Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Maxxicus Callahan]

How's this for a campaign poster?

 

[Mike R]

I love how in his own explanation of how everything being free is a great idea he points out all the flaws in it himself with 0 awareness of it "ill just buy the entire stock market and spend it all in spokane" so even in his perfect communist America he plans on keeping all the countries money to himself and spending it all in Spokane. So literally all of the countries money would get pumped into clinkerdaggers, motel 6 and weed stores which would then end up having the entire countries supply of money, would make for a more interesting set of 1984 style ministries, sounds so much better than capitalism sign me up

Somebody needs to explain to Lucas about what happens when there is a perpetual supply shortage. At the height of the lock downs people were hoarding toilet paper and paper plates, and because of this people couldn't get even the basic of household necessities for months. If everything was free people would be shooting each other for a can of Clorox wipes and a travel size hand sanitizer. But, hey... at least it would be free!

Someone was asking this on one of the CWC threads but how horrifying would it be to wake up in the body of a lolcow. Lucas’s body and health are in such shit shape I don’t know what anyone could do to turn it around. Even while he’s circling the drain he’ll still be hanging around for a awhile longer just to spite us. At this point he’s probably beyond fixing even if by some miracle he did all the right treatments for his medical conditions and ate properly his physical health would still be permanently damaged the way he’s abused and neglected it for so many years.

The human body is remarkably resilient, if he stopped eating street people food and exercised a little bit, he would lose weight and get in shape relatively quickly. There may even be a slim chance that he might be able to get some puss puss. The problem there is his awful personality that is a total turn off.

We all know Lucas' explanation is BS (whether 100% or just most is up for debate) but my favorite part is that if we pretended his story of being mugged is true, it's exactly his dream scenario of "everything is free and if someone doesn't like it we'll use violence, or the threat of it, to take what we want"...so what's the problem? Why is Lucas being greedy with his possessions? Aren't they for everyone to share? Why should he have a phone and a wallet and some other bum doesn't?

He has been talking about rolling some tanks up to Phizer and a few stealth bombers to the pharmaceutical companies and say 'Give us the fucking formula for the vaccine or we're taking your business to the ground' Does he think the pharmaceutical companies are holding up vaccine supply on purpose, maybe I just don't understand what he thinks he is going to accomplish by knocking the J&J building down?

https://kiwifarms.st/threads/lucas-werner.17234/page-1378#post-8514219

ETA:
It looked to me Lucas wasn't "welcomed" at that guy's cook out at the park. The guy totally ignored Lucas's talking to him. The Freak heard at the shelter someone was having a BBQ at the park and headed over there thinking of free food.

Yes, when Lucas waddled up to the picnic table huffing and puffing all over dude's food, he didn't even get a greeting. The guy just looked at him and then for the sign that says 'fat homeless people welcome'.

 

[Trainwreck]

Yes, when Lucas waddled up to the picnic table huffing and puffing all over dude's food, he didn't even get a greeting. The guy just looked at him and then for the sign that says 'fat homeless people welcome'.

Did you notice that the dude's bratwurst and asparagus were on cardboard?

I am sure no one at the shelter announced that they were putting on a BBQ at the park and anyone could come to it. I am betting Lucas overheard someone talking about BBQing and then decided to trudge along down there to see if he could try and get something for free.

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

Did you notice that the dude's bratwurst and asparagus were on cardboard?

I am sure no one at the shelter announced that they were putting on a BBQ at the park and anyone could come to it. I am betting Lucas overheard someone talking about BBQing and then decided to trudge along down there to see if he could try and get something for free.

What a fucking mooch and a parasite, inviting himself to someone else’s barbecue that he heard about and just assuming that he could get free shit because you know he’s such a great guy. Next time he smells a barbecue at someone’s house he’ll just walk into their backyard demanding free barbecue or he’ll burn their house down, at least he will say that under his breath and just stare from a distance at the steak on the grill in longing, mumbling everything should be free, el presidente Wern, vote for me, f reeeeeeee reeeeree clap for my wisdom. WERN 2024, Starbucks incident?! Moooooove on!

 

[Krathnami]

Based on the body language of the man at the BBQ in the park, Lucas was 100% not invited. He was probably hoping if he ignored this leering hobo he might go away, but Lucas is retarded and doesn’t know anything about other people, so the man likely had to actually tell him to fuck off. If I were to guess, I’d say the other fellas at the shelter told him about a BBQ in the park knowing he’s a leech hoping he’d fuck off for the day.

