Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Twrx]

Found the gum video

https://youtu.be/IWEOIuzi4ro

 

[Da Dude123]

Another Father's Day is upon on us, my dudes. Remember when Lucas had a meltdown on Father's Day because someone at a store wished him a happy Father's Day? He was crying like a bitch and mooing about how terrible it is that he doesn't have a telomeres baby and how he just hates this day. One of my favorite videos of him. I still disliked it on his Youtube page, tho!

 

[Bassomatic]

Lucas is going to waddle into his next tard court hearing. The entire legal team has some how heard about his signs and YouTube.

The judge tells Lucas well you're a victim and hero sign this and you'll be granted a queefy genz bae.

Lucas who's never figured cat fishing out scribbles his name smile on his face smiling so hard showing off his left over horse dentures.

The bailiff puts his hand on Lucas to lead him.

Lucas is thrilled as they drive him to a large home where he expects to be granted his wife/maid/punching bag/flesh light.

He's dropped off into a group home forced meds and left to eat handfuls of cheap spaghetti day in and day out till he drops dead.

The thread goes quiet for years and one day a note from a wernoligist. Mryna MY SON DIED here's my gofundme. 50 plus pages fly and then it's all gone voices in the wind.


While this is a fan fic tbh anymore it feels like a quite possible future.

 

[AFondFare-doToAFriend]

Does anyone know which video he does that shitty "land of the tribes" accent in? For some reason I really enjoyed that one.

 

[wenttobermuda]

Does anyone know which video he does that shitty "land of the tribes" accent in? For some reason I really enjoyed that one.

Lucas's voice acting is a neglected part of his work. My favorite: Lucky Charms Irish. "Ye breakin' me hart Gen Zeee."

From memory, he's done the following accents at various points: Italian NY Guido, Midwestern/Chicago tough guy, state of the art Urban Dictionary Ebonics, Speedy Gonzales, "Millennial," British, German.

I enjoy it when he assumes the voice of a flatbill, and repeats the things that exhausted people have no doubt been telling him for years: you're acting desperate, this seems like a midlife crisis, get a job bum, etc.

 

[Da Dude123]

Lucas's voice acting is a neglected part of his work. My favorite: Lucky Charms Irish. "Ye breakin' me hart Gen Zeee."

From memory, he's done the following accents at various points: Italian NY Guido, Midwestern/Chicago tough guy, state of the art Urban Dictionary Ebonics, Speedy Gonzales, "Millennial," British, German.

I enjoy it when he assumes the voice of a flatbill, and repeats the things that exhausted people have no doubt been telling him for years: you're acting desperate, this seems like a midlife crisis, get a job bum, etc.

Remember when he was big into his E-begging and he said "alms for the poor! Alms for the poor!" ? He said it in some stupid voice. He is such a lolcow. Pathetic filthy bum.

He once said "I'll stop when I have a girlfriend. Do I have a girlfriend? No, I do not." Well, he still doesn't have a girlfriend. And he stopped posting online, but now puts up physical media. So, I guess he sort of did not lie. Still Tubby needs to get back online. I wish he would choose today and reee about Father's Day and how horrid it is that he is not a father.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Lucas's voice acting is a neglected part of his work. My favorite: Lucky Charms Irish. "Ye breakin' me hart Gen Zeee."

From memory, he's done the following accents at various points: Italian NY Guido, Midwestern/Chicago tough guy, state of the art Urban Dictionary Ebonics, Speedy Gonzales, "Millennial," British, German.

I enjoy it when he assumes the voice of a flatbill, and repeats the things that exhausted people have no doubt been telling him for years: you're acting desperate, this seems like a midlife crisis, get a job bum, etc.

Don't let's forget those that have no connection to any actual world accent, but are no less enjoyable to listen to.

The one that comes to mind for me is the teeth-grittingly psychotic "But you can change!" guy.

Oh, and also the "What the fuck do you think I want.... your dick in my rectum?" closeted gay tough guy.... Complete with some facial contortions that were strange even for Lucas.

The question I have is whether Lucas is even aware of doing these voices, or whether it's entirely spontaneous, just a product of his insanity.

I mentioned that he gritted his teeth in the "you can change!" voice, and I say this because I've heard people with severe mental issues like schizophrenia and the like oftentimes have these dyskinesic ticks, and I thought perhaps that was related. While doing that voice his face was contorted by gritting his teeth so hard, it was practically a rictus.

