Consent within Nikah ...
Assalam o Akaikum! I have a question and I (24 M) would like to hear Islamic rulings as well as from a female point of view.
I had my nikah early this year. We had been engaged for a few months prior to that but there was tension and disagreement between us. She is from "back home" and very conservative. I take my deen very seriously but I live in the US and we often can not follow our deen the way some Muslims would do back home and that caused a rift.
After a few disagreements, I wanted to back out of this marriage and told my parents. They told me that she will adjust. To be honest, I did not want to pursue this marriage as at that time I felt like she was not the one for me and we were not compatible but I came under parental pressure. Then we had our nikah and our relationship began on a very cold note. It is not that we were fighting but we would start conversations, disagree and then become silent and distant. There was a lot of silence in our marriage with me being on the computer and her just doing her things in the house avoiding me and not talking much. You may call it a cold war.
Prior to my marriage, I had stayed away from haram as much as I could and never dated and avoided being mixed gatherings as much as I could. This was my first time in the presence of a woman and when pardah came off, I was secretly very attracted to her. I say secretly because we were in a cold war. If we had a good relationship like a normal couple, I would have sat her down and told her my feelings that our differences aside, she was so very beautiful. But due to the cold war and silent treatment we were giving each other, there was no environment for that conversation.
Now, a few months into our marriage, I am very much in need of her. She is still very distant and rejectful. She wants to stay up and read and only when I am asleep she joins in bed. This is done purposely to avoid me. It is odd to be in bed with someone you are in disagreement with. It is not that we have not been intimate but it is not as frequent as I want it and she does not open up much.
Firstly, celibacy is already hard on people but it is even harder if you have a woman without pardah in the house that you can look at but can not touch. It is not a healthy situation to be in. Part of me says, I have her in my nikah and I can just take her whenever I feel like. I am obviously stronger and I can get what I want. But there is conflicting opinion on the internet even among religious people. Some have said that even within marriage, consent should be obtained. Some people have said that it is not zina since she is in my nikah but it would be against the ADAAB of the bedroom.
If it is only a compromise of bedroom etiquette, then I do not care. But if there is an Islamic ruling that prevents a man from taking a woman who is in nikah because she is not talking to him then I will never dare do anything like that.
I would appreciate it if people more knowledgeable in Islam could elaborate on this. If there are any sisters reading this, specially those already married then your views would be greatly valued. May Allah bless those who offer their help inshAllah.
women are so mean and unreasonable…
