Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

I see it's a musical day.

He sounds so hilariously angry, which is extra entertaining when he's "singing" about how much he'll apparently love the woman he'll never get.

Edit: Does...does he think castigate means "cast off"? Because severely reprimanding your "chains" makes no sense.

Seriously, how do you reprimand your metaphorical chains? Scream at your boss?

Anyway, I fully understand what Duran Duran meant by "Enjoy the silence", because I'm enjoying it after having edited this long ass Lucas Werner Music Video.

 
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He brought RAW chicken into the shelter to make hot wings in the toaster oven. How the fuck did they even let him do that?! That shits a health hazard with the way he handles it


and he licked his fingers clean after handling raw chicken in the sauce

Jesus fucking christ lucas. That is exactly how you end up with serious food poisoning. He has no idea how to safely handle food. At all
 
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Not only did he lick his fingers clean after handling raw chicken, he took spoonfulls of sauce, that just had an entire package of raw chicken mixed around in it and pours it all over the mushrooms

Jesus fucking christ

EDIT: and at the end he mentions how he is considering sharing said meal with others later and bragging about this is why he would make a good dad. That is certainly a good way to start a salmonella outbreak

Ironically he is only proving why he would make a very bad dad, because he doesn't even understand the basics of food safety
 
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AbraCadaver said:
Now here’s a fun Q: if offered a choice between ONE night with a zoomer bae (no babies, she’s infertile) OR a lifetime supply of all the narsty expensive foods he loves, which would Lucas choose? I’m betting the bae simply because he can’t think more than an hour ahead at a time or plan for the future.
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This is an extremely interesting question .. I was going to agree with you on choosing the bae and was going to add that it'd be poetic justice/most probable that in that night with the bae he would waste it absolutely unable to manage even half a chub, unable to try to squish it in her fecund whatever-disgusting-word-he-uses to identify-what-he-knows-about-female-genitals

If he tried to fist her anally, she'd kick him in the balls and end the night

Then I realized, he must have ED - I bet anyone who has seen that one viscerally chillingly disgusting video where he looked deranged into the camera and breathes "I have a boner...." knows exactly the video I'm talking about. That disturbing euphoria seemed to say that this was some kind of special, rare moment, and also cursed anyone who laid eyes upon it

This was months ago, his mind and health has significantly deteriorated since then. He's got disgusting open scabs or sores on his face. As other kiwis have pointed out, he seems to be getting sexual gratification out of eating. Unless it's a really young girl, like elementary aged, I honestly don't think he'd be interested/be able to perform sexually. I always thought a girl was a means to everything else he wants/needs - a mommy who works full time and takes care of him, and finally validating him as a normal accomplished family man. Exactly this:
AbraCadaver said:
He doesn’t want to take care of a family. He wants a family so it will take care of him. Because he is a giant, mewling, shitting, whinging baby who cannot take care of himself.
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All this to say: Lucas is a fat faggot. I think he'd choose the food
 
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It's disgusting either way, but did he put the shredded cheese on the raw chicken, or the stuffed mushroom?

I mean, either way, he's cooking it all in the same toaster oven, which means all the sauce and the fat from the cheese is going to congeal into a giant mess of oil, which is going to smoke and scorch; how have they not physically taken him away from the toaster oven?

Homeless shelters don't exist for insane people to use them like an EZ bake oven.

Why does the staff put up with this?

Why do the other patrons put up with HIM?
 
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GleamingTheQ-Bert said:
It's disgusting either way, but did he put the shredded cheese on the raw chicken, or the stuffed mushroom?

I mean, either way, he's cooking it all in the same toaster oven, which means all the sauce and the fat from the cheese is going to congeal into a giant mess of oil, which is going to smoke and scorch, how have they not physically taking him away from the toaster oven?

Homeless shelters don't exist friend saying people to use them like an EZ bake oven.

Why does the staff put up with this?

Why do the other patrons put up with HIM?
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Where else would they go?
 
