Off-Topic Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[Rod Sterling]

I don't know what to say other than that I'm so sorry. Most of us are here talking about friends who've transitioned, I can't imagine how hard it must be to have a parent get into that crap. Especially since, due to the 'stunning and brave' crowd, there's nowhere for kids of trans parents to get help that doesn't involve trying to reconcile them to their parent's delusion. Christ man. Can't begin to imagine what you're going through.

I appreciate it man. It's been...kind of weird to put it lightly. I keep a majority of my worry on whether or not my brother is okay since he and my dad were always buddy-buddy about cars. It sucks that it seems like my dad just kind of dropped that with this whole fiasco and doesn't even change his own oil because of his fucking acrylics. He just gets my brother to do it now

If you mind me asking, it seems like you've known he's been a poor father for quite some time. Have you been confrontational with him in terms of finances? Would it be possible for you and your brother to cut him out of your life, make a clean break, justifying it to family and friends pragmatically?

It's complicated honestly. Since this isn't a recent development aside from now just not (poorly) hiding his purchases and troonacy, my mom and him had been fighting over finances for as long as I can remember. Always ends with him promising to do better, it not working that way, rinse and repeat. Issue though is that he makes the most out of everyone still and he's co-signed on several things such as my car. His side of the family seems okay with it I guess? Haven't discussed it but needless to say they're not in any position to financially aid us either. It's really only me who has a very two-sided type of relationship with him, don't want to PL again so lets just say it's also complicated. Both him and my mom are around retirement age, which is kind of why my brother and I hang on at the house. Without his money we most likely would loose the house and I feel for my mom because it's pretty much the first house they've owned (neither of them are from the states so both started a bit rocky coming to the US).
TL.DR: We just need his money mostly and I'm not sure if it's something my brother would want.

 

[Jimmy Olsen]

I appreciate it man. It's been...kind of weird to put it lightly. I keep a majority of my worry on whether or not my brother is okay since he and my dad were always buddy-buddy about cars. It sucks that it seems like my dad just kind of dropped that with this whole fiasco and doesn't even change his own oil because of his fucking acrylics. He just gets my brother to do it now

I'm not even going to make any tranny jokes. That's just a sad situation all the way around.

It's hard when a family member goes off the deep end. Good on you for looking out for your brother, and while it's very rainbow sticker of me, I hope your DadMom comes around a little as the initial excitement of trooning wears off.

 

[Vect]

I appreciate it man. It's been...kind of weird to put it lightly. I keep a majority of my worry on whether or not my brother is okay since he and my dad were always buddy-buddy about cars. It sucks that it seems like my dad just kind of dropped that with this whole fiasco and doesn't even change his own oil because of his fucking acrylics. He just gets my brother to do it now


It's complicated honestly. Since this isn't a recent development aside from now just not (poorly) hiding his purchases and troonacy, my mom and him had been fighting over finances for as long as I can remember. Always ends with him promising to do better, it not working that way, rinse and repeat. Issue though is that he makes the most out of everyone still and he's co-signed on several things such as my car. His side of the family seems okay with it I guess? Haven't discussed it but needless to say they're not in any position to financially aid us either. It's really only me who has a very two-sided type of relationship with him, don't want to PL again so lets just say it's also complicated. Both him and my mom are around retirement age, which is kind of why my brother and I hang on at the house. Without his money we most likely would loose the house and I feel for my mom because it's pretty much the first house they've owned (neither of them are from the states so both started a bit rocky coming to the US).
TL.DR: We just need his money mostly and I'm not sure if it's something my brother would want.

That's surreal, I'm sorry. I can imagine it's deeply emasculating.

 

[Corpun]

I'm so thankful for this thread since atm I'm unable to really talk about this practically anywhere without worrying about some kind of bad reaction.

Long story short, my dad decided this was a route he was going to take. I mean we all kind of knew for years because he would leave his purchases and online log-ins just out in the open sometimes. It's just so infuriating that because of him and his self-spending we are very deeply in debt, something that I hoped he would realize because he has KIDS that need to take on said debt whenever he passes. Instead he just left the house after deciding to go full troon recently and now nobody knows if hes going to keep up with helping the bills.
His work is supporting him because 'diversity' and he gets praise for being "brave" etc. Meanwhile my brother and I have to be bound to the house, bills, and mental weight of what he left. It's really agonizing knowing that I struggle to get money for my health (he caused, another story) and he can get therapy and do whatever he pleases. I just feel like when you already have been married, had kids, etc. Just drop the fucking troon nonsense. Grow up, it's too late to be that self centered that you still want to spend what could be used on your family.
I hope I didn't over share too much, accidentally PL'd once before, trying to avoid that.

