Off-Topic Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[dylanp818]

I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of them detranstiton when it becomes more popular.

a real galaxy brain take here

 

[Some Badger]

Thankfully I haven't had to deal with this within my immediate family, but I've had two good friends in a heterosexual relationship from college who have slowly been getting more trannypilled since early 2020. The guy is taking the lazy route and calling himself nonbinary with he/him pronouns but the girl cut her hair short and started calling herself by the name of one of her male OCs on Twitter this past fall. She was always kinda tomboyish but now she's a demiboy apparently, which I guess is a gateway to being an FtM.

They were already pretty lefty when I met them through my significant other, but now I gotta deal with all the unhinged political bullshit that comes with troonism too, to the point that the Discord server they co-moderate now has a quarantined politics section full of histrionic troon whinging news articles and Vaush memes. Every Instagram story is now ACAB this and Trans Rights Are Human Rights that, and I'm just... so, so, fucking tired. I think if my sister or a cousin announced they were FtM, I'd never recover emotionally.

I really enjoyed hanging out with these people and playing doing Jackbox games and playing Starbound till like 3AM for an entire summer that one time. The more I find myself distancing from them due to not wanting to talk or engage in politics, the more it breaks my heart.

Update: Said female friend has announced on Discord, Facebook, etc that she now goes by he/him and they/them pronouns, and also goes by the name of her closet-fursona, which in of itself is a red flag. I've known her since 2017 and even though she dresses like your standard art school grad complete with pink hair, she very much looks, talks, dresses, draws and presents herself online like a girl.

I'm dealing with an inverse of your standard MtF: someone who fetishizes my sex but has no comprehensive understanding of the male experience, and in a true FtM fashion, wants to present herself as a smol bean uwu gay boy.

I'm probably going to distance myself from this crowd... I don't want to, but talking with trans people makes me feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time regardless of the topic. It's not something I'm willing to deal with at the expense of a healthier social life.

 

[Aunt Carol]

I'm probably going to distance myself from this crowd... I don't want to, but talking with trans people makes me feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time regardless of the topic. It's not something I'm willing to deal with at the expense of a healthier social life.

This is the insidious part of the standard trans conversion, and why people feel like the previous person is a kind of dead.

No, Aiden, "the cis" aren't mourning your tits and the half of your hair that you shaved. It's the person who was more than a caricature, the friend who we used to be able to talk to, even disagree with.

 

[Some Badger]

This is the insidious part of the standard trans conversion, and why people feel like the previous person is a kind of dead.

The bigger issue at hand for me is that I don't want my SO to be forced to take sides between me and two very close friends from school. I think I've made it apparent that I don't really trust trans people because (to date) I have never encountered one who didn't get overtly political or try to sneak politics into casual conversation after transitioning. Moreover, nearly every troon I encounter online is some flavor of wannabe communist, so I don't really feel welcome around them anyway given that my own views as a libertarian gets me labelled as a nazi or a capitalist sympathizer or some other flavor of lefty buzzword.

No, Aiden, "the cis" aren't mourning your tits and the half of your hair that you shaved. It's the person who was more than a caricature, the friend who we used to be able to talk to, even disagree with.

I actually did know a guy in high school named Aiden who trooned out, lmao. He looked, dressed and talked like Rory from YIIK and made no effort to appear female besides grow his hair out longer than it already was. Dude was a real asshole. He was constantly hiding behind the trans label to avoid scrutiny. Not even the GSA liked him.

 

[LatinasAreTheFuture]

'Complicated gender feelings'? What ever happened to 'dressing up and playing with a novel aspect of your identity can be fun'? Or 'I kind of enjoy having a boyish look. Neat. Time to perfect the look, and go on with my life.'

They're fucking clothes, people. Who cares.

Oh my fucking god for real. Sometimes I feel like asking if what makes a girl a girl is her clothes. Of course the tranny would answer no, there’s more to being a girl than just clothes (the tranny at this point would list sexual acts to prove he knows what a girl is). So if there’s nothing about clothes that makes girls what they are…. Then why dress as a bimbo? Why make skirt go spin? The other thing I noticed too is that the men don’t just want to be a girl, they want to be seven year old girls.

 

[seri0us]

It's pretty easy. You just compartmentalize people and then as you put them out of your mind you can stop thinking about them so much. I can also turn off my emotions so that helps too.

I wish I could give you the autism sticker

 

[Gingervitis]

I'm dealing with an inverse of your standard MtF: someone who fetishizes my sex but has no comprehensive understanding of the male experience, and in a true FtM fashion, wants to present herself as a smol bean uwu gay boy.

