Burned Docs Parenting Class

[Gothicserpent]

Are we talking about his behavior, mannerisms, or pants? Or D) All of the above? Because he certainly would still be wearing that ass-tastic clown shirt if it hadn't been lost in the fire.

....Yes.

 

[Mogambo]

It's one of Christory's mysteries. I have no reason not to believe Chris's Daughter Dreams started early in his development, but Crystal-the-God-Called-Daughter is all mixed up with Crystal-the-Twin-Sister and who-knows-what-else. There's also an interesting pic form his scrapbook:

Spoiler: CWCsPossibleFuture

...except that Chris's offspring is a male child and he depicts himself working in a pokeball factory. All-in-all, without further evidence, we just don't know that much about Crystal-the-God-Called-Daughter except that Chris was (and maybe still is) obsessed with the idea. Maybe more papers from his parenting class will illuminate the mystery.

I love that everything Chris draws has to involve some sort of video game or cartoon character. I mean, nothing wrong with liking Pokemon or anything, but Chris is so unoriginal that its the only thing he draws. And he's in high school and he acts like Pokeball inspector is an actual career you could have in the real world? I mean, unless he's trying to be cute or whimsical, it's almost as if he actually believed there might be wild Pikachus running around outside.

Other stuff of interest... Chris depicts himself as fat, oddly enough, and with a continuing lack of fashion sense well into his adult years. Still wearing a striped shirt (albeit, not his classic red,white and blue look), the pedo glasses (though oddly both eyes are blue; Chris is normally so proud of his heterochromia), and an unflattering bowl cut. Creepily enough, he also draws his hypothetical kid as being dressed exactly like himself. That's actually interesting, because we don't know how much Chris emulated Bob, but he seems to believe children should be carbon copies of their parents.

Intriguingly, not Crystal, though his wife in this picture is drawn as white which shows that's what he seems to default to. She's also a redhead, which is interesting because this is before Anna, and I seem to remember him not stating an interest in gingers before then. Heck, didn't his attraction sign say blond or brunette? And that dumb, vacant look on her face makes her look like a fellow slow-in-da-mind. Of course, I suppose living with Chris would make anyone that way. She's also got very broad shoulders and narrow hips, and quite a bit of makeup on. She looks an awful lot like a tranny.

Finally, why am I not surprised that the Chandler family is all gathered around the TV. That seems to be Chris' favourite (and possibly only) hobby.

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

And he's in high school and he acts like Pokeball inspector is an actual career you could have in the real world? I mean, unless he's trying to be cute or whimsical, it's almost as if he actually believed there might be wild Pikachus running around outside.

Knowing Chris, he may really think there are actual factories that make Pokeballs and that there are wild Pikachu running around. He has a hard time separating fantasy from reality.

 

[The Maxx]

Other stuff of interest... Chris depicts himself as fat, oddly enough, and with a continuing lack of fashion sense well into his adult years. Still wearing a striped shirt (albeit, not his classic red,white and blue look), the pedo glasses (though oddly both eyes are blue; Chris is normally so proud of his heterochromia), and an unflattering bowl cut. Creepily enough, he also draws his hypothetical kid as being dressed exactly like himself. That's actually interesting, because we don't know how much Chris emulated Bob, but he seems to believe children should be carbon copies of their parents.

If I remember correctly Chris has some trouble remembering faces, even his own. Didn't he say that he had to look in a mirror to remember what he looked like so he could draw himself in the comic? The kid being a carbon copy of the parent is a common thing in kids cartoons, somthing we know Chris takes as fact.

 

[Mogambo]

Knowing Chris, he may really think there are actual factories that make Pokeballs and that there are wild Pikachu running around. He has a hard time separating fantasy from reality.

Well, it certainly explains things. Chris has a tendency to draw Pokemon creatures whenever he wants to fill his comics with animals. Its possible he takes the video games and cartoons as indicative as to what sorts of animals live out there in the world.

I mean, when I was a kid I read up on all sorts of animals and went to the zoo, museums and parks a lot, so I knew about things like tapirs, pangolins, meerkats, narwhals, ajolotes and the like. Granted, sometimes when I draw animals I would include dinosaurs, mythical creatures like gorgons and pegasi, movie monsters like Godzilla and even things from Mario or Zelda just to round it out, but I never believed those were real. I just thought they were cool designs.

