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You're going to be one of those people aren't you?
Prison Letters Oct 3 2021 - Chris writes letter rejecting attempt to convert him to Islam
- Thread starter Kattzeow
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- Aug 12, 2016
Chris is many things, but “long,” “deep,” and “hard” are not among those things.
I'm surprised no one tried it earlier.
Cardboard Box Mountain
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So, with Chris's existing perversions and proclivities, it is clearly a great idea to attempt to convert him to a religion in which women are property and it's totally cool to throw your fags off the tops of buildings.
Hah, did you promise him 17 virgins when he kicks the bucket?
Hah, did you promise him 17 virgins when he kicks the bucket?
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- Sep 28, 2021
Good on you for trying, I mean it sincerely. Though people have been trying to get through to Chris his whole life without success. It seems like the only way people can talk to him, is when they do it on his level by indulging in his fantasies. You have to talk about how God is relevant to the Who Framed Roger Rabbit cartoon world Chris thinks he lives in. To him, these cartoons and fantasies are more real than reality. It's why Idea Guys can extort thousands of dollars from him by claiming to have a moon laser aimed at CWCville but being in jail is meaningless to him (edit: well, not meaningless, but he expects a deus ex machina to save him, like literal divine intervention or a pardon from presiden Biden).
So if you framed Mohammed as some sort of cartoon character in CWCville then he might listen but it would be such a perversion of what you are trying to teach him that it wouldn't actually achieve positive results anyways at that point.
Fraudius
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Meditate short, bent and mushy, then.
Hubbards handwriting was somehow worse
Aeon Path
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I'll give you the benefit of the doubt you meant well, but the thing is Chris is both dumb as a bag of rocks and a gigantic fucking narcissist, he's incapable of taking in things the way normal functional humans do, he always inserts himself into any media he consumes and he's too fucking arrogant to be anything else other than the "Real Player One" the protagonist.
Chris having his Lego and Vidya taken and being left with nothing but a Bible to read is what gave us this latest "I AM THE ACTUAL HONEST AND TRUE JESUS" bullshit, even if you had caught him before he got hold of his Bible and got him to read the Quran, you wouldn't have gotten a convert, you'd have gotten a fucking heretic that claimed to be the reincarnation of Mohammed, if not Allah himself (which it seems is kinda what we got anyway).
Chris is never going to convert to something that makes him a follower, requires actual effort (praying 5 times plus the other Pillars of Islam) and some degree of self examination and repentance, he is the Goddess Blue Heart of the Commodore Consoles and the Nations of Fucktarded Insanity, that's a demotion for Chris.
You can't help the Motherfucker, he doesn't want help, he wants asspats and validation and people to LARP with, and like I said, with the environment he is in at the minute, him starting to preach some fucked up schismatic version of Islam that's guaranteed to piss off Shia or Sunni Muslims he bumps into could very well get him hurt.
Not saying Chris doesn't deserve his ass kicking, but it's like beating a puppy hours after you found it shat on your rug, it won't understand what it's being punished for.
I don't think average Muslims are as violent as you think. They might shake their heads in disappointment if someone claimed to be Allah, but they're not gonna give an ass beating over it. It's a sin to beat someone up just because they are committing religious innovation that no one even takes seriously.
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coupled with how he's been calling barb by her first name for years culminating in the whole barbie chan name debacle, on top of everything else my guess is Chris's motivation for this entire cluster fuck was he truly believed he is no longer Christian Weston chandler or even a christine weston chandler but chris chan Emmanuelle jesus sonichu, immortal cpu godess blueheat. I can only imagine the day he's finally brought before the court and he tries to testify by claiming that since he's no longer the Chris chan born in "this dimension." what he did with Barb wasn't incest because they aren't related anymore, and this has been a horrible mistake and it'll benifit everyone if he is released, given a full pardon, (dumbass doesn't realize pardons are given when you're convicted) and allowed to return to his temple in peace.
All i can say is good luck Mr. Heilburg, you're first obstacle isn't convincing the court chris is a mentally unfit retard who wont get sent to the mourge within a week by pissing off the wrong people, it's convincing the loony himself there's no hope of pleading not guilty and they'll bury him alive if he tries.
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But not even a nice fruit and flower basket for his rape victim. I hate the Internet. It should kill itself.
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- Aug 13, 2018
Oof. This won't bode well for Chris if he's ever in gen pop
Aeon Path
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Halal poo-touching. Now I've seen everything.
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Maybe not average Muslims, but these are locked up criminal Muslims.
Strange Wilderness
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Forget just Joe Biden, how many people are going to be contacting him pretending to be old trolls, former gal-pals, and fictional characters trying to get a cheap piece of the Chris Chan prison saga? It's going to be the Mailbag all over again.
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- Sep 28, 2021
I think that Chris is so badly overdue for an ass-whooping that everyone is fantasizing about just how it is going to go down. I did say in the other thread that there are bad mexicans who are far more brutal than any other gang and they pray to Jesus and Mary. But I think the biggest danger to Chris is anyone who is locked in the same cell as him who has to put up with his sharts and ramblings for days on end. There is absolutely no way he is not in an isolated cell right now.
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- Oct 6, 2021
Bro these are MUSLIMS IN JAIL.
That's what I meant, considering the type of Muslims Chris is likely to meet where he is, is not a good idea to put shit in his brain that could result in him spouting fucking heresy to them.
I've got no doubt if Chris turned up at an average Mosque and started blabbering about how the Council of CPU's was unhappy with Allah because of all his toxic followers, the Imam would pity him and send him on his way, but he's not going to get the same reaction from some guy that's locked up for downloading Al Qaeda training manuals or some shit.
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- Jun 3, 2016
And they have big ol' spicy chili pepper flavored pickles that would sting anyone's butthole.
Someone needs to update the Chris and religion article on cwcki, now that he commented on islam
I didn't give Chris any heresy in my letters. I told him the truth and any heresy he makes up is his own doing.
I didn't give Chris any heresy in my letters. I told him the truth and any heresy he makes up is his own doing.
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