Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

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Oh hai, here's another guy plus a bonus one that was previously reserved for Mauvman Shuffleboard superfans only (turns out I have exactly one superfan :heart-full: ).

The Mechanical Turk

Long time readers will note that I rarely refer to people by their race, instead I just hope you correctly assume that everyone's an overweight transgendered oriental noodle-kin. However, there's what I call "being aggressively Turkish" and I'd violate more laws than Holden did when he worked at a daycare for pigs if I left that part out. For an example of something being aggressively Turkish I suggest watching The Son of the Man Who Saved The World AKA Turks in Space 2. He's the kind of guy that was upset when Tupac was found to be alive in Serbia and whenever his kebabs were removed, because at least at one point in his life, he thought they were the best.

Then he moved to Canada, leaving behind his family and knowledge of bathing and came to the conclusion that Turkey actually kind of sucks. Questioning his nationalism, he embraced logic and rationality the fedora (at least in spirit, never saw him wear one). With fedora in hand he embarked on a noble quest to be the worst kind of tool (for those keeping score the best kind of tool is the kind humans used to stop being monkeys, followed by the band, followed by the shlong, followed by the douchebag, followed by the militant atheist).

I'd call him a vocal minority but I'm not sure if that would be racist, in either case the point remains that his opinions were loud, stupid and I would not have sex with them. I first encountered them in a philosophy class because of course he'd be there, he talked more than the professor so that was a bit ass. For many people this is the extent of their interaction, but why would I mention him if that was it? That'd be a really shitty post if I just mentioned some guy that was mildly annoying in one of my classes that didn't do anything notable enough to be mentioned in particular.

I could tell you about the time he spontaneously erupted into 9/11 conspiracy theories during a game of Cards Against Humanity, but I don't remember the details, other than he was yelling for like a half hour about bullshit nobody cared about and I was trying to sleep at the time. Instead I'll tell you about the thing that reminded me of his existence.

Eating food is something I do sometimes and usually he's not there, but recently he was along with his sidekicks Black Mambo and Archie Andrews (you'll never guess how I assigned those nicknames). He had recently purchased the book "God is Not Great" and his friends were pretty impressed with that, they wanted to know where to buy them. They tried to get me in on the action too for what Turk called "some pretty epic trolling" by conspicuously reading that book at the nearby divinity college. I think they're under the impression that I am also a militant atheist and don't think they're a bunch of dweebs.

Furthermore, who the fuck talks about the nature of morality and divinity when they're eating fucking chicken strips?


Elderly Batman

This Batman has rarely called Chris's house to announce who he was because he was too busy telling his students they should be killed. He was vaguely racist, valued hard work and even harder nipples. His titties were on a constant state of high alert, and his shirts never concealed that fact. It wasn't immediately obvious but once you saw it or knew about it, you would always see those erect nipples reaching for the sky, begging for freedom from within the confines of his shirt.

Batman's non nipple related hobbies included calling everyone Roscoe P. and not giving a shit because he was retiring next year anyway. When he didn't threaten to drag someone into the street to be shot twice (just to be sure), he was asking the guy dating the exchange student why he couldn't find anyone in this country willing to go out with him. He also slept in his classroom from time to time. He was my favorite math teacher.
 
I knew a guy in college who was a hard core Super smash brothers fan. We'll call him "Stuart".He was blonde haired,greasy, and fat. In the summer he would wear a nintendo/anime themed shirt with his fat belly hanging over the edge and his little innie peaking out.
He claimed he wasn't sexist but claimed that girls who dressed "too sexy" at college events like football games, mixers, etc were "publicly offering themselves" and shouldn't take a "goodhearted" grope or lick or "feel" to personally.

I saw him slapped once, and since I was a dorm hall official, I had three guys complain to me about his lack of hygiene, stalkerness, and just overall shitty attitude. We had a meeting with campus safety officials, and he agreed, on penalty of expulsion, to stay away from the three girls and not stalk anyone. Its lucky his ass didn't get thrown out!.
Since I have a soft heart, I tried to talk to him or involve him socially. He mostly watched porn and played video games by himself, but would occasionally nerd out at dorm video game tournaments, slurping loudly a large plastic cup full of fanta/mountain dew/ grape soda ( never a "cokey"drink like Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, Coke). Often a filmy colorful mustache would form on his upper lip.

