Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[WonderWino]

Well, Goldaor commented. Lucas made up Goldaor telling him his girlfriend really like him. The pedo freak wants Goldaor's girlfriend, and his schizo mind is telling him she really likes him.

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Damn, that came true even faster than I expected. I wonder what goldaor is thinking now that crazy shit like that is starting to get pointed in his direction

That said, lucas keeps going on about how if nobody will outright give him a woman they should at least give him the phone number of one that they know. I still don't see how the thinks that would end well. Hell that would be even worse for him. Imagine being some zoomer girl who's number was given to lucas by some dumbass friend of yours and you get a random out of the blue text or call from him. He seems to literally think he'll just say 'hello my name is lucas how are you doing' and then it'll spark some instant conversation and things will go great from there. In reality she'd lose her shit and freak out that some random creepy sounding guy somehow has her number and called her to hit on her. Thats the kind of thing that leads to the police getting involved if lucas isn't careful. It wouldn't end well for lucas and it definitely wouldn't end well for whatever idiot was stupid enough to give his zoomer friends number to the official pedo creeper of spokane

I mean holy shit, can you imagine the reaction of said zoomer bae when she looks up his name and sees who and what lucas is, knowing someone gave him her number? Like I said, its asking for police involvement. The fact that lucas seems to be completely unaware of this likely outcome is very telling as to how stupid he is. Its a fucked up thing to do even by creeper standards

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

On @klickitat 's latest vid, Goldaor expresses a desire to collab with KF's own @wenttobermuda !!

 

[teleméres69]

He's made multiple videos that he eats several portions of fast food at least twice a day from at least 2 different restaurants

The video Lucas posted of him at Panda Express and going on and on about all the restaurants he visits with our tax dollars. He states in the video he eats one meal a day. I call bullshit on that. He probably eats 4-7 meals a day, big ones at that.

Briefly, he lost it likely due to being drunk and behind the wheel. And he never got it back, probably due to laziness and now he's too poor, mentally ill, and stupid to get one again

Quick question, has Lucas ever had a driver's license?

 

[Pump Meat]

Quick question, has Lucas ever had a driver's license?

 

[Wernology]

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On @klickitat 's latest vid, Goldaor expresses a desire to collab with KF's own @wenttobermuda !!

@wenttobermuda should definitely consider it, especially if it's a tag team on Lucas.

 

[WonderWino]

@wenttobermuda should definitely consider it, especially if it's a tag team on Lucas.

It would be funny if that was the surprise he was talking about for the next interview session. 'I have a surprise for you lucas: someone from KF is here to comment on the truthfulness of everything you've said'

Lucas would lose shit shit on the spot and probably blow a gasket. Perhaps even going full cartman in the process. Suddenly galdaor would be the enemy and just another zoomer in the way of his lovequest. He would be absolutely pissed and wouldn't stop talking about it for years

Cyril 2.0 perhaps

 

[mothman96]

Quick question, has Lucas ever had a driver's license?

I think it was in one of the Goldaors interviews where Lucas said when he was 19? he lost his license because he showed up drunk at his parent's house and he was locked out. I'd say he made the license up to make himself look like he is competent to drive.

 

[wenttobermuda]

@wenttobermuda should definitely consider it, especially if it's a tag team on Lucas.

I'm always glad to share my enthusiasm for Wernology.

 

[Club Sandwich]

hello my name is lucas how are you doing

i've seen a variation on this a couple times, but tried searching a bit to determine the origin - is that the entirety of his "game", his pick up line? to soft shoe mumble an introduction and stare gormlessly at the ground like a bashful 5 year old and wait for praise or something?

 

[Rescuetoast]

i've seen a variation on this a couple times, but tried searching a bit to determine the origin - is that the entirety of his "game", his pick up line? to soft shoe mumble an introduction and stare gormlessly at the ground like a bashful 5 year old and wait for praise or something?

Yes, that’s pretty much his whole big plan.

