd consider going by another nickname rather than the one that's just a shortened version of my name. Say it was Annalise - he's asking me to go by Lise instead of Anna. I refused, but at this point, another person stepped in and said I was going to continue being called "Anna", and he was going to continue being called Bamba, as no one called him by his birth name before he transitioned.

I am genuinely concerned he's going to start skinwalking me, though. I have a semi-distinct style of dress, and he's suddenly started researching it and mentioning how nice some of the clothes from this style are. I can't really cut him off because we weren't particularly close to begin with, but I almost don't want just to see how far he takes it.

I kinda want to know where this is going, but this shit is scary. The best way to navigate this is probably brutal honesty, and communicating clearly that you are freaked out, uncomfortable and scared by the dude. You don't even have to justify how you feel about it, just let people know and try not to get dragged into politics.

While modern Hanfu is not as extreme as sweet loli (like that time I saw a troon wearing that under his work apron when if a real woman did that, she’d be sent home to change), it’s still crass and the fact that it’s another form of him attempting to skinwalk you is unnerving.

It’s a win for you that even your friends are pushing back against the name situation. Stand your ground, do not compromise on that. It’d be one thing if he was naming his daughter or character after you. It could be awkward, given the circumstances, but understandable. This is something else. As we know, troons like to test the waters before worsening their bullshit. It’s promising that your friends haven’t completely asspatted him. It needs to stay that way, even if it means ultimately expelling him from the group.

Best of luck and lots of love to everyone here in 2025

 

[LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV]]

when she mentioned my cousin by name-before clarifying that she meant "Miles." I immediately knew. It's obvious to anyone with the slightest idea of what poonerism manifests as, but regardless the realization hit me hard in the chest. Ultimate sonic autismo bullshit.

Oh no, lil dood just didn't call herself Miles after Miles Prower no way

Don't want to diminish your concern but thats pretty funny.

 

[90 Seconds]

keeping some details vague. mailbox stickers probably incoming.

Spoiler: background PL

i have a female relative i used to look up to. home life was terrible. around the time i entered middle school she became very distant. she went to college and got into a terrible relationship with a man. immediately started dating women after this relationship ended. out of the blue she says shes moving to a conservative area on the other side of the country with her gf.

shortly after she drops off my radar, i hear she started testosterone and began going by a male name. her gf immediately followed suit and started transitioning too. throughout the years, she hasnt gone out of her way to contact me and i am usually the one initiating conversations.

recently, i decided i had enough pretending to be tolerant of troon shit and posted some misogynistic things TiM's have said. almost immediately, after months of minimal contact where I had to initiate conversation, she pops up in messages and chastises me and interrogates me for my views on transwomen. I tell her, "hey, you dont have to agree but im not going to pretend to have views I dont. and its fucked up you have minimal contact with me for years at a time but all of a sudden you pretend to care about me when i say something you dont agree with." she apologized for the distance. but doubled down and said she doesn't feel safe around me to share herself with me but if i came to her she'd respond.

i am numb at this point. i dont matter to her, that much is obvious. the version of her i looked up to as a kid doesnt exist anymore. im an adult now and just have to accept that shes going to ruin her body. i didnt tell her how worried i was about her transition because i knew that would destroy our relationship. and knowing her she would probably tell the troon-enabling half of my family that im a "bigot". its hard not to be angry at her for fucking off to the other side of the country, never checking in on me or asking how my life is going.

i do resent her for never bothering to ask me how i am. i do resent her for choosing to run from everything and deciding to be someone else instead of leaning on family she knows loves her. i wish it was easier to hate her sometimes, because i know it isnt emotionally safe for me to hold out hope she will ever come back to her senses. i fucking hate this situation. i hate that i can never get my relative back and she will see me as unapproachable forever because my mind isnt going to change on this. i want to scream and cry. i fucking hate it all. it pisses me off so much.

i hope next year is better, kiwis. something's gotta give.

 

[grenouille crétine]

im an adult now and just have to accept that shes going to ruin her body. i didnt tell her how worried i was about her transition because i knew that would destroy our relationship. and knowing her she would probably tell the troon-enabling half of my family that im a "bigot". its hard not to be angry at her for fucking off to the other side of the country, never checking in on me or asking how my life is going.

