Science More Marriages End When Wives Get Sick Than When Husbands Do

Key points​

• Research published in February investigated the vow to stand by a marriage in times of sickness.
• Marriages are about seven times more likely to end when the wife becomes ill than when the husband does.
• Most marriages do not end in divorce after a spouse becomes ill, even when the wife is the patient.

People who love being single and want to stay single, such as the single at heart, are often taunted with the question, “But who will be there for you in later life? What if you get sick?” The assumption seems to be that married people have nothing to worry about. After all, they made the vow to be there for each other “in sickness and in health.”

Research just published in February (2025) in the Journal of Marriage and Family shows that the vow to stand by a marriage in times of sickness is not so sturdy when it is the wife in a heterosexual couple who becomes ill.
The Italian social scientists Daniele Vignoli, Giammarco Alderotti, and Cecilia Tomassini, in an 18-year study, tracked more than 25,000 heterosexual couples, ages 50 and older, from 27 European nations. The participants were surveyed repeatedly and asked each time about their health, depression, whether they had limitations on what they could do in everyday life without help, and whether they were still together. The findings were reported in “Partners’ health and silver splits in Europe: A gendered pattern?”

Vignoli and his colleagues looked separately at the couples who were between the ages of 50 and 64 and the couples in which at least one partner was 65 and older. Their results were stronger for the younger couples.

Couples between the ages of 50 and 64​

For the 50- to 64-year-olds, when the wife was in poor health but the husband wasn’t, their marriage was more likely to end than when both were in good health. When the husband was in poor health but the wife wasn’t, they were no more likely to split than when both were in good health.

The same pattern emerged for everyday limitations. When the wife was severely limited in her ability to perform the tasks of everyday life but her husband wasn’t, the couple was more likely to divorce than when neither experienced severe limitations. Again, if the situation reversed and it was the husband who had severe limitations, the marriage was no more likely to end than if neither partner had severe limitations.

When a wife was depressed but her husband wasn’t, the marriage was more likely to end than if neither partner was depressed. But a marriage was at least as likely to end when the husband was depressed and the wife wasn’t.

Couples in which at least one partner was 65 or older​

For the older couples, depression mattered more than physical health or activity limitations. For depression, the gendered pattern emerged: If the wife was depressed but the husband wasn’t, the marriage was more likely to end than if neither was depressed. But if the husband was depressed and the wife wasn’t, the couple was no more likely to divorce.

Why is a marriage more likely to end when a wife gets sick than when a husband does?​

The researchers did not test any explanations for their findings, and they discuss them only briefly. They suggest that it is typically the wife who has the role of the caregiver and that it is more stressful for the couple when the wife is ill than when the husband is. They also note that women are often more financially dependent and economically vulnerable; those challenges could pose barriers to the wives who might want to exit a marriage.

I'd add that men may be more likely to go into a marriage expecting to be cared for. When the tables are turned and they are the ones who need to do the intensive caring, some will leave rather than step up.

Other important considerations​

This was not the first study to show that a heterosexual marriage is more likely to end when a wife becomes seriously ill than when a husband does. In a study of married people diagnosed with a brain tumor or multiple sclerosis, the partner was more likely to be “abandoned” (in the authors’ words) when it was the wife who was ill. In those cases, 21 percent of the marriages ended. When it was the husband who became seriously ill, just 3 percent of the couples divorced.
That’s a big difference—marriages are about seven times more likely to end when the wife becomes seriously ill than when the husband does. But those numbers also show that most marriages do not end in divorce after a spouse becomes ill. Even when the wife is the patient, only about 1 in 5 marriages end in the next couple of years.

https://archive.is/FpNd5

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/living-single/202503/more-marriages-end-when-wives-get-sick-than-when-husbands-do

 

[Justa Grata Honoria]

It makes very little sense to leave a spouse if you're reasonably confident they will die in fairly short order, say three years or so. You will be their sole heir when they kick the bucket, but if you divorce the assets will be separated. You'll get more for sticking it out.

Cancer currently isn't speedy but long drawn out process, the survival rates have improved but in what sort of health leaves the person after chemo, surgeries and radiation is another question. Especially if the husband is under 50 and has binder full with numbers of women with working vagina. Also that can eat all your assets and savings because you have one person who needs massive around the clock care and no income. It's easier to decouple in usa so at least your half won't get eaten by medicare . Yes medicare will seize your assets and savings to pay for your treatment and can go back to 5 years. Correct me if I am wrong.

 

[JosephStalin]

That happens with any illness, men or women to be fair. People who are in incredible pain, or suffering from some fucked up brain shit, aren't going to be nice to you. They're going to lash out. I've been threatened with a knife, had my arms ripped and bleeding. I knew a woman who was called horrible, nasty things and punched in an eye that she just had surgery for.
These sort of things, you got to suck this sort of thing up, it's a part of the role of caretaking.

Can't speak about the brain shit, but can speak about being in agony for an extended period. Never lashed out at anyone, although at times it was tempting. Saw no benefit in lashing out. But I was lucky, the worst period lasted less than sixty days. If I'd had to suffer like that for years very likely the self-discipline may have broken down. As it was the threshold of pain went down a lot, took a while to get back. You cannot believe how hard it is to be in a great deal of pain, scarcely mitigated by even opioids, and then to have had failed surgeries leaving you even worse off. This is why pain management is a growing specialty within medicine. Lots of doctors working in that area.

If you are on the receiving end, yeah, it's part of the job, but not always easy. And if you are a family member doing the caregiving it's very hard living with someone in such straits. Not always possible to get much respite.


On a side note, personally have had both blood tests and the urologist manually checking the prostate. Doctor was about my age. Not fun for either of us but a useful detection tool. He's recently retired, seeing a new urologist, a much younger guy, next week, see how that goes.

Seriously, people, ANY kind of cancer is no fun at all. And all too often people put off getting checked, for some bullshit reasons. Not this kid. Already survived one brush with the shit, no problem getting checked any way necessary. For example, dermatologists will do full-body scans to check for skin cancers. Doesn't hurt, doesn't take long, doesn't cost that much. A finger in the ass to check the prostate? Not fun but doesn't take long. So don't be a pussy about getting checked out for stuff.

 

[Chunky Salsa]

The thought that occurs to me is that you would have to be absolutely desperate to avoid any care giving responsibility to actually crack ahead with a legal divorce. It puts you in a much shittier position than being the widow or widower. Certainly in the UK it not only fucks up your ability to wind up the estate, it fucks up the amount of the estate you're entitled to (lol none) and if you have dependent kids who are inheriting, it makes all that much more difficult. It's just one of these things that's on paper so stupid to do, you would have be absolutely desperate to get away from the sick spouse.

The trend from the other study - the 2020 one - seemed to indicate that it was young couples, and instances of cancers that destroy fertility. Rather than it being older couples with general illness.

 

[Mourning_Cloak]

The moids may have to just take the L on this statistic.

 

[mold]

in sickness and in health

people who leave their sick spouses are bad people

 

[Chongqing]

I swear, I've seen several trailers for films where the woman gets some terminal diagnosis and then drops everything, packs up, and runs off to "discover herself" or whatever. (this is one of the many reasons as to why I use an ad blocker)

Last Holiday starting Steve Martin and Queen Latifah.

 

[Town Drunk]

I ain't reading all that shit.

I'm guessing it's the same "why do you spend so much time at work instead of at home"

Man works to pay the bills to support his sick wife, she feels lonely.