Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[IceQueen]

(The fact that THIS is his genius pick up line, that it's not at least something a little more complicated, original, or fancy, it's kind of surprising. I mean, obviously, if a guy's attractive, he doesn't need a pick up line, but poor Lucas here needs something between the nuclear launch codes & an occult necromancy spell.)

It’s the fact that he thinks it’s so clever and genius that is astonishing to me. It’s not the worst idea in the world to try to meet a potential partner by saying “hi my name is X”, but PukeAss has said many times that it’s his genius pickup line that he has perfected over a decade and that (even though he has never actually done/used it) he knows will work SO well that he will only have to use it once, on the woman who will become his wife. THAT is what I can’t get my head around.

I know it’s him, and he’s one of the all time stupidest human beings to ever exist, but why on Earth would you think that such a common phrase that is said every day in all kinds of different situations is some genius pickup line that will instantly make someone fall in love with you? And more so, why the fuck was INTRODUCING YOURSELF TO SOMEONE something that took you years to come up with?

My only theory is that because Lucas is SO developmentally stunted and has such utterly low intelligence and zero understanding of life and social situations, and because he’s such a pussy around other people, maybe saying “hi I’m PukeAss” really is an exceptional, revolutionary feat for him.

View attachment 1868508
Whatever you say, Lucas.

Calling you “Wifey Walter” and “you girlfriend” are very strange “insults” lmao wtf

 

[Dumpsterfire Enthusiast]

Calling you “Wifey Walter” and “you girlfriend” are very strange “insults” lmao wtf

He's had a few strange insults lately. I remember "Your my little puppy, your my bitch dood, i own you" in one of his videos. Just such a bizarre way of responding to being trolled

 

[mero]

Recipes channel is (gently) funny and they're good beginner friendly cooking videos, what's with all the tophatting? Have a beer and a look at some chicken. Lucas hasn't even noticed it as far as we can tell so it's impacting nothing but my salivary glands.

 

[mothman96]

Who would he not be attracted to except I think the ones overweight.

 

[Club Sandwich]

I know it’s him, and he’s one of the all time stupidest human beings to ever exist, but why on Earth would you think that such a common phrase that is said every day in all kinds of different situations is some genius pickup line that will instantly make someone fall in love with you?

remember when he brought it up he mentioned that he had to have his eyes closed when "demonstrating" the phrase or it would affect guys or something? i think he's somehow banking on a combination of facial expression and voice, more so than the words. possibly he thinks the words themselves have some kind of quaint/cute boy-next-door vibe thing and he's trying to "think on their terms" (of a supposed teenage girl) of getting those butterfly feelings started?

i'm just speculating, but Lucas has had a lot of phrases he uses repeatedly, almost ritualistically - a shibboleth that unlocks some sort of hidden meaning in the conversation where these phrases are needed to obtain things (drugs, food, et c). it's as good a guess as any other, and given he's "improved" from staring at his shoes and the sky and doing shoulder movements, i can see how he might feel it's a sure-fire bet to entice a woman to take romantic interest in him.

 

[ThomasAudley]

Lucas showing off his bio notes like he's some important, busy man. Look, internet, Lucas Werner is way more sophsticated than these other bums! He eats lobster tails and does high level stuff that requires writing multiple pages!

 

[LeeLoo]

Who would he not be attracted to except I think the ones overweight.

View attachment 1868932

One of the most mind boggling things about Fatty is his warped and delusional sense of how he looks. We all know he’s hideous in every conceivable way, but ask him, and he’ll say his only physical flaw is he’s a little overweight.

No. You’re fat. Not only that, years of gaining and losing hundreds of pounds has destroyed any elasticity in your skin, turning you into a huge wall of hanging flesh. But yeah, he’s way too good for an overweight girl.

 

[WonderWino]

View attachment 1868394View attachment 1868395
“Hey man it might not be cool to say that...”

IRRATIONAL WERN RAGE ACTIVATED!

'They're about as deep as a thimble. They only think about sex'

Something something projection

i'm just speculating, but Lucas has had a lot of phrases he uses repeatedly, almost ritualistically - a shibboleth that unlocks some sort of hidden meaning in the conversation where these phrases are needed to obtain things (drugs, food, et c). it's as good a guess as any other, and given he's "improved" from staring at his shoes and the sky and doing shoulder movements, i can see how he might feel it's a sure-fire bet to entice a woman to take romantic interest in him.

Thats not surprising. He thinks there are special words and actions for just about everything. It fits in with his insane transactional way of thinking - 'if I give you food you owe me and must give me women' and 'if I say or do x you must respond a certain way' which is why he is so obsessed with how conversations work and why he made a big deal of saying when he gets his zoomer bae he'll have a patreon tier where others can watch videos of his 'conversations' with her. Which sounds looney to everyone else but makes perfect sense in his twisted brain

Not only that, years of gaining and losing hundreds of pounds has destroyed any elasticity in your skin, turning you into a huge wall of hanging flesh.

....When I read that I couldn't help but think lucas would make a great new boss for terraria. He could be a more horrifying version of the wall of flesh

 

[mothman96]

remember when he brought it up he mentioned that he had to have his eyes closed when "demonstrating" the phrase or it would affect guys or something? i think he's somehow banking on a combination of facial expression and voice, more so than the words. possibly he thinks the words themselves have some kind of quaint/cute boy-next-door vibe thing and he's trying to "think on their terms" (of a supposed teenage girl) of getting those butterfly feelings started?

i'm just speculating, but Lucas has had a lot of phrases he uses repeatedly, almost ritualistically - a shibboleth that unlocks some sort of hidden meaning in the conversation where these phrases are needed to obtain things (drugs, food, et c). it's as good a guess as any other, and given he's "improved" from staring at his shoes and the sky and doing shoulder movements, i can see how he might feel it's a sure-fire bet to entice a woman to take romantic interest in him.