That just sucks man. It's bad enough when it is some childhood friend or sibling who troons out but a father. What were the signs this was going to happen, was he a porn addicted autogynephile? Has your family tried to talk him out of it ever?

 

[gang weeder]

I'm so thankful for this thread since atm I'm unable to really talk about this practically anywhere without worrying about some kind of bad reaction.

Long story short, my dad decided this was a route he was going to take. I mean we all kind of knew for years because he would leave his purchases and online log-ins just out in the open sometimes. It's just so infuriating that because of him and his self-spending we are very deeply in debt, something that I hoped he would realize because he has KIDS that need to take on said debt whenever he passes. Instead he just left the house after deciding to go full troon recently and now nobody knows if hes going to keep up with helping the bills.
His work is supporting him because 'diversity' and he gets praise for being "brave" etc. Meanwhile my brother and I have to be bound to the house, bills, and mental weight of what he left. It's really agonizing knowing that I struggle to get money for my health (he caused, another story) and he can get therapy and do whatever he pleases. I just feel like when you already have been married, had kids, etc. Just drop the fucking troon nonsense. Grow up, it's too late to be that self centered that you still want to spend what could be used on your family.
I hope I didn't over share too much, accidentally PL'd once before, trying to avoid that.

Oh shit, I'm thinking about quitting my job due to how shitty my boss is. Maybe I should pretend to troon out to get some sympathy points. She's definitely a big liberal.

 

[Rod Sterling]

I'm not even going to make any tranny jokes. That's just a sad situation all the way around.

It's hard when a family member goes off the deep end. Good on you for looking out for your brother, and while it's very rainbow sticker of me, I hope your DadMom comes around a little as the initial excitement of trooning wears off.

This got a good chuckle out of me, I hope so too. I can tell he's doesn't like being in a separate house at least.

That's surreal, I'm sorry. I can imagine it's deeply emasculating.

He and my brother were originally going to restore a Datsun from the ground up, but slowed the project before all this because of money. I think at this point it's probably going to remain a shell since my dad isn't going to be doing any mechanical work any time soon.
I'm the daughter but I have to say that on the other end of the spectrum it feels about the same. He was originally the one that got me into tech and science, now it's like he keeps trying to talk to me about nails or makeup. I've never been one to do that sort of thing and it's just gotten awkwardly silent everytime we have to talk since somehow he's just forgotten what I'm actually interested in. I guess he thought being one of "the girls" was a good enough reason to try and talk to me about other things without ever understanding my personality.

That just sucks man. It's bad enough when it is some childhood friend or sibling who troons out but a father. What were the signs this was going to happen, was he a porn addicted autogynephile? Has your family tried to talk him out of it ever?

Honestly, most likely. Like I said this has been a thing for as long as I can remember since my parents fought all the time. I suppose my mom was the one trying to get him to wake the hell up but it never worked. Needless to say it lead to a lot of confusion when I was younger and "found" items and accounts. Originally it was thinking that there was an affair and then the photoshopped images made it just an affair but for some reason convoluted. There's a lot of additional stuff but I'll not ramble too much on it. I was younger and didn't know jack shit about sexualities or transgenderism etc. We were raised christian and I know my mom is not keen on the gays, i thought my dad wasn't either and I'm still not sure what to think honestly.
At some point the family arguments and whatever leveled out so I assumed he finally got over it. Though after having to move back into the house because of financial issues on my end, he just threw it out that he was leaving for his troon journey. Not /really/ surprising but still disappointing nonetheless.

 

[Jimmy Olsen]

Honestly, most likely. Like I said this has been a thing for as long as I can remember since my parents fought all the time. I suppose my mom was the one trying to get him to wake the hell up but it never worked. Needless to say it lead to a lot of confusion when I was younger and "found" items and accounts. Originally it was thinking that there was an affair and then the photoshopped images made it just an affair but for some reason convoluted. There's a lot of additional stuff but I'll not ramble too much on it. I was younger and didn't know jack shit about sexualities or transgenderism etc. We were raised christian and I know my mom is not keen on the gays, i thought my dad wasn't either and I'm still not sure what to think honestly.
At some point the family arguments and whatever leveled out so I assumed he finally got over it. Though after having to move back into the house because of financial issues on my end, he just threw it out that he was leaving for his troon journey. Not /really/ surprising but still disappointing nonetheless.

