Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

"I felt under appreciated being the stay at home cook and clean boyfriend" HUH????? We know Lucas wasn't actually doing much cooking and cleaning, but let's say he was. Let's say he kept the house relatively spotless and made Suzanne dinner every night. How is that not a fair arrangement when she's working and paying all of the bills??? What the fuck kind of "appreciation" is he talking about?? I am so baffled by the Suzanne thing. Why the fuck a grown ass, relatively stable woman (I mean obviously kind of unstable for being with him but stable enough to own a home and take care of herself) literally essentially adopted a 400 pound, insufferable manchild is beyond me.

Obviously she wanted those telomeres.

Seriously though, didn't they meet in some sort of psych facility? If I remember correctly, Lucas claims they met on an atheist website, but I don't believe that. Because I don't think anyone who saw this sort of stuff Lucas writes online would decide to meet up with him in person.

 

[Pump Meat]

I have never seen a freak out in a waffle house, and in Fayetteville, Friday and Saturday nights both waffle houses on yadkin had cops directing traffic.

Gotta party on Murchison Road to get the full seedy experience.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

Nobody is mocking "age gap love", they're mocking Lucas.

...and they don't want to hear Lucas talk about wanting to fuck a 16 year old.

Not surprising he can't tell the difference.

Also he missed the point of the Police song which was less about her being half his age and more him being her high school teacher, which, regardless of her age, is inappropriate because of the power imbalance.
There's also the strong implication that it's not just because she's a student but also because she's underage as well.

Shocker that he missed that and thinks the song is somehow about how bigoted people are against "age gap love".

I mean yeah, considering Lucas's age range for "age gap love" is only the legal age limit because he doesn't want to get in legal trouble, YEAH, there is a lot to mock about 40y/o's who want to fuck teenage girls.

View attachment 2562414

My point exactly.

Lucas's "age gap love" is entirely focused on older men, men his age, having sex with teenage girls. His view of "age gap love" wouldn't extend to an 18 year old dude who wants to date a 40 year old woman because of "muh telomeres & fecund ova!" or whatever.

Lucas wants to have sex with teenage girls, that's not age gap love, that's being a pedophile.
People are right to mock a pedophile.

We only have Lucas's word that the glass was thrown at a wall.

For obvious reasons, not least of which are his desire to conceal aspects of his past which make him look horrible, Lucas concocted this story which, he feels, casts his bad actions in the best possible light, while still explaining the end of the relationship.

I dont believe it.

Lucas says that he broke Suzanne's rule, by being violent. Why would she have had to make such a rule, unless he had been violent before?

Also, I find it unlikely that one would end up with a domestic violence conviction for throwing an object at a wall, and not injuring anyone.

I think Lucas got into a physical altercation with Suzanne at the restaurant, and the fact that it happened at a restaurant, and was in relation to a man with a younger woman, is the only bit of truth that Lucas has revealed. Come on, he blames the whole incident on drinking too many sugary soft drinks. That's obvious bullshit right there. Why should we believe any of the rest of it?

I think he hit her. I think he probably did it more than once. The first time it happened, she gave him an ultimatum, and Lucas didn't take it seriously, so he did it again. When Daniel tried to get Lucas to clean his mess, or leave their apartment, Lucas got physically violent with HIM, as well. By Lucas's own admission, when Suzanne handed him a restraining order, telling him to get out of the house, he tore it up, and went outside to smoke. Lucas is impulsive, it's one of his defining characteristics. He's also always had violent fantasies. Whether or not he acts on those fantasies is open to debate, but in one of the oldest videos, when he had just separated from Suzanne, he tells people how to cook down rolling tobacco into a slurry to poison someone. The fact that he has thoughts like this, and makes a video like this, combined with the anger that we've seen from Lucas, makes me unwilling to believe that he would throw a glass at a wall, rather than a person.

I've never believed the glass against the wall in the restaurant story.

Or he threw the glass at Suzanne and missed.

Lucas, with his worldly comprehension perpetually stuck at 8-years old wouldn't understand why he got in so much trouble when all he did was hit the wall, oblivious to the fact he got in trouble because of what he intended to do.

I hope it eats at him every day because a chance like that is definitely never coming again.

It doesn't.
Maybe the "woman who works and does everything for me" eats at him, but I doubt he cares (or cared) about Suzanne as a person.
The Wern does not want love and care.
The Wern does not want interpersonal connections.
The Wern wants food and teenage puss-puss.