But yeah, he uses these voices to say the same things that he really does think, when he's not hiding behind the "I'm a stand-up comedian" bullshit,

The best part is the leaps in logic that tell you things about Lucas's subconscious that he probably wouldn't want to let out if he was aware. He goes from saying "Why would I want your dick in my ass?", to immediately suggesting that that behavior is "like (his) father"?

 

[Cnaiur urs Skiotha]

Have another one that Youtube auto-deleted.
I suddenly feel bad for the Spokane PD for having to deal with this dumbass probably calling them to scream about how GenZ bigots won't give him a girl to fuck so he wants to report them for harassment and possibly drugs.

View attachment 2276899

You know what Lucas? This comment convinced me. I don't know if Spokane PD has the authority to arrest me through the internet for felony Failure to Provide Pussy but I'm not taking any chances. Let me just look through my contacts and text all the 18 year old, model-level gorgeous, hardcore Marxist girls who live in Spokane that I know. I'm sure once I explain about the super sperm and how poor and homeless you are they'll start hunting the streets for your iconic green shoelaces. No, you know what, I'm not gonna take any chances, let me fly to Spokane, get the girl in person, and physically pick her up, carry her to whatever bus stop you're hanging around, and actually deposit her in your lap. Hey while I'm in town do you need any food or weed? I'll totally hook you up bro, that's just what non-bigots do ya know, just please don't call your cop and bounty hunter friends, and please don't demolish me with your legendary Youtube insult comedy

 

[wenttobermuda]

Don't let's forget those that have no connection to any actual world accent, but are no less enjoyable to listen to.

The one that comes to mind for me is the teeth-grittingly psychotic "But you can change!" guy.

Oh, and also the "What the fuck do you think I want.... your dick in my rectum?" closeted gay tough guy.... Complete with some facial contortions that were strange even for Lucas.

The question I have is whether Lucas is even aware of doing these voices, or whether it's entirely spontaneous, just a product of his insanity.

I mentioned that he gritted his teeth in the "you can change!" voice, and I say this because I've heard people with severe mental issues like schizophrenia and the like oftentimes have these dyskinesic ticks, and I thought perhaps that was related. While doing that voice his face was contorted by gritting his teeth so hard, it was practically a rictus.

But yeah, he uses these voices to say the same things that he really does think, when he's not hiding behind the "I'm a stand-up comedian" bullshit,

The best part is the leaps in logic that tell you things about Lucas's subconscious that he probably wouldn't want to let out if he was aware. He goes from saying "Why would I want your dick in my ass?", to immediately suggesting that that behavior is "like (his) father"?

I want very badly for the voices in the wind to take the form of these accents and characters. Is it too much to ask that Lucas experience his intrusive thoughts and auditory hallucinations as shtick, skits, and corny voice acting? You may recall the following auditory hallucination:

Spoiler: lil' girls want babies

In my autistic head canon, the yelling was in his own voice, stretched up to a cartoonishly high register. The sound of a 40 year old predator mimicking a little girl (who is horny).

 

[Humpty hump]

or obeyed as a potentate. Taken care of. And cared for. Cared about. But mostly, taken care of--needs met, protected from life. In a kitten, this quality would be cute. Or at least not off putting. In a 40 year old man, it is not cute. But it's not an uncommon desire. Maybe there's a cultural expectation that women experience it more strongly than men, but it's a part of the human experience that even wicked old Kiwis can recognize. Most folks who experience it either sublimate it, or figure out a socially appropriate way to express

 

[IceQueen]

Or he's just talking shit to convince some girl to slide into bed with him, or some guy to slide him a girl, and has no intention of actually taking them to meet his """millionaire""" parents.

You know what’s interesting? I feel like I haven’t seen anything (from Lucas himself or anybody else) about his relationship with his parents when he was with Suzanne. It strangely seems like, during what was probably the most stable period of his adult life, where he actually had a partner who loved him and who he might have married and had kids with, they were completely absent still.

Of course like I said I don’t know this for sure because I haven’t seen anything about it, but it just strikes me as odd that it seems like they still weren’t around. Maybe they felt like he finally had some independence and they could keep their distance and live their own lives, but I’m surprised they wouldn’t have wanted to be more involved with him and Suzanne, especially his dad and Becky, who still lived close by.

It also seems like, if they HAD been around during that time, Lucas would bring that up when he talks about how great they’ll treat him and his wife and kids if he ever were to get them. He does mention Suzanne sometimes so it’s not a matter of not wanting to bring her up, but he never says anything like “you should’ve seen how they treated me when I was with Suzanne!”

