Look, most of the users here are friendly, but they're not your friends. You're already in a fairly messed-up mindset at the moment because of Corona and how it's affected your studies, you should stop posting personal details on this site, because it has a chance of biting you in the arse. Go see a doctor or a therapist, someone who can actually help you, everyone here is just waiting for you to trip and fall so they can laugh at you, it's the wrong place for you to be right now, given your anxiety and propensity for over-sharing.