Michael J "Mike" Hirtes / MHirtes / Aristocrat / Polterbob / Slep / Totem Sanic / Aspergercorn - Chris obsessed old man, A-Log 2.0, EXTENSIVE history of online fuckery in fur community

[Ruin]

He's really forty? That's the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard. A penniless middle aged sped tries to start a Twatter fight with CWC and loses.

 

[Black Waltz]

This is fucking amazing, kudos to whoever got ahold of his dox.

 

[The Lotus]

To think this halal might've been missed if he didn't screencap his own tweets to make himself look cool.

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

So who want's to read some of Hirtes emails from 2000 talking to people about liking naked animals? Because I got some good reads.

 

[An Ghost]

To think this halal might've been missed if he didn't screencap his own tweets to make himself look cool.

It's what happened to @Kenneth Erwin Engelhardt. Literally the same circumstances except on Facebook and less alog.

 

[The Great Chandler]

You could've done a lot of things at that age like watching your children succeed in life while bearing your legacy, starting another career, etc. Getting halal'd on a website for a-logging Chris while being a furfag yourself isn't one of them.

 

[Cheerlead-in-Chief]

Since OPL is somewhat a furry (the original brony), does that mean this A-Log wants to get in his ass?
They have their hatred of President Trump and faggotry as the basis for their romance.

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

So the file had over 400 pages of emails. Once I wake up I'll start posting some of the more juicy ones. @yawning sneasel has been sent a copy to help verify them.

These emails are from 2000-2006.

Edit: So these are from an old group page that was set up.

Spoiler: Just a sample of some stuff found, you can see people hated him

From: alexsax@hotmail.com
Subject: Michael Hirtes (or Why Abortion Is A Blessing)
Date: 1998/05/03

In a quick assessment of the life accomplishments of our dear friend Michael
"I love to look at naked animals" Hirtes, we can see a true example of why
there is so much of a lean toward suicide in the ranks of anyone having the
misfortune of being in his family. You are not familiar with the smarmy
little twat in question? Well, Let us shed some light on the subject for you,
shall we?

Michael Hirtes publishes a creepy little publication called "Furplay". "What
is it?" I hear you ask. Well, in a world already full of numerous fetishes,
"Furplay" seeks to broaden the boundaries of the perverse. Simply put, it is
a collection of drawings of personified animals engaged in all sorts of sexal
activities. Sound sick? Well, let us examine the kind of person do you think
would be responsible for such a truly heinous publication.

In a dark room, lit only by the phosphorescent glow of a computer monitor, you
will find a sad, hunch-backed creature with a Yogi Bear comic book in one hand
and his tiny, ill-developed penis in the other, scanning away. If you examine
the man (and I use the term in its broadest possible sense, for as we all
know, God created man in his own image, so it would be a damned shame for all
of the religious if God looked anything like that) more closely, you will
immediately recognize the sloping forehead and low brow line associated with
Australiopithicus (and I apologize to any Australiopithicenes out there as
well). It is readily apparent that someone pissed in the gene pool on the day
of his conception. I only hope that his birth parents were mercifully given
another family's baby as substitute, and that Michael was raised by a mother
addicted to heroin, and a father who would beat him senseless every night just
for being a miscreant. It is obvious though that, whatever the environment in
his childhood, he formed a "special" relationship with animals early on.

In a world already plagued by drugs, alcoholism, disease, and WebTV, we must
realize that there is no place on Earth for such a waste of perfectly good
carbon atoms. Perhaps a retroactive abortion would be a welcomed solution to
the problem at hand. Or maybe he will get anthrax from fulfilling one of his
fantasies with a sheep. Whatever the case, we can only hope that he does come
to a slow and lingering painful death within the next few months. Should
there
actually be a God out there, I am sure that he would agree and send down a
tailor made strain of influenza to wipe out the offending pissant.

Thank you for your time.

 

[DragoonSierra]

About a year ago me and Screaming Dr. Julian Bashir Avatar Guy discussed whether Butt-Hirtes was worthy of a thread. We concluded that yeah he was a cow but it wasnt worth making a thread on him because he was likely to show up and become the next Shaner (not in a good way) or something. Lo and behold he shows up on his own.

Thanks for a blast from the past with the old 90s furry art @yawning sneasel

 

[NARPASSWORD]

Well, he's a Democrat, an Autist, and a furfag, so the chances are pretty good that he's planning one out right now that he's been outed. I'll wager $10 USD that he tries his shooting spree within three months, but that he's shot by a cop or someone with a Concealed Firearms License before he can hurt anyone.

The real question, who exactly is his waifu?

Spoiler: probably something like this

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

So most of these posts in this archive were either spam or completely broken. Since I have 17 other Usenet furry groups archived I'll see if they have anything on him. Already checked the "personal adds" ones and thank god nothing was found. I'm waiting for the lifestyle/furry one to open so I can search through it.