 

[Big Redman Incorporated]

Wait, wait, wait.

So someone finally told Pucas WHERE THE PARTY IS AT, and it turned out to be a terrible looking barbecue, in the park, on a dreary looking day, where he wasn't even welcome. That is actually beautiful.

 

[Ghostwriter]

It just reinforces how much of an inconsiderate cunt Lucas is that he refers to everything the guy made as "shit" multiples times. Not in an offensive gesture, but damn that's so rude. I might say that to a good friend or something just shooting the breeze but not a complete stranger who's demeanor I know nothing about whatsoever, who didn't appear the least bit receptive to my presence in the first place. He's so astoundingly offensive in every conceivable way and yet somehow flinging open the doors to new ways regularly. What an impressive specimen of subhuman.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

It just reinforces how much of an inconsiderate cunt Lucas is that he refers to everything the guy made as "shit" multiples times. Not in an offensive gesture, but damn that's so rude. I might say that to a good friend or something just shooting the breeze but not a complete stranger who's demeanor I know nothing about whatsoever, who didn't appear the least bit receptive to my presence in the first place. He's so astoundingly offensive in every conceivable way and yet somehow flinging open the doors to new ways regularly. What an impressive specimen of subhuman.

So glad someone else noticed this. I was just now considering leaving this exact same comment. We know he meant shit as a synonym for stuff, but referring to someone else's spread that you're about to stuff in your mouth as shit is just classless as fuck, not that I should expect more from Rotten Lettuce, but anyway.

 

[WonderWino]

I love how in his own explanation of how everything being free is a great idea he points out all the flaws in it himself with 0 awareness of it "ill just buy the entire stock market and spend it all in spokane" so even in his perfect communist America he plans on keeping all the countries money to himself and spending it all in Spokane. So literally all of the countries money would get pumped into clinkerdaggers, motel 6 and weed stores which would then end up having the entire countries supply of money, would make for a more interesting set of 1984 style ministries, sounds so much better than capitalism sign me up

Its like a horrifying version of demolition man where all the restaurants were taco bell and hobos lived under the streets

It looked to me Lucas wasn't "welcomed" at that guy's cook out at the park. The guy totally ignored Lucas's talking to him. The Freak heard at the shelter someone was having a BBQ at the park and headed over there thinking of free food.

It shows how much of a pig he is that he hears about somebody having a BBQ at the park and immediately assumes he can get free food there. He literally invited himself. This is basically one of his 'where the party at zoomers?' moments and look how it went for him. He invited himself just like he would if he found out there was some zoomer party in the park or on the beach and he'd get totally ignored or kicked out

Lucas is utterly obsessed with food. No matter how much he gets he always seems to want more

Somebody needs to explain to Lucas about what happens when there is a perpetual supply shortage. At the height of the lock downs people were hoarding toilet paper and paper plates, and because of this people couldn't get even the basic of household necessities for months. If everything was free people would be shooting each other for a can of Clorox wipes and a travel size hand sanitizer. But, hey... at least it would be free!

I was going to reply 'we should make him watch 1984 and see for himself what perpetual shortages are like' but then I realized he would see that winston has a free apartment, free slop for food, free victory gin and cigarettes and marriages being forced on people by the party for breeding purposes, especially if they didn't like each other and lucas would see that as his ideal way of life. Its literally everything he wants, and with his swiss cheese brain twisting reality around constantly to fit a narrative he'd fit right in as a stupid member of the party that believes anything the government says

That said, the next time someone sends him a frozen catfish they should include a few heads of rotten lettuce as well to with it

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

I was going to reply 'we should make him watch 1984 and see for himself what perpetual shortages are like' but then I realized he would see that winston has a free apartment, free slop for food, free victory gin and cigarettes and marriages being forced on people by the party for breeding purposes, especially if they didn't like each other and lucas would see that as his ideal way of life. Its literally everything he wants, and with his swiss cheese brain twisting reality around constantly to fit a narrative he'd fit right in as a stupid member of the party that believes anything the government says

Lucas Werner in 1984 would be like oh isn't this wonderful I have freeeeeee shoes. Like this play.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

What a fucking mooch and a parasite, inviting himself to someone else’s barbecue that he heard about and just assuming that he could get free shit because you know he’s such a great guy. Next time he smells a barbecue at someone’s house he’ll just walk into their backyard demanding free barbecue or he’ll burn their house down, at least he will say that under his breath and just stare from a distance at the steak on the grill in longing, mumbling everything should be free, el presidente Wern, vote for me, f reeeeeeee reeeeree clap for my wisdom. WERN 2024, Starbucks incident?! Moooooove on!

