Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Gaear Grimsrud]

You wanna bet Lucas asked the guy why no hot college chicks turned up at the BBQ?

 

[le funny sex number 69]

I’d have posted before, but there was a guy in a flat bill hat in a Honda Accord, so I had to join the line to have sex with him. He had so many girlfriends it was quite the wait.

That’s how it works, right?

 

[Ghostwriter]

[Werner type beat]

I'm plenty good
You know that's just facts
Tug boat came through,
You know I'm blowing stacks
Hit up Red Robin
still dodgin' heart attacks
Please don't Google me
Cause haters paint a different scene
Got Shareef with me
Bout to teach a street life lesson
You a zoomer bae?
I'm bout to pop the question
No flatbills round' me
Still I pay em tension'
Gave Cannon bags of charity
But Fatal Walter tryna cancel me
You smell like catfish
Don't even send an address
You weren't for Bernie?
You're a bitch, and a thot
I keep my chimps out
I stay talkin' hot
Under 35?
Dad material is what you not
Think you better?
Say I'm just a chester
Consult my telomeres
Cause boy you just a lesser
Yea I'm flexing
Your hate breeds stupidity
That's what I'm singing
12 girls, 1 guy is what I'm seeing
Flop house on camera is where I'm peeing
You're talkin' shit on SOFALAW
But tell Chris Hansen he can suck my balls
You niggas be some haters
Lost my phone again so see you laters

 

[Poop Shoot]

The reason Lucas wasn’t phased at the BBQ guys demeanor is because to him, that’s normal. Everyone is short with and/or trying to ignore him, so he doesn’t register that kind of body language as abnormal. That’s also why he thinks anyone who says more than 10 words to him or makes eye contact is his friend.

This is because he’s never experienced someone’s face light up when they see him. No one has ever looked forward to running into Lucas. He doesn’t realize that his presence is simply tolerated at best.

 

[Purgatorium]

I’m wondering when he will return to instagram. It’s been boring not getting in arguments with him.

 

[Dumpsterfire Enthusiast]

I’d have posted before, but there was a guy in a flat bill hat in a Honda Accord, so I had to join the line to have sex with him. He had so many girlfriends it was quite the wait.

That’s how it works, right?

Usually once you get to the front of the line you have to put your application on the stack of them then fight the other applicants in a battle royale before joining in on the orgies, guy must have been having a slow day

 

[AbraCadaver]

The reason Lucas wasn’t phased at the BBQ guys demeanor is because to him, that’s normal. Everyone is short with and/or trying to ignore him, so he doesn’t register that kind of body language as abnormal. That’s also why he thinks anyone who says more than 10 words to him or makes eye contact is his friend.

This is because he’s never experienced someone’s face light up when they see him. No one has ever looked forward to running into Lucas. He doesn’t realize that his presence is simply tolerated at best.

Maybe that’s why he refers to the world as “cruel” and “hateful,” constantly. He thinks the way people snub and ignore him is how human beings actually treat each other (when in reality, that behaviour is reserved for freaks like Lucas, who smell bad, have no social skills, are awkward and unpleasant and greedily butt in where they aren’t invited or wanted.)

Maybe that’s why he thinks if a man is talking pleasantly with a woman in public, they MUST be fucking. Otherwise why would they be showing this extraordinary amount of kindness to each other?? Humans are hateful and ignore each other, Lucas thinks. To see someone do otherwise MUST mean they’re in a relationship.

He’s such a braindead mong.

 

[Mike R]

I know, if I see a car of any kind my uterus begins salivating for babymaking DNA because goddamn, that man owns a CAR! A REAL CAR that you can DRIVE! I could never own such a thing myself! Cars are forbidden to ladies.

This post is science.

In all seriousness, I'm almost mesmerized/in admiration by Lucas' inability to feel shame or humiliation

Shame and humiliation is Lucas' normal state of being. He is so awkward as evidenced by the vid, people are standoffish when he approaches, but for Lucas this is the standard greeting from everyone he encounters. However, he also exhibits narcissistic tendencies which give him the confidence to, for example... walk into someone else's fucking BBQ uninvited and act like he belongs!

I’d have posted before, but there was a guy in a flat bill hat in a Honda Accord, so I had to join the line to have sex with him. He had so many girlfriends it was quite the wait.

That’s how it works, right?

You tell me, I'll be over to pick you up in my Honda accord. Just have to swing by lids and grab a new hat.

Maybe that’s why he refers to the world as “cruel” and “hateful,” constantly. He thinks the way people snub and ignore him is how human beings actually treat each other (when in reality, that behaviour is reserved for freaks like Lucas, who smell bad, have no social skills, are awkward and unpleasant and greedily butt in where they aren’t invited or wanted.)

Maybe that’s why he thinks if a man is talking pleasantly with a woman in public, they MUST be fucking. Otherwise why would they be showing this extraordinary amount of kindness to each other?? Humans are hateful and ignore each other, Lucas thinks. To see someone do otherwise MUST mean they’re in a relationship.

He’s such a braindead mong.

This makes perfect sense! And is the reason why Lucas thinks everybody has 3 girlfriends but him. Normal people have conversations with each other, and sometimes those conversations take place in public. Lucas views all the guys around him, as having sex with the women, that he can only shoot his knuckle children all over his phone screen to. He sees himself as superior to all of these men, why he views himself this way is a mystery that will span to the end of time, but this is the way he sees himself.

