Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

Yeah, the guy who looks down at his feet, then up, then shrugs in wild, unpredictable ways in an attempt to talk to women definitely has a chance in the service industry. He'd think everyone was hitting on him and try to slip zoomers notes about his sperm with their receipts. Also, the beginning of this thread is a trip.

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There he is sharing a meme that complains about people hating people they've never met and taking pride in accomplishments they had no part in. Huh, who does that sound like?
 
A question for wernologists: for how long has he been after those young chicks? Is it something that started when he was in his 30s, or has he been unsuccessfully chasing them since reaching his puberty?
Lucas has been futilely pursuing what he once referred to as "smart, pretty interesting girls" his entire life. Since age 6 at least, according to his own mother.

He stalks the same demographic of girl now at age 40 that he once did in highschool. It's gotten weirder as he's aged, but Lucas has always wanted a young teen. This has lead, over time, to his insistence that older men make better fathers and "age gap love" or "intraageil dating" are important things.

That he lost his virginity, at age 27, to an older woman speaks to his desperation, not his desires.
 
Fatty's back on Instagram today talking about looking into becoming a budtender. Sure would be a shame if something were to happen to his disability because the wrong person saw him admitting he's fit to work. 👀
You can work on disability, just not above a certain amount of hours or making more than a certain amount of money. Lots of people on SSDI have part time jobs.
 
"Kiwi Farms and SOFALAW, it's not in the cards for you." - Lucas. Dude, huh? What's not in the cards for us? What the fuck are you going on about?

"Don’t come at me bitchin’ unless you want to lose a potential husband with patience enough not to beg. Be grateful I’m interested at all. What I am is called father material." - Lucas. Yeah, no. You're not anyone's potential husband. You seriously lack patience (we've seen plenty of evidence). No one is grateful if you're interested in them. In fact, they're horrified. You are NOT father material. You can't even properly care for yourself. There's no way in hell you can take care of a child. You're unfit all around. It's not in the cards for YOU Lucas.
 
So, the fact that he bought pot today clearly violates his probation , yes? Assuming he smokes it, which he will, of course.

Do they piss test? When did he have to be at the court house? It was Tuesday, right?
It seems that drug testing is, in fact, a part of his program. More research is necessary, before we start laughing at the world's silliest probation violation.

Eta: Looks like the Community Court can require drug treatment as part of its program. No indication that Lucas has been so referred. He's been ordered not to drink or smoke pot, however. Moreover, the Participant Handbook makes clear that Lucas will be assigned a case manager/PO who will compile regular reports that may include drug test results.

Whether it's a frequent occurrence, it seems he will likely be drug tested at some point before October. It's not clear to me what pissing hot would entail.

Also, my favorite maimed "meme" Lucas has produced in a while:
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This is what Lucas desires. What he'd like to "fuck...like an animal." Dude's existence is flawed.

Must remind him of his niece, and every teen girl ever, that shut him down and refused to acknowledge him as a sexually adequate male.

I just love that he's quoting NIN and expects Gen Z to get it.
 
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It seems that drug testing is, in fact, a part of his program. More research is necessary, before we start laughing at the world's silliest probation violation.

Also, my favorite maimed "meme" Lucas has produced in a while:
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This is what Lucas desires. What he'd like to "fuck...like an animal." Dude's existence is flawed.

Must remind him of his niece, and every teen girl ever, that shut him down and refused to acknowledge him as a sexually adequate male.

I just love that he's quoting NIN and expects Gen Z to get it.
Here's comedy: when I used to work in a record store back in the 90s, we would joke about how inevitably every dumb jock who would come into the store wanting to buy the downward spiral would refer to closer as the " f*** you like an animal" song.

"Do you have the 'Fuck you like an animal' song?" ....is how they would inevitably phrase it.

They never knew the name of the actual song, and the only lyrics they actually listened to were the chorus. For all of his deriding of dumb jocks it seems like Lucas has missed some of the shall we say subtext, no we can't even call it subtext because it's openly in the lyrics.

NIN is NOT a deep band. They don't call Trent "Goth Daddy Too Buff" for nothing.

Hey Lucas! Your reading of closer is exactly the same as all the f****** dumb jocks!

