Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

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Holy fuck, I saw there were a bunch of new pages here and wondered what snafu Pat had oopsie-doodled his way into, but this is way more entertaining and hilarious than anything I could imagine. One part of Pat lore I wasn't familiar with (from the transcript):

"In one incident ... there was a fire .. these people.. saw the footage of the fire using the local, on the local news and they called it in immediately (or to "the media"?), "Hey, we saw Patrick S Tomlinson running away from the fire. He's ducking through the alleys."

That had me laughing so hard, absolutely incredible.

It's so embarrassing how he tells the pepperoni story to random people like judges and police officers, I guess he thinks it makes him seem like a victim and will make people sympathetic to him? But out of context it just makes him sound like a lunatic. I love how he rants that he's spoken to the officer's superiors, like does he think there's some memo or maybe every officer is sat down and personally told that Patrick S. Tomlinson is never ever to be arresTed as he is always innocenT, child.
 
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artilleryfroth said:
He is definitely lucky to have not been at least tased after screaming abuse at the cops like that. Maybe they have all recently done a course about how to de-escalate subnormal people?
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Probably just sprinkle some crack from locust street over to oakland and down to his duplex. Let the mostly peaceful crackheads deal with fatrick
 
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Baba Yaga said:
It's so embarrassing how he tells the pepperoni story to random people like judges and police officers, I guess he thinks it makes him seem like a victim and will make people sympathetic to him? But out of context it just makes him sound like a lunatic.
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And he's too dumb to understand why people do shit to him that if he started ranting about it to strangers, he'd sound like a complete loony tunes. Like if someone started harassing him dressed in a pickle suit, he'd tell everyone he was being stalked by a pickle.
 
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Hoooooooooooooooooooooleeeeeeeeee shit that was good. I genuinely thought this week's fatrick cawntent would peak with the discovery of Ace Fatrick but no....no this may be the best cawntent in the entire thread.

The moment he started sobbing about the black baby pepperoni to the cops was when my vision started to grey through lack of oxygen due to me laughing like a retarded chimp at such intensity....this whole thing was so fucking perfect.

This manlet has been systematically buck broken in mind and spirit by internet tomfoolery and it is so beautiful to see
 
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I beat the shit out of this with random filters and it sounds better to me.



Normally, I'd completely ignore something like this because it's basically fruit of a poison tree, but holy shit he talks like he's on fucking Twitter to police officers. I'll transcribe it.


Police: Hang on, hang on.
Police: indistinct

Patrick: indistinct
Patrick: Now, nope.. Right! You don't care. What you know ... Shut the fuck up! Listen, because none of you have listened in THREE GOD DAMNED YEARS. Shut up!
Patrick: Thank you, fucking assholes.

Police: indistinct
Patrick: You.. no! Have you ... You'd be angry ... you don't fucking care ... No, you're not going to tell me ... No, you're not going to tell me anything! I know way more than you!

Police: Sir.
Patrick: Do you want to know the story? ... Awesome! It's... awesome! ... questions ... awesome! Wonderful! This is great!

Police: Is this a past relationship?
Patrick: No, it isn't an ex-girlfriend! No, it isn't an ex-wife! No, there's no motive! It would be amazing to know them!

Patrick: Do you know that this whole fucking time that you've been sent here by the stalkers? You know that.
Police: indistinct
Patrick: No, of course you don't!
Police: indistinct
Patrick: No no no! Stop talking!
Police: indistinct
Patrick: NO! STOP TALKING! This is where you keep trying to talk when you already admit you don't know anything!
Police: indistinct
Patrick: Because you don't know anything! Even though I've already done everything I possibly fucking can to tell you (and you and you and you), and everyone involved, out at department one(?) everything. And I've told you, multiple times, not even two fucking weeks ago! "Hey, just so you know, people have been, for the last 3 and a half fucking years, that people have been making false reports to you - to your department - about me, about me personally. Patrick S. Tomlinson, that's my name. That's who I am.
Police: indistinct
Patrick: At this address.
Police: indistinct
Patrick: Shut up! I'm still talking!
Police: I'm still (doing stuff? doing an investigation?)
Patrick: What phone number?
Police: indistinct
Patrick: I don't give a shit!
Police: indistinct
Patrick: That would be awesome! Because I've called ....
Police: indistinct
Patrick: Do you have any idea how many times I've called YOU to let you know that THIS keeps HAPPENING! DO-YOU-HAVE-ANY-IDEA!? It's more than once!