 

[IceQueen]

Lmao now in his newest video he’s back to saying it’s so horrible to use “gay” to mean stupid and that people shouldn’t say “the n word”. I mean, I agree with those things, but he was literally making videos screaming at people calling them the n word and the f slur like 24 hours ago.

 

[Twrx]

Gotta party on Murchison Road to get the full seedy experience.

Went past the murch once, had a friend who lived there, instead of housing like me. The strip club with the attached day care was, different. I'd rather have gone to Mickey's than that strip joint.

 

[Gaear Grimsrud]

This has the least white washed version of what happened with Suzanne. I've always loved the "I bundled up sticks" as a reason he should stay and that bundling up sticks is difficult labor.

While You Were Busy Getting Everything I Deserve

By doing less, mind you, agephobes, grey beards and the young women who worship at the twin altars of youth entitlement bigotry and money.Conversation Our Ag...

youtu.be

This is still my favorite Lucas video.

 

[Coach McGuirk]

Lucas is so far behind on social change, that he still thinks religious people vs. gay people is the biggest issue in the world. He really is perpetually in 2009, his woke takes are decades old, and it will never not be funny.

 

[wenttobermuda]

No one does 50 days in jail for throwing a glass at a wall.

Also, great evidence of what a monster of a boyfriend Lucas would be that he thinks neglect and verbal abuse as being part of a normal relationship.

Lucas did his 50 for violating a restraining order. He's spoken extensively about the event, and it is arguably more interesting than the soda scene. The following is a cliffnotes version of how Lucas went from housepet to homeless:

Spoiler: breaking up is hard to do

Following the restaurant sperg out, Suzanne dumped Lucas sometime around the summer of 2012. She asked Lucas to leave her home. Lucas refused. He had no place to go. The following is an opinion, not a known fact: Lucas did not take their breakup seriously. He believed that their relationship was salvageable at this point.

Back to known facts. After two weeks of presumably tense cohabitating, Suzanne served Lucas with a no-contact order and explained that he had to be gone by the next morning. When morning came, Lucas was still there. This was a violation of the order. Suzanne called the police, and they dragged him away for 10 days in jail. This an awfully long time to spend in jail for violating a no-contact order, which has lead to speculation that the police and courts were already familiar with Lucas.

After jail, Lucas had nowhere to go. He ended up in a motel a block away from Suzanne's job. He later claimed that this was totally accidental, or the only motel he could stay at. It is known that he reached out to his family during this period, and was not satisfied with their replies. The idea of Lucas calling his mom to complain about being dumped by his surrogate mother figure is better than black comedy.

Lucas violated the no-contact order, again, and went to jail, again. Exactly what he did is unclear. Whatever it was, Suzanne reported it to the police, who hunted Lucas down and dragged him away for another 40 days in jail.

Lucas is so far behind on social change, that he still thinks religious people vs. gay people is the biggest issue in the world. He really is perpetually in 2009, his woke takes are decades old, and it will never not be funny.

2009? Lucas just got the hang of 1997.

 

[Twrx]

Lucas did his 50 for violating a restraining order. He's spoken extensively about the event, and it is arguably more interesting than the soda scene. The following is a cliffnotes version of how Lucas went from housepet to homeless:

Spoiler: breaking up is hard to do

Following the restaurant sperg out, Suzanne dumped Lucas sometime around the summer of 2012. She asked Lucas to leave her home. Lucas refused. He had no place to go. The following is an opinion, not a known fact: Lucas did not take their breakup seriously. He believed that their relationship was salvageable at this point.

Back to known facts. After two weeks of presumably tense cohabitating, Suzanne served Lucas with a no-contact order and explained that he had to be gone by the next morning. When morning came, Lucas was still there. This was a violation of the order. Suzanne called the police, and they dragged him away for 10 days in jail. This an awfully long time to spend in jail for violating a no-contact order, which has lead to speculation that the police and courts were already familiar with Lucas.

After jail, Lucas had nowhere to go. He ended up in a motel a block away from Suzanne's job. He later claimed that this was totally accidental, or the only motel he could stay at. It is known that he reached out to his family during this period, and was not satisfied with their replies. The idea of Lucas calling his mom to complain about being dumped by his surrogate mother figure is better than black comedy.