Comically enough, some "Closer" lyrics DO apply to Lucas....just not the chorus:

Help me
I broke apart my insides
Help me
I've got no soul to sell
Help me
The only thing that works for me
Help me get away from myself

You can have my isolation
You can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith
You can have my everything
Help me
Tear down my reason
Help me
It's your sex I can smell
Help me
You make me perfect
Help me become somebody else

......you get me CLOSER TO WERN
 
They're "stinking rich" now?

Lucas is starting to go full bobby hill with the money bs


Just replace the names on the diving boards with 'lucas' and 'zoomer bae'

Da Dude123 said:
Werner Jerky putting Lucas in his place!

That 'nice try' at the end there really was a nice touch. He must have been fuming when he saw that. Publicly told to fuck off and called a liar in a way he can't do anything about

Fatal Walter said:
Of course, Lucas keeps calling it a clan instead of a family. Probably because he's descended from kings. Same claim Chris Chan kept making.

The irony is he isn't entirely wrong he is just too stupid to realize it. Its pretty well established at this point that given the way intermarriages and small populations worked during the last 1200 years or so that just about everyone of european descent is a very distant relative of charlemagne to some degree or another. It literally means nothing at this point

wenttobermuda said:
This was a mistake. Lucas does not understand social cues the way others do. A’s politeness encouraged him to continue following her around, trying to woo her. Lucas saw himself as a suitable mate for A, and failed to read the situation. It seems Lucas thought she was interested in him. He thought he “had a chance” with her because he’s “plenty good” and she’d been civil to him.

Lucas is starting to remind me of a horrifying creepy version of lloyd:


'you're civil to me? so you're telling me theres a chance! fuck yeah!'

I wonder what was going through her mind when the incident with the flatbill happened. She must have been utterly horrified. It speaks volumes that she never returned afterwards. I can't blame her, I wouldn't want to be anywhere near there either in her position. I bet she had few good things to say about the shelter after they allowed someone like lucas in to behave like that. Lucas didn't just get himself and another resident thrown out, he cost them a volunteer that was doing a good service for people who needed it in the shelter. His outburst did considerable harm to that little community that already has very little to begin with

That said its interesting how lucas's MO works when it comes to incidents. He'll totally lose his shit and scream and rant at people like a psych patient and then go completely normal in the next and act like nothing happened. It must really unsettle people when that happens. Its clearly his bipolar kicking in. Funny thing is its also a common trait of those with BPD

wenttobermuda said:
In his oblivious pursuit of a disinterested woman, Lucas gave up food, a roof, and hope.

He’d already lost his dignity.

Rule of acquisition 109: dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack

telemeres69 said:
So Lucas just bragged about buying some more weed in his latest video, and showed it to the camera. Is he still allowed weed on his parole? Because that would be really stupid even for Lucas

Since he is at the point of having to literally report to a parole officer i'm thinking he is very unlikely to be allowed alcohol or drugs of any kind

mothman96 said:
I do find it odd the shelter booted flatbill Bill when it was obvious it was Lucas that went psycho (with witnesses to the incident), bringing to light that he indeed was a threat to the hairdresser.

I thought that at first but I suspect it has to do with flatbills reaction. Lucas may have been screaming like a loon but the other guy threatened actual violence in response and escalated the situation. Lucas got the boot for his behavior and flatbill got the same for threatening a resident regardless of the reason. That and there are probably liability issues if they didn't kick him out if he had done anything violent after threatening someone in front of witnesses

PrincessKidana said:
Oh look. Pukas is backtracking like a mother fucker regarding the sausage company.

LOL he explicitly both said and implied that he was related to them which is why he brought the meat stuff up in the first place in reference to the sausage

telomoron said:
Fatty's back on Instagram today talking about looking into becoming a budtender. Sure would be a shame if something were to happen to his disability because the wrong person saw him admitting he's fit to work.