 

[Sevan Vosgi]

Can someone archive his most recent Instagram "memes"? I feel like I'm having a stroke from reading his fake-slang gibberish

 

[AbraCadaver]

i've seen a variation on this a couple times, but tried searching a bit to determine the origin - is that the entirety of his "game", his pick up line? to soft shoe mumble an introduction and stare gormlessly at the ground like a bashful 5 year old and wait for praise or something?

He has stated that’s exactly how he approached girls in school...he would tell them his name and then, by his own admission, instantly run out of things to say. So he would stare at the girl, his shoes, the sky, the girl again, do a smile (aka fear grimace), and then “shrug his shoulders in a funny way to try and make her laugh.” No wonder he came off dead mental.

He really expects the woman to be a mind reader and carry on the entire convo for him. Likely because that’s how all adults treated his tardarse. Walk up to an adult in school and stare at the ground and wait for them to quiz you on what you want. “What is it, Lucas? Are you tired? Do you have to go to the toilet? Do you want to go colour now? Did someone call you a bad name?”

He approaches talking to a woman the way he approaches all of life: everyone else should do everything for him and he just stands there flabbily and receives things.

 

[wenttobermuda]

Yes, that’s pretty much his whole big plan.

This has been Lucas's "game," or method for seducing teen poonaner, since HS (which he never graduated from). This is how he'll steal Goldoar's bae, from his 2010 Reflections:

Spoiler: Nothing ever changes

I became terrified of ever talking to pretty girls who seemed even remotely interesting unless they talked to me first. Every time I would approach them I had no idea what to say. I would just smile and then stare at my feet....

...So time would wear on and if I ever did initiate conversations with girls, typically I would begin by saying her name in the form of a question very boldly and confidently and just nodding. Then and I would smile and look at my feet. Up at the sky. Back at her back to my feet. I didn't know what else to do. They usually just stared at me awhile. I pretended not to notice. I made goofy shoulder gestures, thinking they might laugh. I fidgeted until they said something. "Are you okay?" "Yeah. I'm fine." "Are you sure you're fine? You don't seem fine. What's your name?" "Lucas. I'm Lucas. I uh..." "Okay." "I just..." "Yeah?" "Um. Well, I gotta go." Sometimes they would ask something else like "Gay?" And at first I'd say, "No. My name's Lucas. Who's Gay?"

After 2 and a half decades of practice, Lucas has mastered this routine.

 

[teleméres69]

"How do you do fellow zoomers? I too speak your lingo"
I'd love to see someone genuinely argue Lucas is not autistic with these kinds of word salad

Can someone archive his most recent Instagram "memes"? I feel like I'm having a stroke from reading his fake-slang gibberish

 

[Stilgar of Troon]

"How do you do fellow zoomers? I too speak your lingo"
I'd love to see someone genuinely argue Lucas is not autistic with these kinds of word salad

Jesus tittyfucking Christ, what the actual fuck is he burbling about? I'd consider myself a reasonably adept linguist but that little collection of "memes" is bot-tier nonsense even by Lucas' wildly-impaired standards. I feel like I got physically dumber reading that.

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

"How do you do fellow zoomers? I too speak your lingo"
I'd love to see someone genuinely argue Lucas is not autistic with these kinds of word salad

I don’t know about anyone else but the pictures of shirtless, pale skinned Lucas with his man boobs and MRSA scars making the come hither stare is about the creepiest, skeeviest image I’ve ever set my sight upon. I need to clorox my eyeballs to rid myself of that image.

 

[WonderWino]

I don’t know about anyone else but the pictures of shirtless, pale skinned Lucas with his man boobs and MRSA scars making the come hither stare is about the creepiest, skeeviest image I’ve ever set my sight upon. I need to clorox my eyeballs to rid myself of that image.

Don't worry i've got you covered

If you think the memes are bad now just wait until his latest pickup line becomes 'everything is made in china, except for long telomere babies. they're made in vachina'

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

He's back to raging again this morning.

Isn't that just a face any teenage girl would want to call her boyfriend?

 

[Wernology]

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He's back to raging again this morning.

Isn't that just a face any teenage girl would want to call her boyfriend?

Hopefully he keeps melting down throughout the day so I get longer compilation of him losing it.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

???

(Rates self Optimistic)