Lucas violated the no-contact order, again, and went to jail, again. Exactly what he did is unclear. Whatever it was, Suzanne reported it to the police, who hunted Lucas down and dragged him away for another 40 days in jail.

2009? Lucas just got the hang of 1997.

He admitted that he went to her workplace to tell her to fuck off.

 

[Coach McGuirk]

Lucas did his 50 for violating a restraining order. He's spoken extensively about the event, and it is arguably more interesting than the soda scene. The following is a cliffnotes version of how Lucas went from housepet to homeless:

Spoiler: breaking up is hard to do

Following the restaurant sperg out, Suzanne dumped Lucas sometime around the summer of 2012. She asked Lucas to leave her home. Lucas refused. He had no place to go. The following is an opinion, not a known fact: Lucas did not take their breakup seriously. He believed that their relationship was salvageable at this point.

Back to known facts. After two weeks of presumably tense cohabitating, Suzanne served Lucas with a no-contact order and explained that he had to be gone by the next morning. When morning came, Lucas was still there. This was a violation of the order. Suzanne called the police, and they dragged him away for 10 days in jail. This an awfully long time to spend in jail for violating a no-contact order, which has lead to speculation that the police and courts were already familiar with Lucas.

After jail, Lucas had nowhere to go. He ended up in a motel a block away from Suzanne's job. He later claimed that this was totally accidental, or the only motel he could stay at. It is known that he reached out to his family during this period, and was not satisfied with their replies. The idea of Lucas calling his mom to complain about being dumped by his surrogate mother figure is better than black comedy.

Lucas violated the no-contact order, again, and went to jail, again. Exactly what he did is unclear. Whatever it was, Suzanne reported it to the police, who hunted Lucas down and dragged him away for another 40 days in jail.

2009? Lucas just got the hang of 1997.

Lucas has never gotten the hang of anything, much like a monkey he just repeats the action he feels are most appropriate. He only has like 4 real states, he's litteraly like a really shitty sim.

 

[wenttobermuda]

He admitted that he went to her workplace to tell her to fuck off.

If I were to reconstruct the event, it would be: Lucas storms into Suzanne's job. Begging her to take him back.

One theory popular among the Wernologists of yore was that Lucas didn't throw the glass because he was angry about seeing a young bae with an older dude; he is alleged to have thrown the glass in a fit because Suzanne was trying to break up with him. Suzanne chose a public place to break the news, the theory goes, because their relationship was already tense and volatile by that point.

Here's what Lucas had to say about the event right around the time it happened, before his final violation of the no-contact order.

Lucas wanted back with her. Perhaps homelessness was his chief consideration at this point?

After jail, this is how Lucas remembers what went down:

 

[mothman96]

Let's everybody stop using private automobiles and start taking the bus everywhere.

That won't cause any problems.

As always Lucas the hypocrite. Here he is talking about the 30 yr old platonic woman friend he had at one time. Vehicles are bad unless he is in the vehicle getting driven to places. He ended up telling her he would "break his rule" and was willing to fuck her. She ran for the hills. Also didn't he recently say he'd get into a car to go to look for/meet a Gen Z bae.

If I were to reconstruct the event, it would be: Lucas storms into Suzanne's job. Begging her to take him back.

Here's what Lucas had to say about the event right around the time it happened, before his final violation of the no-contact order.
View attachment 2564107
Lucas wanted back with her. Perhaps homelessness was his chief consideration at this point?

He wanted Suzanne back because she gave him security. Provided a roof over his head, food, etc. Without her he would have to fend for himself.

 

[Wernology]

Well, whenever it finishes processing...

 

[WonderWino]

We only have Lucas's word that the glass was thrown at a wall.

For obvious reasons, not least of which are his desire to conceal aspects of his past which make him look horrible, Lucas concocted this story which, he feels, casts his bad actions in the best possible light, while still explaining the end of the relationship.

I dont believe it.

Lucas says that he broke Suzanne's rule, by being violent. Why would she have had to make such a rule, unless he had been violent before?

Also, I find it unlikely that one would end up with a domestic violence conviction for throwing an object at a wall, and not injuring anyone.

I think Lucas got into a physical altercation with Suzanne at the restaurant, and the fact that it happened at a restaurant, and was in relation to a man with a younger woman, is the only bit of truth that Lucas has revealed. Come on, he blames the whole incident on drinking too many sugary soft drinks. That's obvious bullshit right there. Why should we believe any of the rest of it?

