Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

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I remember one time I let her use my PSP so she could play Dissidia or something with this other girl, telling her specifically not to go into the pictures (not telling, lol) but she went in anyways and loudly shouted "Oh my god, what is this *irl name*!?", everybody within like a ten foot radius turned around and looked.
But what was in there..?
 
The girl, let's call her TA, was short, fat and with hair resembling the feathers on the head of a cockatiel, usually dyed black with red tips, and an excitable, maybe even spastic personality and a tendency to inappropriately touch anyone who would converse with her on a regular basis.

Dear god. She sounds like a girl I met at an anime convention that tried to dress up as Misa from Death Note (and no, it didn't work, either.) Then again... anime convention.

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I cannot help but notice how dapper that top hat is...
 
Dear god. She sounds like a girl I met at an anime convention that tried to dress up as Misa from Death Note (and no, it didn't work, either.) Then again... anime convention.


I cannot help but notice how dapper that top hat is...
There's one up on his facebook of him in a really tall fedora too, and his banner says "pansexual and proud". Not sure if SJW or not, but I like the thought of him becoming one.

EDIT: Oh! Something I forgot, he got Deviantart banned from all the school computers because he got caught downloading anime porn in the library. That really blew because it was the only way I could talk to my boyfriend at the time and I didn't have internet at home, so I had to resort to a proxy.
 
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There's one up on his facebook of him in a really tall fedora too, and his banner says "pansexual and proud". Not sure if SJW or not, but I like the thought of him becoming one.

EDIT: Oh! Something I forgot, he got Deviantart banned from all the school computers because he got caught downloading anime porn in the library. That really blew because it was the only way I could talk to my boyfriend at the time and I didn't have internet at home, so I had to resort to a proxy.

It usually takes just the one asshole to screw it up for everyone. Bleh.

Since it's Friday, I think I'll tell another tale. Now mind you, I didn't witness everything with this guy, so some of this story is from a third party, but I did witness other things that were just... awkward.

A friend of mine, we'll call her May, ended up in a relationship with a guy from Indiana while we were in our second year of college. He was a big boy, with a serious lazy eye that his mother never bothered to correct when he was a child. We'll call him Tom.

Tom was 27 years old, still lived with his parents (who were apparently huge lolcows themselves) and only worked every once in a while as a substitute teacher. Other than that, he sat on his ass in his mother's basement playing video games and harassing the foster kids his mother looked after.

Anyway, May at the time had a job working at the library (we actually worked together at one point during the summer) and this guy would constantly call circulation looking for her. He'd been told several times not to do this, but he did it anyway, and quite frequently, to the point where May got her ass chewed out about it by my boss. He kept at it, though, and I think that was what eventually got May fired in the end.

Now, I had met Tom a couple of times in person, and when I had, it seemed he never really treated May like a girlfriend. It gave off a lot of creepy vibes that I couldn't explain at the time, and I didn't ask May, since he hovered annoyingly close to her when other people were around. He was insanely jealous, didn't like the fact that she had a lot of guy friends. We actually had a double date once, and my girlfriend and the time and I, we just sat there in disgust as he ate. He wasn't very tidy, at one point the table in front of him was so filthy and gross that it looked like a toddler had been eating there. Needless to say, May was completely embarrassed by that whole fiasco.

Also, there was the fact that every time I'd seen them out shopping, he always had some sort of bag with a pool toy in it. At the time, I figured that maybe his family had a pool at home, and he bought these things to bring back to the foster kids his mother took care of.

Boy, I was one ignorant bastard.

After they'd broken up, May opened up about everything. Tom had a fetish for pool toys, kept pestering her about buying him new ones (I think he bought upwards of around $100 worth at some point in time), and apparently even walked in on him "finishing" on one. The worst part about that, and when May told me this, I about threw up - Tom's mother knew about his pool toy fetish, so whenever he'd get a new one, she'd take the old ones and donate them to Goodwill. Yeah, that's lovely, isn't it? She donated them. I really hope that they got incinerated, to be quite honest.

