Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[IceQueen]

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This is amazing holy shit. Bravo.

 

[AbraCadaver]

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Yer a fuckin legend, mate

 

[mothman96]

Occasionally Lucas will go silent for a day to just under a week. If it is more, it is typically due to a broken or lost phone and he has to wait for the next tugboat to come into port to purchase another phone. Or he is somewhere it cannot be charged. But he was retreating to the bus station for a while to charge it there, though.

We all wonder if he is in jail or the mental hospital. And only the Spokane residents can give us an update of cow sightings in the area. He usually comes back once he gets a tard bux check.

He is getting worse all the time, so, it is always a real possibility he is back in the hospital. Either voluntarily or involuntarily.

The Freak got his SSI money on the 1st so if it's a phone problem I'm thinking he still has some money to replace it this month.

 

[Josef Mengele]

Since Lucas has inevitably lost/destroyed his phone in a drunken blackout, and we are most likely in a content drought, I got to thinking. I have noticed we have been calling him "Fatness Neverclean" lately. Once again, I was inspired to make something. It is a parody of Katness Everdeen, the protagonist from The Hunger Games, hopefully everyone enjoys this!

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

The Freak got his SSI money on the 1st so if it's a phone problem I'm thinking he still has some money to replace it this month.

Lucas hasn't been doing his motel & Clinkernigger runs early in the month since the LA saga, so maybe his payee is holding out. I don't know.

 

[dirtydeanna96]

The Freak got his SSI money on the 1st so if it's a phone problem I'm thinking he still has some money to replace it this month.

Do we know when he gets his foodstamps?

 

[Gaear Grimsrud]

Theres a thought: a wernologist party night. I can see it now..... a dozen wernologists sitting around a table in flatbills and late 90s track pants with wifebeater shirts, playing that and meeple toss, drinking blue and yellow MD 20/20 and eating plates of cocktail peps and each listening for hints from the background sarcasm and voices on the wind about their opponents next moves

Can we put avocado oil on the cocktail peps?

 

[Bassomatic]

Theres a thought: a wernologist party night. I can see it now..... a dozen wernologists sitting around a table in flatbills and late 90s track pants with wifebeater shirts, playing that and meeple toss, drinking blue and yellow MD 20/20 and eating plates of cocktail peps and each listening for hints from the background sarcasm and voices on the wind about their opponents next moves

What you didn't get your invite? We play board games and share the 4:1 zoomer baes we have before we all pray to Jesus and money then have a big maskless orgy.

Damn post office must have lost your invite.

 

[Gaear Grimsrud]

I noticed in the recent "Id be a good dad" video: 0:35

"I know im a good uncle because they adore me. Well, sometimes. Sometimes theyre like 'knock it off,' and im like 'but youre not listening to reason.'"

So was this a tacit admission by Lucas that he's tried to explain to his 18-25 year old niece (however old at the time of the referenced interaction) why zoomer girls are dumb for not hopping on his dick?

ETA: lol @ 2:05 he drops his voice right in the middle of his shpiel to say "fecund ova" all sexy-like.

Something I find fascinating about him is his extremely shallow belief that if he can just say the right combination of words, then he's "in", and he'll have everything he wants in life.

Like a literal magic spell.

 

[le funny sex number 69]

Something I find fascinating about him is his extremely shallow belief that if he can just say the right combination of words, then he's "in", and he'll have everything he wants in life.

Like a literal magic spell.

Many men believe that they have to say the right things and they can “make” women fall for them. If she hasn’t fallen for them it’s because they haven’t found the right combination of words. It’s no surprise the Wern takes this approach to life.

 

[mothman96]

Lucas hasn't been doing his motel & Clinkernigger runs early in the month since the LA saga, so maybe his payee is holding out. I don't know.

Lucas does motel 6 when he has an influx of extra money like the stimulus/financial aid disbursement or when the motel was paid for him. I don't think his payee is holding back from giving him money.

 

[Gaear Grimsrud]

Lucas does motel 6 when he has an influx of extra money like the stimulus/financial aid disbursement or when the motel was paid for him. I don't think his payee is holding back from giving him money.

It speaks volumes about Lucas's indolence and degeneracy that the best use he could make of his stimulus check is to stay in a motel and order overpriced food and drugs until the money ran out.

At the very least, he should have invested in a proper winter coat.

 

[A whole lotta nope]

Can we put avocado oil on the cocktail peps?

I'm burning mine beyond recognition in a toaster oven and then drowning them in sriracha mayo.

Many men believe that they have to say the right things and they can “make” women fall for them. If she hasn’t fallen for them it’s because they haven’t found the right combination of words. It’s no surprise the Wern takes this approach to life.

It's the only thing he has. He's got no clue how to interact with women. He has no personality. So he tries this approach no matter how many times he fails. It's quite comical.

 

[WonderWino]

Something I find fascinating about him is his extremely shallow belief that if he can just say the right combination of words, then he's "in", and he'll have everything he wants in life.

Like a literal magic spell.

Just replace the word 'power' with 'zoomer puss puss'

 

[Dumpsterfire Enthusiast]

Since Lucas has inevitably lost/destroyed his phone in a drunken blackout, and we are most likely in a content drought, I got to thinking. I have noticed we have been calling him "Fatness Neverclean" lately. Once again, I was inspired to make something. It is a parody of Katness Everdeen, the protagonist from The Hunger Games, hopefully everyone enjoys this!
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Realistically i could see him signing up if someone pitched the idea of a battle royale to the death if the prize for winning were either food or poonaner since the hunger games are basically his whole method of government that he wants

 

[IceQueen]

I know there are a couple people on this thread who are in Spokane — has anyone in the area spotted Pukas? Any info on if he’s been in shelters or on the jail roster?

 

[Gaear Grimsrud]

I know there are a couple people on this thread who are in Spokane — has anyone in the area spotted Pukas? Any info on if he’s been in shelters or on the jail roster?

Eh.

He often disappears for a while and people start wondering if he's in prison, but most of the time he's just been sitting around with his thumb up his ass because he didn't feel like making videos.

 

[IceQueen]

Eh.

He often disappears for a while and people start wondering if he's in prison, but most of the time he's just been sitting around with his thumb up his ass because he didn't feel like making videos.

Huh really? I’ve been following his antics since 2016 and I don’t recall that ever being the case in that time! Sometimes he loses or gets his phone stolen but I have never seen him not post ANYTHING for more than a day just willingly. He might not post videos but he posts memes, shares shit to his stories, etc. unless he either doesn’t have his phone/the ability to charge it, or he’s in jail or the mental hospital.

 

[Trainwreck]

I know there are a couple people on this thread who are in Spokane — has anyone in the area spotted Pukas? Any info on if he’s been in shelters or on the jail roster?

I checked the jail roster and he's not there. I work tomorrow so ill keep my eye out for him although the shelter he has been staying at is on the outskirts of downtown.

 

[Cash Pope]

I checked the jail roster and he's not there. I work tomorrow so ill keep my eye out for him although the shelter he has been staying at is on the outskirts of downtown.

Must be like seeing bigfoot