So idk I guess my point is that it almost seems that we have some proof that even if PukeAss DID somehow wind up with a wife and kids, his parents would be more relieved that he was mostly someone else’s problem, and still not care to have him around or help him out much.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

You know what’s interesting? I feel like I haven’t seen anything (from Lucas himself or anybody else) about his relationship with his parents when he was with Suzanne. It strangely seems like, during what was probably the most stable period of his adult life, where he actually had a partner who loved him and who he might have married and had kids with, they were completely absent still.

Of course like I said I don’t know this for sure because I haven’t seen anything about it, but it just strikes me as odd that it seems like they still weren’t around. Maybe they felt like he finally had some independence and they could keep their distance and live their own lives, but I’m surprised they wouldn’t have wanted to be more involved with him and Suzanne, especially his dad and Becky, who still lived close by.

It also seems like, if they HAD been around during that time, Lucas would bring that up when he talks about how great they’ll treat him and his wife and kids if he ever were to get them. He does mention Suzanne sometimes so it’s not a matter of not wanting to bring her up, but he never says anything like “you should’ve seen how they treated me when I was with Suzanne!”

So idk I guess my point is that it almost seems that we have some proof that even if PukeAss DID somehow wind up with a wife and kids, his parents would be more relieved that he was mostly someone else’s problem, and still not care to have him around or help him out much.

Yeah, I think Lucas's whole parent's schtick is more bait for a woman/woman provider than hope for freebies from his parents.

The whole elk hunting thing kind of gives it away for me. Wern has zero interest in hunting, yet he has offered up his fathers seemingly bountiful herds of elk as a trade/bargain.
Its purely to, in his mind, dupe some guy into yeeting him a bae.

Now, I'm not saying the Wern wouldn't try to use a wife/kid to crawl his way back into some parental money given the chance; I'm just of the opinion that him using his parent's (imagined) wealth is more bait for his poonaner quest than it is because he expects said wife/kid will be his ticket back into the family.

 

[Bassomatic]

I think he doesn't mention them because Lucas is a selfish fuck and teenage mind set is a compliment to him.

Lucas had a roof food and company. His parents meant nothing to them. Everyone is just to serve them.

Really he's so brain broken I don't think he could feel love be it family or romantic. Clearly not platonic.

Now he thinks he could lure women so he mentions em. Much like he mentions his ex to get a leg up that he has experience (neglecting he was lazy and abusive).

To be fair I love a good hunt. If King Roy reads here, any time you want a hunting buddy let a fish blender know. Elk is great game. I promise I won't share a pre teen girl with your retarded son but we can share a few Cubans and bourbon.

Also hunting is kinda a niche hobby anymore esp younger even in rural areas I can't see Spokane being the kinda area that takes first day of deer season off.

 

[Wernology]

It would be hilarious to test just how much this applies to general statements by having a zoomer bae complain to him about how unfair and oppressive the cardassian legal system is to the accused and how its geared toward fucking the poor like lucas and see if lucas, not knowing the references in the slightest starts running with it and ranting about it publicly, making a complete fool of himself

Probably wouldn't be too hard to convince him that Cardassia is a fascist Eastern European dictatorship that's oppressing the ethnic Bajoran minority while we're at it, especially if you threw in things like, "They've been occupying lands belonging to the Bajorans for nearly 70 years, and while the latest guy 'elected' to run the place pretends to be more progressive and tolerant than the last one, there's still an entire prison-industrial complex that exploits the poor and the Cardassian police routinely shoot minority populations more often than they do the majority," he would absolutely buy it.

Not only would he buy it, he might actually put out one or two videos about it before some well meaning dumbass clued him in, at which point he'd claim he was trolling the trolls.

...I gave myself a mild headache typing that scenario up almost entirely because of the realization that he would be dumb enough to believe it.

 

[Trainwreck]

Also hunting is kinda a niche hobby anymore esp younger even in rural areas I can't see Spokane being the kinda area that takes first day of deer season off.

It's actually surprising how many hunters are in this area. Like dad, son and grandpa's go out all the time. Eggers, the local butcher gets crazy busy during hunting season processing everyone's game.

 

[AFondFare-doToAFriend]

Don't let's forget those that have no connection to any actual world accent, but are no less enjoyable to listen to.

The one that comes to mind for me is the teeth-grittingly psychotic "But you can change!" guy.

