Loveline - Kiwi Edition - Currently taking calls for advice related to love and health matters.

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UW 411

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Welcome to KiwiLoveLine!
Please; do tell - need dating advice, want to talk about sexual health or any past trauma that may be inhibiting your ability to form a meaningful relationship? Come have a chat! 'Dr'. Spl00gies doesn't bite! Let's resolve your issue and help any listeners-I mean-readers who may find themselves in the same boat!
 
Please God, let me meet her. All I want to is to find that perfect girl I know exists. She’s sweet and shy and my age and likes all the things I do, perhaps even is on this site itself. The girl who won’t secretly think I’m a loser, the girl I can cuddle with (even if only possible online) and spent nights talking to and laughing and sharing happiness. Someone who can reciprocate the love I put in, the girl who I can make feel safe and secure unconditionally and can fill this gaping, empty void in my heart. Please, just let me find this person. I’ll change everything about me if that’s what it takes Please, I just can’t take the loneliness anymore.
 

You know what.

Help, all my tinder matches have pictures of them doing chad things like mountain climbing, but when I meet them, they are 100 lb muscle-less soyboy manlets. How can I improve my match rate with chads?

Have you considered that you're attracting the wrong kind of guys for a reason? You're obviously a chunky goth, this implies some early sexual trauma, some possible daddy issues and an issue with self-soothing/comfort behaviours. Have you considered putting down the fork? Similar lifestyles and life goals attract others with the same. Can you climb a mountain? [Edit, please see post below]

Maybe you can help me find a brahppy biggy titty goth girl.
Great news! Maybe you'd like to initiate a private conversation with @chunkygoth - she sounds like your type. No soy though, you might have to cut back. Ask yourself if your soy habit is worth forgoing true love. [Report back]

Please God, let me meet her. All I want to is to find that perfect girl I know exists. She’s sweet and shy and my age and likes all the things I do, perhaps even is on this site itself. The girl who won’t secretly think I’m a loser, the girl I can cuddle with (even if only possible online) and spent nights talking to and laughing and sharing happiness. Someone who can reciprocate the love I put in, the girl who I can make feel safe and secure unconditionally and can fill this gaping, empty void in my heart. Please, just let me find this person. I’ll change everything about me if that’s what it takes Please, I just can’t take the loneliness anymore.

My advice is to keep attracting your crush's attention via chat or sparingly used mentions. Butter her up a bit. You don't seem as foolish as you imply - you can do it - just go for it! [Report back with results]

Is this a hidden technique to factory farm halal cows?

Never.

I just wanna see a hot nickel ball on a pussy

In time, in time.
 
There are only turkish immigrants on tinder in my town so it's helpless for me. And i'm looking for long-time relationships which must result with me getting a greencard!
Thank you for help and love ya'll!
 
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Hello,

My girlfriend and me have done dating for 5 month. I thought "This girl is very good," and became of love with her.
Yet even so, on this Monday, I comed home and found she as baked all my beans.

Yes, all. Oh brother.

In my cupboard I store several bag of bean, to make soft and to bake on some days, to have a bit of baked bean on my dinner. Or, heck, a lunch too some days. But on the Monday I find this girlfriend baked all the beans. I say "Why do you bake my beans", and she say something as "I bakes them good to save time, so I bakes them all now." I am astonished and full of dissmay. I say "I canfr not eat all the beans", she say she is froze many of the beans so as we can unfrozen the on a later day and eat some at a time.

But, if a bean is froze and unfrozed, the very good and very nice flavor of bean is gone far. A bean is best if baked fresh as a Sunday Pie. Not to be froze and unfroze! I told my girfriend I am so sad of this, as to my opinion the baking of the beans and to freeze them has ruin all my beans. She say I am "gone haywire" by my enragement and sad manners.

But I hates what she did to my beans.

On the days before Monday I thought "Will we marry the girlfriend? Well it might be so." But now I am so sad she baked them beans. I am consider to end our relations and not be the boyfriend and girlfriend any more. But, is my idea wrong? Could my girlfriend make promise to not bake the beans? I do not know what doing to do and how to feel forgiving on her. What can I do on this situation I said here? (In the text I write above this.)

Thank you.
 
>Acquire a girlfriend
>She's a solid 6/10
>Spend time together
>One day she finds a picture of Big Boss in my wallet
>Since then she acts weird
>Finally, she finds my Big Boss folder on my pc
>2GB of Big Boss porn, speeches, motivational posters and cosplay
>Notices my collection of vidya isn't all that impressive, but I have all MGS titles next to a Big Boss figurine and my BB husbando picture where I feed my monitor showing Big Boss doritos and yerba mate
>Demands I delete my folder and get rid of anything Big Boss related, consoles included or she leaves
>Gives me 24 hours
>16 hours have passed

What do I do, KF? I can't just abandon Big Boss.
 
this is just a big troll, isnt it?

Asked someone out and they said they’ll think about it. Fast forward two months later and I haven’t heard a thing from them. They respond to my texts somewhat but isn’t apt for conversation. Wat do?

nothing. move on. Especially if it's a woman you've asked out. that's code word for ''NO''.
another sign that points to that, is the low interest in engaging in conversation with you on his/her part.

>Acquire a girlfriend
>She's a solid 6/10
>Spend time together
>One day she finds a picture of Big Boss in my wallet
>Since then she acts weird
>Finally, she finds my Big Boss folder on my pc
>2GB of Big Boss porn, speeches, motivational posters and cosplay
>Notices my collection of vidya isn't all that impressive, but I have all MGS titles next to a Big Boss figurine and my BB husbando picture where I feed my monitor showing Big Boss doritos and yerba mate
>Demands I delete my folder and get rid of anything Big Boss related, consoles included or she leaves
>Gives me 24 hours
>16 hours have passed

What do I do, KF? I can't just abandon Big Boss.

wait, there are big boss' limited edition consoles? First time Im hearing this.
 
how do i meet my dream hot fbi bf?
my current plan is
1. Find closest coffee shops/bars to fbi buildings
2. sit in them
3. hit on men in suits with sullen dispositions
pls advice


PM me I know your free Friday night and just shit posting in your free time. I'm always at the Starbucks right by your place anyways.
 
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