 

[Jigglyjogglers]

So most of these posts in this archive were either spam or completely broken. Since I have 17 other Usenet furry groups archived I'll see if they have anything on him. Already checked the "personal adds" ones and thank god nothing was found. I'm waiting for the lifestyle/furry one to open so I can search through it.

I vaguely recall seeing him around some Sailor Moon usenet groups back when I was a teenager, I think.

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

I vaguely recall seeing him around some Sailor Moon usenet groups back when I was a teenager, I think.

Thanks, got a few of those so I'll check those too.

 

[Male]

Print is dead and we killed it.

 

[DragoonSierra]

"Do you think a kid growing up in the projects can relate to a kid that
has her own hot tub? Hell, they'd be lucky if the slum they live in
comes with bathroom that's not in common use by everyone else in the building.

Living under the wing of James Baker, chances are great that she'd grow
up to be just another repug harpie with a distorted, hostile view
against minorities and the poor. The chances of a new generation of Ann
Coulters and Jenna Bushes to poison the future has gone down a few
percentage points." @Michael J Hirtes

Dude, this is so fucked up on so many levels...
"hurrr durrr kids who have money will grow up to be literally hitlers and its better they die anyway"

you sick fuck

Ive known plenty of poor people with hot tubs. They seem to be almost exclusive cause I sure aint seen any rich people with one.

Oh gosh, Hirtes got outed and it wound up with him finally getting a thread here. And I thought I wasn't going to see anything good today.

Hirtes is a goldmine of lolcowery. His sperging dates back almost to the start of usenet, and he has a persecution complex bigger than Chris's by far. The more you look into him the more you will find, while I have merely observed from the sidelines for many years.

One of the things you will find is that he will now be utterly and totally incapable of staying away from this place. He'll be back, either obviously as himself or socks trying to "defend his honor", accusing everyone of persecuting poor innocent MHirtes. And of course, everyone who mocks him is a dang dirty furry (which he totes isn't u gaiz). But he'll never leave now. He'll come back to this thread, other threads, any thread, again and again and again, forever. Because arguing with people online and bitching them out is the only human interaction he has.

Claiming to laugh at people who call him a cockbite is the closest thing he has to friends.

Hirtes was liberal Mikev 20 years before Mikev existed

So he was doing the SJW thing in 2002. Nice, very old school. So we have a middle-aged trollshielding furry SJW A-Log sockpuppeting scam artist who is also a welfare leech. Am I leaving anything out?

SJWs at least have the decency not to a-log dead 7 year olds

While I'm not 100% certain on this, it appears that he had an older account on here back in 2015: https://kiwifarms.net/members/chipmunk-with-a-banana.5430/ (http://archive.is/0oWgv)

View attachment 248194

It has the same avatar as his Twitter account, plus he started a thread on Jim Groat, Mike's arch-nemesis. He made a thread about the FurAffinity hackings and other threads about hating furries. He made a-loggy posts about Chris and had a strong dislike for Republicans, all of which also apply to Mike.

lol he even started the Jim Groat thread? That was actually the thread @Jigglyjogglers and I discussed Butt-Hirtes in. Must have taken incredible restraint not to respond.

 

[The Un-Clit]

See, this is why you don't trust anyone with a sonic related avatar.

Hey now, don't lump me into the same shortbus with this fucko!

 

[Y2K Baby]

Hey now, don't lump me into the same shortbus with this fucko!

The Sanic Totem grows one head taller. :horrifying::horrifying::horrifying::horrifying:

 

[GentlemanFaggot]

Hey now, don't lump me into the same shortbus with this fucko!

Reported for potential infiltration.

 

[Jigglyjogglers]

Must have taken incredible restraint not to respond.

Which is actually pretty surprising, restraint is not a quality he's ever been observed to possess in any measurable amount. As this thread's existence is evidence of, since if he'd just shown some self restraint instead of REEEEEEing at Null this wouldn't exist and Kiwis wouldn't be dredging up his twenty year old usenet posts to laugh at them.

 

[Pocket_Sand!]

505 S 6th St Apt 608
Council Bluffs IA 51501-6438

Not sure if anyone has actually looked at it, but here is the google maps sat image of his address https://www.google.com/maps/@41.2566795,-95.852471,162m/data=!3m1!1e3?hl=en

You'll note that it says "Municipal Housing Agency" on the map. Yep, @Michael J Hirtes lives in the Council Bluffs projects, right across from the police department which I'm sure is handy for them, not having to drive to break up the domestic issues, and arrest the meth heads.

There is a running joke among the people of my city that Council Bluffs are where the trashy people are quarantined, safely across the river and the best thing in their life is getting to look across the river and see what a good city looks like. Council Bluffs is notorious for its meth addicts, and I guess lolcows too now.

That's no shit, we call it the "white trash tribe reservation" but Methcil Bluffs seems to be the best fit, even dispatchers call it that. You'll most often see Council Bluffs fine upstanding citizens lurking about the Union Pacific yard trying to hop cars that they think are headed west to California and the like. Boy are they surprised when the grain car they hopped gets dropped above the Hi Line in Montana.