18 years. I kind of have to but also I spent what I spent. It is my money.
18 years. I kind of have to. It is surprising that he did it now when there's been nothing new or weird.
I don't check his shit. I don't care. He's glued to me 6.5 days/week. He can do whatever with his money. Just stay out of mine.
He lectured me after explaining how he mistakenly looked.
I was always thinking this could or would happen. There is a finite amount of things he can lie about because he doesn't leave the house without me, as much as I wish he would. My only child is with a much worse man who I was with from age 16-31.
I'm so sick of the shit. I guess I'll see what happens but he asks me for 50% of every bill (which I give him) so what the fuck. If he wanted a divorce.....hooray?
I'm going to take this out of the male-female thing, but I have so many questions. If you are in a relationship where it is agreed that your entire finances are separate and it is personal, private information, including any retirement planning, healthcare management, or obligation to fix the other's mistakes, then it is an absolute breach of that agreement to start poking into the other person's financial information.
You say you keep separate accounts. Have you discussed what that means? And that was a joint decision? Do you make roughly even?
If he says it was a mistake, then maybe it is (are you at different banks?). Do you think he's lying about that?
You said he lectured you after explaining it was a mistake. What did he lecture you about?
And how can you stand having someone glued to you 6.5/7? Or being with someone who doesn't leave the house alone? Why doesn't he have a life?
I get that 18 years is a long time, and if you were with someone else 16-31, you're over 50, and I get it can be scary to think of exiting a relationship at that age (I'm at that age). But if you're living on uncombined income and sharing bills, it's not like you're incapable or unused to making your own way.
If I were in your shoes, I'd be ruthlessly logical about whether it was possibly a mistake, pay attention to what he says about it, reexamine whether the agreements about things are crystal clear, evaluate whether that is what I really want, and do a deep think about whether my boundaries and what I accept in my relationship are as shored-up as they should be.
I'd also lock my shit down, run a detailed credit check/ get copies of all of my reports, look to see if he has technical access to anything else, change all my passwords, redirect my mail, and consider why I'm in this relationship (and what an objective outsider would say about my reasons and the terms of my relationship). The answer might be that all's well, but your reaction (and what you kind of said about his) suggests some level of lack of trust or lack of respect.
I don't know - there's a difference btw separate finances and "no information." In both cases opening your personal mail is a NO (and possibly a violation of law), but it may be worth examining any fuzziness in your respective expectations and clarifying those.
Do you know if he is solvent? Generally where he stands financially at all? Do you have any joint goals? What happens if one of you loses a job?
Now is the time for logic and clear thinking, not "it's been so long, I have no choice."