No, that’s how it normally goes. No matter what gender to what gender, they’re either socially inept, they fetishize the gender they’re trying to be, or both.

 

[s0mbra]

I don’t have contact outside of him with her, so sort of stuck on that account. At this point he must have told her because he’s already on hormones and troons aren’t particularly good at hiding it (they might not pass but they insist about bragging about it on social media.) Only time will tell.

You're on kiwifarms.
If you can't find a friend's wife's phone number you don't actually want to warn her.

Even if she knows about the clothes and drugs, does she know he's chatting men up? I got the implication he wants to fuck men now. That is dangerous for the wife.
Tell his wife

 

[Lemmingwise]

he wants to fuck men

Yeah there is a life threatening condition.

Lost a colleague that way. He went from married with kids, to finally happily gay to dead in 3 years. He was honest and open about the things he did, but anyone sneaking is putting their wife's health at risk if they're still having sex.

 

[supremeautismo]

You're on kiwifarms.
If you can't find a friend's wife's phone number you don't actually want to warn her.

Even if she knows about the clothes and drugs, does she know he's chatting men up? I got the implication he wants to fuck men now. That is dangerous for the wife.
Tell his wife

Yeah there is a life threatening condition.

Lost a colleague that way. He went from married with kids, to finally happily gay to dead in 3 years. He was honest and open about the things he did, but anyone sneaking is putting their wife's health at risk if they're still having sex.

I don’t know if he was looking for sex, he didn’t go home with anybody and until all this just seemed like your average kind of awkward straight guy. He interacts with the other guys at work like a normal straight guy, he just also is friends with a good portion of the trans people there too (there is a disproportionate amount of troons where I work.) It almost felt like he appreciated the attention to “feel like a woman” but that could always escalate to risky sex.

I’m worried about work backlash too, especially if the other troons feel like I ‘outed’ him (he seems like the vindictive type.) Fuck, I should just tell her.

EDIT: Her facebook profile says she’s married while his says he’s widowed. He also posted about how he believes people who don’t get vaccinated should be rounded into camps and forced the jab. I don’t think he’s joking.

 

[AMHOLIO]

EDIT: Her facebook profile says she’s married while his says he’s widowed. He also posted about how he believes people who don’t get vaccinated should be rounded into camps and forced the jab. I don’t think he’s joking.

I'm so used to the second part of these fun facts that only the first part is horrifying to me. That, and he has more power to become widowed than he has over vaxcamps or whatever.

There's jokes about your wife being dead and then advertising that your wife died on you now that you have become troo wooman. The couple's future was already in jeopardy but man do I hope he doesn't poison all her contacts in the divorce.

 

[feedtheoctopus]

I didn't realize you could lose people to pronouns

 

[AMHOLIO]

I didn't realize you could lose people to pronouns

Calling some trans people by their birth pronouns is basically violence and could kill them, so yes.

 

[Secret Messages]

Well, my best friend in grade school has just officially trooned out. We haven't really talked in years, but it still gives me a sinking feeling in my stomach to see him like this. Just posts pictures with his hair up, tranny flag in the username, described in profile as a "cute girl". This is 100% a "be the gf" autogynephile thing, but I don't want to call him out in case he goes full cultist and blocks me for espousing wrongthink. Keep your kids off the internet, this is what a combination of too much porn + untreated social anxiety does to you.

 

[Julie Newmar]

Well, my best friend in grade school has just officially trooned out. We haven't really talked in years, but it still gives me a sinking feeling in my stomach to see him like this. Just posts pictures with his hair up, tranny flag in the username, described in profile as a "cute girl". This is 100% a "be the gf" autogynephile thing, but I don't want to call him out in case he goes full cultist and blocks me for espousing wrongthink. Keep your kids off the internet, this is what a combination of too much porn + untreated social anxiety does to you.

Almost worse in these cases is watching the asspats flow in while knowing those people roll their eyes and talk shit about them, too. Like sure, block me all you want, and keep being chill with those grown-ass women you know telling you lies and laughing with me when they run into me at the store.

 

[FoolhardStar]

I know one person in real life that trooned, and a couple more that drank the Kool-Aid online:

Spoiler: Here be powerleveling

One of my childhood friends. Lost contact with her, saw her again around junior high and she was a total mess. Mom was rarely in the picture (even before she cracked), she was sleeping around before legal driving age, and she ended up with the wrong friends that either enabled her too much or elaborately groomed her into being a tranny, because by senior years she was doing the whole pronoun bit, got an ugly haircut and wanted to go in the boy's bathroom with a fake wiener. Stopped bothering with her after she came out, found out from a friend with way more patience than me that "it's just a phase" was true and she stopped bothering with it the minute that form of attention wasn't enough. Still changing her sexuality every other week, though. If she had an online presence, I bet she'd have a thread here.