One time he played as Falco Lombardi in a SSMB tournament ( prize was some candy/dvds I don't remember.) He made a big deal of saying Falco was the coolest, Falco was so slick etc. I guess its because Falco was like a blue,feathery, meaner version of "the fonzz" from Happy Days. He wasn't that good and got into a fight with someone who beat him in the third round. The guy was a bit of a jerk and was egging him on, and finally Stuart took a big gulp of fanta and spat in his rivals face. I and a few other people had to hold the other guy back, ( he was ready to kick Stuarts ass.)

Needless to say, Stuart just wasn't able to "do" college after a while, and left after his second year. I don't know what he does now, and do not care.
 
long rambling detailed post inbound
read at your own risk
OKAY so presently on the forum chain i go on there's this one fellow who i will initialize as FD

THE BEGINNINGS OF A LOLCOW
FD is basically a textbook example of a "lolcow" in just about every way and he's been this way since i had the misfortune of meeting him a very long time back (march 2013). i met him because i basically made fun of some things he posted where he was a rabid brony and he got really upset over it for some reason and proceeded to literally track down the forums that i mentioned to try and troll me

i wasnt there at the time so he just made himself look utterly ridiculous (he pretty much said that our forum sucked because we were an offshoot of some site called roblox which very few of you have probably heard of and then proceeded to in no blunt terms whine about how everyone was calling him a loser over the things he posted) but he came back a couple of times on alts (and did the same thing) on that forum before he finally left well enough alone and left the forum

he was quiet for a few months and during the time i was in foster care (started about may 2013) he came back on another forum that a guy from our forum had started and started to do the same things he did on ours. predictably nobody liked him and he got booted but all this did was make him start his own forum in which was head admin. the problem with this was, since literally nobody liked him (no joke, any time he showed up people seriously would just tell him to go away or ban him out right because he at this point was turning a bit crazy) and he couldnt run a forum for shit everybody proceeded to abandon him (this also isnt a joke, his mods literally left the forum because they hated him so much) and went back to the forum he'd shot off from. it also had a lot to do with some of the shit he said (stuff like "The best OTx to ever exist and the forum ammy [our admin] cries himself to sleep with and faps to because he's so jealous that he can't make an OTx as good as it also he tried to raid it and not even his gay-ass friends were on board haha what a shit" and "Here you go, you immature, intolerant anti-bronies. Keep your shit in here OR FUCKING ELSE.") but mostly it was because he couldn't run it and was unlikable. he developed a grudge for our forum but since nobody really seemed to like him

so, for a bit, he fell back in line, but then when october and then december of 2013 rolled around he decided to make more forums and this was where his true character shined and everyone kind of realized he was just a tiny bit off of his rocker

A LOLCOW TAKES SHAPE
namely it started when he started saying things like "Go bitch to your abusive boyfriend or suck my underage cock one of the two you cum dumpster" to one of the female users of the forum, and "he's a bitch-ass nigger that made fun of me on tumblr for trying to settle an argument so I come and crack down on his ass for being a bitch-ass nigger and ammy gets mad at me that's why i hate him" in some sort of attempt to justify hating everybody on our forum and when there came a story that claimed he literally smashed his sister's laptop against his bedpost and broke it because he didn't want to go to the zoo. once his forums died again he went back to being halfway normal and we let him join our forum if he would stop being that way but then after a few months he got banned from our forum and went back to doing it

it's all been downhill since

BUILD-UP TO "TRUE GENTLEMAN"
we let him back on again in march or april this year and what ended up happening was after a bit he got back on one of our users had a meltdown and the whole forum nearly collapsed. FD tried to move the forum to a skype conversation but that didn't happen and it just made people hate him even more. eventually, he pushed enough people's buttons and ended up getting a permanent ban from our forum (which will never be rescinded, and this is a forum which has never actually banned anyone for life).

this is where it starts getting really crazy and honestly it's kind of hard to describe it without actually showing anything

"FULL GENTLEMAN"
he promised that he'd never come back -- we actually made him do that as part of an agreement where we'd cut all ties with him -- in a video that was like 14 minutes and in which he roughly detailed how much his life "sucked" and how he did so many things wrong on our forum and things like that, and then not even a week later he proceeded to make literally ninety alts (and possibly, as many as a hundred and thirty) in an attempt to rejoin our forum despite being clearly told every time that he wasn't welcome and despite promising he wouldn't come back. on top of that, when he tried to legitimately come back and said he'd change and not just "troll" us he would get called out maybe once for all he'd previously done and then basically go back to being horrible and in the process be unbelievably unapologetic for anything he said to anybody

at some point i made a thread about him fitting 10 out of 12 listed symptoms of narcissism and he rejoined and promptly went postal on that and said that i was a narcissist and a whole lot of other really good stuff that pretty much proved the point of the thread.