He already demands a free teenage sex slave, so why should we be shocked that he demands free food?

Lucas sucks at life.
Like yeah he's a bad person and all, but he sucks at performing basic tasks to meet basic needs.
People like to compare Lucas to a wild animal, but he would die if he were a wild animal.
Food? Someone needs to forage for him.
Shelter? Someone needs to find a rock for the Wern to crawl under.
Mates? Someone needs to yeet him a fecund bae.
For as much as he considers himself a "silverback" he's leagues lower than even the runt gorilla.

 

[wenttobermuda]

Picnics attract flies, and grosser things besides, it seems.

The bbq brushed against my vestigial feels, triggered something weak in my cold, tarry heart. I do not like this feeling. Allow me to power level: I feel things sometimes besides amusement and disgust.

In one of Lucas's many essays explaining why he is ready to be, and would make an excellent father, Lucas stated that a child would help him deal with the broken hearted feeling that comes from not "having a place in the world." He wants to belong somewhere. We all do.

He wasn't welcome at this humble bbq.

Is there nowhere in the world where Lucas is welcome? Nowhere people are happy to see him? Nowhere he fits in, feels at home?

Only Eastern State Hospital. And similar establishments.

What a miserable life. If he hadn't painstakingly fashioned his own misery it would be truly sad.

Think of it like this: a lonely, middle aged man with nothing to do crashes a humble bbq in the park, in search of human connection and a little bit of happiness (in the form of food). Feels. Now add the Lucas part: wants to hump a little girl, is an ungrateful asshole, cannot accept responsibility for his life.

Pity is overwhelmed by contempt and incredulity, and all I can do is laugh. But the laugh is slightly spoiled by the sorrow and stupidity of it all. And the laugh is the only important thing about this sad scene.

 

[AbraCadaver]

'You're calling me rotten lettuce'


Everyone knows that women do immediately drop their drawers and give puss puss to a guy with a baseball cap and a Honda Accord, but it's funny to tell him it's not true.

I know, if I see a car of any kind my uterus begins salivating for babymaking DNA because goddamn, that man owns a CAR! A REAL CAR that you can DRIVE! I could never own such a thing myself! Cars are forbidden to ladies.

He’s always breathed heavy when walking, but this seems worse. I wonder if it’s leftover symptoms from his bout with Covid. You hear stories about people who had their lungs wrecked by it.

That being said, all you teenage girls out there, imagine this hunk of lard laying atop you while thrusting his micro peen and breathing like that into your ear while calling you “Ovulator”.

Fuck you, I don’t deserve to be rendered sterile by this post.

 

[Da Dude123]

Nothing from Lolcow Lucas Werner today. You think he got mugged again or misplaced his phone? He was silent for a while, then he was back and unwelcome at a bbq at a park. Guess we will see what happens next with the cow. Normally, after a break he is back being the sperg we all know, reeeing about bigots and flatbills and Bernie Sanders this and agephobia that. But not so this time...

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

Nothing from Lolcow Lucas Werner today. You think he got mugged again or misplaced his phone? He was silent for a while, then he was back and unwelcome at a bbq at a park. Guess we will see what happens next with the cow. Normally, after a break he is back being the sperg we all know, reeeing about bigots and flatbills and Bernie Sanders this and agephobia that. But not so this time...

Probably something mundane like getting his EBT card thing sorted out. There’s a chance he has his priorities straight in this instance since it pertains to food. Although what if this barbecue was a setup to get Lucas drunk or in a situation where he could “lose” a few things, probably not but wouldn’t surprise me if people took advantage of him like this, all it takes is dangling food in front of the pig.

In a way you get back what you put out and Lucas puts out to those around him that he doesn’t care about them or is just oblivious to what they are saying. Talking with someone like that it doesn’t take long to know they are only trying to use you to get something they want. On some level we all use one another to get what we want but the way Lucas cannot comprehend communication and exchange I don’t think another homeless person would feel bad about ripping him off. I mean why else tolerate his presence unless you're also mentally ill or too spaced out to realize you are talking to a brick wall.

