Thumb Butler
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- Oct 13, 2019
Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks
- Thread starter SpacePanther
- Start date
WonderWino
kiwifarms.net
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- Dec 17, 2019
The best part is it sounds vaguely like the way trump would say it - I saw the wern today, he looked great. very clean, very clean
Somehow I suspect this is lucas low key referencing his kidney issues and being angry about his health being fucked
aka if there was a god i'd be fisting a perfect 10 teen queen and would be able to stuff myself like a thanksgiving turkey without becoming morbidly obese or getting sick cause I refused to take my meds for years
Its also some weird logic. How the fuck does he come up with the idea that, assuming there is some kind of god, that said god would just give everybody what they wanted cause they wanted it and not let him fuck himself up by not taking his meds for years. Its an insane amount of entitlement on his part and doesn't even really make sense. There is nothing saying if you are a god you are obligated to do x or do things a particular way. Who says this god lucas refers to isn't some kind of sadistic fuck who either doesn't care what happens to people or is actively amused by it like people who fuck with their sims when playing the sims. For somebody who claims to know so much about the christian bible that he so frequently misquotes and takes out of context he sure seems to have missed all the vindictive and vengeful stuff god supposedly did. Lucas also seems to be unaware that historically gods weren't exactly viewed or expected to be what you'd call nice people and could do some pretty fucked up stuff. Lucas is apparently unaware of the sumerian gods, the egyptian gods or even really the roman and greek gods. What about the aztec gods lucas? You know, the ones who really loved blood sacrifices and required you to do daily human sacrifices so they wouldn't end the world? What about norse ragnarok? The celtic gods were pretty cruel as well. and then of course you had carthage and their gods having a thing for sacrificing children. Shit, even if you were largely a good person you didn't really have a very pleasant afterlife to look forward to in many of the ancient religions
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- May 15, 2020
While Lucas never admits to things that make him look bad, at least not intentionally, I could 100% see a case for the renal failure being a lie to get sympathy from his mother. Kind of a last ditch effort of "yeah I'm dying so you need to take care of me, and move me out to your house" kind of thing.
That said: obviously it also fits with his completely fucked health. What is the prognosis for stage four renal failure?
Edit: I just looked it up, there are five stages. I had assumed it was like cancer where if you hit stage four you're basically fucked, or at least in a really bad way. Stage four is there is "severe, irreversible damage to the kidneys," whereas stage five is complete failure. So he isn't necessarily dying yet...or wouldn't be if he wasn't a stupid fuck and could be bothered to take care of his health.
But while we're on the subject: what are we guessing end of life content will look like from Lucas? Tearful pleas to god for mercy? Screaming under a bridge? One day he just loses all hope and stops posting? Jumping off the bridge?
That said: obviously it also fits with his completely fucked health. What is the prognosis for stage four renal failure?
Edit: I just looked it up, there are five stages. I had assumed it was like cancer where if you hit stage four you're basically fucked, or at least in a really bad way. Stage four is there is "severe, irreversible damage to the kidneys," whereas stage five is complete failure. So he isn't necessarily dying yet...or wouldn't be if he wasn't a stupid fuck and could be bothered to take care of his health.
But while we're on the subject: what are we guessing end of life content will look like from Lucas? Tearful pleas to god for mercy? Screaming under a bridge? One day he just loses all hope and stops posting? Jumping off the bridge?
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- Dec 28, 2014
Except he's vehemently denied having any such thing even though he was on dialysis a while back.
Even fifth isn't necessarily complete failure, although at that point, it's so bad you'll die without intervention even if you have a little residual function. They often just watch and treat stage four for years. You can live quite a long time at stage four, although this generally applies to people whose health is otherwise solid.
At four/five it's not getting better, but you can slow down how much more bad it gets for a while.
I'd be surprised to see Lucas having a remotely good prognosis.
"If" it is true he is in stage 4 kidney failure -- if he takes care of himself (diet,meds) he can slow now the progression to stage 5. Slow it down but he'll eventually still hit stage 5.