at another point he threatened to take legal action on the forum because one of our users supposedly RATted him (which as it turned out did happen but happened offsite and had nothing to do with the forum itself) and when a thread about it was posted and i pointed out how dumb it was he responded literally and unironically "lmfao why don't you just kill yourself already, rtcity [me]?" and when confronted about how he just told someone to kill himself over a hacked skype account tried to justify it with "only if it's rtcity's life because he has literally no loved ones or friends"

SOME OTHER DETAILS I COULDN'T SHOEHORN IN SOMEWHERE, BUT WHICH ARE QUITE IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTANDING "FD"
he also almost literally believes that there is a conspiracy against him, that the entire forum is plotting to destroy him (despite us not wanting to have shit to do with him) and that nearly everything even remotely mentioning something that relates to something that happened to him is all about him. not even getting in to the fact that he will vigorously damage control his entire past and seems to have no problems with completely making things up in an attempt to hide the truth and denying things which can be proven. he also seems to have like no concept of what constitutes even basic social function, at least not as far as the majority of us can tell, and he literally admitted once to not even forming his own opinions about things, but rather taking most of them from our former admin (ammy) and in cases where he doesn't do that, completely and absolutely insulting anyone who doesn't share his opinion.
 
I have a friend that's just kind of a mess. He's a good guy, but everything he does is awkward, creepy, disgusting or flat out annoying. Back when we were both in elementary school he dry humped a rolled up carpet in my living room. This happened in front of my mother, younger brother, and another friend. He was nude. He'd thrown up in his plate while eating dinner at my house at least twice, and refused to ever eat any kind of vegetables. Not long after he flashed his junk at my little sister, asking if he had a blemish or something on his balls. This led to an awkward falling out between us.

Jump ahead to after high school graduation and he had calmed down a lot. No more was he the hyperactive carpet humping flasher. He moved on to spending his time basement dwelling in his boxers while watching porn. The floor of his room was always covered in ketchup stained paper plates, empty bottles of two liter bargain brand soda, and his "batin' blanket" which was a sheet he used to clean up any form of bodily fluid that managed to escape his vile innards. (no lie. He coined the term batin' blanket too) He hadn't had a single job well into his 20's. How he afforded all the food he did, I honestly have no idea.

He talks about how smart he is, and how he's a creative genius when it's convenient for him. Other times he'll say he's a little slow. He only admits to that when someone is pressuring him to do something he doesn't want to do though. He has diabetes and lives on a diet of ketchup, cheese, bread, diet soda, and assorted candy with fast food thrown in here and there. This comes with a lot of throwing up. He has a grand total of around 8 teeth in his mouth, and the few he has are rotting out. He likes to ramble on about how good a cook he is. One of his masterpieces is to take a chicken patty sandwich, blend it up, and pour the blended up mush onto a second chicken patty and then make a sandwich out of that.

He can't go a day without shoving his foot in his mouth. He's freely admitted to really odd things such as, watching midget porn, trying clown porn, having quite a few pairs of DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS, writing cringe worthy self insert "erotic literature" that he let me read because he was proud of it. He's kind of a legend around here. Even people I don't know seem to know who he is because stories about him have been spread through our little circle of friends. Most people think he's made up because of how gross he is.

In case anyone asks. Yes, he smells as bad as you think he does. He only bathes a few times a week, or if I make him.

His mother just passed away recently, and he had nowhere to go. Guess who my new room mate is? Guess who's already sharted at least once? I could go on for hours honestly. I have a truckload of stories about this guy. I've known him for around 17 years.
 
Alright, I got another story.

So, there was a guy I went to college with who thought himself a poet and a ladies man. The problem is, the guy would go about it in the creepiest way possible. You see, he developed a hilariously one-sided crush on a girl who he talked to one time. What would you normally do if you had feelings for someone? Would you ask them out? Try to go to a movie with them? At least try to talk to them more than once? If you're wondering why I'm proposing a bunch of relatively sensible solutions to this problem, here's why. The guy didn't do any of that. He decided to get two people to report to him on where this girl was going and to use code names for this girl. The code he used was "Helicopter". And after all of that trouble, he thought he would win her heart by writing a poem, handing it to her and then walking away. I haven't heard much of the guy since other than he realized how creepy he was and is trying to change that. So, good for him.
 