 

[Dumpsterfire Enthusiast]

Its like a horrifying version of demolition man where all the restaurants were taco bell and hobos lived under the streets


It shows how much of a pig he is that he hears about somebody having a BBQ at the park and immediately assumes he can get free food there. He literally invited himself. This is basically one of his 'where the party at zoomers?' moments and look how it went for him. He invited himself just like he would if he found out there was some zoomer party in the park or on the beach and he'd get totally ignored or kicked out

Lucas is utterly obsessed with food. No matter how much he gets he always seems to want more


I was going to reply 'we should make him watch 1984 and see for himself what perpetual shortages are like' but then I realized he would see that winston has a free apartment, free slop for food, free victory gin and cigarettes and marriages being forced on people by the party for breeding purposes, especially if they didn't like each other and lucas would see that as his ideal way of life. Its literally everything he wants, and with his swiss cheese brain twisting reality around constantly to fit a narrative he'd fit right in as a stupid member of the party that believes anything the government says

That said, the next time someone sends him a frozen catfish they should include a few heads of rotten lettuce as well to with it

1984 he might at least recognize that its intended to be considered awful unless he considers Winston to be a flatbill for getting laid before getting gulag'ed but im pretty sure if he read brave new world he would see absolutely nothing wrong with it. forced public orgies, almost everyone having the same mentality as him with relationships and free drugs for everyone sounds like his idea of a perfect world

 

[boner_alert]

There's so much to catch up on this thread, especially with the rotten lettuce thing - I knew that the author of that study had commented on Lucas misusing his work for his pedo puss puss quest but I never knew he called him out .. not only directly but SO FUCKING SPICY

"Your telomerase...[are] protecting a defective package"

When I think that's the pinnacle of his humiliation... the picnic video. That looks like a motherfucking gen z Flatbill to me!

Are you fucking serious? This fat faggot huffed and puffed all the way to this "picnic" and now has to beg a gen z Flatbill for some sausages laid out on cardboard?!

... but then again, considering the absence of "GREEDY GEN Z FLATBILLS" rage spit videos and Lucas' uncanny cockroach luck , I feel like the kid may have taken pity on the wheezing smelly schizo hobo and gave him something, even at least just to get him to leave

In all seriousness, I'm almost mesmerized/in admiration by Lucas' inability to feel shame or humiliation

 

[wenttobermuda]

In all seriousness, I'm almost mesmerized/in admiration by Lucas' inability to feel shame or humiliation

Well put.

I'm with you on the shame. As for humiliation...

Lucas is capable of feeling humiliation. It's his default state. The humiliation is highly specialized, though.

What would be crushing humiliation to most folks does not register with Lucas. Lucas is, however, vulnerable to humiliation over his lack of access to puss puss.

Of all the indignities he's run himself into, all the embarrassments and errors and hardships, it's the absence of puss puss that reaches him.

Both the possessing choice puss puss, and the being seen as possessing (and being capable of possessing) said puss puss.

He gets no puss puss, and is recognized by all as the sort of fellow who gets no puss puss. Women in this thread have remarked on his uncanny ability to parch their genitals, dampen their libidos in perpetuity, even sterilize them. The men don't acknowledge him as male, and agree he isn't anyone's rival.

The other shit (like poverty, weakness, failure) matters only inasmuch as it's related to puss puss.

 

[Gaear Grimsrud]

They probably gave Lucas something at the BBQ.

If the guy told Lucas to fuck off, I don't know why he'd upload a video of himself going to a BBQ leading up to that, instead of just not uploading anything and ignoring the whole thing.

Of course, I'm coming at this from the perspective of a sane person, so who knows?

 

[Da Dude123]

They probably gave Lucas something at the BBQ.

If the guy told Lucas to fuck off, I don't know why he'd upload a video of himself going to a BBQ leading up to that, instead of just not uploading anything and ignoring the whole thing.

Of course, I'm coming at this from the perspective of a sane person, so who knows?

I was sort of thinking Lucas would have made another video of him enjoying the food at the BBQ. But it is possible the guy may have told him something like, okay, you can grab some stuff, but you can't stay here. Something maybe like that. Or he very well could have told Lucas this was not for him.

Still, I am surprised we got nothing from Lucas today.