Off-Topic Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[Fapcop]

fem autist here. i used to think i was 'non binary'; i wanted a double mastectomy, the works. thankfully, i grew out of it, and i'm comfortable in my identity and knowing i'm a woman, who just happens to like being buff, having muscles, and doing some stereotypically 'male' things.

i was a pretty lonely teenager, i have a history of loneliness, depression, anxiety, because i was sped and had different interests from normal people. i got into a digital lgbt friendgroup, and then, that was that. my entire formative years from around 14 onwards were entirely online, because i didn't have any irl friends to connect with.

you wouldn't believe some of the degeneracy i've seen. men sleeping on dog beds, calling themselves 'foxdog girls', barking, men identifying as a puppy, proudly announcing they have 'zoomies' (yes, really); did fakers who claim to have the fucking kamen riders and for some fucking reason doctor who as alters, a man who refers to himself as 'it' and 'this one'....

i know these people. i have met some of them in real life. the lot of them are riddled with mental illness and come from broken homes. one of my housemates is actually a really chill troon who is super nice. he's been the only normal one i've been able to find.

i feel like i'm going insane. i have nobody i can talk to about this. i spoke to a literal priest for guidance and he's drunk the koolaid, but stated that 'if it was his child, he would think a lot more deeply and seriously about the matter'.

just what do i do? i feel like i'm watching a trainwreck in slow motion. do i exit quietly, do i try and say something? i've been pulling away for a while now, but tits impacting my health and i'm scared of the ramifictions it could have for me.

What’s your question exactly? What’s the problem?

 

[missnaptime]

What’s your question exactly? What’s the problem?

i don't have much of a support system, and i'm worried that if i go awol, and answer honestly what i think, people will try to negatively impact my life - they have a history of it. i've already 'been in trouble' with them for saying 'problematic things' such as 'people shouldn't leech off the state and if they're capable, they should volunteer or work to contribute to society'. but muh mental helth, etc etc ad infinitum.

essentially, this is still one of the main social links i have - but i can't stand it any more. i don't think i can deal with more of this any more without fully going insane and blasting out a brutal 'YOU NEED HELP' alarm

 

[¨¨¨]

fem autist here. i used to think i was 'non binary'; i wanted a double mastectomy, the works. thankfully, i grew out of it, and i'm comfortable in my identity and knowing i'm a woman, who just happens to like being buff, having muscles, and doing some stereotypically 'male' things.

Why does identity (both generally and particuclarly in your case) revolve around "gender" nowadays?
Why can't you identify as a painter,libertarian or redhead without amputating body parts or taking synthetic hormones?

As for looking for being lonely due to autism: find a community like a Yu-Gi-Oh collection club or even a World of Warcraft guild were they're hospitable to autists and socially inept people.

My live-in boyfriend is rather androgynous looking superficially (think LoTR elf, he has platinum blonde hair to his waist) but has a voice and face like a marine. He often wears very androgynous clothing

Leave while you can; Your twinkish boyfriend is clearly not husband material (especially since he wants to be a wife) and you deserve better than wasting your prime years on a lifestyle AGP/AGAMP fetishist.

 

[and I must scream]

the Talmud claiming that there's actually six genders,

I don't know if you were serious about it or not, but just in case someone thinks the Talmud claims there are actually sex genders, it does not. TRA took something that existed in a certain culture at a certain time and culturally appropriate it, took it out of context and rewrote history, like they always do.

The "six genders" are simply the two sexes - male and female - and four cases in which the sex isn't clear because of vague/ambiguous genitalia, intersex conditions (i.e. a person who has both penis and vagina) or medical conditions in which sex characteristics absent or removed. It's essential to determine the sex of a person because there are religious laws that only apply to males and religious laws that only apply to females. Determining the sex is important also for deciding if sexual relations between two people are allowed or forbidden.

So basically for every religious law that is specific to only one of the two sexes (male or female), it is determined for this person if they are male or not, or female or not. The determination of the sex is by sex characteristics and what they can or can't do (i.e. can they procreate or not), not some obscure "gender identity". It's not even "third gender", which also are not like the current trans/non-binary at all btw, it's just "is this person considered male for this law and therefore has to follow it, or not and therefore doesn't have to follow it, is the same person considered male for this other law and therefore has to follow it, or not and therefore doesn't have to follow it, etc." and same goes for female.

