Chef Nol (like other Nice Guys) doesn't understand is that being there to listen to a woman's problems and keep her company isn't using him, or "friendzoning" him--that's how most women "do" friendship. Men generally don't interact in the same ways with their male friends in the ways that women do with their female friends, and failing to understand this (or ignoring it) creates a lot of the conflicts between men and women over "friendship."
[And I'm going to stop right here to draw attention to those words most, and generally, and point out that these words do not mean all, because if I don't someone is going to come along and powerlevel about how they don't do that, or NAWALT/NAMALT. If you're that person, who doesn't see your individual experience reflected in what I'm describing? I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU.]
So when a woman says she wants to be friends with a guy who has admitted he's attracted to her, she usually means it. But if she's typical, she's going to approach the friendship with him in the same way she does with her female friends. And that includes a lot of talking about personal stuff, and venting about her personal problems (without necessarily seeking a solution). Being there for each other--including late-night texts, or going to someone's house just to hang out--is part of how women provide emotional support to each other in difficult times. Women friends have their share of fun, but they help each other out as needed. And that's part of why women tend to handle major life changes (such as divorce or the death of a spouse), better than men do, and have lower suicide rates.
I've seen red-pillers and other Manospherians accuse women of using their male friends as "emotional tampons"--which shows just how much those men fail to understand women, and what friendship means to women. They're not "using" men; they're interacting with them as they would their female friends--because they see those men as actual friends. They may not want to have sex with those men, but they see them as people who are interesting and whose company is desirable--they see them as fully human. But the kinds of men who end up here don't see women as having anything of real value to offer if pussy isn't part of the deal, and if pussy is not forthcoming, then it's pointless to interact with a woman at all--they're not like real humans.
Men's friendships generally don't involve the same kind or level of interpersonal, emotional sharing as women's do. It's not that men don't provide emotional support for each other, but they do it in very different ways than women do, most of which don't involve talking about the problem. And when single men do open up? It's likely to be to a brother, or their very best bud, who they know they can trust. If they do so to a woman, it will be to one they feel no sexual attraction to.
So we have two completely different styles of relating to other humans as "friends," and both sexes are guilty of failing to understand how friendship for the other sex works. Women make good-faith offers of friendship to men, without understanding that men have different expectations for friendships than women do, and that treating them as "one of the girls" is a bad idea. And men, not understanding how women's friendships work (and, in many cases, not caring because they see them as inferior), get angry and claim women are using them, when that is not the case.
And Chef Nol is exactly one of these guys. If there's no pussy forthcoming, women aren't worth interacting with, and their friendship has no value. He tolerates women in order to have sex with them, but genuine non-sexual interest in his company on the part of women is "using" him.
