Minimum-effort health improvement program for Chris?

[Null]

Actually.... just tell him that there are plenty of potential gal-pals to be made in a gym and have a VERY patient and tolerant assistant show him the ropes on the machines, ensuring he does not overexert himself or he will just defecate in stress and leave about dang dirty gymnists

That's a such an awful idea it's not even funny. That's exactly what gym cardio bunnies need: creeps hitting on them. All Chris would do is lazily occupy a machine for 15 minutes at a time ruining people's routines. He'd try to sneak a peak in the girl's locker room or something and be 'forcidly' removed from the premises.

 

[LordCustos3]

1) Liposuction.
2) Gastric Bypass.
3) Lasik Surgery.
4) Caps on his Teeth.
5) Dermabrasion.
6) Testosterone Injections.
7) Brain Transplant.

 

[AtroposHeart]

1. Walk down the street and back

2. Cook for himself at least one meal a day, without the microwave.

3. Replace soda with water.

4. Bathe

 

[Judge Holden]

Actually.... just tell him that there are plenty of potential gal-pals to be made in a gym and have a VERY patient and tolerant assistant show him the ropes on the machines, ensuring he does not overexert himself or he will just defecate in stress and leave about dang dirty gymnists

That's a such an awful idea it's not even funny. That's exactly what gym cardio bunnies need: creeps hitting on them. All Chris would do is lazily occupy a machine for 15 minutes at a time ruining people's routines. He'd try to sneak a peak in the girl's locker room or something and be 'forcidly' removed from the premises.

Hey im just thinkin what might work for his own physical health, not the physical and mental health of the poor ruckersville gym members.

Though a more humane option may well be chris investing in some home gym equipment, or hell even a decent punching bag and gloves to work off stress.

 

[KatsuKitty]

The mental health issues need to be addressed above all else.

If I had a machine that was programmed to keep hitting itself with a hammer and aim for the nearest pool, would I be fixing the dents and electrical damage first?

 

[Cwckifan]

Hell, Chris goes to McDonalds enough. GET SOME DAMN APPLE DIPPERS, OR A FUCKING SALAD.

The salads aren't much better, unless he eats it with no fried chicken and no dressing. The dressing alone has a ton of calories. The apples won't do anything considering he still eats the 20 piece McNuggets, which are dunked into a deep fryer of hot fattening oil.

^ this.

I don't see why he doesn't understand the simple fact that mcdonalds and a healthy diet do not go together. If you want to be on a healthy diet, you don't go to mcdonalds. Especially not as often as Chris does. It really is that simple. Mcdonalds is, despite its "healthy alternatives," a fast food joint. Fast food is (generally) not healthy.

Then again: that is assuming Chris wants to be on a healthy diet. Judging by the big chicken nugget meals he has there, it's probably not a priority for him. Chicken may be lean meat, but that doesn't matter when it's deep-fried.

Not necessarily. After all, so long as one stays away from the sugars (simple and complex, meaning no bread, fries, non-diet drinks, etc.), eating fast food won't necessarily be their death. A bit nutritionally empty, sure, but nothing that couldn't be fixed by vitamins and veggies

 

[Marvin]

The mental health issues need to be addressed above all else.

Eh... which ones are you referring to?

I mean, if you're referring to his potential depression, then yeah, you're right.

But I think he's sad mostly because his life genuinely sucks. He has good reasons to be sad. If he had some friends and a social outlet, his life would improve a lot. Or, at least, that'd be the first thing I'd try.

 

[JULAY]

Were it anyone else I would suggest stopping off at a gym a few times a week when coming back home from work/school but thats hardly likely for him.

Actually.... just tell him that there are plenty of potential gal-pals to be made in a gym and have a VERY patient and tolerant assistant show him the ropes on the machines, ensuring he does not overexert himself or he will just defecate in stress and leave about dang dirty gymnists

The learning curve is just too high. And if CWC tried to lift anything more strenuous than a 12 pack of lemonade, in all likelihood, he'd poop himself.

 

[trip2themoon]

As his new OKStupid profile pic shows, his health is rapidly deteriorating. Maybe we could think up some sort of minimal health/fitness program that could keep OPL from leaving this world too early.

How about:
* a 30 minute walk every day.
* eating fruit regularly (an apple a day...)
* showering daily
* cutting his hair (not a health thing per se, but would improve his looks tremendously)

Whoa, now steady on there old chap. Lets not run before we can walk. Getting him in the shower once a week would be a good start...

 

[KatsuKitty]

The mental health issues need to be addressed above all else.

Eh... which ones are you referring to?

I mean, if you're referring to his potential depression, then yeah, you're right.

But I think he's sad mostly because his life genuinely sucks. He has good reasons to be sad. If he had some friends and a social outlet, his life would improve a lot. Or, at least, that'd be the first thing I'd try.

Not only that, but you do have real issues if you've made it to 30 with no job, dates, and a huge sense of entitlement. Opinions may differ on whether or not this is an illness or poor upbringing, but I'm of the school of thought it's something that must be approached psychologically and theraputically.

Chris will never admit there's anything wrong, so his prognosis is rather grim.

 

[Marvin]

The mental health issues need to be addressed above all else.

Eh... which ones are you referring to?

I mean, if you're referring to his potential depression, then yeah, you're right.

But I think he's sad mostly because his life genuinely sucks. He has good reasons to be sad. If he had some friends and a social outlet, his life would improve a lot. Or, at least, that'd be the first thing I'd try.