May also didn't have a cell phone plan at the time, just one of those pay-as-you-go phones, so if she wanted to talk to him, she had to call him on the landline - he wouldn't use Messenger, claiming it was "too noisy" to do so. Plus the other reason she had to call him? Because Tom's 'mommy' threw a fit when their phone bill came out to around $30, and that ended up amounting to a $200 phone bill for May one month. I asked her why she didn't hang up, and she replied with that he'd constantly keep trying to call her. And on the occasion that he'd call her, he'd call collect.

And he was also pretty emotionally abusive as well, he'd kept telling her that if she wasn't around, he'd commit suicide, and stuff like, "It seems like the women who date me end up not finding anyone else if they break up with me." I knew for a fact May struggled with self esteem issues, so this asshole basically guilted her into staying with him for as long as she did. And yes, when she told me about all of this, I was fucking pissed.

What ended up killing their relationship was the fact that she lost her job, how he made her feel like shit, and how he essentially planned to just move in with her and have her support him. Yes, he wasn't going to bother getting a job, he just wanted a 'new mommy'.

Looking back, what's really scary to me is how very similar to Chris this guy was. And this was all before I knew who Chris even was.
 
A friend of mine, we'll call her May, ended up in a relationship with a guy from Indiana while we were in our second year of college. He was a big boy, with a serious lazy eye that his mother never bothered to correct when he was a child. We'll call him Tom.

Tom was 27 years old, still lived with his parents (who were apparently huge lolcows themselves) and only worked every once in a while as a substitute teacher. Other than that, he sat on his ass in his mother's basement playing video games and harassing the foster kids his mother looked after.

Anyway, May at the time had a job working at the library (we actually worked together at one point during the summer) and this guy would constantly call circulation looking for her. He'd been told several times not to do this, but he did it anyway, and quite frequently, to the point where May got her ass chewed out about it by my boss. He kept at it, though, and I think that was what eventually got May fired in the end.

Now, I had met Tom a couple of times in person, and when I had, it seemed he never really treated May like a girlfriend. It gave off a lot of creepy vibes that I couldn't explain at the time, and I didn't ask May, since he hovered annoyingly close to her when other people were around. He was insanely jealous, didn't like the fact that she had a lot of guy friends. We actually had a double date once, and my girlfriend and the time and I, we just sat there in disgust as he ate. He wasn't very tidy, at one point the table in front of him was so filthy and gross that it looked like a toddler had been eating there. Needless to say, May was completely embarrassed by that whole fiasco.

Also, there was the fact that every time I'd seen them out shopping, he always had some sort of bag with a pool toy in it. At the time, I figured that maybe his family had a pool at home, and he bought these things to bring back to the foster kids his mother took care of.

Boy, I was one ignorant bastard.

After they'd broken up, May opened up about everything. Tom had a fetish for pool toys, kept pestering her about buying him new ones (I think he bought upwards of around $100 worth at some point in time), and apparently even walked in on him "finishing" on one. The worst part about that, and when May told me this, I about threw up - Tom's mother knew about his pool toy fetish, so whenever he'd get a new one, she'd take the old ones and donate them to Goodwill. Yeah, that's lovely, isn't it? She donated them. I really hope that they got incinerated, to be quite honest.

May also didn't have a cell phone plan at the time, just one of those pay-as-you-go phones, so if she wanted to talk to him, she had to call him on the landline - he wouldn't use Messenger, claiming it was "too noisy" to do so. Plus the other reason she had to call him? Because Tom's 'mommy' threw a fit when their phone bill came out to around $30, and that ended up amounting to a $200 phone bill for May one month. I asked her why she didn't hang up, and she replied with that he'd constantly keep trying to call her. And on the occasion that he'd call her, he'd call collect.

And he was also pretty emotionally abusive as well, he'd kept telling her that if she wasn't around, he'd commit suicide, and stuff like, "It seems like the women who date me end up not finding anyone else if they break up with me." I knew for a fact May struggled with self esteem issues, so this asshole basically guilted her into staying with him for as long as she did. And yes, when she told me about all of this, I was fucking pissed.