I’m so sorry, fren. Perhaps if this happened a few decades ago she would be heavy into drugs instead of troonery. It sounds like she’s been through some shit and maybe you have been too—but as you learn as an adult, we all have to make peace with our pasts and decide what sort of people we want to be, and not deciding is also a decision. She has apparently decided to become a person who does not care to check in with someone who cares about her. She has apparently decided to become so serious about her cult that it prompted that sanctimonious message out of nowhere, when anything exciting or bad in your life wasn’t enough to go “wow I really want to check in with @90 Seconds it’s been a while!” To become an insular selfish paranoid lunatic is the nature of a cult member, to be clear, but that doesn’t make it any easier. It does sting. It sucks, a lot. It is, as you said, difficult to reconcile being treated so poorly by someone you love. You WANT them to be better. Trauma can make you myopic and selfish, but again, adults are adults, and can try to make amends if they care. She apparently does not, but also sounds like she’s struggling to justify being an asshole by saying she doesn’t feel “safe” around you. Unless there is some major missing context for that, sounds like typical tranny melodramatics. So she knows she’s being a jerk, but your wrongthink was VERY upsetting to her fragile sense of self. I am sorry. I fucking hate gender ideology.

I lost quite a few “supportive” friends from leaving the cult, people I really cared about and who I thought reciprocated. Their selfishness and cowardice while they tried to justify hanging me out to dry as some great enlightenment on their part is something I will remember for the rest of my life. There are better people out there. You are better than a backwards woman-hating sex cult. Sometimes you are hated for having principles when those around you have none—that does not mean you are wrong. That also doesn’t make it feel any less subjectively unpleasant to be lambasted by idiots. Best of luck to you in the new year, fren!

 

[I Just Want To Read]

My friend keeps switching his identity from trans woman to non-binary to genderfluid and declaring that this was his identity all along, as well as changing his sexuality between bi, pan, grey-ace, and demi. Each coming out-announcement is met with lots of love from family and friends like they're dementia patients. Nobody questions anything. I don't know if our other mutual friends just don't dare to do it or if they're all actually on board with this.

I just miss who my friend was before all this nonsense.

 

[Aunt Carol]

My friend keeps switching his identity from trans woman to non-binary to genderfluid and declaring that this was his identity all along, as well as changing his sexuality between bi, pan, grey-ace, and demi. Each coming out-announcement is met with lots of love from family and friends like they're dementia patients.

Compile the coming-outs into a timeline with a "you are here" arrow and post the updated version every time he comes out again. He'll appreciate your thoughtfulness!

But seriously, I'm sorry you have this person in your circles. There's nothing else someone can keep re-announcing and keep getting ass-pats for, at least nothing that takes no effort. I can't imagine someone posting every month that they're changing religions or political parties, and if someone changed jobs that frequently people would be concerned. (It might map to joining MLMs, though.)

Bro needs to do more research before he publishes.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

Compile the coming-outs into a timeline with a "you are here" arrow and post the updated version every time he comes out again. He'll appreciate your thoughtfulness!

You might even be able to get away with this by batting your eyes and claiming you are attempting to reduce misgendering incidents.

 

[Aunt Carol]

You might even be able to get away with this by batting your eyes and claiming you are attempting to reduce misgendering incidents.

It's true, though. If someone's telling a story about something that happened six months ago, they can easily reference the chart to remind them what name and pronoun to use for him at that time.


I used to be in a fandom community that was Tumblr-informed and Tumblr-adjacent, and there were multiple times that someone would get called out, then the caller-out would be called out by different people because the call-ee changed her pronouns in the middle of the fight.

Or someone would poon out and contact other people asking them to please change blog references to them that were posted months ago, which is like applying a paid news site level of active editing to someone who just wants to reblog screenshots and talk to friends.

Spoiler: or you could just never have online friends again

I had the idea a long time ago for a widget people could subscribe to where your friends put an embedded image instead of your name/pronoun, and then you could change it on your side whenever your identity changed. It'd be like one of those weather widgets, except when you eventually stopped paying all your friends' posts would say "omg UNREGISTERED USER sent me that and UNREGISTERED USER was laughing UNREGISTERED USER'S ass off."