ETA:
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- Feb 1, 2020
I appreciate how he makes videos that add no value over an image. Just sitting there silently, like a deranged lunatic. I guess it's a step up over holding handwritten pages of schizobabble in front of the camera.
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- Oct 27, 2018
What does he mean by "fade away"? Why should they date a fat, autistic, ragman like Lucas? Who the hell does he think he is?
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2020
It's from the 'Highlander'. "Better to burn out than fade away". Basically, he doesn't think women, that don't want to get fisted by him, to exist.
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- Dec 28, 2014
If anyone's fading out of existence before our eyes, it's this dude who will be lucky to be alive in five years.
- Joined
- May 15, 2020
We all know Lucas is completely incapable of taking care of himself, which is how he ended up in his current situation. If you give the cow a choice between behavioral changes that will keep him alive or stuffing his face with sodium-filled burritos to bury his feelings like mommy raised him to do...
Them burritos will get et.
Truth of the matter is he Is a deranged lunatic.
ETA:
We know the only woman that ever viewed him as "boyfriend material" was Suzanne. She came to regret having Creeper as her "boyfriend".
And this:
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- Feb 1, 2020
I desperately want a Gen Z female to take up his offer and either be vegetarian or choose any other option beside the infamous $100 steak. I honestly believe he'd be more miserable going on a date that didn't involve food than not going on a date at all.
WonderWino
kiwifarms.net
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- Dec 17, 2019
This is yet another example of how lucas comes off like an alien trying to study humans and just not understanding anything about them. He's talking like this is a strictly binary thing we can have dinner or we can go to the movies I mean sure he doesn't have the money to do both but the way he says it makes it sound like it doesn't occur to him that dinner and a movie is literally the most stereotypical of date ideas. Not to mention saying they can go to a movie and starve is just a bizarre thing to say. Does lucas not understand that they sell food at movie theaters? Absurdly overpriced food to be sure but its still a weird thing to say you'd starve at the movies. An even weirder thing to say that not going to dinner for a date means they'd be 'starving.' It shows how food obsessed he is. The idea of missing out on an opportunity to gorge himself at a restaurant clearly upsets him
Though lucas probably couldn't afford to pay for a movie and food at a movie theater. Can you imagine lucas's reaction if she asks for popcorn and he told her no cause he doesn't have enough of his tugboat to get it? I could see that causing a scene if she wasn't careful how she reacted to it. If he did have enough I can see him buying a giant tub of popcorn intending to 'share' it with her (yay MRSA popcorn) and eating almost all of it himself. We know how lucas likes his popcorn. I mean the gluttonous creep bragged about buying 9 pound bags of it and then left piles of it wherever he went as a 'gift' to people like a hobo feeding the birds. There is also the fact that lucas has no interest in movies or tv and probably hasn't even been in a movie theater since the fucking early 90s
The next time someone catfishes him they should suggest some other kinds of dates entirely just to see his reaction - like going to one of those indoor climbing walls or going bungee jumping. Can you imagine lucas trying to impress a hot zoomer bae by trying to drag his fat hobo ass up one of those indoor climbing walls with his weak trex arms? I would not want to be the employee holding lucas's safety line that day. I'd pay good money to see that date and snap some pics of lucas falling off the wall and his fat ass hanging in mid air by the safety rope with the employees trying to lower him down to the ground. Doubly so if she was a lacie style catfish and picked that particular moment to shake her head and say how insane he looked hanging there like that, called him a creep and left him hanging in mid air for the staff to deal with, with lucas spazzing out while she was leaving screaming at her that shes a bigot trumpanzee ageist and flailing his arms and legs, spinning himself around with pissed off staff telling him to shut the fuck up and stop moving so they can get him down properly. That would be fucking priceless to get a pic or recording of
It would be alot like that scene in goldmember where fat bastards safety line broke when he was in the middle of a fight scene and he got stuck hanging there looking pissed off
Why he's been wearing the hat:
I don't think he'd care what she orders for her meal. What would be most important is a girl finally agreed to be on a "date" with him.
