March 22 email release

[Some JERK]

Probably not well. He's so STRAIGHT that he's never even touched his own.

Only other men's.

Oh he's touched his own alright, and above all else its condition should be argument enough that he should never be allowed to handle anything.

 

[Artard]

This is so completely right. I'm trying to find that picture on the Wiki of what Chris sees when he looks in the mirror, but failing.

This one always had kind of a low-key genius to me.

Spoiler

 

[bradsternum]

Chris is a retarded Muse - able to inspire others, unable to come up with anything himself.

 

[Sexual Stallone]

You can clearly see the decline in Chris's writting skill if you compare these e-mails to the ones from, say, the Megan Saga. Also the "not-internet tought guy" comes off (At least for me) As something of a troll, or a try-hard at the least.

 

[Varis]

Spoiler

Why is the fapcup there...?

 

[CatParty]

Why is the fapcup there...?

in case he is thirsty

 

[sparklemilhouse]

This one always had kind of a low-key genius to me.

Spoiler

The brown spot slays me every time.

 

[EzioCanLeapofFaith]

After all these years he still believes his curses work.

 

[Venusaur]

After all these years he still believes his curses work.

 

[Sammy]

Spoiler

I really like this image for some reason.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

After all these years he still believes his curses work.

After all these years, he's still mentally retarded. I really don't see that clearing up any time soon.

*casts my loneliness spell on Chris so that people will ignore him and then laugh at him when he's not looking*

 

[Sammy]

Chris is essentially saying he would accept his internet infamy in exchange for money. He's so ridiculously close to the concept of monetizing his e-fame, and yet he'll never make that connection. Tragic and hilarious at the same time.

That would require him to put in effort. Its much easier to just demand someone else do it for him, which he did.

 

[milkshark]

The "licensed Sonichu USB dongle" was about as close as Chris ever got to getting paid for his idea with almost nothing required of him in return. That was a weird event. I would've liked to have seen that go through, and I might even have bought myself one. Nintendo would sue them in an instant though. Pokemon is big business.

 

[An Ounce of Vagina]

-I'm not surprised Chris doesn't remember this guy. He probably actively tries not to remember males unless absolutely necessary.

-He still things all the trolls and Christorians MUST be gay.

-Interesting that he now thinks Lucas took the picture. Maybe he'll cancel the hit on Mimm's girlfriend then?

 

[A-№1]

The "licensed Sonichu USB dongle" was about as close as Chris ever got to getting paid for his idea with almost nothing required of him in return. That was a weird event. I would've liked to have seen that go through, and I might even have bought myself one. Nintendo would sue them in an instant though. Pokemon is big business.

That's not what was happening there. The manufacturer (Mimoco IIRC) was trying to get a few grand out of Chris to produce Sonichu merchandise that he would then sell or give away or hoard. They also had a stack of liability waivers for him to sign so that Nintendo would go after Chris, not them. But since Chris doesn't have a couple of thousand dollars just sitting around, there was no way anything was ever going to come from that.

tl;dr: The USB dongle makers were trying to get money from Chris, not make money for him.

 

[MW 002]

I take back what I said about him learning, dude is still a fucktard!

Didn't you guys have a temporary donation drive for him after the fire? If so, it shows he is ungrateful!

 

[thedarkknight]

Spoiler

I can see Chris whining about he had a dream where he defeated all the trolls but when he demanded for the worst troll to show his face, a mirror would show up then Chris would be confused on why he has to fight a mirror.

 

[SteelPlatedHeart]

I take back what I said about him learning, dude is still a fucktard!

Didn't you guys have a temporary donation drive for him after the fire? If so, it shows he is ungrateful!

To be fair to Chris(I know, let me finish), the emails are from Fall 2013. The fire hadn't happened yet.

 

[PCA]

Oh my goodness, is Chris hearing voices now? "Paranoid whispers in his head" I really think he might be going crazy now. All of this isolation and paranoia seems to really be making him crack. I do fear for the future

 

[cahoots]

Oh my goodness, is Chris hearing voices now? "Paranoid whispers in his head" I really think he might be going crazy now. All of this isolation and paranoia seems to really be making him crack. I do fear for the future

Naw, he's been hearing voices at least since he called on Sonichu to testify on his behalf at his Mary Lee Walsh interrogation.

Personally, I don't think he's hearing "voices", he's probably just heard that phrase before. It's most likely he thinks he can blame his outbursts on imaginery outside forces.