Old School Chris Crap

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Interesting to see him talk about alcohol. I think the only time we've seen him clearly under the influence was the video in which he was drinking Kahlua. He was his usual self, but he also seemed to be slurring his words more than usual.
 
LoveYouLongTime said:
Oh, funny story about that. He considers "Christopher" his "evil self" or whatever in his left(?) eye. One of his eyes. This evil self of him does horrible things like run snakes over. I know he told a certain gal pal this, but I don't quite recall if he ever wrote about it. Or is this knowledge already known? It's hard to keep up with what was safe to release and what wasn't.
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Ah, the old multiple personality schtick of his.

He loved to pretend his evil self would come out to cause mischief, it was straight out of the most childish cartoons that played with the non-existent mental disorder. There was even a Kacey call (I forget which one, but I'm pretty sure it was part of that big dump of Kacey calls a while back) where he claims to have the disorder and be able to switch on cue. Kacey calls him on his bullshit and points out how there is no such disorder and the ability to "change personalities" is cartoon nonsense. Chris then pretends to do so... and she doesn't even notice because he's talking the same as before. He has to explain that he did it! Then she says it sounds symptomatic of a severe problem like a brain tumor or something, and of course Chris backpedals.

If you brought up Christopher the evil personality to him now, I'd lay even odds he doesn't even remember his little fantasy.
 
LoveYouLongTime said:
This evil self of him does horrible things like run snakes over. I know he told a certain gal pal this, but I don't quite recall if he ever wrote about it. Or is this knowledge already known? It's hard to keep up with what was safe to release and what wasn't.
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The shit about the snake was hinted in one Mailbag letter Chris refused to answer, but I couldn't find anything else about it on the CWCki.
 
These old e-mails are a goldmine.

Yet I have to ask, aside from Snyder and MLW, all the names seem to have been censored, even if it's very likely he's talking about Lucas, Mimms, Megan and so on. Any reason for that?

Also:
OPL said:
******** (A Possible Troll) you know the story; tried to win her over in about 2 years time before I was kicked out of the Game Place. She was rarely all that into me either, fairly like how **** was Not into me either, but at least **** Told Me Quicklu [sic], instead of trying to be subtle over a LOOONG Time.
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This just slays me. How dare [whoever] have the gall to try and be 'subtle'. I wonder what 'subtle' means in Chris mind, seeing how a girl outright saying "We are not in any kind of relationship" equals 'We are in a relationship as long as I say so'.
 
LoveYouLongTime said:
Oh, funny story about that. He considers "Christopher" his "evil self" or whatever in his left(?) eye. One of his eyes. This evil self of him does horrible things like run snakes over. I know he told a certain gal pal this, but I don't quite recall if he ever wrote about it. Or is this knowledge already known? It's hard to keep up with what was safe to release and what wasn't.
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From the Kacey Call 6:

Kacey: I mean you just can't make another personality come out like that, like it's not possible, you couldn't do it right now.
Chris: (Even longer pause) Uh well I don't know, we'll just have to see about that, won't we? Heh. Anyway...
Kacey: I mean, if you think you have that much control over it, you should be able to do it right now.
Chris: (Now Christopher) Yeah I pretty much just did! Heh, I pretty much just did. I'm the dynamic one right here!
Kacey: Okay... So you're a completely different person. You don't know anything I've talked to you about before, you're completely different.
Chris: I've caught wind of some of the conversation when you were talking to Christian, uh... Yeah. But, I don't know all the details, other than the fact that I've got Star right next to me.
Kacey: Right... I mean, it still doesn't sound plausible at all. It really doesn't. I mean... That's like stuff you should go to a doctor for, 'cause that's definitely not healthy, like, you know that could be the sign of a brain tumor, right?
Chris: ...Really?
Kacey: Yeah, actually, it is. Like, next you're gonna be telling me that you feel like you're falling when you're standing.
Chris: Falling on my standing?
Kacey: No, like, people, when they stand, they could be standing or sitting, and they close their eyes and they feel like they're falling? That's a huge sign of a brain tumor. But this is what it sounds like, like it doesn't sound like multiple personalities, maybe you should really go get that checked out. I mean, this is what I'm going into, this is what I study. I'm really scared for you.
Chris: (Pause) Uhh hang on, I'm gonna switch back. (Makes a noise to indicate that he "switched back")
Kacey: (Laughing at him) There's no "switching back"... What??
Chris: (Christian again) Uhh, yeah. Uhh, I heard a little bit, uh, you said something about... Yeah, well I did- I did hear about this, uh... Yeah, I'm definitely gonna schedule to see my uh, psychiatrist Dr. Pryce about this, (Kacey talks over him)
 
