Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

Okay so I work at a home improvement store, and last night we just got a shipment of ladders and a promotional posters. The brand of ladders was "Werner" and when I saw the item description specifically the "load capacity" I went into a full on laughing fit. Knowing that Lucas is too fat to use a ladder made my night! Here was the promo poster:
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...endorsed by The Voices on The Wind, (the more I say that the more it starts to sound like a crappy goth band) and test-rated to support up to 6200 of the fastest swimmers you got.

Caution: Do Not attempt to load toaster ovens while standing on the Werner Stepladder. Do Not attempt to swoop bitches from the Werner Stepladder, as Werner, Inc. is not responsible for the resulting damage to your telomeres which may occur.
 
Well, he hasn't posted anything else today so here's his stupid rambling story while filming a train and that nasty muffin.

What an amazing story teller Lucas is...that train narrative had me enraptured in its rich detail and the clear understanding of why this would be interesting to his many listeners. Clearly all that time he's spent making up BS stories has been very well spent.
 
This morning Facebook decided to recommend Lucas' mom to me as a friend since her husband had sent me a DM thinking I was Lucas during the LA Catfish saga.

I did a little timeline scrolling and noticed in 2020 on Mother's Day she explicitly mentioned her ex husband's wife as a good mother, and mentioned Seth by name but not Lucas.

Prior to those posts there was a string of posts about forgiving people but also silently cutting them off, and being done with trying to help people who don't appreciate you.

Despite what Lucas likes to claim it seems like whatever happened after they got him a fleabag motel for a couple of days following the bus ride back to Spokane did result in him being completely cut off.
 
This morning Facebook decided to recommend Lucas' mom to me as a friend since her husband had sent me a DM thinking I was Lucas during the LA Catfish saga.

I did a little timeline scrolling and noticed in 2020 on Mother's Day she explicitly mentioned her ex husband's wife as a good mother, and mentioned Seth by name but not Lucas.

Prior to those posts there was a string of posts about forgiving people but also silently cutting them off, and being done with trying to help people who don't appreciate you.

Despite what Lucas likes to claim it seems like whatever happened after they got him a fleabag motel for a couple of days following the bus ride back to Spokane did result in him being completely cut off.
The Algorithm God is trying to tell you something. Consult an oracle.

I'm not certain that Mommy Myrna's Facebook activity demonstrates a complete cut off contemporaneous with the LA adventure. I bring this up not to disagree with you, nor for the simple pleasure of being contrary, but because parental estrangement is currently one of my chief interests in Wernology.
Myrna used to bring up Lucas on her FB with some regularity, usually around his birthday, or when she felt like explaining to her friends how hard she has fought for the rights and dignity of the mentally ill. She made posts about phone calls from him, too, which may suggest that those did not happen with regularity.

I've included some representative examples below, with Lucas's face cropped out, because he is ugly.
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"Incredible meals." Yes. Something to be proud of.
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In the first image above, Myrna states: "He has experienced family turning their backs on him because he is not perfect." This seems to be true of his brothers and father. It may be true of Myrna as well, but I'm not certain that the LA adventure or some event in its aftermath was the final straw.

Myrna hasn't had much to say about her "handsome" son on FB since 2019. To the extent that not mentioning someone by name on FB is an indication of alienation, this may represents a change in their relationship. Or perhaps she decided to stop discussing her son's problems in a public forum. While Myrna's new posts about "being done" with unappreciative people are obviously relevant to her relationship with Lucas, it isn't as if she was involved in his life and constantly shouting him out up until recently.
In sum, it seems that Lucas has not been receiving financial aid from his parents for quite some time, that Myrna stopped talking about her son on FB before 2020, and that contact between them has been so limited that Larry reached out to @klickitat to get ahold of Lucas. Perhaps something happened recently that took this dynamic to the next level. It's sad, isn't?
 
Sitting on the sidewalk eating yogurt with a folded up paper. Says he's back staying at HOC and looking for an apt. Wonder if HOC just let the Freak back in without going through Sanctions where he had to meet with all the people involved in the incident that got the 1 mo. ban at HOC. He gave up with the folded paper and went at it with his filthy finger.
Some guy asked something about the bus and 6 o'clock. Lucas said it's 4 so looks like the video was made yesterday and just posted today..

 
Looks like we spiraled back to classic Lucas again.

The information Lucas needs:

Get a job
Seek mental help
Stop with the sense of entitlement
Stop being a victim, you aren't
Take a bath
Get a haircut

The information lucas wants:

The location a beautiful "young woman" who will provide everything for me and expect absolutely nothing in return.

The reality:

Lucas will never use the information he needs. As for the information he wants, it's just not in the cards.
 
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Maybe this has to do with Lucas. Myrna was regularly posting boomer meme pics and virtue signaling before this, to only sparse pics of herself and family. If I recall correctly, this was around the time Lucas was hoboing and desperate for money, while bragging that his parents were millionaires and King Roy's herds of elk, which would be his if they'd just fucking die already.
 
It’s your lucky chance as an artist to help the Wern make his next board game he will pay you $2000 but it will most likely be in popcorn over the course of thirty years at best. And he finally admits he is no longer in school
I was wondering if I'd heard that right, he's no longer in college. I sure hope it's the end of financial aid throwing good money after bad.
 

It’s your lucky chance as an artist to help the Wern make his next board game he will pay you $2000 but it will most likely be in popcorn over the course of a thirty year period at best if he can remember what game he is designing. And he finally admits he is no longer in school
I like the part when he sprays axe body spray on himself and says "Anarchy"
 
Was watching bald and bankrupt last night on his tour of Maldova’s capital. It is sadly the biggest shit hole in Europe. They’ve had 30 years to restructure their country’s economy since the collapse of the USSR but sadly it is a very corrupt country and nobody cares, all the young people get out as soon as they can. I was just thinking if Lucas got catfished to Moldova what a fitting environment that would be to match his shitty personality. He would fit right in to to the gopnik lifestyle very quickly having his pick of any crumbling apartment complex to squat in and he could squat around all day shouting where the women at amidst the crumbling ruins where all the young women have left. It’s honestly quite sad the state of this place but it would make a good filming location for a dystopian horror. Like Chernobyl but with people living in the ruins.
 
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Sitting on the sidewalk eating yogurt with a folded up paper. Says he's back staying at HOC and looking for an apt. Wonder if HOC just let the Freak back in without going through Sanctions where he had to meet with all the people involved in the incident that got the 1 mo. ban at HOC. He gave up with the folded paper and went at it with his filthy finger.
Some guy asked something about the bus and 6 o'clock. Lucas said it's 4 so looks like the video was made yesterday and just posted today..


This is like the companion piece to the pencil chop sticks for eating ramen. The fashioned spoon for yogurt reminds me of those apes that discovered using a stick to reach into an ant hill to scoop up ants to eat. Very informative.

I love too that he is back to the assumption that some magic key or secret password is being denied to him by cockblocking Gen Z dudes. Where’s the information? Why won’t you tell the secret to the Wern?
 

It’s your lucky chance as an artist to help the Wern make his next board game he will pay you $2000 but it will most likely be in popcorn over the course of a thirty year period at best if he can remember what game he is designing. And he finally admits he is no longer in school

Another important message from Lucas for Zoomers.
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>"You run your ad-hominem agruements".
 
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