If I remember correctly Chris has some trouble remembering faces, even his own. Didn't he say that he had to look in a mirror to remember what he looked like so he could draw himself in the comic?

Tis true, though he's had a marked tendency both to draw himself as skinny and to draw his eyes as being two different colours. Sometimes its the only way to tell who he's trying to depict. On the other hand, he's also drawn himself as Hobo Chan so I guess I shouldn't spend too much time on it.

The kid being a carbon copy of the parent is a common thing in kids cartoons, somthing we know Chris takes as fact.

Another good point. I still can't help but feel sorry for his hypothetical kid though. Nobody else should have to live through being Chris Chan.

 

[Optimus Prime]

Well, it certainly explains things. Chris has a tendency to draw Pokemon creatures whenever he wants to fill his comics with animals. Its possible he takes the video games and cartoons as indicative as to what sorts of animals live out there in the world.

I mean, when I was a kid I read up on all sorts of animals and went to the zoo, museums and parks a lot, so I knew about things like tapirs, pangolins, meerkats, narwhals, ajolotes and the like. Granted, sometimes when I draw animals I would include dinosaurs, mythical creatures like gorgons and pegasi, movie monsters like Godzilla and even things from Mario or Zelda just to round it out, but I never believed those were real. I just thought they were cool designs.

I don't think Chris has ever been to a zoo, the smell of animal shit would be too much and he'd complain loudly.

 

[BillRiley]

I love that everything Chris draws has to involve some sort of video game or cartoon character. I mean, nothing wrong with liking Pokemon or anything, but Chris is so unoriginal that its the only thing he draws.

It isn't uncommon for people with autism to identify more with cartoon characters than with other people. Cartoon characters are simple to understand and easy to identify. Chris's obsession with Sonic, though, reaches Captain Ahab levels of intensity.

And he's in high school and he acts like Pokeball inspector is an actual career you could have in the real world? I mean, unless he's trying to be cute or whimsical, it's almost as if he actually believed there might be wild Pikachus running around outside.

I'm sure that, if the question were put to him, Chris would say something along the lines of: 'Mmmm. Nyeah. Well, dere could be..."

Other stuff of interest... Chris depicts himself as fat, oddly enough, and with a continuing lack of fashion sense well into his adult years. Still wearing a striped shirt (albeit, not his classic red,white and blue look), the pedo glasses (though oddly both eyes are blue; Chris is normally so proud of his heterochromia), and an unflattering bowl cut.

I'm not sure, but this drawing may have been from his high school days. If so, he may have been trying to depict himself with some measure of realism. (And failing, of course, but still...)

Creepily enough, he also draws his hypothetical kid as being dressed exactly like himself. That's actually interesting, because we don't know how much Chris emulated Bob, but he seems to believe children should be carbon copies of their parents.

I dunno. Frankly I think Chris was more afraid of Bob than anything else. Though I have no doubt he'd want a carbon copy of himself for a son.

Intriguingly, not Crystal, though his wife in this picture is drawn as white which shows that's what he seems to default to. She's also a redhead, which is interesting because this is before Anna, and I seem to remember him not stating an interest in gingers before then. Heck, didn't his attraction sign say blond or brunette? And that dumb, vacant look on her face makes her look like a fellow slow-in-da-mind. Of course, I suppose living with Chris would make anyone that way. She's also got very broad shoulders and narrow hips, and quite a bit of makeup on. She looks an awful lot like a tranny.

It makes a little more sense when you consider his obsession with Ivy - a redhead who drove Our Pet Manbaby crazier than any of his other internet heartsweets.

Finally, why am I not surprised that the Chandler family is all gathered around the TV. That seems to be Chris' favourite (and possibly only) hobby.

To be fair, it's a pretty common American family past time. In some places it's what passes for 'quality family time.'

 

[Gothicserpent]

Finally, why am I not surprised that the Chandler family is all gathered around the TV. That seems to be Chris' favourite (and possibly only) hobby.

Why do I have a feeling they always had to watch what Chris wanted to watch.

Barb: Chrissun, your momma wants to watch her stories.
Chris: But mooooooom, Pokemon!

 

[Ze Red Medic]

Other stuff of interest... Chris depicts himself as fat, oddly enough, and with a continuing lack of fashion sense well into his adult years. Still wearing a striped shirt (albeit, not his classic red,white and blue look), the pedo glasses (though oddly both eyes are blue; Chris is normally so proud of his heterochromia), and an unflattering bowl cut. Creepily enough, he also draws his hypothetical kid as being dressed exactly like himself. That's actually interesting, because we don't know how much Chris emulated Bob, but he seems to believe children should be carbon copies of their parents.