Not necessarily a lolcow (in fact, he's pretty loathsome), but I'll bring him up because's he pretty much shaped my life into the way it is:

I first met my stepdad (who'll remain unnamed, for privacy's sake) back in 1998. At first, he seemed like a pretty chill guy. It wouldn't be until, like I dunno, two years later he started to reveal a lot about himself I really wish I didn't. We moved into this neighborhood that had barely any other people my age (and this was the exact same neighborhood I had grown up in when I was roughly 2-3. Funny how things change in a short time), so the only social interaction I ever got was at school (and even then it wasn't much if any). Indeed, I pretty much remained self-isolated since then, and for very good reason. For you see, the man constantly flipped his shit at the slightest thing anyone (usually me) would do.

One of his defining traits was that he would punish me for every single thing I did wrong. Didn't matter if it were an outburst at school (becuase of the whole "autism" thing, to which, from what my mother told me, he hated too), or just fucking up some minor task during routine housecleaning slightly. I was the man's main punching bag and source of constant abuse, both physically and mentally. I actually reported him to child services a few times (though for one of those times, it wasn't intended to happen), and those never got off the ground. I relished the few times I was alone, which was pretty often given his penchant for punishing me. And from that, I pretty much became a loner, trying to keep myself entertained. I think one time he tried to remove me from school entirely as a punishment, but that too never happened.

Over time, our relationship became more and more strained, he hated me, and I hated him (though to be fair, he didn't seem to get along with most people he encountered to begin with). To the point where once in junior high while studying for a math test, he literally grabbed the chair I was sitting on and proceeded to smack me around. From that point on, I've barely seen the guy, and vice-verca.

From the last I heard of him, he's in another relationship, but that's about it.

Oh, and did I mention that he used to have a job in computer tech support, got laid off and never even tried to find another job since?
 
I'm kinda a lolcow, I have a hard time dealing with criticism, and I have Asperger's. I also am working on a very strange science fiction/buddy comedy series, and I'm obsessed with religion, anthropology and metal to the umpteenth degree. I know people that are lolcowier, though, but I would rather let them remain anonymous.
 
Abethedemon said:
I'm kinda a lolcow, I have a hard time dealing with criticism, and I have Asperger's. I also am working on a very strange science fiction/buddy comedy series, and I'm obsessed with religion, anthropology and \M/ETAL to the umpteenth degree. I know people that are lolcowier, though, but I would rather let them remain anonymous.
Click to expand...

Lolcows are by definition unaware of their status as lolcows (or, if aware, deny it).
 
Abethedemon said:
I'm kinda a lolcow, I have a hard time dealing with criticism, and I have Asperger's. I also am working on a very strange science fiction/buddy comedy series, and I'm obsessed with religion, anthropology and \M/ETAL to the umpteenth degree. I know people that are lolcowier, though, but I would rather let them remain anonymous.
Click to expand...

I dunno, you admitted your problems. And as Zeorus said, Lolcows don't do that. Plus I don't see what's so wrong about creating a strange Sci-Fi/Comedy, and many people have a hard time dealing with criticism.

What I'm trying to say, is that unless you did something really worth mentioning, I don't think you can classify yourself as a lolcow.
 
appaloosa horse said:
long rambling detailed post inbound
read at your own risk
OKAY so presently on the forum chain i go on there's this one fellow who i will initialize as FD

THE BEGINNINGS OF A LOLCOW
FD is basically a textbook example of a "lolcow" in just about every way and he's been this way since i had the misfortune of meeting him a very long time back (march 2013). i met him because i basically made fun of some things he posted where he was a rabid brony and he got really upset over it for some reason and proceeded to literally track down the forums that i mentioned to try and troll me

i wasnt there at the time so he just made himself look utterly ridiculous (he pretty much said that our forum sucked because we were an offshoot of some site called roblox which very few of you have probably heard of and then proceeded to in no blunt terms whine about how everyone was calling him a loser over the things he posted) but he came back a couple of times on alts (and did the same thing) on that forum before he finally left well enough alone and left the forum