Patrick: Hooligans! Do you know Hooligans? Down the street there? Near the fire hydrant, in 2020, I think? These people ...
Police: indistinct
Patrick: These people saw that Hooligans had a fire, .. on the local news, just on the local news. They called in the media and said "We saw Patrick S. Tomlinson, running away from the fire. He was ducking in the alley way." That wasn't the first time. Want to know the first time? Would you like to hear about it?
Police: indistinct
Patrick: Good, I got your attention finally.
Patrick: The first time, they made a fake Craigslist ad at my address, using my name, using my phone number, using my address. Saying that I had free pepperonis to give away, that I had made from the bodies of black children that I had kidnapped and ground into pepperoni in my basement. That was the first time you came, banging on my door all night.

Patrick: We've been over this. Never fucking come to this address again! Never! If I need any of you, I will fucking call! Don't come here again!
Police: Can you verify your number? I'll make sure of this.
Patrick: We've been over this! I've talked to dispatch, I've talked to your fucking -- I've talked to your supervisors, I've talked to everyone. And you know what I was told at every point? "That's not -- we don't handle that. You'll have to talk to this other person, talk to this person, well I'm sorry, we don't do that anymore, we don't take those kinds of calls anymore."
Patrick: Never fucking come here again! Any of you! I'm fucking serious! This is the fourth time! Fourth! You could have looked it up, it's in your notes, I know it is! Go back to your squad right now! Look up this address, or that address. Which is 2611, this is 2613.
Police: indistinct
Patrick: Yeah, it's a duplex. Look it up! Do the minimum of your jobs!
Patrick: And never put me in cuffs again, you fucking idiots! Leave! Never return! Talk to your supervisor, all of you! Never come here again!
Patrick: indistinctly as police are walking away Leave it, you will be called(?).
 
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artilleryfroth said:
He is definitely lucky to have not been at least tased after screaming abuse at the cops like that. Maybe they have all recently done a course about how to de-escalate subnormal people?
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Cops are pretty used to drunk retards screaming incoherent shit at them until they tire themselves out so they were probably only half listening and that's why they missed his admission to first degree felony pepperoni crimes that have no statute of limitations.
 
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AnOminous said:
And he's too dumb to understand why people do shit to him that if he started ranting about it to strangers, he'd sound like a complete loony tunes. Like if someone started harassing him dressed in a pickle suit, he'd tell everyone he was being stalked by a pickle.
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If someone starts hanging out round his house wearing a pepperoni suit we may actually see fatrick try to go on a killing spree
 
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DSP's Tax Lawyer said:
Perhaps someone should leave yelp reviews at his address for his pepperoni
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Either that or a yelp review for the local cop precinct thanking them for their expert and humane hog wrangling of a beloved escaped pet pig "fatrick" who had escaped his yard and had been seen chasing minority children in the local area
 
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It's a female cop, whiteness didn't save Fatrick it was being handcuffed first and simply being fat and unarmed. She sounds like a social worker accidentally given a gun and a badge.

When quoting OnAForums or anyone from them, keep in mind there's only one degree of separation and it's not going to be enough to protect you if you're doing something illegal and glowies contact Null for info. If you run dual accounts there and here, exercise caution. If you're DMing OnA speds and getting involved, exercise caution. And if you're Fatrick, exercise and eat less.

EDIT: Anyone serious about gift baskets for neighbors, the local delicacy is fried cheese curds.
1658908754938.png
 
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Haramburger said:
It's a female cop, whiteness didn't save Fatrick it was being handcuffed first and simply being fat and unarmed. She sounds like a social worker accidentally given a gun and a badge.
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That actually makes it dumber. A female cop is a lot more likely to be afraid of an aggressive, violent male and to shoot first and ask questions later.
Melissa Sanchez said:
Unlikely to have been a SWAT/police prank. More than likely either a shotspotter or an actual gun discharge.
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The pro on it being a SWAT is someone was sitting right on top of the call log at or near the time it happened.

The con is he's very close to a shitty neighborhood where they actually do have automatic police calls to the sound of gunfire, with these microphones on towers that triangulate the location of gunfire. Apparently they get a lot of false positives.

But there's a notation in the call logs for that specific event and the one for Fatty just says "shooting."

It's also possible Fatty actually did have a negligent discharge. Or someone was setting off fireworks.

Usually someone would have taken credit for it by now.
 
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AnOminous said:
The pro on it being a SWAT is someone was sitting right on top of the call log at or near the time it happened.
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Which would mean that fatrick's antics has caused some of his own neighbors to join the rascal ranks, which is shit i have only seen with Yaniv thus far
AnOminous said:
But there's a notation in the call logs for that specific event and the one for Fatty just says "shooting."
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Maybe thats just a reminder for what to do if they get accosted by that fat fuck while doing their jobs again
AnOminous said:
It's also possible Fatty actually did have a negligent discharge. Or someone was setting off fireworks.
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It wouldnt be unprecedented, but usually fatrick only has these when peeking through the blinds as children walk past his house or visiting his local arbys
 
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