Maybe he thinks eyeballing her with his hungry predator eyes will do the trick and melt her into his arms.

 

[AbraCadaver]

I love that now the MASKS are the reason he can’t get a girlfriend. Before it was cockblocking, flatbill swooping and whatnot. NOW it’s because all the hot women aren’t wearing masks and he can't abide that. He’d totally ask a woman out, but they’re all maskless and irresponsible! All of them! He’s absolutely ready to ask a woman out, he’s not scared and stalling!!

That’s right, Lucas. Reject them before they have the chance to reject you. They can’t fire you because YOU QUIT!!

 

[mothman96]

Well now, the hot 18 yr olds have to try to impress the Freak for him to consider them wife material. So how many more things is the Freak going to come up with to give himself an "out" to not do his Wern 2.0.

ETA: Wait, just remembered an 18 yr old that looks like she's 12 "impresses" the Freak.

 

[LeeLoo]

Oh boy. Another IG troll/potential catfish. The pics on her IG account are of an obvious child, yet he calls her “hun”.

 

[Josef Mengele]

Oh boy. Another IG troll/potential catfish. The pics on her IG account are of an obvious child, yet he calls her “hun”.

It is getting painful to watch how often he gets catfished, but this is as obvious as catfishes come. This truly is a case of missing the forrest for the trees. Hopefully he gets lured into a state that doesn't tolerate fart riddled bums who have the self awareness of a bag of doorknobs.

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

I love that now the MASKS are the reason he can’t get a girlfriend. Before it was cockblocking, flatbill swooping and whatnot. NOW it’s because all the hot women aren’t wearing masks and he can't abide that. He’d totally ask a woman out, but they’re all maskless and irresponsible! All of them! He’s absolutely ready to ask a woman out, he’s not scared and stalling!!

That’s right, Lucas. Reject them before they have the chance to reject you. They can’t fire you because YOU QUIT!!

Not to state the obvious (but I will) if he is in any public building everyone is going to have a mask on or they’d most likely be asked to leave. So if he is on campus in any campus building everyone will have a mask. Maybe if these imaginary 18 year old baes are outside they may not have a mask on, but this excuse for not approaching his zoomer bae prize is hilariously transparent. Basically, Lucas is still a scared, awkward loser. I’m rooting for 2.0 though!

It is getting painful to watch how often he gets catfished, but this is as obvious as catfishes come. This truly is a case of missing the forrest for the trees. Hopefully he gets lured into a state that doesn't tolerate fart riddled bums who have the self awareness of a bag of doorknobs.

I don’t want anyone to catfish or mess with Lucas in any way. He is too great a producer of content all on his own, but I can see the temptation to fuck with him is too much for some. He is just such an easy target.

 

[neutral grandpa]

Yeah no shit you prefer to go on campus for school then go online, Lucas. You're homeless so you have nowhere better to be, and the only reason you are enrolled in college at all is to creep on girls half your age on campus. Its embarrassing the school even lets him attend any classes

 

[AbraCadaver]

Yeah no shit you prefer to go on campus for school then go online, Lucas. You're homeless so you have nowhere better to be, and the only reason you are enrolled in college at all is to creep on girls half your age on campus. Its embarrassing the school even lets him attend any classes

“I prefer the on-campus experience,” says homeless man desperate to be inside any building that has proper heat because it’s freezing outside.

 

[mothman96]

“I prefer the on-campus experience,” says homeless man desperate to be inside any building that has proper heat because it’s freezing outside.

It's the women at the college. If he just wanted to stay out of the cold, he could just hang out at the homeless shelter, the bus plaza, mall etc. The "on-campus experience" I'd say is Lucas stalking the college girls, standing/sitting close enough hoping a girl(s) will notice him and approach him. Of course since no girl goes near him and he fears if he does his Wern 2.0 he'll be told to fuck off he rages and comes up he's the one doing the rejecting.

 

[Josef Mengele]

Not to state the obvious (but I will) if he is in any public building everyone is going to have a mask on or they’d most likely be asked to leave. So if he is on campus in any campus building everyone will have a mask. Maybe if these imaginary 18 year old baes are outside they may not have a mask on, but this excuse for not approaching his zoomer bae prize is hilariously transparent. Basically, Lucas is still a scared, awkward loser. I’m rooting for 2.0 though!



I don’t want anyone to catfish or mess with Lucas in any way. He is too great a producer of content all on his own, but I can see the temptation to fuck with him is too much for some. He is just such an easy target.

I think he is too far gone not to be screwed with. Apparently, people are making fake accounts that represent "Italian luxury goods", and they are out of the blue, asking for who other, than our resident fartmiester to influence their brand. I mean nothing sells fine Italian leather goods better than a homeless man who burns everything he cooks.

 

[ItsjustabowlofGary]

Oh boy. Another IG troll/potential catfish. The pics on her IG account are of an obvious child, yet he calls her “hun”.

Like looking at the troll/catfish account for like 14 seconds and almost all of the posts are from the same day. Honestly if Wern doesn’t realize this is a troll/catfish he might very well be the dumbest hunk of shit on earth.

 

[LeeLoo]

Like looking at the troll/catfish account for like 14 seconds and almost all of the posts are from the same day. Honestly if Wern doesn’t realize this is a troll/catfish he might very well be the dumbest hunk of shit on earth.

Haha!! I didn’t even see that at first! Apparently this new IG LukeFan is an amateur photographer. Check out the caption on one of her pics