I think he hit her. I think he probably did it more than once. The first time it happened, she gave him an ultimatum, and Lucas didn't take it seriously, so he did it again. When Daniel tried to get Lucas to clean his mess, or leave their apartment, Lucas got physically violent with HIM, as well. By Lucas's own admission, when Suzanne handed him a restraining order, telling him to get out of the house, he tore it up, and went outside to smoke. Lucas is impulsive, it's one of his defining characteristics. He's also always had violent fantasies. Whether or not he acts on those fantasies is open to debate, but in one of the oldest videos, when he had just separated from Suzanne, he tells people how to cook down rolling tobacco into a slurry to poison someone. The fact that he has thoughts like this, and makes a video like this, combined with the anger that we've seen from Lucas, makes me unwilling to believe that he would throw a glass at a wall, rather than a person.

I've never believed the glass against the wall in the restaurant story.

On that note its worth remembering he did get physically violent with dan campbell over a pizza. So there is a history of violence there. If he can do that with him he can certainly get violent with her

2009? Lucas just got the hang of 1997.

I don't know about that. 1997 seems a little far ahead for lucas's mentality. Between his obsessions with gen x related stuff and cobain he seems to be more perpetually trapped somewhere between 1993 and 1994. I half expect him to be listening to ace of base while drinking an ok soda and gulping down handfuls of red dog beer nuts, while wearing a plaid shirt and bragging about his pog collection (olsen twin themed pogs of course). All while going full 90s atheist and getting into slapfights over doom with religious soccer moms.

Besides, if he was stuck in 1997 he'd be obsessing over getting a tamagotchi zoomer bae, only to end up forgetting to feed her and have her die in some forgotten corner of his incredibles backpack before being traded for a burrito.....all the while leering at 12 year old girls at the mall dressed up like the spice girls

 

[Twrx]

Going through my photos and came across this screen grab.

 

[Apteryx Owenii]

He admitted that he went to her workplace to tell her to fuck off.

She said that he went there begging her to take him back and call off the no-contact order... until she pushed his fat ass away at which time he told her she was going to hell

 

[Twrx]

She said that he went there begging her to take him back and call off the no-contact order... until she pushed his fat ass away at which time he told her she was going to hell

That's probably my favorite wernism. Tells people they're going to hell if they don't do what he demands. Always follows it with he's not going to hell because he's an atheist, but people he assumes are Christians, they're going to hell. I can't understand his reasoning, if there is a God, heaven and hell, being an atheist isn't going to save him. Lucas is the same as the /atheist atheists. I'm surprised he hasn't said something like this, especially since he once said if there is a God, he'll punch him in the face.

 

[Cow-Lovin' Fool]

That's probably my favorite wernism. Tells people they're going to hell if they don't do what he demands. Always follows it with he's not going to hell because he's an atheist, but people he assumes are Christians, they're going to hell. I can't understand his reasoning, if there is a God, heaven and hell, being an atheist isn't going to save him. Lucas is the same as the /atheist atheists. I'm surprised he hasn't said something like this, especially since he once said if there is a God, he'll punch him in the face.

The weird part is that Myrnie Sanders didn't raise him evangelical or Catholic so it's not likely issues with rebelling against Mommy. After all he's still "loved beyond measure".

Best I can figure is it's more of that obsession with trying to escape his utterly ruined adult life by retreating into being a 90s teen again.

 

[Svetlana Helsinki]

Didn’t she have to hide her cats or something like that? If not, I apologize, it’s been a been a crazy crazy long ass day here. But, I’m like 99% sure she had to hide them when he came back which is the biggest red flag of something nefarious to me.

 

[AngryTreeRat]

I am genuinely shook. I was so certain that Spencer’s supply of fake dogshit, bikini lady t-shirts, and joke books could not have kept it in business, I didn’t even Google.

but, yeah, I love how that is his point of reference for “cool.”

They mostly make money selling sex toys, TV, video game, anime, and band merch, and... Well, they still do good with the joke shit like before. Spencer's is weird. Go into one sometime. Wear a mask though, not cause Covid just your reputation.

Didn’t she have to hide her cats or something like that? If not, I apologize, it’s been a been a crazy crazy long ass day here. But, I’m like 99% sure she had to hide them when he came back which is the biggest red flag of something nefarious to me.

I would love a magic wand that made the victims of cows have the sudden urge to tell us all the details. Since I'd love to know more about that.