Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks


I apologize in advance, I've had a few drinks.

Oompa Loompa Doompadee Doo
I've got a big fat X'er for you
Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dee
He only wants Gen Z poonan-ee.

What do you get when you scream at your phone?
Ranting and raving about being alone?
Why do you think will find you a mate?
Acting like you can be only irate!

Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dah
Here's a friendly tip for you brah:
People think you're funny, it's true
But make no mistake they're laughing at you.

Oompa Loompa Doompadee Doo
Your good pal Goldaor is trolling you too.
High follow counts you have, that is true
But don't kid yourself, it's like a trip to the zoo.

Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dee
If you are smart, you'll heed the kiwis.
Demanding a ten when you're only a two,
That's a delusional thought for you.

Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dak
The Wern is a genetic cul-du-sac.
What does he think he'll get from his "kween"
The second she sees his shrinky dink peen?

Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dom
If your brain worked you'd listen to Mom.
What do you think that she's there to mince words?
Even she knows it's not in the cards.

Oopma Loompa Doompadee Dish
All those Gen Z are just catfish.
How did you think Fetlife would react
When your teen fucking desire wasn't an act?
What makes you think you'll bang a hottie in days?
Must be that barely there telomerase.


Edit:

I wonder how it makes both sets of parents feel that Lucas is salivating waiting for them to kick the bucket thinking he's going to end up rich.

My guess is they cut him out of all the wills years ago and just haven't told him, so they're probably anticipating being able to laugh at him either on their deathbeads or from the great beyond when he realizes he got nothing.
 
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I apologize in advance, I've had a few drinks.

Oompa Loompa Doompadee Doo
I've got a big fat X'er for you
Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dee
He only wants Gen Z poonan-ee.

What do you get when you scream at your phone?
Ranting and raving about being alone?
Why do you think will find you a mate?
Acting like you can be only irate!

Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dah
Here's a friendly tip for you brah:
People think you're funny, it's true
But make no mistake they're laughing at you.

Oompa Loompa Doompadee Doo
Your good pal Goldaor is trolling you too.
High follow counts you have, that is true
But don't kid yourself, it's like a trip to the zoo.

Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dee
If you are smart, you'll heed the kiwis.
Demanding a ten when you're only a two,
That's a delusional thought for you.

Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dak
The Wern is a genetic cul-du-sac.
What does he think he'll get from his "kween"
The second she sees his shrinky dink peen?

Oompa Loompa Doompadee Dom
If your brain worked you'd listen to Mom.
What do you think that she's there to mince words?
Even she knows it's not in the cards.

Oopma Loompa Doompadee Dish
All those Gen Z are just catfish.
How did you think Fetlife would react
When your teen fucking desire wasn't an act?
What makes you think you'll bang a hottie in days?
Must be that barely there telomerase.
This made me so happy. Holy shit. The giggles scared my cat. You are a gem. ❤
 
Beautiful poetry from Lucas Warner

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He probably almost blew through all of it.
I would assume so. The cheapest motel rooms I know of are at least $50, and probably like $75 in Spokane. Lucas has said he gets about $600/month since being homeless, and my history would say that's probably correct. If so, he's had to have blown just about all of it in a few days. Even if Lucas also got Trumpbux, he'll burn through that in a week. He's so stupid. I hope his payee cuts him off until he finally finds another apartment.
 
I would assume so. The cheapest motel rooms I know of are at least $50, and probably like $75 in Spokane. Lucas has said he gets about $600/month since being homeless, and my history would say that's probably correct. If so, he's had to have blown just about all of it in a few days. Even if Lucas also got Trumpbux, he'll burn through that in a week. He's so stupid. I hope his payee cuts him off until he finally finds another apartment.
Agreed. Don't forget, whenever he eats in a restaurant, he always makes a point of ordering the "most expensive fill-in-the-blank" on the menu. I mean stupid bad idea expensive shit like foie gras mayonnaise for fries.

It's hysterical how authentically bourgeois he really is, not in the class-warfare way he employs the phrase but in the sense that his tastes are uniformly middle class, involve conspicuous consumption and bragadoccio, and are ultimately wholly a waste.