Part of me thinks “you get what you fucking deserve” when I see these posts but then I have to remember that this women are not only in deeply abusive relationships but a large section of society is cheering on the abuser and would ostracise the victim if she gets the courage to leave.

I hate Clown World.

I feel very bad for these women, they are clearly very invested in the relationship (as most women are imo), try to be understanding and supportive as much as they can because that's how they were socialized basically and that's what they are told they should do, and I also suspect many of them don't really understand what that means until the truth hit them in the face eventually.

Spoiler: Some slight PL I guess plus rant

A few weeks ago I was talking with a colleague whom I also consider a friend. We were chatting casually and then she mentioned some case with some client who apparently transitioned. He has five kids and a wife, but all of them are not in touch with him anymore (I assume they are divorced). That all she knew about it, yet she also said that she thinks it's not okay that his family didn't accept him - if that's what happened. I was kind of caught by suprise with this whole conversation, but I said that I don't know about that, and then I asked her if she would have stayed with her husband if he transitions suddenly. She immediately said "Of course! I love him as a person. If he transitioned, he is still the same person". And I just didn't know how to tell her that this isn't true. That they change. That the husband who is now a good father to his children (it's one of the things that attracted her to him), will suddenly cease to be this good father, because now he is not a father anymore, he is not a man, he is a woman, he is a mother, but don't expect him to actually do what you do as a mother because that's not going to happen.

And now it's all about him, because he is the one who needs attention and sympathy now, it's like a very sick person all of the sudden that the whole family have to accommodate their whole life for, except he isn't really ill. The children will have to go through a long process of grief but they are not even allowed to show it because he might get offended, they will act out and regress and all kind of things probably because they lost their father and need to pretend this old-new person is their new mother or whatever, and you are the one who will have to deal with this. And he will not be this dependable man you are used to and count on, but suddenly he will act all powerless and weak and cry a lot, because that his image of what woman is, despite being your husband and know that this is not really how women are. I'm not even talking about the changes in his body, which you might find completely unattractive and even kind of disgusting, or the drain this will probably be on your finances.

How do you say all that to people who are really clueless about it. Who really think that if you love someone you will "accept them as they are", no matter what. That don't understand that these men who transition often change their personality and behaviour, so to say "it's the same person" is just untrue. That it's easy to say that you will still love this person no matter what and be attracted to them no matter what, but when it really happens to you, that your once perfectly good male bodied husband now sprouts tits, you find yourself suddenly not very attracted anymore, even a little repulsed. That you feel obligated to play along with his fantasies - not just in bed, but in everyday life too now, all the time, while you shoulder the majority of the responsibilities of taking care of the children and the house. How do you tell that to people who haven't fell into the rabbit hole like us and know about this stuff, who are blissfully unaware of all of this.

Eventually I just shrugged and said I couldn't go through it, because I really didn't know how to explain all of this to someone who just don't know without looking like a radical transphobic lunatic. I suspect a lot of these women live in this lala land that love conquers all, and trans women is what their spouse is and he has no control over it, that's just how he was born (even though somehow he managed to hide his true self from her for years, and isn't that a deception?), and they need to be supportive, it's difficult for him as it is, and they love him as a person, yada yada, and only after years they realised they were doped and wasted their life with a selfish man pretending to be a woman, dropping all his responsibilities and draining their resources and empathy and will to live until nothing left.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Sometimes he talks about how his ideal life is to be a stay at home parent while WFH in some capacity... and while theoretically this idea kind of lines up because I don't want to be a SAHM but want kids, I sometimes worry that it's a red flag.

Hang on to that awareness.

Some people have it in them to be a stay-at-home parent while working in some capacity. Some people do not, and take "SAHD" to mean they're physically at home when the kids are there, but Mom is still in charge of chores, dinner, making and going to pediatrician appointments. And to be physically at home when the kids are no longer there, because the kids are at school, but a lot of gaming and Discord chatting and zero vacuuming nor gainful employment is happening.