Sometimes transexuals level out a bit after the initial transition high. Most don't, but when it's a family member, it's more important to hold out hope, even if you know most likely things won't end well. He'll probably never go back to being the dad you grew up with, but he might get less obsessed with dumb shit like acrylics and fashion as time passes, and start getting back into more normal interests that non-trannies (aka his son and daughter) can relate to. Sometimes they get less obsessed with proving how stunning and brave they are once they've been out for awhile.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best I guess.

 

[Aunt Carol]

I'm the daughter

I hate to say this, but inventory your underwear.

but I have to say that on the other end of the spectrum it feels about the same. He was originally the one that got me into tech and science, now it's like he keeps trying to talk to me about nails or makeup. I've never been one to do that sort of thing and it's just gotten awkwardly silent everytime we have to talk since somehow he's just forgotten what I'm actually interested in. I guess he thought being one of "the girls" was a good enough reason to try and talk to me about other things without ever understanding my personality.

That is that awful replaced-by-a-pod-person feeling again. Thanks for teaching a younger me that science and hobbies have no gender, and that I didn't have to limit myself; why are you turning yourself into a caricature now?

Tell him there aren't any men around; he doesn't have to pretend to be an airhead so he doesn't intimidate them.

 

[NerdShamer]

He was originally the one that got me into tech and science, now it's like he keeps trying to talk to me about nails or makeup. I've never been one to do that sort of thing and it's just gotten awkwardly silent everytime we have to talk since somehow he's just forgotten what I'm actually interested in.

It's another example of the world revolving around him. He can't be an woman without talking about cosmetics, obviously.

It sucks that it seems like my dad just kind of dropped that with this whole fiasco and doesn't even change his own oil because of his fucking acrylics. He just gets my brother to do it now

Just be glad that he didn't go this far.

I hate to say this, but inventory your underwear

More like lock them in an safe. For some reason, they always go after their housemates clothes.

 

[Aunt Carol]

It's another example of the world revolving around him. He can't be an woman without talking about cosmetics, obviously.

He's at the age where he shouldn't be wearing much makeup. Support him by telling him that he doesn't have to appear sexually desirable for his colleagues to respect his input; that's beneath his dignity.

He's far out of maidenhood, and motherhood. Help him organize a croning ceremony!

 

[NerdShamer]

He's far out of maidenhood, and motherhood. Help him organize a croning ceremony!

You know that he's too busy spinning around in his skirt to actually care about being an adult™

 

[Aunt Carol]

You know that he's too busy spinning around in his skirt to actually care about being an adult™

That's why we should remind them, in the nicest way possible.

 

[Cygnetik]

This wasn't a close friend of mine, but just someone who was friends with many of my highschool friends and we spoke a few times.

Keynote: We live in a middle eastern muslim country.

She was quite 'popular' for being disliked by majority of people because of her openness about her sexuality, because she's gay, and we live in a muslim country/community and it's quite unusual for somebody to be open about it. She would get bullied and intimidated a lot, not just by other students but also teachers and parents, literally everyone. But her dad didn't really care. ( her mom had passed away long ago). So any intimidation tactic didnt work so much on her since her family is supportive, but they did relentlessly bully her.

Besides the way she preferred to dressed (she preferred to always wear athletic clothes, not necessarily "masculine" but just dark and athletic clothes) there was nothing at the time that would suggest her transition.

Keep in mind, our language is Arabic. The only pronouns we have and use is she and he, and that includes referring to objects, as objects and everything is gendered. I know that in English when the gender of somebody is unknown, the word "They" would be used for them. In Arabic, we use "He" for somebody whose gender is unknown/anonymous. So using the plural in Arabic would literally make no sense and it it will confuse anyone.

She came out to me and to my friend as trans ( he / him, they / them). I found out she got sucked into an online, more westernized english-speaking community for support, and I dont blame her for seeking another place for comfort or to make sense about her situation, except she was trying to apply terms (they / them pronouns) that are not even applicable to our own language we spoke. It's a more online performance I suppose. As for the he/him part, she told us not to use that term during school at the time, and she was only letting us know in case in the future she would decide to be openly trans.


Some context of how strictly binary muslim communities are:

I dont live in Iran, but In Iran homosexuality is frowned upon and it's illegal. Except, transgenderism is fine and accepted, and the govt can pay for your transition. So gay people usually would transition to the opposite sex to be able to engage in their sexuality. It's a weird and fucked up system but just to let you all know what it is like in the middle east and how gender stereotypes/roles is very important thing to maintain for religious reasons.

So I suppose she, in her mind, calculated that in order for her to be respected and left alone, transitioning would be a much easier path than being a non-feminin lesbian girl. And she was right. There's many openly trans popular figures here, but gay-ness is taboo.

 

[Rod Sterling]

I hate to say this, but inventory your underwear.

TMI I guess but that's a can of worms that has been opened and closed again in the recesses of my mind. Needless to say this whole thing is a very depressing rabbit hole.

It's another example of the world revolving around him. He can't be an woman without talking about cosmetics, obviously.

Just be glad that he didn't go this far.

God he's already got stupid ass pink hair I think if it got this far maybe even his own family wouldn't deal with it. One of my cousins seems to be enabling him since she's on the SJW trends though so I don't even know at this point.
If it makes it any better my mom has always been a very blunt person so she'll tell him he looks like a hooker now and then.

Side note: I hope I'm not derailing the tread by making it too much about me. Though all your replies have made me feel a bit better in finding some humor in this spiral. Really need to rate myself optimistic on this one.

 

[Rod Sterling]

This wasn't a close friend of mine, but just someone who was friends with many of my highschool friends and we spoke a few times.

Keynote: We live in a middle eastern muslim country.

She was quite 'popular' for being disliked by majority of people because of her openness about her sexuality, because she's gay, and we live in a muslim country/community and it's quite unusual for somebody to be open about it. She would get bullied and intimidated a lot, not just by other students but also teachers and parents, literally everyone. But her dad didn't really care. ( her mom had passed away long ago). So any intimidation tactic didnt work so much on her since her family is supportive, but they did relentlessly bully her.

Besides the way she preferred to dressed (she preferred to always wear athletic clothes, not necessarily "masculine" but just dark and athletic clothes) there was nothing at the time that would suggest her transition.

Keep in mind, our language is Arabic. The only pronouns we have and use is she and he, and that includes referring to objects, as objects and everything is gendered. I know that in English when the gender of somebody is unknown, the word "They" would be used for them. In Arabic, we use "He" for somebody whose gender is unknown/anonymous. So using the plural in Arabic would literally make no sense and it it will confuse anyone.

She came out to me and to my friend as trans ( he / him, they / them). I found out she got sucked into an online, more westernized english-speaking community for support, and I dont blame her for seeking another place for comfort or to make sense about her situation, except she was trying to apply terms (they / them pronouns) that are not even applicable to our own language we spoke. It's a more online performance I suppose. As for the he/him part, she told us not to use that term during school at the time, and she was only letting us know in case in the future she would decide to be openly trans.


Some context of how strictly binary muslim communities are:

I dont live in Iran, but In Iran homosexuality is frowned upon and it's illegal. Except, transgenderism is fine and accepted, and the govt can pay for your transition. So gay people usually would transition to the opposite sex to be able to engage in their sexuality. It's a weird and fucked up system but just to let you all know what it is like in the middle east and how gender stereotypes/roles is very important thing to maintain for religious reasons.

So I suppose she, in her mind, calculated that in order for her to be respected and left alone, transitioning would be a much easier path than being a non-feminin lesbian girl. And she was right. There's many openly trans popular figures here, but gay-ness is taboo.

That is so wild to me that somehow being gay is so horrible that they'd rather people switch gender to not be gay. Very sad that she thought that was the only way she could get on with her life, that probably means legitimate dysphoria on the future because it wasn't about her being male on the first place. Hopefully she just gets out of the country at some point and lives more comfortably where homosexuality is actually accepted, or at least more so.

 

[Cygnetik]

That is so wild to me that somehow being gay is so horrible that they'd rather people switch gender to not be gay. Very sad that she thought that was the only way she could get on with her life, that probably means legitimate dysphoria on the future because it wasn't about her being male on the first place. Hopefully she just gets out of the country at some point and lives more comfortably where homosexuality is actually accepted, or at least more so.

Yup It's because our society is more-so built on reputation, image, and keeping things as quiet as possible. A lot of things are forbidden yet still are practiced in secret (drinking alcohol, premarital sex etc..). The logic is, "As long as no one else besides yourself of the correct people know, it's fine", it's not a secret at all that there's so many gay people around, but just pretend like it's not happening. And I think that we're lucky in the way that our govt doesn't actually punish gay people, but yes it's completely socially unaccpetable. I really wish I knew a way to check up on her since I lost contact with our mutual friends.