What ended up killing their relationship was the fact that she lost her job, how he made her feel like shit, and how he essentially planned to just move in with her and have her support him. Yes, he wasn't going to bother getting a job, he just wanted a 'new mommy'.

Looking back, what's really scary to me is how very similar to Chris this guy was. And this was all before I knew who Chris even was.

Whoa... I feel very sorry for May. Did she file a no-contact order against Tom?
 
Whoa... I feel very sorry for May. Did she file a no-contact order against Tom?
I'm not entirely sure, other than the last exchange she had with the guy, he tried to tear her down as best as he could, attacking her family, her self esteem, and anything he can jab at. It was pathetic.
 
I'm not entirely sure, other than the last exchange she had with the guy, he tried to tear her down as best as he could, attacking her family, her self esteem, and anything he can jab at. It was pathetic.

Too bad for Tom. Any other lolcow stories you would want to share with us, sir?
 
Here's a review "Damien" wrote for a restaurant he's never even been to. Apparently one of their signs offended him.

Also, Damien and his folks are hoarders, although more through sheer laziness than a compulsion to collect things. I've been in their house twice and it is absolutely disgusting. The smell of cat urine is so strong it makes you retch. Here are some photos he posted online:
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I probably have brought this up before, but Eric Crooks also makes me chuckle/cringe with sympathy. He thinks his "subversive, satirical show" that was briefly on public access has legion of fans. He thinks he's the next Jim Henson. He is obsessed with Bob Procter, being an ENPF, and puts up attraction signs for a business partner/life partner (who must be a butch lesbian, because he identifies as a woman.)

I knew him in high school, and always thought he was a nice kid, if a little gawky and weird and obsessive. He disappeared for a while, and reappeared with an insane ego.

He sees himself as sharp and edgy, but his satire involves stating the obvious, ala A-Log.
 
I've a few, but I'll post another later tonight once I get back home.
Crap. I lied. I might've gotten slightly drunk. Anywho, I'll share the story of David.

David was another fellow I knew in college. He was a theatre major, acted in a few on-campus plays and such.

Anyway, he was another basement dweller who could've possibly put Chris's room to shame, in the sense that every one of the walls in his room were covered in Power Rangers and Muppets. He was so incredibly obsessed with that shit, it was kind of scary.

I think he has a Youtube of himself playing with puppets, but I'd rather not brave that rabbit hole if I can avoid it. I do know that he'd put on puppet shows for a local toy store a couple of times, but wasn't welcomed back because the parents of the children there were way too uncomfortable with him being around. Said toy store eventually went out of business at one point, but I seem to remember him being pretty butthurt about not being able to perform there anymore.

During lunch time, our lunch group of friends would hang out in the student lounge, which was nice. David would join us every once in a while, and when he did, this was how we'd learned he had a big foot fetish. He had this creepy thing where if a girl only had sandals on, he'd sit in front of her and keep reaching for her feet. And yes, he got kicked. Many times. There were two girls, though, that were so completely mortified that they didn't know how to react. We all told him to knock it off, which he did eventually, but that was only when myself and a couple of the guys threatened to kick his ass.

He also gave this one girl that hung out with us a lot of bullshit, too, especially after her boyfriend dumped her. This asshole told her she was good enough for a one night stand, but nothing beyond that, and she told him to his face that she wasn't desperate enough for her to want his stumpy dick in her.

I actually remember that meltdown, too, it was hilarious. He took to Facebook, blocked this girl, then typed up a really long status about how women were soooo mean to him, and how he's "a human too, OMG guys!" He later re-added her, then tried not too subtly to guilt trip her into putting out. By then this girl, myself, and several other mutual friends ended up just outright removing him.

I think he did eventually get married, which if he did, I feel really sorry for that girl.
 