On that note he doesn't realize how fucked that could leave him. Just making the attempt to get a job when you're on a medical disability has fucked alot of people out of their disability benefits, sometimes indefinitely as many of the agencies responsible for that stuff consider it an admission that you're healthy enough to be able to work. Hell people have gotten in shit with them just for saying they want to go back to work cause that can be taken as reason to start a fraud investigation if the casework is an asshole and feeling vindictive enough for it. I've seen it happen - I have a family member who was literally blown off a mountain in a blasting accident, nearly died and had utterly horrifying injuries. He had all the documentation for it, pictures, witnesses, doctors reports, etc.. got on disability, was put through their rehab program, which didn't do jack shit and told that as part of the rehab program that he had to attempt to go back to work at a place of their choosing. So he did, couldn't do it and stated such (which is the obvious point of seeing if a person can handle said work right?) and surprise surprise - they literally told him 'you went back to work for 2 weeks so you aren't disabled' even though he couldn't do it and only attempted to because it was part of the rehab program and he was forced to. He's been fighting them to get his disability pension for nearly 30 years at this point

I bring this up because that is the kind of shit lucas is asking to go through if he is stupid enough to try and go through with it. He could easily end up in a far worse position than he is now if someone decides they've had enough of his antics and uses it as an excuse to cut him off from government aid legally. Keep in mind the entire crux of getting his disability payment at all is that he is supposedly flat out incapable of working at all due to his mental health. If he contradicts that, hes risking shit coming down on him very quickly

GleamingTheQ-Bert said:
So, the fact that he bought pot today clearly violates his probation , yes? Assuming he smokes it, which he will, of course.

Do they piss test? When did he have to be at the court house? It was Tuesday, right?

I don't remember where in the thread it was but I distinctly remember reading in one of the reports that was posted here about the incident that lucas does indeed get piss tested and making a mental note of it wondering if lucas realized that himself. If he gets caught with a drug violation on a piss test he's going get all kinds of fucked

wenttobermuda said:
I just love that he's quoting NIN and expects Gen Z to get it.

.....At least he isn't using the horrifying pickup line 'would you like to go see nine inch nails or get nailed by my nine inches zoomer bae?'

That said, if he brought up NIN to a zoomer he'd get the literal 'thats old people music right?' response at best and he'd get infuriated
 
Who wants to place bets on how many days in a row he's gonna wear that hideous green shirt? We're on day two so far. My money's on four, minimum. Lucas next time you find an article of clothing in the dumpster you're arm wrastlin' possums and rats for, demonstrate some of that "generosity" you keep preaching about and let them build their nests with it instead.
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He probably thinks because he is in a legal state that he’s legally allowed to have cannabis on probation, the consequences of that will be a fun surprise for him later.

Indeed. Lucas has serious problems with understanding the legality of things in general. Consent laws, alcohol, weed, hes demonstrated it several times. and if he thinks he can talk his way out of failing a piss test he is in for a very rude awakening

It would be a shame if someone contacted his PO with screenshots of lucas admitting to violating his parole with drugs

and when he inevitably fails a piss test and gets confronted about it he'll more than likely chimpout on the PO claiming its totally legal to use weed in WA

I'll laugh my ass off if this leads to lucas getting thrown in a cell for a few weeks. He has it coming
 
I thought that at first but I suspect it has to do with flatbills reaction. Lucas may have been screaming like a loon but the other guy threatened actual violence in response and escalated the situation. Lucas got the boot for his behavior and flatbill got the same for threatening a resident regardless of the reason. That and there are probably liability issues if they didn't kick him out if he had done anything violent after threatening someone in front of witnesses
Still looks off to me. A shelter with experience dealing with the homeless has one go psycho yelling/screaming their first reaction would have been to call the cops and have him hauled off. At that point in time he posed a threat not only to the guy he directed his rage at, but to the other people too.


Looking into becoming a budtender he was told he needed to know the product and a resume. He got a 97 in humanities and a 95 in English last year. How hard is it to write a friggin resume.
He's 40, hasn't had a job in 21 yrs, what is he going to write in his resume? He's "royalty", has "super, magical, sperm"?

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ETA:
He's blaming KF and SOFALAW for the "beating" he got. Gonna call crime stoppers, the SPD, the FBI on us. It's a hate crime of agephobia. He's also going to sue Chris Hansen, KF and SOFALAW.

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I absolutely love catching up on everything! Been pretty interesting since he's come back.
Anyway, I have an idea for an app, kinda like Angry Birds but called Angry Werns. As the player you get to throw flat bill ball caps at telomeres structures that Wern builds and knock them down. There will be random words that can float on harder levels like some of his favorite terms, just pick some.
As the levels progress he gets older but his telomeres get bigger, longer and the levels get more complex. I'm not big on designing things but I think this could be fun to play. As it loads up on the screen you hear a screech of "Agephope!!!". Beat a level and you hear "Bigot!!!"
We could make bonus levels and all kinds of stuff. Like you get to knock him down when he walks in a bud shop, or while he's crossing the street. Who knows? I feel like the possibilities are endless.
 