I remember that. What's the old video where Christopher and Christian come out and have a little talk right? Probably his finest acting to date, I must say. Not forced or unbelievable at all.

I wonder now that Chris essentially has a third personality in the form of Christina, he's got to compete with his old selves coming to the fore. Maybe someone should remind him so he can blame future misbehaviour on his alternate personalities.

"I didn't vandalise that Sonic Boom stand! It was Christopher! It was Christopher!"
 
SnergenFlergen said:
Enjoy.
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This might very well be the only Captain's Log that Chris actually prepared somewhat like a script for.

Edit:
Chris(topher): Yeah that was like years ago we saw the psychiatrist.
Chris(tian): [long pause, looks at the camera dumbfounded, mouths a word, stops] ... Yep. [another long pause] Anyway... Just call us CHRIS!

Gets me every time. It's truly an amazing feat to have the perfect comedic timing down to the nanosecond when you're trying to appear serious and sincere.
 
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I don't know which scenario is more revealing: that Chris actually thinks it's possible to have "good" and "evil" split personalities, or that he thinks that people will believe him if he tells them that.
 
SOINCHU said:
Holy crap! You can actually understand what he's typing and its not a giant autistic word-salad with capitalizations on every other word.

Its kinda sad to see how far his communication has deteriorated. :( Anyone got a theory as to why his writing has gone downhill so much?
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Because the only people he talks to are his out of touch redneck mother and his invisible electric hedgehog pokeymans.
 
SnergenFlergen said:
I've always wondered about the thought process behind Chris's odd fixation on the notion that 'Girlfriend = Fixed Biological Clock', and it's honestly slightly more autistic than I imagined.
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Maybe it would be his heartsweets responsibility to wake him up in the morning; hopefully by screaming "Hey! Lazy Asshole! Get Your Fat Ass Up!".
Soooooooo in other words, instead of just getting a $12 alarm clock to wake him up in the morning, he demands an entire separate human being devote themselves to this task.

Sweet and Savoury said:
Fatty has no real moral code beyond what feels good at the present moment.

The word hypocrisy has literally zero meaning to him.
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Oh, I'm sure he knows what 'hypocrisy' is.....its what twolls have that makes then worse people than him. Derivation: 'hypo' meaning 'under', 'chrisy' meaning 'Christine Weston Chandler'....so literally, da twolls are completely 'beneath him.'

sonichuis44 said:
I thought I remembered an "An' it harm none" in there...
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That clause is 'Right Hand Path'/White Witch morals.
Chris is totally 'Left Hand Path'/Satanist.
 
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sparklemilhouse said:
Chris needs to learn that girls don't care about what he did that day, like the hotdogs at the shell station.
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He has nothing else. His cultural tastes are those of an 11 year old. He has no job. He has no life. He has no intelligent thoughts on politics, religion, or philosophy.

His best shot of saying something that will interest anyone is to list off some of the mundane shit he does. Maybe someone will say "Oh yeah, you're right, shell hotdogs used to be better. What a shame." Or to tell some crazy-ass trolling story. Which to be fair, are two of his favourite topics of conversation.
 
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