Well, I don't know about Bob, but if he's trying to become a carbon copy of Barb, he's doing a bang up job.

 

[Silver]

I'm more curious just what the hell he thought he was doing taking chemistry.

At my school you had to take Earth + Environmental Science, Biology, and a physical science of your choice... which equated to either chemistry or physics, most of the time.

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

I had to take 3 years of science, too, and chemistry was one of them. I guess the same thing was required of Chris.

 

[FifthColumn]

Wow.
Funnily enough, I think this homework reflects more poorly on the school than on Chris himself. The school knew Chris wasn't really learning anything at all, but continued to shuffle him along anyway. Welcome to America I guess..

Scary thought: Couldn't Chris possibily be a parent already, after banging that hooker? It is possible that contraception did not work that way. Though she would likely have gotten an abortion had she known its parentage.. God forbid she was prolife!

 

[RP 520]

I don't think Chris has ever been to a zoo, the smell of Chris's shit would be too much and the animals would complain loudly.

I turned it into a more accurate statement.

 

[Spork]

Wow.
Funnily enough, I think this homework reflects more poorly on the school than on Chris himself. The school knew Chris wasn't really learning anything at all, but continued to shuffle him along anyway. Welcome to America I guess..

In all fairness, if they didn't shuffle him along, Bob and Barb would probably pitch a fit and they'd be the evil teacher who flunked a poor innocent autistic.

 

[Mogambo]

It isn't uncommon for people with autism to identify more with cartoon characters than with other people. Cartoon characters are simple to understand and easy to identify. Chris's obsession with Sonic, though, reaches Captain Ahab levels of intensity.

This is true. Both of those statements are true, actually.

I'm sure that, if the question were put to him, Chris would say something along the lines of: 'Mmmm. Nyeah. Well, dere could be..."

Pretty much how he answers everything, to be honest. But yeah, if you'll recall he believes that cartoon characters really do exist in some parallel universe. Hence his emotional attachment to CWCville and viewing himself as Sonichu's "father." Hell, he even wanted to change Asperchu's name to "Mitch Sonichu" and give him a make-over because he didn't realize it was a fictional bloody character.

It makes a little more sense when you consider his obsession with Ivy - a redhead who drove Our Pet Manbaby crazier than any of his other internet heartsweets.

Yeah, she really did, didn't she. Though like I said, Anna's a redhead too.

To be fair, it's a pretty common American family past time. In some places it's what passes for 'quality family time.'

Unfortunately. It was probably much worse in the Chandler household though.

Scary thought: Couldn't Chris possibily be a parent already, after banging that hooker? It is possible that contraception did not work that way. Though she would likely have gotten an abortion had she known its parentage.. God forbid she was prolife!

Again, I still don't think he actually had sex, but for the sake of argument, let's say Chris did have sex. There's no guarantee of conception. Some people struggle to have children. And even assuming she did get pregnant, odds are she'd just have an abortion. She's a prostitute, and I'm sure she knows the risks of her job. Easiest to just get scraped out and go back to working.

 

[Hyperion]

I don't think Chris has ever been to a zoo, the smell of animal shit would be too much and he'd complain loudly.

Are you kidding? Knowing Chris he would fuck it up somehow and fall into one of the animal enclosures. Let's keep the motherboy away from any animal larger than an obese beagle.

 

[Silver]

Again, I still don't think he actually had sex

For god's sake, man, how long you been here? Marvin confirmed it and Marvin doesn't fucking lie. Why you so insistent on denying it? Jealous or some shit?

 

[Renraku]

For god's sake, man, how long you been here? Marvin confirmed it and Marvin doesn't fucking lie. Why you so insistent on denying it? Jealous or some shit?

paid for it, didn't count

 

[Zap Rowsdower]

I think all of us know how much Chris learned from sex ed.

 

[Optimus Prime]

Scary thought: Couldn't Chris possibily be a parent already, after banging that hooker? It is possible that contraception did not work that way. Though she would likely have gotten an abortion had she known its parentage.. God forbid she was prolife!

For the sake of my sanity I've preset my mind to imagine the sex scene of Chris's life such that it's no different from the sex scene in The Room.