My seethe's gone cold, I'm wondering why I
Dilate at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
And I can't breed at all
And even if I could, it'd all be gay
But your plushee on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad
Dear Oney, I wrote you, but you still ain't callin'
I left my X, Blue Sky, and tumblr at the bottom
I sent two tweets back in autumn, you must not've got 'em
There prob'ly was a problem in your notifs or somethin'
Sometimes I don't tag your name when I jot 'em
But anyways, fuck it, what's been up, man? How's Tomar?
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm 'bout to be a father
If I have a daughter, guess what I'ma call her? I'ma name her Yumar
I read about Stamper too, I'm sorry
I had a friend piss and shit himself living with some bitch who didn't want him
I know you prob'ly hear this every day, but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the Newgrounds shit that you did with Zack
I got a room full of your plushees and your pins, man
I like the shit you did with Arin too, that shit was phat
Anyways, I hope you get this, man, hit me back
Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan, this is RoachDogJr
Dear Oney, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad, I just think it's fucked up you're not obsessed with trans
If you didn't want to talk to me at the convention, you didn't have to
But you coulda signed an autograph for Saltykdan
That's my little brother, man, he's only 32 years old
We waited in the blisterin' cold for you, for four hours, and you just said, "no"
That's pretty shitty, man, you're like his fuckin' idol
He wants to be just like you, man, he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad, though I just don't like bein' lied to
Remember when we met in Ireland? You said if I'd follow you, you would follow back
See, I'm just like you in a way: I never released a game neither
I just play other games and do the funny scream
I can relate to what you're sayin' in your let's plays
So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on
'Cause I don't really got shit else, so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a t shirt with your name across the chest
Sometimes I even suck spaghetti while my eyes are squeezed
It's like adrenaline, puskinti is such a sudden rush for me
See, everything you say is real, and I respect you 'cause you tell it
My girlfriend's jealous 'cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you, Chris, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin' up
You gotta call me, man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, RoachDog, PS: We should collab someday too
Dear Mr. I'm-Too-Good-to-Call-or-Write-My-Fans
This'll be the last vaguepost I ever send your ass
It's been six months, and still no word, I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two tweets, I wrote the tags on 'em perfect
So this is my twitter video I'm sendin' you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doin' ninety on the freeway
Hey, jaxxy, I got a knife, you dare me to drop?
You know the hypothetical of the Hitler clone from Kingdom Hearts?
About that guy who's only 2 inches tall that you could torture?
But didn't, because Matt said it wasn't a perfect copy?
That's kinda how this is: You coulda rescued me from torture
Now it's too late, I'm on a thousand capsule now, I'm not horny
And all I wanted was a lousy follow or a tag
I hope you know I ripped all of your plushees off the wall
I loved you, Chris, we coulda collabed together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream, I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it
I hope your conscience eats at you, and you can't breathe without me
See, Chris, shut up, bitch! I'm tryna talk
Hey, Chris, that's my girlfriend screamin' in the trunk
But I didn't hit her with a brick, I just tied her up, see? I ain't like you
'Cause if she looks like a hammerhead she'll suffer more and then she'll sue too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now
Oh, shit, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this tweet out?!