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2020
Now that's a bald spot. Usually there's a bit of thin hair, but it's so... bald...and stands out. The zoomer baes are definitely into it, except they're all ageist bigots. It also really shows how ginormous of a head Lucas has.
I think he'd whine the entire time if she didn't order the most expensive item on the menu. Food is his God, and he'd probably berate her like she's a food atheist.
WonderWino
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- Dec 17, 2019
So much for all those statements lucas made about how balding was a good thing and a sign of virility. If that bald spot gets much bigger its going to make him look like a medieval monk with a tonsure. I'm sure the zoomer baes just love obese balding crazies on disability pensions with no job or money for dates and failing kidneys
That said, its interesting that his mother just stated his health problems but in a way that came off as indifferent. She didn't sound surprised or like she particularly cared at all. That isn't the kind of reaction you'd expect from a mother who found out her son has a disease thats eventually going to kill him and outs the kind of person she really is. The apple didn't fall far from the tree with those two
Speaking of baldness he's going to look like the kurgan if he keeps going the way he is. At least they have creepiness and fucking with people in churches in commonHackerX said:
He'll spaz out to be sure. Alot of angry ranting videos about how his situation is everybody elses fault. I don't think the actual reality has hit him about it and it won't really until he starts getting serious symptoms that even he can't ignore anymore that treatment does nothing for. He's not the suicidal type. Too narcissistic and entitled. He threatens suicide as a tactic to manipulate people. Not to mention petty and vindictive. If lucas wasn't a fucking incompetent who is too stupid to do much of anything i'd be concerned about his anger building at dying without getting what he wanted to the point he'd be liable to shoot up a high school or a church but that kind of thing is something he's not capable of on a practical level. He absolutely has the mentality and anger for it and fits the profile of the kind of person inclined to do such things. But I wouldn't rule out him finally losing it and legitimately trying to rape some teen out of sheer desperation and knowing he has nothing left to lose, and therefore losing his fear of punishment. That fear of consequences is the only thing that has kept him from ending up in prison as long as he has (and hasn't even really stopped it as lucas has done several things over the years that would have landed him in prison on pedo offenses if she'd reported him for it) Lucas has difficulty controlling his behavior even when he knows full well there will be consequences. Take that fear away and he really does need to be watched closelyVoidFace said:
That said, its interesting that his mother just stated his health problems but in a way that came off as indifferent. She didn't sound surprised or like she particularly cared at all. That isn't the kind of reaction you'd expect from a mother who found out her son has a disease thats eventually going to kill him and outs the kind of person she really is. The apple didn't fall far from the tree with those two
Yes food is a priority with him-- especially restaurant food, but just having a girl sitting at a table with him on a "date" that would be it for him. All that he has "offered" is for 1 purpose-- lure in a girl to date him.
I'd say she did it to get attention and sympathy for herself.
ETA:
Now it's not only a fine meal, but the other fun stuff too.. Sure but he has curfew and has to be back at Mallon Place by 11 pm. Wait- it's a given he'll be pushing to move in with her as fast as he can.
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- Joined
- Oct 22, 2020
Had to archive this one for posterity. After all, it documents the goddamn Waterloo of Gen Z (bigot) babes not going out to steak dinners with Lucas. At great risk of fading away, it will all be for naught due to legions of Gen Z babes not dating the Wern. Ageism Is Your Waterloo, ladies.
This is why he wears a hat, m’ ladies.
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2019
So I hear Lucas is dying.
Truly his will go down as one of the more valueless and forgettable lives ever lived. There are stillborn infants who lived more full and productive lives than Lucas Werner.
To summarize what a zoomer bae can look forward to in a relationship with Lucas:
1) Accompany him to a gorging session (expect to pay)
2) Get violently fisted under a bridge
3) Listen quietly while he complains to you about how his life is unfair, everyone else is stupid, and he deserves to be given loads of money for nothing. You are permitted to interject to agree and tell him he's amazing.