he was quiet for a few months and during the time i was in foster care (started about may 2013) he came back on another forum that a guy from our forum had started and started to do the same things he did on ours. predictably nobody liked him and he got booted but all this did was make him start his own forum in which was head admin. the problem with this was, since literally nobody liked him (no joke, any time he showed up people seriously would just tell him to go away or ban him out right because he at this point was turning a bit crazy) and he couldnt run a forum for shit everybody proceeded to abandon him (this also isnt a joke, his mods literally left the forum because they hated him so much) and went back to the forum he'd shot off from. it also had a lot to do with some of the shit he said (stuff like "The best OTx to ever exist and the forum ammy [our admin] cries himself to sleep with and faps to because he's so jealous that he can't make an OTx as good as it also he tried to raid it and not even his gay-ass friends were on board haha what a shit" and "Here you go, you immature, intolerant anti-bronies. Keep your shit in here OR FUCKING ELSE.") but mostly it was because he couldn't run it and was unlikable. he developed a grudge for our forum but since nobody really seemed to like him

so, for a bit, he fell back in line, but then when october and then december of 2013 rolled around he decided to make more forums and this was where his true character shined and everyone kind of realized he was just a tiny bit off of his rocker

A LOLCOW TAKES SHAPE
namely it started when he started saying things like "Go bitch to your abusive boyfriend or suck my underage cock one of the two you cum dumpster" to one of the female users of the forum, and "he's a bitch-ass nigger that made fun of me on tumblr for trying to settle an argument so I come and crack down on his ass for being a bitch-ass nigger and ammy gets mad at me that's why i hate him" in some sort of attempt to justify hating everybody on our forum and when there came a story that claimed he literally smashed his sister's laptop against his bedpost and broke it because he didn't want to go to the zoo. once his forums died again he went back to being halfway normal and we let him join our forum if he would stop being that way but then after a few months he got banned from our forum and went back to doing it

it's all been downhill since

BUILD-UP TO "TRUE GENTLEMAN"
we let him back on again in march or april this year and what ended up happening was after a bit he got back on one of our users had a meltdown and the whole forum nearly collapsed. FD tried to move the forum to a skype conversation but that didn't happen and it just made people hate him even more. eventually, he pushed enough people's buttons and ended up getting a permanent ban from our forum (which will never be rescinded, and this is a forum which has never actually banned anyone for life).

this is where it starts getting really crazy and honestly it's kind of hard to describe it without actually showing anything

"FULL GENTLEMAN"
he promised that he'd never come back -- we actually made him do that as part of an agreement where we'd cut all ties with him -- in a video that was like 14 minutes and in which he roughly detailed how much his life "sucked" and how he did so many things wrong on our forum and things like that, and then not even a week later he proceeded to make literally ninety alts (and possibly, as many as a hundred and thirty) in an attempt to rejoin our forum despite being clearly told every time that he wasn't welcome and despite promising he wouldn't come back. on top of that, when he tried to legitimately come back and said he'd change and not just "troll" us he would get called out maybe once for all he'd previously done and then basically go back to being horrible and in the process be unbelievably unapologetic for anything he said to anybody

at some point i made a thread about him fitting 10 out of 12 listed symptoms of narcissism and he rejoined and promptly went postal on that and said that i was a narcissist and a whole lot of other really good stuff that pretty much proved the point of the thread.

at another point he threatened to take legal action on the forum because one of our users supposedly RATted him (which as it turned out did happen but happened offsite and had nothing to do with the forum itself) and when a thread about it was posted and i pointed out how dumb it was he responded literally and unironically "lmfao why don't you just kill yourself already, rtcity [me]?" and when confronted about how he just told someone to kill himself over a hacked skype account tried to justify it with "only if it's rtcity's life because he has literally no loved ones or friends"

SOME OTHER DETAILS I COULDN'T SHOEHORN IN SOMEWHERE, BUT WHICH ARE QUITE IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTANDING "FD"
he also almost literally believes that there is a conspiracy against him, that the entire forum is plotting to destroy him (despite us not wanting to have shit to do with him) and that nearly everything even remotely mentioning something that relates to something that happened to him is all about him. not even getting in to the fact that he will vigorously damage control his entire past and seems to have no problems with completely making things up in an attempt to hide the truth and denying things which can be proven. he also seems to have like no concept of what constitutes even basic social function, at least not as far as the majority of us can tell, and he literally admitted once to not even forming his own opinions about things, but rather taking most of them from our former admin (ammy) and in cases where he doesn't do that, completely and absolutely insulting anyone who doesn't share his opinion.
Click to expand...
i'm beginning to realize that if this guy weren't so obscure he would have some serious potential as a major lolcow
i confronted him yesterday over him calling that girl a cumdumpster whore and telling her to suck his underage cock and i got this back as a response for why he did it
"...and then tomoko [the girl] and ammy proceeded to shitpost on it for no fucking reason, of course i was pissed also tomoko's an unlikable whore anyways"
i'm not sure about you guys and what your opinions are but i'm pretty sure we can all agree that the heinous act of shitposrting on a forum isn't a justification for telling someone that they're a cumdumpster whore and to bitch to their abusive boyfriend or suck your cock

would i be mistaken
 
Okay, this was something from high school.

For starters, there was this kid. K. K was, quite frankly, an asshole. Would do stupid things like put a CD in the microwave to see it spark or walk up behind you and punch you (me) in the dick. One time he smacked the glass surrounding the cafeteria door, breaking it, for no reason. That kind of kid. You could get him sent to the office by telling teachers he was acting, well, like K.

So this one time he's trying to bug me while I am waiting for the computer lab to open. On an impulse, I told him he didn't have a mangina. Now, I knew what a mangina was but I wanted to see if he knew. He didn't and started saying he did have one. He even went to a teacher and said I was lying by saying he didn't have a mangina.

Heard about how he's been lately. It seems his last 3 girlfriends dumped him and went lesbian.
 
appaloosa horse said:
i'm beginning to realize that if this guy weren't so obscure he would have some serious potential as a major lolcow
i confronted him yesterday over him calling that girl a cumdumpster whore and telling her to suck his underage cock and i got this back as a response for why he did it
"...and then tomoko [the girl] and ammy proceeded to shitpost on it for no fucking reason, of course i was pissed also tomoko's an unlikable whore anyways"
i'm not sure about you guys and what your opinions are but i'm pretty sure we can all agree that the heinous act of shitposrting on a forum isn't a justification for telling someone that they're a cumdumpster whore and to bitch to their abusive boyfriend or suck your cock

would i be mistaken
Click to expand...
I'm just going to get this out of the way, I'm that guy and this is almost 100% lie. I'll take care of it later and maybe even explain why the OP is more of a lolcow than I ever was.
 
I don't know how much of a lolcow he seemed at the time, but when I was in high school there was this boy who was close to fitting the bill. Let's call him P.

For some time, he and I were really good friends, until we returned from school break one year and he brought up the Book of Revelations, the False Prophet, and the Beast. Our school chaplain had made our year level take up bible study over the break, so it wouldn't surprise me if that is what aroused P's interest.

Anyway, it started innocently enough, a little bit of a casual satanism. He and I were in a little bubble of our own, so I was the one who heard about it the most. He'd just try to inject it into conversation when he could, or employ it as random-access humour. Otherwise, P would still talk about other things. But as the year progressed (I believe it was Year 10), his interests broadened out to whatever gross/weird/evil thing he could attach to. Next it was the Nazis and Hitler, and he'd often Hitler-apologise. He drew a twin-portrait of Hitler and Anton Levay for an Art assignment. He collected heaps of concentration camp/deformed/mutilated/obese people photos on his laptop, and would show them to people (a la UnknownSold1er1). Once he got out of his shell a bit more, he told a pair of girls that he wanted to chop them up, sew them back together into one, tie them to a bed and rape them. He also would call this chubbier, effeminate guy "sexy", and tell him he wanted to motorboat him.

This all culminated in an overseas trip some students took, where I heard that he was caught saying he wanted to fuck the cats on a farm they went to. Needless to say, other things happened, and he was forced to spend the rest of the trip in a separate hotel with the principal. And by the end of the year, he moved schools.

It probably doesn't sound lolworthy, but it was just amazing to see this (relatively) normal, quiet boy shapeshift into an amalgamation of every atsimu thing there is. It's like he had a checklist and was ticking everything off. And it was funny, one moment he'd be talking about the False Prophet and the Lamb of God (that whole side manifested from music, I reckon), next moment he would be talking about Sanic/Spongebob.

After he left our school, I kept in touch with him for a bit. It sounded like he was delving into conspiracies now, Alistair Crowley and the Illuminati and so on. The last I heard of him, he told me his teachers think he is a pedophile.

There's probably a more humorous way I could've detailed this, but that's pretty much it. I've been hedging my bet that he will someday kill somebody. I don't know how lolcowish that is. Direcow, maybe?
 
I was told to put up some stuff on this guy, so sorry if he ends up being a disappointment. He may just be an average furry, but he's become my own little lolcow.

I mentioned in the Furries thread that a friend had fallen to wasting near a thousand just to impulsively go to every furry con she could and basically spit in me and my site's face by abandoning her translating work. The main reason she didn't translate for us was because this guy, Sam the Coyote / Darklordfenrir, didn't 'allow' her to translate the manga our site works on because he didn't like it. She also owns the same apartment, but isn't allowed to read the manga or even talk to us on my forums of it. I'm pretty sure she's also not allowed to play certain PS3 games because he doesn't like them and she doesn't draw or mention them anymore.

