Old School Chris Crap

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Jesus Christ, that is a disturbing look into Chris's thought processes.

"I've apologized over and over again but for some reason that fucking jew bastard won't let me come dick around in his store all day!"

"Look, I'm really sorry you got mad at me for no reason last year, but I've forgiven you, so please let me back into your store. P.S. Please write a 500 word essay confirming my wacky conspiracy about you. Then let me back in. Peace."

I wonder how much Borb had to do with it - they didn't/don't believe anyone has a right to ban Chris from anywhere, right?

Edit: And in that second image, what's in the list he talks about at the end? I assume it's the same stuff as in the previous image?
 
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"Scooby Doo Detective Work"

To most adults, Sherlock Holmes is the epitome of a great detective. To Chris, it's characters from Saturday morning cartoons.

sonichuis44 said:
they didn't/don't believe anyone has a right to ban Chris from anywhere, right?
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Chris thinks the only ban-worthy offenses should be stuff like armed robbery. Also, Barb thought she could eat a q-sand in a place where no outside food was allowed because there wasn't a visible sign saying not to, so I can see Chris getting this "unbannable royalty" mentality from Barb.
 
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Marvin said:
Alcohol? Legos? Either way, he's still not rescued from his crippling fantasy addiction.
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It's a real shame he couldn't turn his obsession with CWCville into something productive. If only there were, say, hundreds or even thousands of people on the internet willing to pay to see hand-drawn original interpretations of his fantasies. But who could possibly have such a dream scenario right at their finger tips and just let it pass by?
 
Marvin said:
It's been talked about before, but I love "Michael Love the F Out of Mary Lee Walsh!". Like Mike's going to know who Mary Lee Walsh is.
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In Christian's mind, all the people who've ever wronged him are part of a massive conspiracy. Since MLW wronged him and Snyder also wronged him, the only possible explanation is that they are in cahoots. We've seen this phenomenon, this paranoid victim complex, many times and it clearly began long before ED discovered him. It looks like Chris has internalised all his parents' crackpot conspiracy theories and is now incapable of understanding events other than through the prism of a grand plot against him.

Ironically, if Snyder were to tell Chris that he had no idea who MLW was, Chris would simply take this as reinforcement of his existing beliefs. After all, if Snyder and MLW were plotting against Chris, it stands to reason that Snyder would deny it. It's very sad, but it underlines just how disconnected from reality Christian actually is (assuming anyone needed it underlined at this stage).
 
Tenacious D said:
In Christian's mind, all the people who've ever wronged him are part of a massive conspiracy. Since MLW wronged him and Snyder also wronged him, the only possible explanation is that they are in cahoots. We've seen this phenomenon, this paranoid victim complex, many times and it clearly began long before ED discovered him. It looks like Chris has internalised all his parents' crackpot conspiracy theories and is now incapable of understanding events other than through the prism of a grand plot against him.

Ironically, if Snyder were to tell Chris that he had no idea who MLW was, Chris would simply take this as reinforcement of his existing beliefs. After all, if Snyder and MLW were plotting against Chris, it stands to reason that Snyder would deny it. It's very sad, but it underlines just how disconnected from reality Christian actually is (assuming anyone needed it underlined at this stage).
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I agree with you in principle, but in this particular case, I think it's just his lack of theory of mind at play. Chris didn't bother to think that jokes that are funny in his head make no sense to other people. Comparable to his brilliant riddle.
 
This is all fantastic, of course, but I'd like to make some requests:

1. If these emails have dates, please make sure they are included. If they don't have dates, then if possible, give us a way to understand the order in which they were sent. This will make it much easier to figure out the context for what he says. It will also make it a lot easier to organize on the CWCki.

2. Personally, I would prefer that you dump everything and let us decide what's important. That is, unless the issue is that it's too much work for you. Otherwise I don't understand why you would hold things back.

3. Are these all to the same person? Or is there a collection of trollsonas he's talking to?

Thanks for all this.
 