Not only that, but you do have real issues if you've made it to 30 with no job, dates, and a huge sense of entitlement. Opinions may differ on whether or not this is an illness or poor upbringing, but I'm of the school of thought it's something that must be approached psychologically and theraputically.

Chris will never admit there's anything wrong, so his prognosis is rather grim.

Eh, his mind is mostly (and permanently) childish. That's a big portion of why he appears to the public the way he does. That's just who he is.

Like, I've seen him in situations where his life was less shitty and he was a lot happier. Like, happy to the point where I wouldn't be constantly thinking that he needs to see a shrink to fix his awful problems.

 

[CatParty]

he isn't really depressed though. he's sad at most. his immature mind thinks he's in the worst place imaginable right now. but it's going to get a lot worse once barb is gone and he has absolutely nothing. his "depression" is purely situational. and if he ever realizes he is the source of all his woes he may be able to start down the road to possible improvement.

 

[Bugaboo]

Why doesn't he attempt to do wii-fit everyday for half an hour? He probably owns one and a lot of the games on it aren't very hard. Then he can work his way up to the jogging game and eventually start going for 15-30 minute walks around his neighbour hood.
And Chris for God's sake stop eating McDonald's so much. Just go to Subway or something D:
And clean out your damn shower and use it everyday, then maybe we'll stop being increasingly more disgusted at your photos.

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

He won't do anything unless someone makes him do it, and Barb certainly isn't going to start forcing him to improve his health. She has her own problems. He won't exercise unless he gets an hour of vidya for every half hour of exercise.

Really, he should buy some of those wrist and ankle weights people use for Pilates. At least he'd have to use a bit more effort to move around. My buddy in high school started wearing them before he joined the Marines and he said they really helped him. Of course, Chris (my buddy) had to work harder than CWC will ever work.

He should also get rid of that stupid handicapped sign in his car and start parking as far away from the building as he can when he goes out.

What would improve his health tremendously would be a part-time job or a volunteer position where he would have to move around a lot. Even if it's just unscrewing caps at the recycling center, he would be far more useful to society than he is now. It would benefit him physically, mentally (he'd have something to look forward to and feel like he was contributing something) and socially (he might meet some people he likes). Too bad CWC will never do it.

Maybe he could take some exercise classes? They would also give him something to look forward to.

tl; dr - wear weights, park far away, get a job or volunteer position and maybe take exercise classes, among the other things people mentioned like taking vitamins and cutting down on fast food. Unfortunately, we're dealing with what is for all purposes a spoiled 8-year-old who won't do anything unless he's forced and can't avoid it.

 

[spaps]

Take the Subway diet. If it worked for Fat Bastard, it'll work for Chris.

 

[Marvin]

he isn't really depressed though. he's sad at most. his immature mind thinks he's in the worst place imaginable right now. but it's going to get a lot worse once barb is gone and he has absolutely nothing. his "depression" is purely situational. and if he ever realizes he is the source of all his woes he may be able to start down the road to possible improvement.

Well, there's clinical depression, which is something you have to be diagnosed for. So I'm not claiming he has that.

But when I say he's depressed, I'm not saying that because he's saying that. I'm saying that because I know his situation and it's awful. He's depressed for valid reasons.

 

[CatParty]

he isn't really depressed though. he's sad at most. his immature mind thinks he's in the worst place imaginable right now. but it's going to get a lot worse once barb is gone and he has absolutely nothing. his "depression" is purely situational. and if he ever realizes he is the source of all his woes he may be able to start down the road to possible improvement.

Well, there's clinical depression, which is something you have to be diagnosed for. So I'm not claiming he has that.

But when I say he's depressed, I'm not saying that because he's saying that. I'm saying that because I know his situation and it's awful. He's depressed for valid reasons.

oh you're right. it dawned on me that he most definitely has a situational depression. http://www.depressionhelps.com/events-t ... epression/
(i just tend to jump the gun on hearing depression used to describe moods) and his situation does suck no doubt about it. and his reasons are valid. i am in full agreement with you, i didn't mean to sound a-loggy earlier.

 

[Marvin]

he isn't really depressed though. he's sad at most. his immature mind thinks he's in the worst place imaginable right now. but it's going to get a lot worse once barb is gone and he has absolutely nothing. his "depression" is purely situational. and if he ever realizes he is the source of all his woes he may be able to start down the road to possible improvement.

Well, there's clinical depression, which is something you have to be diagnosed for. So I'm not claiming he has that.

But when I say he's depressed, I'm not saying that because he's saying that. I'm saying that because I know his situation and it's awful. He's depressed for valid reasons.

oh you're right. it dawned on me that he most definitely has a situational depression. http://www.depressionhelps.com/events-t ... epression/
(i just tend to jump the gun on hearing depression used to describe moods) and his situation does suck no doubt about it. and his reasons are valid. i am in full agreement with you, i didn't mean to sound a-loggy earlier.

Well it wasn't really a-loggy. It's reasonable to think Chris might be bullshitting or overestimates his problems. He does that constantly and in his head, his problems are always going to be worse than yours. So you'll need normal people to gauge his problems, to tell the difference between his bullshitting and genuine problems.

The big problem, to me, of his life, is how he has no social outlets. Barb insists on keeping him in the house as much as possible as her personal stuffed animal. Really, even if he did something like get a part time job, his life would drastically improve. Well, though, there's always the question about how long he'd last at a job. But either way, he could really use some human contact.

 

[Lipitor]

Christian should join Curves.

 

[Wizzrobe]

Christian should join Curves.

this necro'd thread should join it's locked brethren!