4) Go home
And repeat. Get on it bigots.
Truly his will go down as one of the more valueless and forgettable lives ever lived. There are stillborn infants who lived more full and productive lives than Lucas Werner.
That's probably why he's so into the dinner idea, because it's the most direct transactional option available. He's basically just expected to buy food (maybe, although he'd probably like her to pay for that too) and do the one thing he actually has any interest in (eating) and that's the date. He only has to put forth the most lazy pretense that he actually cares about another person or their interests and company.
To summarize what a zoomer bae can look forward to in a relationship with Lucas:
1) Accompany him to a gorging session (expect to pay)
2) Get violently fisted under a bridge
3) Listen quietly while he complains to you about how his life is unfair, everyone else is stupid, and he deserves to be given loads of money for nothing. You are permitted to interject to agree and tell him he's amazing.
4) Go home
And repeat. Get on it bigots.
WonderWino
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
Gee a $100 steak once a month. Big spender, very extravagant. Lucas really has no understanding of the value of money, even when he has it. Nor of quality of anything. He's one of those idiots who would have bought a shitty $5000 projection tv in the 90s and think he was king shit and got a good deal. He doesn't realize most women have their own money, hell most teenage girls make more money than he does, either working fast food (which lucas is too incompetent to do) or through getting an allowance. Think about that, there are teen girls who make more money via their allowance than lucas makes as a near 45 year old man. That $100 could pay for half a dozen steaks cooked at home and be able to have many steak meals in a month rather than waiting for lucas's tugboat to come into port. and lucas offering trips to movies, art exhibits, plays and concerts? Lucas doesn't even watch movies or tv cause it fucks with his head, has never given the slightest indication of giving a shit or knowing anything about art or plays and his idea of a concert date likely involves going to see a band from the 90s that disbanded before she was born and is doing a reunion tour. I'm surprised he doesn't advertise being able use parental connections to get hanson and spice girls tickets as date bait. Cause you know all the teen girls just love hanson and the spice girls.....in 1997
Lucas waddling around an art exhibit would be a sight to behold. People would probably think he was part of the exhibit. a living art piece channeling the homeless problem of america into visual expression, created by some eccentric reclusive famous artist. Lucas would just stare psycho eyed at the artwork and make nonsensical comments about it trying to impress the zoomer
She should demand a trip to the opera. I'd love to see lucas waddle into an opera house with his ninja turtles shirt and batman pants and get stuffed in some far corner, trying to look cultured watching the performance with opera glasses like the rich oligarchs he is so jealous and angry about. Though that might give him ideas about creeping around the park staring at teens using opera glasses
He's so utterly fixated on the particular price of a steak he thinks is high quality its really bizarre. He'd think he was king shit if he ever went to the keg. No doubt ordering the steak and lobster and some expensive appetizers and posing with it all and a glass of guinness and shitting his pants when the bill came and it took his entire pay from walmart for the month. I don't want to think about the culinary abortions he'd come up with if he ever discovers that you can buy their steak spice in 2lb containers. He'd dump half a container of it on a roast and make his kidneys cry out for the abuse of eating that much sodium and put it on all kinds of weird shit. Cheesy cukes with keg steak spice, just like a steakhouse appetizer I tell you what
That phrase is something he randomly starts saying when he tries to sound intelligent. He's used it for years and always in ways that never really make any sense. He must have read it in some history book or the history channel at the homeless shelter or something and tried to incorporate it into his limited number of phrases he memorizes and repeats to try to impress people. It just makes him sound mental and kind of like a crazy version of EB farnum from deadwood, when he told people he has a list of sayings he memorized but suppressed the authors name when asked if he was a fan of a particular author after quoting him. Come to think of it EB isn't all that far off from being like lucas. and who wouldn't want to hear some flatbill scare lucas off of creeping on his zoomer bae by telling him if he didn't fuck off he'd see to it gabriels trumpet would produce lucas from the ass of a pig after he beats lucas to death and feeds him to some farmers pig3MMA said: