- Joined
- Aug 4, 2019
$40,000 idea, F@t: pay Quasi what you owe him.
Actually, he has gotten much fatter.
Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter
- Thread starter Caverlock
- Start date
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2022
What a fucking Chad. 7/10 would maybe bang on a drunk night.
Guess someone didn’t totally strike out in the Tomlinson genetic lottery.
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2019
That's a big loss when 48500 of your followers are bots, and 200 of the real ones are probably trolls.
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2022
I'm willing to bet Pat did try a foray into Mastodon, couldn't use it properly and realised the aTalkers got there first. So now he's pretending he never made an account there, despite having every motivation to do so and those posts being exactly in his style.
Also HAHA on your Twitter following dwindling Pat you faggot rube
- Joined
- Jun 15, 2020
IKR? Texts between my husband and me are usually like “did you pick up the dog food” “oh shit”
Most humans have their most important conversations in real life.
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2020
Wrong as always, stalker. Every time I stand up from the fart couch I lift more weight than any of you, perhaps any human being ever will.
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2017
If my wife texts, emails, or calls me I know something is up. Only time we have "real conversations" outside of seeing each other is on Discord where' you're not limited on how much you type or on video calls.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
I like how Iago describes Othello: "Even now, now, very now, an old black ram / Is tupping your white ewe.” Or when he calls him a "Barbary horse."
BoomerSperg1922
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2021
The next step is a patrick tomlinson chat bot.
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2022
I don't want to steal content from Owen all the time but this one shattered my ribs. From the thread you linked:
Kyle's yearbook page. If you look closer, there's someone else hiding in that picture
- Joined
- Jul 16, 2021
- Put the pick in there, Pete, and turn it round real neat. ... You are so beautiful, my Baron. Your skin — love to me. Your diseases — lovingly cared for for all eternity!
- The Baron Harkonnen's doctor treating the pustules of his skin
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2021
Remember SmarterChild on AIM ? Programming one like that to enact Fats mannerisms and phrases would be hilarious.
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2021
Call it StalkerChild.
- Joined
- Jul 16, 2021
Something like "I've deadlifted the weight equivalent of millions of African children dying of AIDS and starvation." He was possibly even fantasizing about personally lifting those children at the time of writing. Probably dreaming of lifting them by their assholes onto his tiny dick while a select group of his SFWA pals (seriously, are they all pederasts? How many pedos can one man know, and why would you continue to associate with them once you knew? Of course, a creeping and depressing feeling is settling on me that Pat might genuinely be stupid enough to believe that they're all innocent, even the ones that have been arrested, tried, and convicted for their crimes and the ones that write erotic fiction about children and salivate nauseatingly over pictures of children, and worse, about photos they've taken of children.) anyway, lifting those children with his strong, firm, ABOVE AVERAGE penis by their assholes while a crowd of sci-fi writers throw pennies and candies at the child and furtively loose their greasy filth onto Pat's budget "hardwood" floor. A glimmer of a crumb of attention from them can't possibly be worth all this. But it's more likely that he knows. He should know, he has access to the same info we have, and probably a lot more besides. He talks to these people. Pedos can never ever ever shut up about their disgusting desires. How many 'sly' allusions and 'clever' jokes do they have to make before the penny drops for Pat? Maybe it'll never happen because Pat is too stupid to understand allusive messaging and too literal-minded to 'get' jokes.
Or maybe he knows full well what they are, they speak freely about it with him in private communications, and he refuses to acknowledge it because they give him that crumb of attention, because they almost certainly got his later novels published, or because he shares their tastes. In any case, I have never been so happy about anything in my life as I am that the possibility Pat has contact with his daughter, at least as a child, is zero. Everything I see about Pat solidifies my certainty that Pat would ignore threatening and inappropriate behavior by his pals, and the even more terrifying possibility that Pat would've have knowingly granted these sick men free access to his daughter. Just as long as he got that crumb of attention, that scrap of publishing money, and was invited into the Kool Kids Klub. There's never been a social group around that wanted Pat, maybe he would have been overjoyed to have an in with the pedos.
On to other, more pleasant topics.
That one got him good, primo ribs from Boomia. That part right when he mentioned Pat's uncle telling his daughters that their cousin Patirck is a big fat loser. That shook him. Who are the pests taking to about you, Pat? Who's telling tales out of school? And what tales do they have to tell? This is a blade aimed directly at the heart of his insecurity and his feelings of inadequacy/overcompensation. I don't know if they're really telling strangers about Pat being a big fat loser who's failed his way through life, but the temptation must be excruciating.
Part Deux (That's French, Pat, French! Did he fail French in high skool?):
This one was almost as good. Seriously, Boomia should open a Rib Shack/Insult Comedy HaHa Hut.
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- Joined
- Apr 28, 2019
I feel like you are trying to send a coded message in these image files, I just can’t put my finger on what it all means.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
The hardest part would be to get it to sound as mindless as Pat himself.
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2021
...like his "suggestion" that random Ukrainian civilians throw paint at fully armored and moving tanks during a horrifying war where people are literally getting their guts blown out all the time.
It's internet tough guying by proxy, a "subtle" way of letting you know what a devil-may-care 90's action hero badass rapscallion Patrick would like you to believe he is. As subtle as leaving pamphlets for penis reduction surgery around the office.
That's the Ying of Pat. The Yang is his genuine childlike innocence of how the real world of actual, functioning adults who think about life-changing consequences works. He operates on a cartoonishly juvenile level of understanding the world, he's Kevin laying hilarious traps for Wet Bandits, and everything is gonna be fine because Pat's the star of this delightful John Hughes comedy that is his life....
There we were, in a soul-wrenching time of war, and what did Patty do? Five-star obese general gives deadly advice to civilians to run up to a tank and throw a paint balloon on it, it's so easy! That fat mother fucker.
It combines so many contemptible qualities in just a few sentences. Arrogance, ignorance, naivete, vapidity, idiocy, and madness.
What annoys me THE FUCKING MOST? It's a brilliant piece of writing if the goal is intense loathing.
So, last of all, absurdity.
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2020
This raises so many questions. Is this some sort of cosmic joke? Does God find Patrick as funny as we do? And the most important question: did Patrick get bullied by his little brother's friends, scarring him for life?
- Joined
- May 30, 2021
- Joined
- Sep 27, 2019
You're saying the Bard of Avon is unknown to the the Lard of Milwaukee, professional published author of 6 books? I agree. Piggy is profoundly ignorant in all things involving the written word.
Despite his never to be forthcoming rip-off of "A Christmas Carol", if you asked Patso if he recognized himself in any of the "Sketches by Boz", he would have no idea what you meant. He's never read even one paragraph of Dickens.
Regarding literature in general, Patso thinks;
- "A Farewell to Arms" is a horror story about amputation. Won't read. Might trigger his castration anxiety.
- "Moby Dick" is porn, obviously. Won't read. Intimidated by the idea of a large penis. Might bring back memories of the Lappening and the late Pringle Can John, may he R.I.P.
- "The Story of O" is about the discovery/invention of zero as a mathematical concept. Won't read. The Lard doesn't do Math. It makes his thinkin' meats hurt.
- "War and Peace" is a textbook. Won't read. Gen. Fatton knows more about War than some Russian Count. Doesn't need a tutorial. Also, count, that's a numbers thing. Numbers are a no go.
- "All the King's Men" has something to do with an anthropomorphic egg. Won't read. Doesn't like eggs. Eggs make him angry. They remind him of his own face and body shape, and a childhood trauma involving chickens.
- "Le Morte d'Arthur" is the final chapter in the life of that Dudley Moore character. Didn't like the movies, so wouldn't like the book. Dudley was even less funny than Norm, thus thinketh The Lard.
-"À la Recherche du Temps Perdu" is a history about that chicken raising family, the Perdues. Won't read. The Lard has an irrational fear of chickens. Stems from a childhood trauma.
-"The Divine Comedy" is about Yahweh's stand-up act. Won't read. Doesn't think God, like Norm, is funny.
-"One Hundred Years of Solitude" is a story about life in prison. Won't read. Doesn't care to know what happens to the atalkers once they are incarcerated. Also, numbers. Big numbers intimidate The Lard. Sometimes, there are incontinence issues.
-"Lolita" is about a young girl's life. Won't read. His friend Paul Weimer says Lolita was too old to be interesting. Paul knows a few things.
-"The Odyssey" is written by that Simpson's character. Won't read. Isn't interested in any on-the-road story by a fat, stupid guy.
-"The Catcher in the Rye" is about a baseball player's alcoholism. Won't read. Doesn't want to confront his own dysfunctional relationship with alcohol, not even by proxy.
-"Pride and Prejudice" is about the fight for gay rights. Won't read. The Lard is still in denial about himself and doesn't want to face uncomfortable truths.
-"Catch-22" is about the difficulty in counting past 21. Won't read, has enough trouble counting to 21 what with the difficulty in locating his baby carrot under his fat rolls.
-"Nineteen Eighty Four" is about 2 big numbers and one small number. Won't read. Big numbers=big scary.
Certainly there are many more works of literature (read: all of them) That The Lard of Milwaukee has not, nor will ever, read.