Good afternoon Mr Werner, thanks for coming in for this interview.
I’ve read through your resume and I’ve got to say I’m impressed, you have no relevant experience, no work experience at all in the last 22 years, you’ve never used any Microsoft software and I can see here you’ve never heard of any of the in-house systems we use.
Now you’re in front of me I can see you resemble a large melted candle. Is the photo used on your resume an old one??
I’m also drawn to the odor that followed you in here, like wet garbage that’s been left to dry in the sun, I’m not sure you’d be suitable for any public facing role.
We do have an employee canteen, I see here you cook, what’s your favourite thing to make, now choose carefully here as we’re running out of places to put you…..
Sorry…. Did you say microwave cheesy cucumber nachos?? Well that’s quite the combination.
I think I’ve got the perfect job for you, head down to the basement, follow the trash can smell and please get started breaking down all the cardboard to go in the bailer, now we don’t want you pressing any buttons or using any heavy machinery, your wide eyed 3000 yard stare and shaky hands lead me to believe that could be a disaster and we don’t want your talents wasted while you sit home on workers comp after having both hands amputated.
In all seriousness what is he going to do, he lacks the skills to handle even the most basic of admin tasks, I wouldn’t trust him to file stuff in the correct order.
You can’t let him face the public or have any contact with any women under the age of thirty for fear of a law suit.
I don’t believe he could handle any manual tasks, you couldn’t let him loose on any maintenance tasks or a building site as he’d put others in danger.
I’m set on either sorting recycling or emptying bins.
He’s proven he can’t clean and who the fuck is going to let him loose with any of the harmful chemicals used in some of the tasks they’ll undertake and his lack of hygiene excludes any food prep jobs.