It's easy to agree to things with unexplored assumptions, and the kind of person who's imagining their ideal femboy life being a few pills away is likely romanticizing the realities of parenthood as well.

 

[m1ddl3m4rch]

He has the values and the "fighting spirit" to be a great man, great father, productive member of society, etc, but he is trying to figure out what life direction would make him happy, and found this Troon Pipeline that is lined with porn, glamor, and abandoning responsibilities.

I think gender ideology interventions are almost all a subset of porn addiction interventions. It's like confronting an alcoholic about long term annoying behavior but not mentioning it's the drinking. I wonder if he'd stop watching porn if you asked him to.

Plus it's way easier for him to fall into it right now because he likes being androgynous and is still trying to figure out how to express that in how he dresses.

I think the movement thrives on the marketing trick of eternal youth. Everyone is young and sexy forever, and you never think about aging, or leaving a legacy, or time/season-based changes. One day he's going to hit twink death, and if he isn't careful his vanity might make him consult a plastic surgeon, to restore youth and continue the timeless party lifestyle. When will he stop it and start thinking of marriage and kids? Hopefully before he's so old that it'll never happen. There's a nation full of 40s never married straight women winos, tricked into it by marketers.

 

[missnaptime]

Why does identity (both generally and particuclarly in your case) revolve around "gender" nowadays?
Why can't you identify as a painter,libertarian or redhead without amputating body parts or taking synthetic hormones?

As for looking for being lonely due to autism: find a community like a Yu-Gi-Oh collection club or even a World of Warcraft guild were they're hospitable to autists and socially inept people.

i've made a lot of progress in this regard - i'm in a kickboxing club, i go running with a friend 4 times a week who isn't part of the troonery nonsense, and i've taken up hobbies and i'm trying to meet more people i've had a lot of success, but i'm also still very nervous. i'm thinking of joining a book club, but i can't seem to find a woman only one in my area yet...

i guess it's just scary, and i don't want to feel like a bad person for not being able to do it anymore.

 

[Fapcop]

I think the movement thrives on the marketing trick of eternal youth.

Yup. Guy is 24 and thinks he’s going to be 24 forever.

Good luck with that androgynous look when you’re 37, balding and got a beer belly because that’s where men have their fat deposits.

I hope our dear Baron has a man who realizes that he’s only 24 once, and that it’s silly to be 37 and still be a feminine, androgynous twinky elf. And that by that time he’ll hopefully use words like “Father, husband, good example” to describe himself.

 

[under_scores]

i don't have much of a support system, and i'm worried that if i go awol, and answer honestly what i think, people will try to negatively impact my life - they have a history of it. i've already 'been in trouble' with them for saying 'problematic things' such as 'people shouldn't leech off the state and if they're capable, they should volunteer or work to contribute to society'. but muh mental helth, etc etc ad infinitum.

essentially, this is still one of the main social links i have - but i can't stand it any more. i don't think i can deal with more of this any more without fully going insane and blasting out a brutal 'YOU NEED HELP' alarm

View attachment 6591938

It's tough. Such communities are easy to join into, find friends in online, but as you say they're rife with unstable people. I'm in the same boat.

 

[missnaptime]

It's tough. Such communities are easy to join into, find friends in online, but as you say they're rife with unstable people. I'm in the same boat.

you can do it!

 

[under_scores]

you can do it!

Thank you, and the same to you. Was in a similar place as a teenager, probably still am to an extent, but it's never too late.

 

[Paper Machete]

I would cut my losses with someone who was talking about trooning, especially if you yourself want to eventually have children. I don't know what, in current climate, support you'll get in trying to fix him. But if you're already formulating an exit plan than to me that means you already know you should leave, deep down.

24 is young. But he is no child. He's already a grown ass man. He should already be an independent adult with his shit together. He should already know that he needs to have a fucking job, even if it isn't his final destination as a career. This twirling thumbs bullshit with people pretending they have to discover their one true calling before officially being an adult with a decent job is bullshit and needs to stop yesterday. I know I'm coming across harsh. I also cannot make your relationship decisions for you or understand how you may feel about him. But do not get knocked up by this retard. Do not even THINK about if it's a possibility in the future. You plan your life with the person he is TODAY, not the person you hope he will become. That is what traps a lot of women. They make their life decisions based off what they hope the guy lucky enough to land them will be like at some vague point in the future. If he isn't it, then he just isn't though. That's how it is with men (and a lot of women too).