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/lordfenrir

There's his FurAffinity account. He met my friend around January or February and was a friend of hers for a year before that. At the con, they decided to share a bed. I personally wouldn't sleep in the same bed as a year-long friend, but whatever. Oh and they shared the room with four other people I guess. I didn't want to ask since I know what furries generally do in large crowds.

Once my friend got into a relationship with this guy, she fell off the planet and abandoned her job without a word, or popping in to give excuses why she couldn't do a 20 page chapter with her 11 years experience in Japanese. This is before she admitted she didn't 'have permission' to bring her mangas to the apartment, and leaves them at her dad's, I'm assuming.

This guy's art is mediocre and he overprices his commissions. You can see for yourself that he never gets more than three people each month or absolutely no one, usually the same small group of friends he has if they're not buying the girlfriend's way better art. I had looked through this guy's journals because him not allowing her to do certain stuff in her new place was a red flag.

Most of his older stuff is about how he's entitled to happiness and a hot girl, how he hates furries and sex with a passion, and general whining and life-hating like every other furry. He also seems to quit his jobs a lot because they're 'mean and unfair' to him with their expectations. The girlfriend also is the one who owns a car, so she has to drive him to school, to wherever he's working for the week, and then back to the apartment. She also has a steady job and is paid for web designing, but since two weeks ago she mentioned she had spent all her savings and hundreds meant for the rent on each con they go to. The boyfriend also encourages her to go and thought they would make big bucks selling their art at the booths - they spent more than they made, and he vowed never to go to another con... until going to another con after a few weeks.

His online commissions, as you can tell, are empty a lot of the time, but he insists that this is better business than getting and keeping a job.

Here's his journal on him not making any money and wanting to not go to a future con. This is two months ago - he's gone to two cons, since, and is planning on a third. http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5912874/

Here's his terrible RPG based on his own OCs and writing. I don't think anyone actually RPs with him. https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-...omorphic-Fantasy-Roleplaying-Game/42335230019

He also likes to host furry meetups with other Ohio furries and bother people at bowling alleys and the Omaha zoo in fursuits. Recently he went to a playground with some friends, including the girlfriend, as if to set an example to the children on how not to grow up. I can't find the journals mentioning it at the moment.

My favorites:

Hating his family for praying for him http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3034181/
He hates furries and yiff... but mentions that he only hates it because hot girls aren't trying to yiff with him http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2433935/
He tells charities and donations FUCK YOU and hates them all. http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1889627/
He doesn't like that people have happy lives because he's entitled to it http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2381568/


Other goodies:

Here's a livestream for donations so he can pay for gas money. http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3906566/
Money whining after spending it on a con despite needing it as gas money and other vital payments http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3079780/
More money problems http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3035679/
A regular bad day equals as worst fucking day anyone ever experienced http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2985605/
Don't call him by his real name because it's not unique and special enough http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2897214/
Hits someone else's car and complains that he has to pay for it. Also says he's responsible with money http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2878761/
Ah, here's them going to the zoo and mentioning kids http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2842215/
Life owes him so much because he's such a good guy http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2800654/
Kids these days. His conversation between him and the irresponsible mother is embarrassingly rewritten by him for him to sound completely perfect, you can just tell http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2634706/
Three years ago, he had the gall to complain about furries who waste their important savings on cons http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2349967/
His shattered LoveQuest and how nothing is ever his fault http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2074888/
Why can't girls automatically love him? http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1898710/
Keeps complaining about wanting his ex http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1799772/
Talking about how pathetic furries and sex expectations are http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1710731/
He says he wears his 'tail' around in public, but people shouldn't be furries in public? http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1692431/


That's all I'm putting for now. So far this month he and the girlfriend, after she had a mental breakdown at me for firing her because she hasn't worked for us since February, have wasted their savings and are now using the girlfriend's dad's money for the upcoming cons. She also accused me of hating her and plotting to take her out of the staff for months and tried getting the other admin on our site to think I was going to block and harass her, but the admin knew she was talking crazy and alerted me. She and I were able to talk and she apologized and said her anxiety and panic attacks had been getting worse because he 'is so miserable at his job and needs to quit' and that they have no money. I wished her the best of luck but still removed her from staff, which she agreed to. So far I don't talk to her because I know she would get offended that I believe her boyfriend is seriously possessive and that they're not going to be living well in the future if they keep up their obsessive con visits.

