Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

So, funny story my fellow kiwis. I was driving to work today and decided to listen to Klick's latest video. I am pulling up to the stop light right next to one of Lucas' favorite restaurants, sushi.com and that fat faggot was standing next to the building leaning on it typing furiously into his phone. I turn my stereo up loud enough so that he could 100% hear it AND rolled down my window and there was zero reaction. None. I don't think he can recognize his own voice - especially since I was only 3-4 feet away from him. I went and parked my car and hurried up to see if I could snap a photo of him. but he was too far for a decent picture. His bald spot was gleaming in the sun though. Bright and white!
Another possible, and rather concerning explanation for his ignoring you comes to mind. It could be that he is so used to hearing voices that aren't there that he makes a point of essentially ignoring such things happening around him, assuming them to be just another delusion trying to fuck with him. I mean he does seem to get legitimately concerned when he loses his earbuds and can't block out the voices on the wind, as he's pointed out himself a couple times. It would explain why he needs to wear them in the first place

Its a concerning thought in terms of his sanity. If that really is what caused it he must be living in a completely different world in his own mind at this point. It would explain a great deal about his behavior
 
So, funny story my fellow kiwis. I was driving to work today and decided to listen to Klick's latest video. I am pulling up to the stop light right next to one of Lucas' favorite restaurants, sushi.com and that fat faggot was standing next to the building leaning on it typing furiously into his phone. I turn my stereo up loud enough so that he could 100% hear it AND rolled down my window and there was zero reaction. None. I don't think he can recognize his own voice - especially since I was only 3-4 feet away from him. I went and parked my car and hurried up to see if I could snap a photo of him. but he was too far for a decent picture. His bald spot was gleaming in the sun though. Bright and white!
I can’t imagine what it’s like for you Spokaners to see him out and about in daily life. It must be like seeing Bigfoot.
 
But he manages to fedora tip so hard, you still get more upset by that. I'm almost impressed a PEDOPHILE can find a way to be even more disgusting, and hate inducing with just his holier than thou tude.
I have tipped a fedora or two in my day but this kind of shit is why I mostly stopped. This is probably the one major behavioral change I ever made because of Internet mockery, not of me personally but the whole fedora tipping meme. After enough of this, I had the realization, wow I really look like a piece of shit when I do this, maybe I should stop. But people like Pukas actually think they're somehow superior, while being a literal schizophrenic homeless pedophile bum, because they don't believe something. Well, congratulations, you're capable of forming a simple idea and then being an utter cock about it. Great achievement.

That's almost the defining characteristic of a lolcow, being smug while having absolutely nothing to be smug about.
 

Now that Fatty is back on speaking terms with Isaac, I thought it would be instructive to post this video from a month or so back, in which Lucas threatens to narc on Isaac and his brother, for not helping him get a girlfriend. And by "narc", I mean the literal definition of the word, as in turn them in for their illegal drug use to the police. Do you think Isaac knows that Lucas has publicly threatened to turn him into the police for his illegal activity? Or does Isaac not care, because he knows how big of a coward Lucas is, so that even his threats of threats are likely nothing more than empty bluster?

There's also some oblique physical threat, mentioning that he knows where they sleep, although this probably amounts to little other than farting on their sleeping bodies, or scattering cocktail peps and Girl Scout cookies around their feet, and running off giggling. Still a threat tho.

Lucas is a little bitch. Lucas thinks other men are little bitches, but Lucas is actually the biggest bitch. He's still a little bitch though.

Lucas has mentioned several times that he's not a narc, even though he's a literal narc.

On the geek room podcast, he mentioned he was okay with people under the age of 21 and even under the age of 18 using weed, he wasn't going to narc on anybody, he said.

But Lucas himself has said that he called the police when he suspected prostitution at the bus depot, he called the police when he suspected prostitution at a particular hotel, and then obviously he threatened to turn in all of his neighbors for their supposed drug selling, which only resulted in his ouster, but the point is, Lucas is an enormous tattletail narc.

And of course, he doesn't do this narcing out of a desire to uphold the moral good, or because he sees drug use as something that hurts people, that he's trying to protect them from, he exclusively does it, as he does everything else, out of jealousy, when he suspects people having sex, that he's not included in.

If there is a more pussified reason to tattle tale, and a bigger example of an uncool narc, I've yet to discover it on this planet.
 
217,000 people in Spokane (i looked it up) and Lucas may be the city's best known citizen outside of Gonzaga basketball.
Then he is truly the man of spokane, rather than a man of spokane as the thread title currently states

Plus he is eerily close to being the jared of starbucks. They really should put him in the next south park game at this point. He could be the new leader of the super adventure club, with the game centering around the boys trying to rescue wendy from the clutches of the wern before she is used to create lucas's very own version of a lazarus pit from batman, by extracting her telomeres and telomerase. Either that or make him the new crackpot mayor of south park. He would make a fantastic south park character
 
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Looks like certain folks are taking advantage of Lucas's lack of focus...
 
I love how we care more about what happens to Lucas and his phone than, well, anybody else in the world.

Anyway, glad he’s still alive. I look forward to his next batch of maniacal rants.
Lucas is far from the only cow with this situation, but to me it's funny he's still back to pretending he's getting the elk kingdom.

No one in this thread will die before Lucas and even if so we are leaving him nothing.

It's amazing, to think how isolated he is and how he will be thrown into an unmarked grave and forgotten what maybe 2 weeks after we post his obituary and laugh at how white washed it is.
 