 

[Stevie Dicks]

I'm a teacher. It's hard to put into words, and it's about two-three kids a year. Watching genuinely sweet freshmen with anxiety and maybe some pubescent issues, land in their senior year with a terrible haircut and new name and pronouns and PUBERTY BLOCKERS and everything. It's such a tricky line to walk because these kids are also HEAVILY bullied, so as a teacher I want to protect them, but most of the other teachers protect them by reminding them how heckin valid they are and not actually addressing their mental health or self-destructive behaviors.

Honestly, I blame so many of my colleagues for all of this shit. They're the ones putting this shit into kids' heads way more than TikTok or whatever. These teens are vulnerable and confused, and if they go to the wrong teacher, they're going to be indoctrinated with "well, maybe you just want a different set of genitals!". Like it actually fucking disgusts me if I think about it for too long. It makes me want to quit teaching sometimes, especially because if I say ANYTHING negative about these teachers' grooming kids into complex mental illnesses I'm going to get fired so fast. This admin can't get a grip on the gang violence or drug use in our school and spends their time giving asspats to teachers who make us sit through useless seminars about "inclusive language" and "pronoun checks". The ONLY thing that keeps me here is my passion for the job, and a handful of sane teachers that I can bitch about this with--extremely covertly, of course, or off-campus, because again, being against the trans right movement could cost us our jobs.

If you are reading this and you have a kid in school right now...I'm sorry. Truly I am. Schools should not be a place where your kids are exposed to this shit. There are sane teachers--we just have literally been silenced in fear of firing. Do not let a random freak teacher become your child's mother/father figure. Talk to your kids.

 

[FedPostalService]

Do not let a random freak teacher become your child's mother/father figure. Talk to your kids.

Could this why it seems to be mainly affluent and/or kids from broken homes who seem to fall for this? Mum and dad are so busy working and keeping up appearances, so they find Discord groomers and weirdo teachers to fill the void?

What you wrote was heart breaking. You’re one of the good ones. If it starts getting too much for you please leave the profession. Burn out is terrible for teachers and a fast track to alcoholism. Look after yourself.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

I'm a teacher. It's hard to put into words, and it's about two-three kids a year. Watching genuinely sweet freshmen with anxiety and maybe some pubescent issues, land in their senior year with a terrible haircut and new name and pronouns and PUBERTY BLOCKERS and everything. It's such a tricky line to walk because these kids are also HEAVILY bullied, so as a teacher I want to protect them, but most of the other teachers protect them by reminding them how heckin valid they are and not actually addressing their mental health or self-destructive behaviors.

Honestly, I blame so many of my colleagues for all of this shit. They're the ones putting this shit into kids' heads way more than TikTok or whatever. These teens are vulnerable and confused, and if they go to the wrong teacher, they're going to be indoctrinated with "well, maybe you just want a different set of genitals!". Like it actually fucking disgusts me if I think about it for too long. It makes me want to quit teaching sometimes, especially because if I say ANYTHING negative about these teachers' grooming kids into complex mental illnesses I'm going to get fired so fast. This admin can't get a grip on the gang violence or drug use in our school and spends their time giving asspats to teachers who make us sit through useless seminars about "inclusive language" and "pronoun checks". The ONLY thing that keeps me here is my passion for the job, and a handful of sane teachers that I can bitch about this with--extremely covertly, of course, or off-campus, because again, being against the trans right movement could cost us our jobs.

If you are reading this and you have a kid in school right now...I'm sorry. Truly I am. Schools should not be a place where your kids are exposed to this shit. There are sane teachers--we just have literally been silenced in fear of firing. Do not let a random freak teacher become your child's mother/father figure. Talk to your kids.

I understand being worried about your job, but when you see a kid getting put on the train to Auschwitz, you need to send an anon note to the parents or something. You cannot stand idly on innocent blood. You know it.

 

[deermeat]

something that soothes me is replacing troon ideology with some other extreme niche group that promotes self destruction. If troonery didn't exist, then chances are considering their bad mental health then they would've found some other group featuring mass psychosis like those new age beliefs regarding urine therapy or gangatalking or veganism or whatever
It seems farfetched but its not. Its just sad that throughout human history, there is always a major group of people who fall for groupthink. I think whats different about troons is that theres that element of "oh well if only it didnt exist! then these people I care about wouldnt be this way!" due to Big Pharma and MegaCorp's influence. But if they were willing to fall for cult tactics and propaganda to the point they become an entirely different person whos a shell of their former self, then they were more than likely gonna end up that way regardless.

Not to fedpost but I often think to myself, man, can you imagine a day where someone finally goes postal against all these people? It would be a holiday, but then I think... What would that really do in the long run? If troonety ever fades, a similar cult will emerge. Thats just the grim reality life offers. I think life's apathetic, morbid nature is hard to come to grips with. It tests my faith for sure, I don't know why God would create such a cruel world. Like whats the purpose in this? Where are these people going to go once they die? Why are we here to suffer like this, to see the people we love and admire suffer like this? Life is inherently absurd. Why would God create life to be like this? Why the absurdity? Why the depravity? Yes humanity has so much good to offer, but it's moreso the fact that everything is morally neutral. World War 2 was bad but without it, we wouldn't have advanced the way we did. Without opposition, there would be no progression. But why must we progress? Why must we live the way we do, what is the point in any of this? No matter what, there is no answer to this question. I keep looking for answers and I sm left with more questions. Everything just is. Yep (insert pattern of human behavoir) exists, it is what is and it will never end.

I wish I could be in these peoples world where they believe in troonery and such, that way I don't have to see them decay like this, feeling isolated and like the crazy one for seeing the obvious.

 

[Lottie]

This is sort of a desperate cry for help here! What do you do if your bestfriend/cousin has succumbed to poonerism? I’ve known this person since I was a kid, and they switch gender identities CONSTANTLY since our teens. I don’t even know what to call them half the time so I avoid pronouns/names all together. This person has parents from different religions and backgrounds and decided to forget their roots on both sides, becoming a staunch athiest non-binary lesbian who hates men.

This person has autism (very likey ) and depression and a bit if a troubled home life, it was devastating hearing about it but ever since then we’ve grown really distant considering we grew up on opposite sides of the world with very different culture and whatnot.

The worst part is this shit gets people young, I remember joining their friendgroup’s discord server and they were a whole lost of triggers and stuff like “frogself/plushself”, I mean VERY young like 11-14. Thank God I got close to God or whatever I can’t imagine how desolate such a life is. What can I do to help? Now they’re creating major scandals in the family by having girlfriends left and right and requesting name changes and even if they aren’t the greatest person but I want the best for them

 

[Baraadmirer]

What can I do to help? Now they’re creating major scandals in the family by having girlfriends left and right and requesting name changes and even if they aren’t the greatest person but I want the best for them

Disclaimer: I have not been in the position of knowing a (close) friend or loved one before they transitioned, so take what I have to say with a grain of salt.

If you're not super close, there's not much you can do without "overstepping boundaries". Most you could do is engage in polite talk and completely ignore any instance where she tries to bring up the identity of the day. It comes down to her (or someone closer) to plant seeds of doubt in her ideology.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

something that soothes me is replacing troon ideology with some other extreme niche group that promotes self destruction. If troonery didn't exist, then chances are considering their bad mental health then they would've found some other group featuring mass psychosis like those new age beliefs regarding urine therapy or gangatalking or veganism or whatever

This is a cope. The tranny meme is so strong among young teens now, it's catching a lot of kids who otherwise would have never done anything dumber than wear ugly fashions or listen to banal rock music. It isn't something you have to seek out like a fad diet or niche health trend anymore. They sell tranny swag in the mall, and a quarter of your classmates have pronouns.

 

[Vi0l3t]

Christmas party saw a young relative (around 18 f) I only see her at Christmas or major holidays. Obviously taking hormones, voice horrible like a frog, skin breaking out everywhere when before never had issues (im talking about every inch of face covered in red angry pimples) her long hair cut into an ugly short style that doesn't even look good honestly looks like a toddler butchered it.Dirty and greasy when she never was. Barely talked to anyone. You can just see the mental illness, very sad. Ill update next time I see her.

 

[Gingervitis]

something that soothes me is replacing troon ideology with some other extreme niche group that promotes self destruction. If troonery didn't exist, then chances are considering their bad mental health then they would've found some other group featuring mass psychosis like those new age beliefs regarding urine therapy or gangatalking or veganism or whatever
It seems farfetched but its not. Its just sad that throughout human history, there is always a major group of people who fall for groupthink. I think whats different about troons is that theres that element of "oh well if only it didnt exist! then these people I care about wouldnt be this way!" due to Big Pharma and MegaCorp's influence. But if they were willing to fall for cult tactics and propaganda to the point they become an entirely different person whos a shell of their former self, then they were more than likely gonna end up that way regardless.

Not to fedpost but I often think to myself, man, can you imagine a day where someone finally goes postal against all these people? It would be a holiday, but then I think... What would that really do in the long run? If troonety ever fades, a similar cult will emerge. Thats just the grim reality life offers. I think life's apathetic, morbid nature is hard to come to grips with. It tests my faith for sure, I don't know why God would create such a cruel world. Like whats the purpose in this? Where are these people going to go once they die? Why are we here to suffer like this, to see the people we love and admire suffer like this? Life is inherently absurd. Why would God create life to be like this? Why the absurdity? Why the depravity? Yes humanity has so much good to offer, but it's moreso the fact that everything is morally neutral. World War 2 was bad but without it, we wouldn't have advanced the way we did. Without opposition, there would be no progression. But why must we progress? Why must we live the way we do, what is the point in any of this? No matter what, there is no answer to this question. I keep looking for answers and I sm left with more questions. Everything just is. Yep (insert pattern of human behavoir) exists, it is what is and it will never end.

I wish I could be in these peoples world where they believe in troonery and such, that way I don't have to see them decay like this, feeling isolated and like the crazy one for seeing the obvious.

That might be true, but I can’t think of any other fad that tells teens to cut off their genitals and take hormones to alter their bodies. I’ll take my chances with the next retarded fad.

 

[ScurvyRat]

What do you do if your bestfriend/cousin has succumbed to poonerism?

You can find my posts higher up in thread.
Short story: I tried my best to help my best friend/cousin to not turn into a tranny freak, but ultimately there was nothing I can do.
He cut me off entirely because of my political beliefs.
I was not invited to Christmas or Thanksgiving, because of how liberal the family is, and because it's well known that I don't support my tranny cousin, when everyone else is supporting him. His own father is paying for his surgeries.

I regret nothing and if I'm ever invited back to family events, I will show up in a MAGA hat. Fuck them.

Say your piece. Let the consequences play out naturally. It's the only thing you can do.

 

[Idiot Sandwich the 3rd]

Some time ago a close relative of mine told me she was "non binary". Thats nothing new, it was about two years ago and shes still thinking herself like that, but I just wanted to write my observations and thoughts ever since.

I notice that she has become more and more obsessed with "queerness", I don't know how to explain it but she really loves to know if someone is gay and shes annoying about it, she is so excited to know that some family members were actually gay, but as if they were quirky fictional characters, she would not give a single fuck about them, some of them even died, "but wait, another family member told me that in their youth they were gay, oh that is so awesome". That really creeps me out, but it really makes sense considering she was a fujoshi in her teenage years, a lot of things make sense considering that.
She also said something quite creepy some months ago, when she was talking about her boyfriend, who is a very normal and traditional guy, she said that she told him she was non binary and if he would still love her, he just said yes, but to he fair, he does see her as a woman anyways, he is not really into gender ideology and he really just sees her as a woman with quirky fashion, but she insist that her boyfriend is pansexual because of that, there is no way he is straight because he likes her.
And last thing, I don't know if this is just me but ever since she identified as trans (she identified first as a trans man, now non binary) shes been very easy to anger, even for the slightest thing, she is not taking any hormones, shes just a regular woman, but once she changed her identity she changed her mood, became more annoying, angry and attention seeking. And I started noticing these things before I peaked, so I don't think it was any anti trans bias making me see things. It really makes me realize how this ideology rots people, even the kindest ones

 

[Blanche Devereaux]

Listened to my coworker vent today about how she hit peak trans a few years ago when a close friend of hers lost everything in an apartment fire, so she started a GoFundMe for her and shared the story and link with some of her friends in a group chat, only for everyone to ignore it and say "sucks, she'll get over it", suggest that her renters insurance will cover it, and be overall unsympathetic to a shitty situation with an actual friend in a dire situation, but three days later another friend in the same group chat asked everyone to donate to an "emergency" fundraiser for some random tranny's medical bills, to which everyone chipped in at least $50. Lesson learned: troon out if you need a few bucks.