Like I said, the others were online. One guy went from awkward and frumpy but pleasant to be around regardless to being completely obsessed with leftypol, doing the shrill voice and calling himself "feminine" names no women actually have (not in modern times anyway), eventually he stopped talking to everyone because he was so sensitive he basically turned into an actual sissy. Another one didn't exactly, she was well-spoken and pretty patient, but started doing the whole "gender isn't as simple as you think" shtick, got more and more black and white in her viewpoints and then she didn't want to be called a woman anymore, she wanted they/them. I haven't talked to her or seen her in awhile, doesn't want to talk to anybody and if she pops back up I doubt I'll even recognize her. One guy I'm good friends with was teetering on being the little girl before his dad helped him, and he had the ideal traits groomers love to see in men at the time. Thinking about an alternate universe where he didn't have people to help him through that is kind of unnerving.

 

[XANA]

So. A few updates.

Apparently, one of my friend's girlfriend decided that being non-binary for the last few years wasn't enough and decided to take the jump. She got her tits cut off. I think she's going to stop short of bottom surgery, but anything's possible. I didn't think she'd do it because she only dresses and acts like a woman despite claiming not to be one.

The male schoolgirl cosplayer has completely gone off the grid. I don't think he 41%'d, but I saw that his more recent Twitter postings were more sad.

As for the friend I thought was an AGP, it seems he went the other way and became less "trans", even though he's associating with more trans people. He still does crossdressing, but I think he's acknowledging that it's more of a fetish/dress preference thing than an entire "I am opposite gender now"-transformation.

 

[DerKryptid]

She never became a troon, but always talked about wanting to be a dude so she could act out the yaois that rotted her mind out when she was a kid. Left her, not for the trooning, but because she was a toxic manipulator and bi-polar as all hell

 

[Windows XP Home Edition]

I'm currently watching an old friend of mine troon out her teenage daughter and it's driving me insane. My friends has always been a bit of a liberal munchie type so I'm not exactly blown away by this development, but it's impossible to know what to do or say. At first the kid was a lesbian, then asexual (to the point of wearing an "asexual pride" bowtie to family events, which was just... cringe beyond belief), then nonbinary with they/them pronouns, now it's to the point of talking about getting her a double mastectomy as soon as she turns 18 and he/him pronouns. I feel like I'm watching Abigail Shrier's book on ROGD play out in real time. It doesn't help that my friend, as mentioned, is a bit of a hysterical munchie/"muh chronic pain" type, and I feel like she's transferred a lot of her own insane anxiety issues on to her daughter.

My friend knows my position on trannies so she's aware I'm not exactly going to be supportive in this, but since we live so far away it can kind of just loiter about like the giant crossdressing elephant in the room as long as we stick to talking about the weather and crafting. It just makes me so sad because I know she wouldn't listen even if I tried to explain my position and she's going to be wracked with guilt in 15 years' time when the kid's burned her entire life to the ground with her blessing and can't go back. I'm just hoping against all hope that the kid thinks better of the tit chop between now and turning 18. I don't know if I'm going to be able to hold on to any semblance of this friendship without exploding.

Reminds me of the time when I met two mums during some of my travels in Ireland, one of whom had a daughter that identified as nonbinary. Previously, the daughter was a lesbian and then an asexual. I could tell that the poor mum was so confused that she didn't know what to do.

All I can say is that luckily she didn't really buy into it but I get the sense that her daughter was a misfit and social outcast. I hope that the mother snapped her out of it.

What's depressingly sad to me is that a lot of these young female misfits who don't fit into a box and are lesbian/bisexual are only really noticed or treated like a normal human being once they start to identify as trans or some different "third gender". The women and girls need to be taught to accept themselves and feel confident rather than try to be something they aren't, even if they don't completely conform.

 

[Secret Messages]

Anecdotally most trans-identified females I see online or irl always seem to have really bad anxiety and hate being seen as women. It's a belief that is somewhat out of place in my psyche due to never identifying as any sort of feminist, but I feel very strongly now that women are sexualized way too early in their development. When combined with pressures to conform to stereotypes, this contributes to the mass-trooning of girls we see in schools now, just desperately trying to escape being seen as women. It's the worst tragedy from this whole thing. Seeing the middle aged autogynephiles is gross and offputting, but when I see the vulnerable children their "movement" has molested, I hate how this awful self-destruction is normalized.