New email from May 1, 2013

[Grand Number of Pounds]

I have fully accepted Jesus as my savior. And my mother, father, and what I've heard on television, all have informed me about heaven, hell, that the best way to live is as one does without much regret or with moderate acceptance and happiness

I think I know the problem here...

Yup, there are some wacky televangelists out there, although he's probably talking about pop culture instead of TV preachers.

Maybe he's watching TV preachers with his mom instead of going to church? It seems quaint

I doubt Chris will become a Wiccan, or if he even knows what a Wiccan is. More than likely he'll come up with some saccharine "we're all special in God's eyes and it doesn't matter what you believe as long as you're sincere" type of philosophy that is common in mainstream religion. He'll became a United Church of Christ member or a Unitarian Universalist before he ends up a Wiccan.

 

[hellbound]

What a... bizarre email, even for Chris.

Idolatry and voodoo-doll treatment of God, references to paganism and magic(k) and "trying your way on" (does this mean he's going to... try some kind of paganism?), questioning why God allows him to suffer so (lulz), and that bland, milquetoast, and totally baseless declaration that we "all worship the same god(dess)"... he's really outdone himself.

I would love to see him perform a Black Mass though. Ego vos benedico in Nomine Nostre Magni Dei Satanas

 

[DJAndyMD]

I have fully accepted Jesus as my savior. And my mother, father, and what I've hear on television, all have informed me about heaven, hell, that the best way to live is as one does without much regret or with moderate acceptance and happiness

I think I know the problem here...

Could not have agreed more

 

[aspirin]

I have no fucking clue where he musters the stamina, tenacity and patience to type on a goddamn iphone.

The iphone has autocomplete, so that's not a HUGE feat, but still.

 

[Male]

He has all the time in the world to talk about himself.
t's quite refreshing to read something from him that doesn't have words randomly capitalized.

 

[shutupman]

Wait a second.... He calls her Kim at the start of the email, then Amy at the end of it...

Also, didn't Chris QUIT CHURCH FOREVARRR?!?!!

 

[Henry Bemis]

He'll became a United Church of Christ member or a Unitarian Universalist before he ends up a Wiccan.

Which means shacking up with another LGBTQ-friendly congregation, if he can handle it.

 

[Male]

Wait a second.... He calls her Kim at the start of the email, then Amy at the end of it...

"Seriously Ivy"
What do you expect? He sees women as support machines with holes.

 

[Spatchmo]

So Chris thinks to live life as a Christian he needs to live his life without regrets and show moderate acceptance? Where the hell does that even come from? How could anyone possibly get that idea from anything any Christian teaches anywhere?

 

[Fishkill]

Wait, what just happened?
Did he seriously say he wanted to kill and torture God?
Silver age of Christory anyone?

 

[Lil]

I Want To Believe: The Thread

I really feel like Chris is gonna fuck up somehow and offend something out there (if he hasn't already at this point) no matter what theology or deity he follows.

 

[random_pickle]

It's times like these that I really wish Chris would continue Sonichu. Imagine Wicca comic Chris

 

[snowkitten91]

Wow, just... wow.

If the current pastor of the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church (Ed Winkler) sees all of these blasphemous words that have come out of the manbaby's fingers and brain, well, I suspect that not even Rocky will be able to save Chris's smelly ass this time.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

If the current pastor of the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church (Ed Winkler) sees all of these blasphemous words that have come out of the manbaby's fingers and brain

Oh now how would that happen?

 

[Male]

What's this lego god he mentioned? Do we have a picture of it?

 

[RP 520]

Wow, just... wow.

If the current pastor of the Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church (Ed Winkler) sees all of these blasphemous words that have come out of the manbaby's fingers and brain, well, I suspect that not even Rocky will be able to save Chris's smelly ass this time.

The pastor and congregation would probably face-palm and vote unanimously to give him a perma-ban from the church.

 

[Batman VS Tony Danza]

Chris will just cherry pick a few tidbits from whatever religion and add them to his current schema. He might light a scented candle or burn a paper doll once out of ignorance but that would be the maximum amount of effort he'd put into it.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

Chris will just cherry pick a few tidbits from whatever religion and add them to his current schema. He might light a scented candle or burn a paper doll once out of ignorance but that would be the maximum amount of effort he'd put into it.

God I hope he does it outside. I totally see the house going up in flames otherwise.

 

[Surtur]

Well fuck.

 

[cubesandcubes]

Wait a second.... He calls her Kim at the start of the email, then Amy at the end of it...

Also, didn't Chris QUIT CHURCH FOREVARRR?!?!!

Who are "Kim", "Phil" and "Amy"?
Are they separate people?

I would LOVE to read the whole series of emails for this...

What's this lego god he mentioned? Do we have a picture of it?

Perhaps he will make a video of the "ritual".....