In his head there is nothing wrong with him, so the only logical conclusion is that someone must be cock blocking him, or the women are sexist, ageist, or leftist in name only. This is the only thing that makes sense, otherwise why are these women not having sex with our Autistic Protagonist.

 

[WonderWino]

Usually once you get to the front of the line you have to put your application on the stack of them then fight the other applicants in a battle royale before joining in on the orgies, guy must have been having a slow day

It goes pretty much like this:

I know, if I see a car of any kind my uterus begins salivating for babymaking DNA because goddamn, that man owns a CAR! A REAL CAR that you can DRIVE! I could never own such a thing myself! Cars are forbidden to ladies.

Thats terrier level excitement right there

This makes perfect sense! And is the reason why Lucas thinks everybody has 3 girlfriends but him. Normal people have conversations with each other, and sometimes those conversations take place in public. Lucas views all the guys around him, as having sex with the women, that he can only shoot his knuckle children all over his phone screen to. He sees himself as superior to all of these men, why he views himself this way is a mystery that will span to the end of time, but this is the way he sees himself.

Part of the reason he sees himself as superior like that is a psychological defense mechanism to keep him from losing his shit. I suspect that if he ever had a real moment of utter clarity where he truly realized what a fuckup and failure at life he is and what the rest of his life is going to be like he'd go completely batshit and end up back in eastern state permanently

 

[IceQueen]

I’d have posted before, but there was a guy in a flat bill hat in a Honda Accord, so I had to join the line to have sex with him. He had so many girlfriends it was quite the wait.

That’s how it works, right?

Omg I think I was in line next to you!!! Small world. That guy was amazing, a flat bill AND a car??? Have to wait a few more weeks to see if he got me pregnant but ugh fingers crossed

 

[Gaear Grimsrud]

It goes pretty much like this:

Has Youtube really gotten so shitty that they're age-restricting fucking Star Trek TOS scenes?

 

[A whole lotta nope]

I know, if I see a car of any kind my uterus begins salivating for babymaking DNA because goddamn, that man owns a CAR! A REAL CAR that you can DRIVE! I could never own such a thing myself! Cars are forbidden to ladies.

Oh yes. I was walking to work the other day because women don't have cars and I saw this young dude in a flat bill hat pull up to a gas station in a 2001 Toyota Corolla. He pulled out a CREDIT CARD to fill up his tank! I had to get his number. This is clearly the man that should be fathering my children.

 

[Krathnami]

On the subject of Wern humiliation, the Apex Mountain for me is when he was chokeslammed on Fetlife by someone named Dildo Gaggins

 

[FatherPucci]

It’s been awhile since I’ve popped by, has Lucas had any recent sagas worth looking into or is the fat Ass still defining the definition of insanity? I did see the picnic video, that was some pathetic business right there

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

It’s been awhile since I’ve popped by, has Lucas had any recent sagas worth looking into or is the fat Ass still defining the definition of insanity? I did see the picnic video, that was some pathetic business right there

Nothing notable since the LA saga. Lucas has been lacking in 2021, just the usual insanity with a lot of braindead political takes trying to impress leftist zoomer baes.

 

[Dumpsterfire Enthusiast]

On the subject of Wern humiliation, the Apex Mountain for me is when he was chokeslammed on Fetlife by someone named Dildo Gaggins

him on Fetlife was the absolute best because they started out politely trying to explain to him what was wrong with what he was doing and genuinely trying to get the point across but when he wasn't listening they just stopped holding back and ripped right into him. I just love how it escalated

 

[Gaear Grimsrud]

It’s been awhile since I’ve popped by, has Lucas had any recent sagas worth looking into or is the fat Ass still defining the definition of insanity? I did see the picnic video, that was some pathetic business right there

Did you miss the exciting toaster oven saga?

 

[LeeLoo]

him on Fetlife was the absolute best because they started out politely trying to explain to him what was wrong with what he was doing and genuinely trying to get the point across but when he wasn't listening they just stopped holding back and ripped right into him.

I loved the Fetlife debacle. He’s such an unbelievable moron, he tried posting in a DDGL group thinking it was for predators looking for minors. He was immediately told what DDGL was, and from there did his usual “fuck off bigots” after being put in his place.

But the icing on the MRSA infested cake was when he pitched a fit because they knew who he was, and his real identity was outed. What the fat tard failed to realize was that he listed his IG account in his profile, which has his first and last name in it. So yeah, people quickly realized he as THAT Spokane guy. God that was amazing

 

[Fatal Walter]

Watching Lucas get torn down by a guy named Dildo Gaggins for being a creep on fetlife is the cleanest, best pleasure. He gets identified a lot when he gets posted to Reddit, though, so I doubt he'll ever be able to be anonymous on anything if he's talking about any of his usual nonsense. I guess that's what he wanted. He does put himself out there a lot.

 

[AbraCadaver]

Oh yes. I was walking to work the other day because women don't have cars and I saw this young dude in a flat bill hat pull up to a gas station in a 2001 Toyota Corolla. He pulled out a CREDIT CARD to fill up his tank! I had to get his number. This is clearly the man that should be fathering my children.

I tried to buy a car myself once, but was told I would need my boyfriend to sign the papers for me and for business purposes he had to impregnate me right there on the desk at the dealership, so they would know we were definitely long-term and I hadn't been recently yeeted to him from another man.

Now I understand why everyone says buying a car is so frustrating.