1. I'll try to remember to include dates. So for they're in a somewhat chronological order from mid 2009 to late 2009.

2. It would be entirely too much work to drop everything because I want to keep certain people confidential. Trust me when I say that the vast majority of these emails are boring. He forwarded a lot of irrelevant things like troll emails. Or stuff that he wants. Some people might find that interesting but it would be too much work to include those at the moment. He would literally forward emails without saying anything about it.

3. Most of the emails seem to be to the same person. At least so far they are.
 
ChinIsDead said:
Haha holy shit, what? I missed this, can someone fill me in?
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ChrisPupsPeed.png
 
Lurkingjay said:
If you were the parent of a developmentally disabled adult child, would you want to deal with this? Wouldn't you be concerned about the kid doing that in public?
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If it was me, I'd talk to my child's doctor(s)/therapist about it a ways before they're 21 in order to have an idea of the best way to go about it rather than ignore it and hope that nothing happens after they're of legal age.

But of course these are the Chandlers. They preferred to pretend and insist Chris was almost normal except for when he's not.
 
Big Bob Pataki said:
i wanna know if he kept trying to hit on the best buy worker or not. probably would've heard about it if he did, but still
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We definitely would have, because we'd have the Best Buy Sexual Harassment Saga after he attempted to motorboat her during the store's peak hours.
 
OPL said:
my biological clock reverted back to a messed-up status. Which is one reason I need an in-person girlfriend/sweetheart; to encourage me to "Come to Bed" and nudge me and stayed until I was fully awake, at more appropriate times.
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I've always wondered about the thought process behind Chris's odd fixation on the notion that 'Girlfriend = Fixed Biological Clock', and it's honestly slightly more autistic than I imagined.

Obviously it never occurred to Chris that his sleeping pattern was fucked not because he was lacking the promise of a shag from his misses, but because his diet was dreadful, his daily routine was non-existent and his sedentary lifestyle led him to have too much energy come bedtime.

If he'd done a hard day's work or at least spent an hour in a gym his biological clock would have fixed itself within days, but as always it had to be up to somebody else.
 
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MysticMisty said:
If it was me, I'd talk to my child's doctor(s)/therapist about it a ways before they're 21 in order to have an idea of the best way to go about it rather than ignore it and hope that nothing happens after they're of legal age.

But of course these are the Chandlers. They preferred to pretend and insist Chris was almost normal except for when he's not.
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Yeah, I should probably have specified "if you're Chandler-level bad parents who have never attempted to have mental-age-appropriate conversations about adult topics with your developmentally disabled adult child, instead pinning all your hopes on being able to successfully isolate him at home where he won't get any ideas," but I took it as read because it's the Chandlers.
 
Ugh, I'm feeling pity for Chris again. He's just a child lost in a world he can't understand, other people are a total mystery to him.

He can only relate to other people as though they are a reflection of his mind and his thoughts.
 
The Other Chandler said:
I love how Chris is so insistent on using the word "tipsy" instead of "drunk", even when he's so blasted he's trying to grope the TV.

Does Chris even still drink? Alcohol hasn't come up in a while as far as I know.
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C'mon this is Chris. He doesn't understand what blind drunk is. He probably got a little wobbly on his feet and decided to make up an interesting story about how out of his face he was to make himself appear drunk because that's why people drink. as far as OPL is concerned the consumption of alcohol is an activity specifically performed to get so drunk you think TV is real.
 
LoveYouLongTime said:
Here's a few more. We're still in the '09 era.

View attachment 14549

View attachment 14550

View attachment 14551

If there's something you'd be interested in seeing if he discussed in these emails, let me know and I can see if I can search for them.
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The first email is copied verbatim from an email Chris sent to Katie Bay on 26 July 2009 (in the CWCki version no names are redacted). The only difference I can see between the email on the CWCki and the email your provided is that the second one starts with the word 'damn'. This leads me to question the authenticity of your leaked emails, but than again I also recall that Marvin once said that Chris often has a tendency to send identical messages to various different people, so it might be that your content is authentic after all.

EDIT: I see that Marvin has verified the authenticity of the leaked emails, I'm guessing that this is a case of Chris sending different people identical messages.
 
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