Oh, and also the "What the fuck do you think I want.... your dick in my rectum?" closeted gay tough guy.... Complete with some facial contortions that were strange even for Lucas.

The question I have is whether Lucas is even aware of doing these voices, or whether it's entirely spontaneous, just a product of his insanity.

I mentioned that he gritted his teeth in the "you can change!" voice, and I say this because I've heard people with severe mental issues like schizophrenia and the like oftentimes have these dyskinesic ticks, and I thought perhaps that was related. While doing that voice his face was contorted by gritting his teeth so hard, it was practically a rictus.

But yeah, he uses these voices to say the same things that he really does think, when he's not hiding behind the "I'm a stand-up comedian" bullshit,

The best part is the leaps in logic that tell you things about Lucas's subconscious that he probably wouldn't want to let out if he was aware. He goes from saying "Why would I want your dick in my ass?", to immediately suggesting that that behavior is "like (his) father"?

Lucas's voice acting is a neglected part of his work. My favorite: Lucky Charms Irish. "Ye breakin' me hart Gen Zeee."

From memory, he's done the following accents at various points: Italian NY Guido, Midwestern/Chicago tough guy, state of the art Urban Dictionary Ebonics, Speedy Gonzales, "Millennial," British, German.

I enjoy it when he assumes the voice of a flatbill, and repeats the things that exhausted people have no doubt been telling him for years: you're acting desperate, this seems like a midlife crisis, get a job bum, etc.

Maybe an idea for a new video: a compilation of his attempts at accents? Paging Dr. Klickitat!

 

[VoidFace]

Probably wouldn't be too hard to convince him that Cardassia is a fascist Eastern European dictatorship that's oppressing the ethnic Bajoran minority while we're at it, especially if you threw in things like, "They've been occupying lands belonging to the Bajorans for nearly 70 years, and while the latest guy 'elected' to run the place pretends to be more progressive and tolerant than the last one, there's still an entire prison-industrial complex that exploits the poor and the Cardassian police routinely shoot minority populations more often than they do the majority," he would absolutely buy it.

Not only would he buy it, he might actually put out one or two videos about it before some well meaning dumbass clued him in, at which point he'd claim he was trolling the trolls.

...I gave myself a mild headache typing that scenario up almost entirely because of the realization that he would be dumb enough to believe it.

I support this, though we should also convince him to support the great (fictional) communist nation of Arstotzka from the game Papers, Please.

It wouldn’t be difficult, given the fact he has already idolized Stalin and swallowed the gulag propaganda hook, line and sinker.

Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Lucas could be pushed into wanting to move there.

 

[Dumpsterfire Enthusiast]

Lucas has gotten nothing from his dad in years. His dad may have some worth but Myrna and Larry have no sort of worth. And they don’t seem to be wasting money on him. They sent him a $25 gc for his birthday years ago and when he was stranded in LA they only paid 1-2 nights at Motel 6. They really seemed to just want to get Lucas back to Washington and away from AZ.

His brother was in SOFALAW and mentioned that his parents were comfortable but that’s it. So this is entirely Lucas having zero understand of money and thus coming up with very inaccurate sums. Like a child estimating that their parents make a zillion dollars a week. It’s just without context.

I remember from a while back one of his parents gave him a laptop as a gift which he ended up spilling a drink on then acting like the laptop sucked to start with which was his parents fault. Just really going out of his way to shit in the hand that feeds

That could have been really useful for him to hold onto a proper computer and save money on disposable phones but he just breaks it. I think they just dont see a point in gifting him anything more significant than a restraunt gift card since they know their silverback son will just smash anything they give him

 

[Wernology]

I support this, though we should also convince him to support the great (fictional) communist nation of Arstotzka from the game Papers, Please.

It wouldn’t be difficult, given the fact he has already idolized Stalin and swallowed the gulag propaganda hook, line and sinker.

Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Lucas could be pushed into wanting to move there.

It'd be easy enough to get him convinced that Arstotzka is the name of the Bajoran mintority's resistance movement, and I bet he'd be jumping to sign up to somehow help because, y'know, Zoomer baes love activism.

The worst (best?) part about it is, as absurd as this all sounds, you know damn well he'd get mad at anyone telling him it was fake.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

...I gave myself a mild headache typing that scenario up almost entirely because of the realization that he would be dumb enough to believe it.

Honestly it wouldn't take Lucas-Werner tier stupidity to fall for that.

Make a video on TikTok describing the plight of the oppressed Bajorans and watch how many dumb teenagers fall for it.