Lucas is far from the only cow with this situation, but to me it's funny he's still back to pretending he's getting the elk kingdom.

No one in this thread will die before Lucas and even if so we are leaving him nothing.

It's amazing, to think how isolated he is and how he will be thrown into an unmarked grave and forgotten what maybe 2 weeks after we post his obituary and laugh at how white washed it is.
I doubt there would be a funeral or even a proper obituary. The only thing we would probably see would be his boomer mom put up a virtue signaling Facebook post about what a victim Lucas was and that he is finally free from his mental illness. But she would not care enough to have a funeral. The post would just be to fish for sympathy.
 
I doubt there would be a funeral or even a proper obituary. The only thing we would probably see would be his boomer mom put up a virtue signaling Facebook post about what a victim Lucas was and that he is finally free from his mental illness. But she would not care enough to have a funeral. The post would just be to fish for sympathy.

Oh come on, I'd make at least a short compilation of his greatest meltdowns with an RIP at the end.
 
I doubt there would be a funeral or even a proper obituary. The only thing we would probably see would be his boomer mom put up a virtue signaling Facebook post about what a victim Lucas was and that he is finally free from his mental illness. But she would not care enough to have a funeral. The post would just be to fish for sympathy.
I wouldn't be shocked if all the local newspapers refused to publish an obituary of him
 
The best thing for lucas after his inevitable early death is to be cremated and his ashes used to grit the path to the homeless shelter during the winter. It would be the one time he actually contributed to society in a useful manner

But knowing lucas he would want to have himself cremated and his ashes turned into one of those fake diamonds, have it set into a necklace and then arrange to have said necklace sent anonymously to some zoomer teen ovulator, in the hopes she would not know what it really is and have lucas dangling between her tits for a few years. Its the closest he would ever get to getting near a pair of teen tits
 
I imagine The Wern going to Hell, but then all the sinners in Hell have to listen to Wern ranting into his phone about Gen-ZEEEE bigotry and my-sogeny all the while stinking up the lake of fire & brimstone with his unwashed incontinence-stained rags when they aren't busy being tortured by demons.

Eventually even Satan and his demon legions will grow tired of The Wern's antics and general horrible state of being, at which point he will be banned from Hell, and forced to wander the Earth for all eternity as a wayward homeless spirit, ranting about the ghostphobic bigoted dating preferences of teenage girls.
They will say on dark and lonely nights you can still hear the ghastly hobo's voice talking about his haunted telomeres, an undead faggot, a voice on the wind.
 
The cow must not be looking at Instagram. He would be mooing and reeeing if he saw these mean comments. He would go on a blocking spree. After all, he is plenty good and it is wrong to imply he isn't.
I've been wondering for a while if since he's had his new account, he has gone back to see some of the negative comments left on posts from his old account since. It would be funny to tag him in the old comments, knowing he couldn't do anything to delete them anymore, so they're just stuck out in the world for everyone to see (assuming he has completely lost access to his old account).
 
IMO the best fate for Lucas' soul is the one he has been training for his entire existence, he constantly hears the background noise and the voices in the wind, he will in passing, become the background noise and voices in the wind for another pedophillic bum. As for the best use of his earthly vessel, ideally he is cremated and the ashes are put into the yellow Cour d' Alene racing shirt and spread across the vegetable garden in the elk kingdom, where his ashes are used to fertilize the vegetables. I also was thinking ballistics testing at like a police farm, maybe Chris Chan's idea of being shot up to the moon in a rocket filled with all of the tobaccky. But the most probable event, he will have an unmarked grave or won't even have a grave. He won't have a funeral. Literally the day after he dies the thread will close and we will move onto another lolcow. I totally think his mother will try to garner sympathy by making an "it was all mental illness, he was a victim" statement. I know on cold rainy evenings in Spokane you will still be able to hear faint echos "bigot", "classist", "leftist in name only", "Bernie Sanders", and "Telomeres, the fecund age is between 18-24".
 
I imagine The Wern going to Hell, but then all the sinners in Hell have to listen to Wern ranting into his phone about Gen-ZEEEE bigotry and my-sogeny all the while stinking up the lake of fire & brimstone with his unwashed incontinence-stained rags when they aren't busy being tortured by demons.

Eventually even Satan and his demon legions will grow tired of The Wern's antics and general horrible state of being, at which point he will be banned from Hell, and forced to wander the Earth for all eternity as a wayward homeless spirit, ranting about the ghostphobic bigoted dating preferences of teenage girls.
They will say on dark and lonely nights you can still hear the ghastly hobo's voice talking about his haunted telomeres, an undead faggot, a voice on the wind.
....and thus began lucas's obi wan force ghost style saga, appearing to a homeless creep to mentor him in the ways of telomeres and strong DNA, and to help him get the zoomer bae that lucas himself never had in life

.....which leads to said hobo thinking he is going insane and ignoring lucas, leaving the wern to be forever condemned as one of the voices on the wind he despised so much when alive. truly a fate rich in poetic justice

A Big Bumbling Black Man said:
Congrats on the 1448 pages in your thread, Lucas.
Maybe that'll get a giggle out of your totally-real-not-a-catfish-Neo-Nazi cutie you say you chat with on Instagram, champ.
As much as you despise fascism and bigotry at least the Führer had friends and a wife, ooooof.
You're thinking of 1488
 
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