One of the benefits of the wisdom which comes with age is knowing what to splurge on, what purchases do you really get what you pay for, vs. when to save a buck. Lucas will NEVER understand this.

For all his voluble railing against capitalism, whenever he has something that is expensive in his eyes, or somehow associated with his middle-class conception of wealth, like a small bottle of discount spoiled caviar, he's all too giddy to show it off to the camera.

It's hysterical that one of his favorite buzzwords, bourgeois, describes him to a T.

So yeah I'm thinking the money is gone.
 
Honestly this would be an ideal development for my favorite cow. Imagine him infiltrating troonspace and demanding they accept him as a true uwu woman. It would be pure hilarity.
I literally, unironically spew my coffee onto the keyboard at the mere thought of that, and now my left shift key also doubles as ctrl. This would be a cow singularity never before thought to be possiblE, only to become realisatic in Current Year(tm). Werner, if you're reading this, please do it. DO IT! DOOOOO EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
I would assume so. The cheapest motel rooms I know of are at least $50, and probably like $75 in Spokane. Lucas has said he gets about $600/month since being homeless, and my history would say that's probably correct. If so, he's had to have blown just about all of it in a few days. Even if Lucas also got Trumpbux, he'll burn through that in a week. He's so stupid. I hope his payee cuts him off until he finally finds another apartment.
Did he say that in a video? a post? That guy Goldaor asked him about the $700 he gets, Lucas answered the bipolar. Left me wondering if he's still getting the same amt as when he was at Pioneer Pathway. Unless I'm reading the SSI schedule wrong, he should be getting his SSI the 1st of each month. Prior he said he had $1000 in savings. In a recent video he said he was adding $400 more to savings bringing it to $1400. Now if that $400 is not from the stimulus money, it's from his SSI which would not leave him much to blow. If it is from the stimulus it left him with $800 to spend. That still leaves the SSI money $600? --$700+? for June which is unaccounted for (unless it's part of his current spending money).

 
I remember he said $600/month in a video, there's too much shit he posts for me to find it.

Everyone I know on SSI gets theirs around the 1st of the month, sometimes we get it a day or two earlier. Lucas gets his through a payee, so who knows when/how he gets his money.
If Lucas said he's now getting 600, it's likely the payee reported to SSI he was out of Pioneer pathway. Lucas (the gov't does everything for me) is incompetent to do it himself. Did you say Lucas can only have up to a certain amt in savings, and if he goes over it can affect his SSI?

ETA: Since his SSI is disbursed via a payee, thinking the stimulus would go through the payee too. Thought the payee would hold back the majority for an apt. Kinda surprised he was handed the amount of money he's blowing.
 
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If Lucas said he's now getting 600, it's likely the payee reported to SSI he was out of Pioneer pathway. Lucas (the gov't does everything for me) is incompetent to do it himself. Did you say Lucas can only have up to a certain amt in savings, and if he goes over it can affect his SSI?

ETA: Since his SSI is disbursed via a payee, thinking the stimulus would go through the payee too. Thought the payee would hold back the majority for an apt. Kinda surprised he was handed the amount of money he's blowing.
It seems that if he didn't have an account suitable for stimulus direct deposit he would be able to get a check directly, bypassing his payee.

Which is silly, really, because he has been found incapable of managing his own affairs. He is a 40 year old man who cannot manage his free tard bucks, and is ready to be a father right now right now right now.

I can't imagine him filing a tax return without a payee doing all the work and ordering him to sign it
 
The Spokane motel 6 is $53.99 a night
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ETA technically he’s doing what he’s supposed to be doing with his stimulus check- spending that shit all in one place. I said earlier in the thread that people like him are the best people to give these stimulus checks to, this is why. He hasn’t progressed beyond “want shiny things”.
 
It seems that if he didn't have an account suitable for stimulus direct deposit he would be able to get a check directly, bypassing his payee.

Which is silly, really, because he has been found incapable of managing his own affairs. He is a 40 year old man who cannot manage his free tard bucks, and is ready to be a father right now right now right now.

I can't imagine him filing a tax return without a payee doing all the work and ordering him to sign it
He couldn't even fill out the college application. A college advisor did it for him.
 
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