💀 Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

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This is peak Werner cuisine right here.
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That's funny, I saw something just like that this morning.

When my cat threw up.

>eating healthy
>EVER using ranch

and then mixing with cheese.

Honestly the veg is fine and probably 500 or less kcals the sauce is probably 1000 and no I'm not inflating it.
 
Rogowski said:
This is peak Werner cuisine right here.View attachment 456988
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Barf. You could make something faster and not a bad for you by just sautéing the veggies with some stir fry sauce.

Bassomatic said:
Honestly the veg is fine and probably 500 or less kcals the sauce is probably 1000 and no I'm not inflating it.
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That's only like 150 kcal of veggies at the absolute max unless his Velveeta/ranch monstrosity replaced every cell in them.
 
I find it amazing how everything he cooks sort of looks like it was already eaten before and then came back up. He does this so consistently, it's quite a feat in itself.
 
Picture this scenario:

You're a lonely millennial in Spokane, and on a whim you decide to take up Lucas on his offer for dinner. Maybe he'll take you to a steakhouse or sushi restaurant - your stomach begins to rumble in anticipation. You guess wrong however; Lucas has planned a candelit meal at his apartment.

So, after much trepidation you arrive at his "apartment", only to come to the realization that it's not an apartment at all. It's a halfway house for the mentally ill. You knock on the door and wait. After a few seconds you hear heavy footsteps (and laboured breathing) thundering towards the door, and shortly after it opens. A gourd-shaped man stands in the doorway - it's Lucas. He lets you in, not before asking to confirm your age "are aged between 16-24?" he says. You confirm that you are indeed in his age range, from which he then leads you into his creeper cave humble abode. Though trash is strewn everywhere (including the kitchen) the studio apartment is still empty bar a bed, and a dining table with chairs. You gasp not in amazement, but in fact out of disappointment - it's not the classy abode of a gentleman like he made it out to be. You notice a slow-cooker sitting in the mangled kitchen; curious, you ask Lucas what he has prepared for a smart, young and intelligent lady such as yourself; the dish that Lucas thought summed up who he was. "It's high-fat beef broiled in sprite, and garnished with ranch dressing" Lucas declares without any hint of shame.


What do you do?
 
Aristophanes said:
"It's high-fat beef broiled in sprite, and garnished with ranch dressing" Lucas declares without any hint of shame.


What do you do?
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In my head I begin to pray that I make it out alive without him attempting to make me eat that regurgitated & shat on garbage in the slow cooker or forced onto his dirty spunk filled mattress on the floor. I quickly download and open one of those apps that makes fake phone calls to your phone so it looks like I am receiving a live call and then put on the show of my lifetime while I act out an urgent family emergency through my one sided conversation with myself so I can get the fuck out of there immediately. I then change my number and block him on all social media accounts as soon as I get home and consider killing myself for being stupid enough to even allow myself to be in such a situation. Once again praying bu this time that none of his magical telomerese latched onto me somehow.
 
Aristophanes said:
Picture this scenario:

You're a lonely millennial in Spokane, and on a whim you decide to take up Lucas on his offer for dinner. Maybe he'll take you to a steakhouse or sushi restaurant - your stomach begins to rumble in anticipation. You guess wrong however; Lucas has planned a candelit meal at his apartment.

So, after much trepidation you arrive at his "apartment", only to come to the realization that it's not an apartment at all. It's a halfway house for the mentally ill. You knock on the door and wait. After a few seconds you hear heavy footsteps (and laboured breathing) thundering towards the door, and shortly after it opens. A gourd-shaped man stands in the doorway - it's Lucas. He lets you in, not before asking to confirm your age "are aged between 16-24?" he says. You confirm that you are indeed in his age range, from which he then leads you into his creeper cave humble abode. Though trash is strewn everywhere (including the kitchen) the studio apartment is still empty bar a bed, and a dining table with chairs. You gasp not in amazement, but in fact out of disappointment - it's not the classy abode of a gentleman like he made it out to be. You notice a slow-cooker sitting in the mangled kitchen; curious, you ask Lucas what he has prepared for a smart, young and intelligent lady such as yourself; the dish that Lucas thought summed up who he was. "It's high-fat beef broiled in sprite, and garnished with ranch dressing" Lucas declares without any hint of shame.


What do you do?
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Retreat, then begin searching for the mad wizard that loosed a lard golem on the good people of Spokane.
 
Ok, everyone, roll initiative! Wait, what edition of the rules are we using?
 
If you're the kind of woman that would accept an offer (any offer, really) from Mr. Potatohead here, you probably don't make good life choices in general. These are all way too rational. So in that place (if I were that woman) I'd probably be some 300 lbs polyarmorous dangerhair tumblrite so I'd call my equally fat and crazy boyfriends over for an impromptu orgy where Lucas get spit-roasted inadvertently. ("inadvertently" indeed)

That being said, has ol' Lucas ever stated a "no fat chicks" policy or is this just a given seeing what an incel he is?
 
AmpleApricots said:
If you're the kind of woman that would accept an offer (any offer, really) from Mr. Potatohead here, you probably don't make good life choices in general. These are all way too rational. So in that place (if I were that woman) I'd probably be some 300 lbs polyarmorous danger hair tumblerite so I'd call my equally fat and crazy boyfriends over for an impromptu orgy where Lucas get spit-roasted inadvertently. ("inadvertently" indeed)

That being said, has ol' Lucas ever stated a "no fat chicks" policy or is this just a given seeing what an incel he is?
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Just a few pages ago, stating it's his totally not eugenics health reasons. Because sure he's riddled with health issues due to his weight but, muh telomeres baby has to be safe.

While it's true an overweight woman has more risks getting and holding pregnancy, he also says men can't get any health issues from weight. It's impressive Lucas can be right on an issue but for the wrong reasons.
 
AmpleApricots said:
I'd probably be some 300 lbs polyarmorous dangerhair tumblrite so I'd call my equally fat and crazy boyfriends over for an impromptu orgy where Lucas get spit-roasted inadvertently. ("inadvertently" indeed)
Click to expand...

That being said, Lucas wouldn't necessarily join in the orgy given how much the idea of a woman having sex with another man drives him insane. Especially if they're below the age of 35.
 
He doesn't even understand his own bullshit pseudoscience.
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More Lucas memes of fail.
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He's still upset about the barista and he's now demanding proof of her age.
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Fertility is ageist! Not me! Everyone else has the problem not me!
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