But you have a grown ass man talking about trooning out so he can have a nice ass and wanting to play act being a stay at home mommy. It's dead in the fucking water as far as I'm concerned. Once they get infected unless they're a 13 year old that can be turned around by keeping them away from their art teacher, then they have the brain worm, and you just have to cut them off. It sucks. But the only thing you're likely to wait out on is his full AGP arc.

Really, read through the experiences of trans widows, there is a thread here. A lot of them thought the behavior was no big deal or would clear up or he would choose the respectable life of being a father and husband over the fetish. He didn't and that's why they're trans widows. It's like a zombie virus, once they get bit that's when it's already over.

 

[Hassou Tobi]

He has the values and the "fighting spirit" to be a great man, great father, productive member of society, etc, but he is trying to figure out what life direction would make him happy, and found this Troon Pipeline that is lined with porn, glamor, and abandoning responsibilities. Plus it's way easier for him to fall into it right now because he likes being androgynous and is still trying to figure out how to express that in how he dresses.

Other people have said it better than I can but:
I worry he would tell you all the right things and then when he’s safely in some job/sahd and has baby/marriage trapped you he full on troons out. Seems to happen over and over. It’s a selfish paraphilia. The fact that you’re asking kf about this suggests you know deep down you don’t want to be tied to this agp.

 

[soup peddler]

The fact that you’re asking kf about this suggests you know deep down you don’t want to be tied to this agp.

...Yeah. I love him and he has many great qualities, but I'm freaking out and already mourning all the time I wasted to some degree. I guess it's not a 10 year relationship, but man.

I think gender ideology interventions are almost all a subset of porn addiction interventions. It's like confronting an alcoholic about long term annoying behavior but not mentioning it's the drinking. I wonder if he'd stop watching porn if you asked him to.

I think the movement thrives on the marketing trick of eternal youth. Everyone is young and sexy forever, and you never think about aging, or leaving a legacy, or time/season-based changes.

To be 100% clear, his porn situation is really, really bad, and the biggest reason I'm kind of out of hope. The first time I asked him to curb his porn addiction, his reaction was basically to laugh and say 'no way, that's too hard'. In subsequent conversations, he promised to curb it and has actually, but it's still pretty bad. Like a year ago it was so bad his penis was too broken for sex, but now our sex life is great.

But this whole experience has obviously been horrible and I'm pretty much decided on the fact that this is the kind of issue I never want to deal with again, and I don't really trust he can stop this from being a problem in the future.

I love him but there have been so many issues and the "decide to be with the person he is now" point is completely right. I plan to basically make the arrangements to leave while also still observing how he's dealing with these problems and what kind of progress is being made, I guess.

 

[Hubelublub]

mourning all the time I wasted to some degree

It's not a waste if you use the experience to become a better person. If nothing else, you're going to be a fuck load wiser, and (I hope) less patient in putting up with bullshit.

The only wasted time is the time spent sticking around when you know better.

 

[keke]

I plan to basically make the arrangements to leave while also still observing how he's dealing with these problems and what kind of progress is being made

Why? Are you stupid?

 

[Hassou Tobi]

I plan to basically make the arrangements to leave while also still observing how he's dealing with these problems and what kind of progress is being made, I guess.

Seriously, read some of the rock bottom stories on this subreddit if you want to see how bad this can go.

https://www.reddit.com/r/TGandSissyRecovery/s/OJtsBKnAPm

These men give up loving wives, kids, their job, basically everything so they can coom and dress as “women” to meet strangers for degrading sex. And they all started like your boyfriend. Might seem at odds to post a “recovery” subreddit here but very few of them
actually do recover. Dudes come back after a year and admit they relapsed and lost everything again and few even make it that long.

The thing you wrote about “observing” his behavior gave me pause. My worry is you will be serious about leaving and he’ll have a come to Jesus moment about giving up the porn and throwing away the lingerie til you relent. Then when you’re trapped he’ll start all over again. Seems to happen a lot.

