Loveline - Kiwi Edition - Currently taking calls for advice related to love and health matters.

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takemetoyourgrave said:
how do i meet my dream hot fbi bf?
my current plan is
1. Find closest coffee shops/bars to fbi buildings
2. sit in them
3. hit on men in suits with sullen dispositions
pls advice
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Sullen dispositions? Not cherry pie enthusiasts that are into transcendental meditation?
cooperpie1.jpg
 
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Dear KiwiForum ladies [smile, smile],
My name is Terry D., I am 14, and I am single. I enjoy watching anime [pronounces it "Annie-May"], particularly Hamtaro, and I enjoy cosplaying as various anime [mispronounced again] characters. I am looking for a female named preferably with turquoise hair, and preferably named Sasami, has pale white skin, and whose father is a carrier of the O-47z haplogroup Y-DNA genome - this is probably the most important [voice cracks]. No you don't need to speak 日本語 [mispronounced], haha, but it helps. [Clears throat] Anyway if you want to play Magic The Gathering Online sometime, or want to just you know like - like, uh, talk and stuff [face gets red], please feel free to DM me for friend codes and so on [takes drink of diet soda]. Ahhh. [Puts on sunglasses] I know I'm handsome and if you think you're up for the challenge [pulls glasses down onto bridge of nose] then throw me those sweet sweet digits of yours, ladies [does the finger-gun-motion at the camera].
 
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Girlycard said:
>Acquire a girlfriend
>She's a solid 6/10
>Spend time together
>One day she finds a picture of Big Boss in my wallet
>Since then she acts weird
>Finally, she finds my Big Boss folder on my pc
>2GB of Big Boss porn, speeches, motivational posters and cosplay
>Notices my collection of vidya isn't all that impressive, but I have all MGS titles next to a Big Boss figurine and my BB husbando picture where I feed my monitor showing Big Boss doritos and yerba mate
>Demands I delete my folder and get rid of anything Big Boss related, consoles included or she leaves
>Gives me 24 hours
>16 hours have passed
What do I do, KF? I can't just abandon Big Boss.
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The Fool said:
Please God, let me meet her. All I want to is to find that perfect girl I know exists. She’s sweet and shy and my age and likes all the things I do, perhaps even is on this site itself. The girl who won’t secretly think I’m a loser, the girl I can cuddle with (even if only possible online) and spent nights talking to and laughing and sharing happiness. Someone who can reciprocate the love I put in, the girl who I can make feel safe and secure unconditionally and can fill this gaping, empty void in my heart. Please, just let me find this person. I’ll change everything about me if that’s what it takes Please, I just can’t take the loneliness anymore.
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The Fool said:
I was joking with my gf about how they're probably never going to get rid of or fix the dev room because they've somehow hard-coded it into the game just like how 90s games had everything hard-coded in assembly language so it was difficult to remove anything, like how they couldn't remove the Hidden Palace Zone from Sonic 2 so they just hid it.
Well, I say "joking" but it's probably completely true.
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The Fool said:
I'm willing to settle on a polymorous relationship if you're okaying with a threesome
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Oops I accidentally my post. It doesn't sound like your existing relationship with her is healthy enough for me to consent to polyamory. Best of luck in your future together.
 
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