Nonetheless, this guy's journals can end up being hidden gems every so often for me and a friend to read.
 
There was a person I knew back in high school, who I'll refer to as T. Now T was apparently around 18-19 years old, but he really didn't look it. He was unnaturally thin, and had a high pitch voice. When I first saw T, he had trouble walking, and so he went everywhere with a walker and someone to escort him. Basically, everyone would be a nice and polite to him, and he would show his appreciation by acting like a spoiled, ungrateful little shit back.

I remember one day, after he apparently got over whatever made him unable to walk properly, he bitched and yelled at a teacher for some petty reason, and stormed out of the classroom. As he left, T tried to slam the door, but the door caught on something before it could slam, making his exit look extremely ineffectual. Everyone in class had a good laugh at that.

Eventually, T started claiming that he was gay. Of course, he acted in the most stereotypical manner. Seeing as how we were in a rural area in the south, he became a target for people to throw homophobic abuse at, which caused him to act out. Not even the gay students liked T, probably because his stupidity seemed to justify the bigotry held by the homophobic redneck population. Apparently, his claiming to be gay was a bid for attention, because according to a female friend of mine, T groped her during gym, and ran away and cried when she yelled at him for it.

I don't think anyone at that school liked him. I think he hung out with a handful of people, and I think they only hung around him because they found him amusing.
 
Oh wow, just got a new one. This guy signed up a few days ago to my forum and is now trying to advertise for an English fandub for this show, Ginga Densetsu Weed. He pronounces more than half of the names wrong or completely makes them up, but wants to be the founder and manager of the fandub and is looking to hire people. He is from Massachusetts. I could've sworn he was from some other country because his spelling is atrocious. He also seems to have been banned from two other forums for spamming this stuff.

This is the video he posted.

Seriously_zpse991284d.png


So apparently if this fandub is successful, he will be able to somehow make an anime out of the next manga series which no one in the English fandom has ever translated and the author has made clear he will not have the budget to make into an anime series.
 
My personal Lolcow is not a "special needs" individual: he's quite the average guy indeed. The issue is that he's a tad too much dense, and he would do anything for DA PUSSY and DA CAR.
All his world spins 'round and 'round DA PUSSY, real or fictional...it doesn't matter. Oh, and DA CAR, of course.
Here's a list of his shenanigans:
  • His mobile phone is full to the brim of vintage porn videos, some of them are about hairy women pissing in the water. He has not a pissing fetish, but since he never bothered to learn English, he never fully grasp the videos' title.
  • He gets overhyped at the sight of a hooker.
  • Every fucking time he wants to express approval, he produces a strange sound, something like "Ooo ooo ho ho hò".
  • He had a girlfriend, but she left him cause he treated her like shit. He left her through whatsapp, saying ""Ooo ooo ho ho hò I'm tired of you, *swearings against God* you are a pain in the ass, Ooo ooo ho ho hò ...hò".
  • He hit on a hambeast and sent her photos of his ridiculously short dick.
  • He sent pics of his dick to almost 10 different girls, local pornstars included.
  • He drives a car that consumes too much fuel, and wants to buy a more expensive one, even tho he, his mother and his sister live in a flat and struggle to survive.
  • Oh, he also has an Iphone, and gets really pissed off when someone makes fun of his holy relic.
  • Yesterday he managed to get fined for 382 dollars (300 €) cause he gives zero fucks about speed limits and red lights. Combined.
  • If he was less dense, he would be an edgy atheist, but since he's what he is...he his content of offending GodJesus in every possible way.
 
McRascal said:
is looking to hire people
Click to expand...
Now when you say "hire" do you mean "pay money" type "hire" or "hassle for results" type "hire"? Because between this and Bogglewugglehumper I'm noticing a trend of being able to cash in on these people...
 
dcisp said:
Now when you say "hire" do you mean "pay money" type "hire" or "hassle for results" type "hire"? Because between this and Bogglewugglehumper I'm noticing a trend of being able to cash in on these people...
Click to expand...

A skeptical mod on my board asked about that and how they do the scripts and what equipment they use for recording, and how they'd be able to somehow gain the rights to the show. The guy said apparently he doesn't run the thing and we'd have to PM another youtube user... so he made a video about the fandub and is acting like the manager, but redirects us to someone who actually IS running the fandub... I have no clue at the moment, I'm only keeping the topic up to see his ridiculous answers.
 
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