Idk I’m not a Troon hater for nothing. If you read KF you know how destructive and manipulative agp is. Can you really respect a man who thinks so little of women and wants to get fucked in the ass and mince around like a faggot? Cos you shouldn’t imo.

I know leaving sucks but if you continue delaying it’s just kicking the can down the road until it’s even harder.


Idk just trying to give you some extra encouragement. You are free to disregard obviously.

 

[grenouille crétine]

But you have a grown ass man talking about trooning out so he can have a nice ass and wanting to play act being a stay at home mommy. It's dead in the fucking water as far as I'm concerned.

This was already how I felt about the situation you’re describing @baron harkonnen, and then you said this:

To be 100% clear, his porn situation is really, really bad, and the biggest reason I'm kind of out of hope. The first time I asked him to curb his porn addiction, his reaction was basically to laugh and say 'no way, that's too hard'.

Throw the whole man away. Porn-watchers are a lost cause, and on top of being a pathetic degenerate cuck he laughed at you and said it was too hard to stop? Have some self-respect, please. He is already a troon in spirit; the physical aspect is just lying in wait.

Make your escape plans now and get out ASAP. Do not trust a word out of his mouth now or later. Any man that disrespects you like this and gets away with it will just keep doing it. You will find someone better, when you are ready. He will want you back after realizing how bad he fucked up, but that’s a him problem.

Adult-transition AGPs almost never desist. They have no impetus to do so. The only way they get better is wanting to get better, but AGPs get way too much of a high from indulging (without real-world concerns or experiences like homophobia, sex trauma etc to keep them semi-grounded) and refuse to view troonism as the destructive, selfish addiction it is. You will feel better without this idiot manbaby chaining you down and making you neurotic about the prospect of him baby-trapping you under false pretenses and going whole hog troon again in five years.

 

[Shark Fin Flippers]

Like a year ago it was so bad his penis was too broken for sex, but now our sex life is great

Not to pry and you don't have to answer but maybe think about it...
Is he watching porn all day, and then using you as a cum dump to keep you off his case? Is he thinking about all the porn he watches while being with you? or does he genuinely love you and love having sex with you?

I always scoff at the pRedditors that demand the OP break up with their significant others on those relationship subs for minor infractions and without knowing the whole picture, but trooning out and agp is more like an addiction, and addiction never goes away. The addicted are, and always will be, fighting against it. As others have said about recovery, there are binge and purge cycles where the individual will finally reach a breaking point, throw everything away etc etc, and 3 months later they are back at it again.
So even if you think he's quit, even if he's made progress, there will always be that little grain of doubt in the back of your mind, that your entire world could come crashing down in an instant. Do you really want to balance your life, your home, your future and possible future children on top of that one really wobbly Jenga piece?

And most of all, do you deserve to be treated the way you say he's been treating you? Is he even thinking about or respecting your feelings at all about this? And would he treat you with the same respect and bend over backwards for you if you made some life altering decision like he expects of you with his transition?

 

[CobraPlissken]

I had been estranged from my family for years, and now I'm in contact with them again I learned one of my cousins — a toddler when I cut ties with my family, now a teenager — wants to troon out. Apparently she's just a tomboy, has been showing signs of having being molested from a very young age, and her mother is pushing the transition HARD for social media approval (poor girl doesn't even try to enforce pronouns or anything, she's not annoying, if anything she seems like she just wants to make herself invisible).

I also wanted to troon out at her age, but thankfully back then it wasn't a political issue and you could get realistic info about how SRS isn't nearly as advanced as it's being sold nowadays. I eventually learned to accept my body even if it's not of the sex I still wish it was.

I almost posted here, trying to figure out a way to help her before she gets access to hormones. I felt weird about reaching out to her — I assumed she didn't even have any memory of me, and I'm way older than her. But today I learned from someone else in the family that she expressed the desire to be in contact with me now I'm back to my hometown — she has no memories of us together, but her favorite books were some I gave her before I left.

So maybe there's hope for her. Maybe I can help her to not destroy herself, after all.

It sucks that I can't share the joy I feel for potentially being able to take her out of the troondom path elsewhere, but at least here I do. Please wish me luck, fellow kiwis!