Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

Lucas last posted to IG on July 9. He was extremely active and agitated for the preceding week. Many Wernologists consider this to be one of his most productive, fascinating periods. Of particular interest is Lucas's insistence that he is a hereditary noble who will control great wealth in 20 or 30 years, when he parents die.

Sometime after July 9, Lucas apparently loses Internet access. Some speculate that he has had his phone stolen; others maintain that he smashed it.

On or about July 25, Lucas disappears from the HoC roster, fueling speculation that he is lurking under a bridge.

By August 3rd, it is reported that Lucas has been observed in the streets of Spokane within the past week.

On August 4, Lucas returns to Facebook, where he announces that he intends to make his father proud by impregnating a zoomer bae and becoming a bartender.

While there is roughly a month of missing content, Lucas hasn't missed a beat. I'm quite curious about his exit from HoC.
 
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PrincessKidana said:
Captain Crazypants is back with more claims of future inheritances.
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LOL a bartender. That job is alot harder than he thinks it is.

He just wants to be a bartender because he thinks that it will make him popular and get him easy access to women. That said, I wouldn't let him anywhere near any womans drink under any circumstances. Lucas is exactly the kind of psycho i'd expect to spike their drinks with roofies the first chance he gets (and probably ending up killing said woman because lucas is too stupid to understand what proper dosages are), which is likely the second reason he wants the job. He'd be lucky to last a single night at the job without getting arrested for being a creep to the female customers

That said, imagine being such an idiot that becoming a bartender at 40 will make your parents proud of your achievements in life

and lets not forget this is the same guy who claimed working at mcdonalds in 1999 was hard and grueling to the point he needed to turn to weed to deal with it. Just wait until he has to mix a complicated drink for somebody. On that note i'd laugh my ass off if people recognized him and started fucking with him by asking for non existent drinks to see what he does. Just order a shot of aldebaran whiskey, andorian ale or bottle of kanar. I'd bet money on him just pouring a glass of some random liquor and claiming thats what it is
 
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Lol at him talking about raising a cow on that property. Oh, Lucas, don't you see? You are the cow!

There is no way he would get hired as a bartender. Absolutely not! Plus he is banned from half the bars in Spokane.

PrincessKidana said:
Captain Crazypants is back with more claims of future inheritances.
Click to expand...
 
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BowlOfDick said:
The Bigot - 2 parts grenadine, 1 part vodka, 1 part orange liquor. Serve with grated cheese on top

The Telo - 1 part whiskey, 1 part cream soda, 3 parts MRSA filled semen.

Any more?
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The MRSA - 2 parts tomato juice, 1 part Grand Marnier, 1 part extra dry gin.

Serve in a rocks glass lightly rinsed with Clamato Chelada, with a garnish of CBD-infused foam and a cocktail pep as a swizzle stick.

Serves 1, alone, forever.


The Sad Pedo Shot - Fill shot glasses 3/4 full with Christian Bros. brandy. Top with squirt of Easy Cheese and a pinch of crushed Flamin' Hot Cheetos dust.

Line up shots and consume until Cafeteria Uprising makes sense.

The Poonaner - 2 parts room temperature leftover Starbucks Hot Cocoa, 1 part MD 20/20 (any flavor, preferably banana red) 1 part Boone's Farms Strawberry Hill. Serve on the rocks in tumbler. Float bruised maraschino cherry as garnish.

Serves 1 Baby Z. Not responsible for resulting anal torture.

The "Shut the Fuck Up, Faggot!" - Tepid, flat Rolling Rock and Rum in equal proportions. Float Lillet Blanc on top, about one finger. Serve in flute glass, garnished with tarragon stem.

Serve while screaming "WHERE THE GIRLS AT?!!! WHERE THE PARTY AT?!!??" at customer.
 
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Particle Bored said:
Lucas wouldnt last an hour tending bar for zoomers before he flipped his wig at a flatbill chatting up some bae he just served.
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No s***, right? Bartenders are supposed to be sociable, be able to shoot the breeze with a variety of people who have a variety of problems. Certainly they have to be able to look someone in the eyes, or to see a group of mixed-sex customers without immediately assuming that they're all involved in some secret orgy that excludes only him.

This bartending thing will never be taken seriously.
 
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Tbh though.. while we mock the idea of Lücas working as a barman, and know doubt unanimously find it unrealistic, there is a good chance Lukey could try his hand at some other service job in an attempt to access zoomers. Maybe through some kind of access for reetards program.

Hilarity would no doubt ensue if Lukey documents his adventure into the world of work.
 
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Who believes this?
8E6D7492-D8A2-4BFA-A073-BA12F4D023BA.jpeg
 
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Krathnami said:
Who believes this?
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Sounds like bullshit, and not even lucas just imagining it, I mean as in lucas flat out lied and made it up. Probably to explain someone 'stealing his phone' during said attack to explain why he wasn't around. If anything that only implies something happened he doesn't want anybody know about (and something that didn't involve this kind of encounter)

If he got hit in the head and mouth by two guys with bats he'd have ended up in the hospital or dead. Bats to the head are no joke. He'd also still more than likely have visible injuries to prove it

That said, I found a clip of lucas's encounter. Just replace julian with lucas and bubbles and ricky with psych ward orderlies with bats:


The wernsquatch is real
 
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The rumors about him are false. The cops are on his side. He brings up a bat and a 2 by 4. He's calling the cops if someone is abusive to him (Wait- why does he want to call the cops when ACAB). He's pissed his weed lure hasn't landed him a Z bae. The girls instead go with Gen Z guys. At the end he accuses KF and SOFALAW of abusing him in public and the police are on our tail.

1596601982820.png



He's back to his psycho screaming at Gen Z's.

1596601062050.png


He describes the "attack". Next day he slipped and got a scrape. Looks to me he's already "changing" the story". From what Goldoar said It was a bat to the mouth, head, under the knee. Now its fist to the face, wood plank to the head, bat to under the knee.
1596602340560.png
 
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