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Da Dude123 said:
What a dipshit. Eating like a slob disrupts the "establishment". No, it doesn't. The shelter just has sporks? If that is the case, then if you're gonna get a big steak, then also buy some plastic forks and knives. Or, since eating is such a significant part of Lucas's life and identity buy a couple sets of real stainless steel forks and knives. You could buy a fork and knife from Dollar General for under $5. Carry those in the hobo sack. Have sort of a makeshift mess kit. And then wash them between uses and dry with a paper towel.

But this is Lucas we are talking about. He is not even competent at being a hobo. Spending money on a fork and knife wouldn't make sense to him. He can just eat steak with his hands and off a dirty floor. No problem at all! Unreal.
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MFer is lucky he's not eating gruel.

There used to be a wrestler in the 70s/80s named Playboy Buddy Rose. He was a 300+ pound fat fuck who insisted he was a slim, svelte 217 pounds. Maybe Lucas saw him on TV as a kid?
 
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WonderWino said:
What in the actual fuck. I'm not sure if shareef is as much of a sped as lucas or if hes fucking with him

So he is sharing his salmonella contaminated garbage food with shareef

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Hahahaha this is one of the better videos from him lately, He fuckin scorched that meal something gnarly. That dude is clearly just pandering for food. Still smarter than Lucas to use a towel to take the burnt pan out, That's why ya gotta have homies tho am I right
 
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WonderWino said:
What in the actual fuck. I'm not sure if shareef is as much of a sped as lucas or if hes fucking with him

So he is sharing his salmonella contaminated garbage food with shareef

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He licks his fingers before picking up (again with his bare fingers) the food he gives to that guy. Genuinely makes me feel ill.

Also I wonder if his assertion that guys who sleep with multiple women must be gay is so that he, having zero women to sleep with, must be the most straight man ever by the same logic.
 
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Telomere Savalas said:
MFer is lucky he's not eating gruel.

There used to be a wrestler in the 70s/80s named Playboy Buddy Rose. He was a 300+ pound fat fuck who insisted he was a slim, svelte 217 pounds. Maybe Lucas saw him on TV as a kid?
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On that note I just want to point out the fact that back in the day, lucas is a prime example of the kind of person and mentality that people who ran poorhouses used to justify the absolutely horrible conditions in those places. To keep people like lucas from willingly going there as anything but an absolute last resort

In other words, lucas is doing exactly what they said the social parasites would do if they softened up on the poor houses. They did, and look what happened

That said, lucas being condemned to living the rest of his life in a victorian poorhouse would be quite the amusing sight. Lucas picking okum and crushing bones for a bowl of gruel would be something worth paying to see
 
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WonderWino said:
What in the actual fuck. I'm not sure if shareef is as much of a sped as lucas or if hes fucking with him

So he is sharing his salmonella contaminated garbage food with shareef

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He's definitely fucking with him because he knows Lucas is too stupid to realize it and so desperate for friends he'll overlook anything he does realize; dude's acting the same as all of Lucas' other "friends": Using him to get free shit.

I love the part where Lucas says he'd be a player, then goes on to say he'll call the police on people who try to cockblock him.

He then goes on about how he'd be a 'good dad' because he can ignore basic food safety and burn everything beyond recognition in a toaster oven...

Anyway, have Lucas and his lack of self awareness thinking this isn't a ridiculously misogynist video title while I put his nasty cooking together into one video.

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Telomere Savalas said:
MFer is lucky he's not eating gruel.

There used to be a wrestler in the 70s/80s named Playboy Buddy Rose. He was a 300+ pound fat fuck who insisted he was a slim, svelte 217 pounds. Maybe Lucas saw him on TV as a kid?
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Wow! I forgot about Buddy Rose. That was a great gimmick he had. I was cracking up when you mentioned that!
 
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themotherflippin480 said:
Where else would they go?
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Who says they have to leave the shelter?

They could A) Knock his block off, or B) Complain about his messes, smells, and abuse of the "communal property" toaster oven.

Did anyone hear, right at 3 min in Lucas's vid, the guy mention to Lucas that the chicken wasn't cooked?

Complete ignore.

Also: Someone should let Sharif hear his homey's N-Word videos.
 
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