I would myself if I was able, non-interference policy or not it would be too hilarious and he already exposed himself by posting it in the first place. But I dunno what the actual rules of parole are in Washington or if Lucas is still allowed weed. Or if he's actually just hoarding if until he can get high again, kinda like how he hoarded board games hoping one day he could play them with someone
Indeed. Lucas has serious problems with understanding the legality of things in general. Consent laws, alcohol, weed, hes demonstrated it several times. and if he thinks he can talk his way out of failing a piss test he is in for a very rude awakening

It would be a shame if someone contacted his PO with screenshots of lucas admitting to violating his parole with drugs

and when he inevitably fails a piss test and gets confronted about it he'll more than likely chimpout on the PO claiming its totally legal to use weed in WA

I'll laugh my ass off if this leads to lucas getting thrown in a cell for a few weeks. He has it coming

Unironically would be a pretty funny game to play. An animated short series based on Lucas would also be hilarious, but sadly will never happen
I absolutely love catching up on everything! Been pretty interesting since he's come back.
Anyway, I have an idea for an app, kinda like Angry Birds but called Angry Werns. As the player you get to throw flat bill ball caps at telomeres structures that Wern builds and knock them down. There will be random words that can float on harder levels like some of his favorite terms, just pick some.
As the levels progress he gets older but his telomeres get bigger, longer and the levels get more complex. I'm not big on designing things but I think this could be fun to play. As it loads up on the screen you hear a screech of "Agephope!!!". Beat a level and you hear "Bigot!!!"
We could make bonus levels and all kinds of stuff. Like you get to knock him down when he walks in a bud shop, or while he's crossing the street. Who knows? I feel like the possibilities are endless.
 
I would myself if I was able, non-interference policy or not it would be too hilarious and he already exposed himself by posting it in the first place. But I dunno what the actual rules of parole are in Washington or if Lucas is still allowed weed. Or if he's actually just hoarding if until he can get high again, kinda like how he hoarded board games hoping one day he could play them with someone


Unironically would be a pretty funny game to play. An animated short series based on Lucas would also be hilarious, but sadly will never happen
Looks to be a condition of his parole is no weed/booze.

 

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Looks to be a condition of his parole is no weed/booze.

In other words he's legitimately fucked himself by publicly admitting he bought and is in possession of weed. Even if he doesn't use it its still a violation. and lucas is too stupid to realize it outed himself. He has been told he can't touch that stuff because everyone in such a situation has it clearly explained to them what they aren't allowed to do as a part of being on probation

Lucas is playing a dangerous game with the cops and not one hes going to win if he starts losing his shit when he gets caught. and he will get caught sooner or later
 
Yes, because Chris Hansen has time to pay attention to Lucas right now as the commentary community on youtube is tearing him a new one. Not that they shouldn't be. That guy has gone off the deep end. I saw someone on youtube point out that Lucas is wearing his shirt inside out so perhaps it's been quite a bit longer than two days. It's more likely than him just not noticing but it is Lucas we're talking about.

Also, yeah, this violation mostly reminds me of him trying to get nudes out of that 16 year old (no idea if she was 16, he's usually getting catfished, but it's still illegal to ask) and only stopping after she had to tell him it wasn't legal because of the age of consent. He did stop after that, to his credit. Not worth a whole lot of credit, though. He just doesn't want to get in trouble.
 
Yes, because Chris Hansen has time to pay attention to Lucas right now as the commentary community on youtube is tearing him a new one. Not that they shouldn't be. That guy has gone off the deep end. I saw someone on youtube point out that Lucas is wearing his shirt inside out so perhaps it's been quite a bit longer than two days. It's more likely than him just not noticing but it is Lucas we're talking about.

Also, yeah, this violation mostly reminds me of him trying to get nudes out of that 16 year old (no idea if she was 16, he's usually getting catfished, but it's still illegal to ask) and only stopping after she had to tell him it wasn't legal because of the age of consent. He did stop after that, to his credit. Not worth a whole lot of credit, though. He just doesn't want to get in trouble.
He stopped to a pt. He still wanted to sext with her which could still be illegal.
 
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