 

[NerdShamer]

If it makes it any better my mom has always been a very blunt person so she'll tell him he looks like a hooker now and then.

This is actually an compliment in some circles.

 

[AMHOLIO]

You just know there are real people out there who identify as elves.

They're some of the most amazing lolcows and I smile and cringe when I think about them.

He was originally the one that got me into tech and science, now it's like he keeps trying to talk to me about nails or makeup. I've never been one to do that sort of thing and it's just gotten awkwardly silent everytime we have to talk since somehow he's just forgotten what I'm actually interested in. I guess he thought being one of "the girls" was a good enough reason to try and talk to me about other things without ever understanding my personality.

I'd say he's starved of female friends in a more optimistic sjw tinted life, but he's truly just starved of people who give him the attention he wants personally. It's a shame he's dragged out the marriage this long when all he wanted after a certain point was just asspats and play pretend. Parents becoming blind to their child's interest is usually a sign of dementia after a certain point, but hardcore selfish desires that only exist to fill a hole in his heart that can never be full is a way to be like this too, I guess.

I'd be gray rocking him in your situation, there's only so much time you can devote to passive aggressive warfare so I don't blame you if you're just coasting by on this as long as it's mildly working.

Side note: I hope I'm not derailing the tread by making it too much about me. Though all your replies have made me feel a bit better in finding some humor in this spiral. Really need to rate myself optimistic on this one.

This is a support thread, I don't mind if it turns into group therapy for one person every so often. Besides, you're in the Troon Sideshow thread's nightmare scenario that we all wonder what the kid has to say after dad leaves and troons. It's fascinating in that sense, but feel free not to answer questions if they get too personal or you don't feel like it. Also, more Rod Sterling in my life is never bad. Take it easy, friend, and know that even the autistic members of a site dedicated to kicking the autistics can tell this is bullshit and get you.

He's at the age where he shouldn't be wearing much makeup. Support him by telling him that he doesn't have to appear sexually desirable for his colleagues to respect his input; that's beneath his dignity.

He's far out of maidenhood, and motherhood. Help him organize a croning ceremony!

babe ruth trooned out to escape the irs and became a crone why not him?

Some context of how strictly binary muslim communities are:

This is one of the reasons I don't think a return to traditional values will cure troonism. The more strict you become, the more mental breakdowns people have and the more people are stuck in shit like this.

Yup It's because our society is more-so built on reputation, image, and keeping things as quiet as possible. A lot of things are forbidden yet still are practiced in secret (drinking alcohol, premarital sex etc..). The logic is, "As long as no one else besides yourself of the correct people know, it's fine", it's not a secret at all that there's so many gay people around, but just pretend like it's not happening. And I think that we're lucky in the way that our govt doesn't actually punish gay people, but yes it's completely socially unaccpetable. I really wish I knew a way to check up on her since I lost contact with our mutual friends.

I'd hate to live like that. It is better to be openly sinful than to become two faced hypocrites living lies (and even then drinking and premarital sex aren't that bad of sins but that's coming from someone used to the west). It's lucky that gays aren't legally punished, and I hope you do get to find a way to check on her too (or just meet your friend again if you liked them).

 

[snake aids]

Ex boyfriend dumped me to troon out. I saw it coming, unfortunately. Pretty much all of his friends trooned out, and it was only a matter of time. Just pissed off that I busted my ass for him, worked constantly to make him happy and he just decides to become a copy paste autistic troon. 5 years gone like that just because he wanted to be "uwu cute quirky troon girl". Mental health has gone down the shithole, I'm not going to lie. Very angry. Sorry if this sounds retarded at all, I've been emotional and I'm drained.

Edit to add onto this: I think most troons, especially the ones who already have pre-existing(?) mental issues, have something like identity delusion/delusional misidentification. I've known people who genuinely and wholeheartedly believe that they are a fictional character or someone else other than themselves who have it, so I don't see why the troon thing is much different. My ex is autistic along with a few other things and his troon friends have some sort of mental disorder or have experienced severe trauma, and, TMI but I also almost trooned out once. Thank God I didn't, fuck.

 

[Baraadmirer]

Are there any trannies that is mentally sound other than Blaire White?

I sometimes watch Rose of Dawn, one of Blaire's associates. She's on the other side of the pond.