Some of my favorite lolcows are the religious fundies that do really off the wall stuff. The ones that take some seemingly inconsequential passage in the Bible and stretch it into pure ridiculousness that causes them to do weird things. Things like snake handling, talking in tongues, faith healing, etc.
One of my favorite videos:
 
This is awesome! :biggrin: How would a meme be evil, though? It has no mind of its own.
I guess all those times they hoped to watch a video and got Rickrolled instead? Damned if I know, but mind you this is the same group of people who decided natural disasters are a villain so really a meme is kind of a step up from that (seeing as how they're created by people at least).
 
Back to my favourite wiki. Do you know what's a real life villain? Rickrolls!

http://real-life-villains.wikia.com/wiki/Rickroll
Rickrolls killed my family.

Anyways, I think I'll tell the story of Linda (not her real name):

(Warning - somewhat long)

So, I've had this chick added on Facebook for a few months, but we've never chatted or anything beyond her liking some random shit I post. Never chatted, that is, until a few weeks ago, when she randomly sends me a message. The message was innocuous enough, it was just "Hey", so naturally, I respond with "Sup?". Then she basically tells me that she's kind of been wanting to chat with me for a while now, but was always nervous or something like that, but I tell her to not be nervous, I'm (generally) a nice person and whatever.

So Linda and I start chatting and, for the first couple of days of chatting, we just shoot the shit about games and anime and stuff like that, but then the first odd thing occurred when she randomly told me that I was "cute". Normally, this wouldn't be weird or odd, but since she hasn't seen a photo of me, I asked her what she meant by that. She told me that she thought I looked cute, so I simply apologized and told her that the girl in my profile pic wasn't a photo of me, it was a photo of some Japanese idol (I believe it was Yuko Oshima but that's not relevant for this story anyways) but then she tells me that she knows I'm lying about the photo not being me because, and I quote, "I'm ashamed about being Japanese and I shouldn't be ashamed of my race". Again, I explain to her that my profile pic isn't me, I even link her to where I got the photo from, and that I was also not Japanese. Naturally, she then starts going on about how "now I'm denying my Japanese heritage and she KNOWS I'm a Japanese because Aiko Heiwa is a totally cute Jap name!" Yet again I tell her that I'm not Japanese and, while Aiko is a real Japanese name and Heiwa is a real word in Japanese (but not a name), it's just the name I use online and is nothing more. I also tell her that I was going to bed, so I wouldn't respond to any messages and wished her goodnight.

After a couple of days of no messages from her, she suddenly messages me again, this time calling me "Aiko-chan" and she seems to be acting normal, until she randomly tells me that she wants to be my "tsuma" (translator note: tsuma means wife), so I then basically tell her "what?" and she starts telling me that she wants to "marry a cute Jap woman and be her servant" (so apparently, she still doesn't get that I'm not Japanese) and begins sending me poorly drawn MS Paint hentai (although calling it that would be an insult to hentai) of her on her hands and knees attending to an MS paint drawing of my profile pic and referring to it as "Aiko-sama". Of course, I get creeped out by this and ask her what the Hell is going through her head. I tell that, first off, I'm only 17 years old and yeah, I'm turning 18 in June, but according to her profile, she's fucking 39 years old.

Suddenly, Linda begins to basically "scream" (Well, typing in all caps) about how I was such a mean asshole and I broke her heart with me leading her on and that she was going to report me to the FBI and the CIA for being a "terrorist heartbreaking Jap" and threatens to go "public" with this information. (What information, is what I was wondering, since she knew nothing about me besides that I was 17 and am turning 18 in June). Anyways, after a few minutes of her ranting, I ask her if she's done and she says yes, so then I tell her "Good. Bye!" and block her.
 
First of all. I love the stories. Keep them coming.

A lot of the lolcows I've come across I've never interacted much with only in passing. So here's Kittentits' Adventures in High School:

So there were a few exceptional individuals that attended high school with me.

First up was a girl named Becca. As I was attending one of the whitest schools in Salt Lake, we had our fair share of Mormon kids who all happened to hang out together. The thing with Becca though is she took it to a new level. She had the tendency to ask some of the absolute dumbest questions in existence. The one that's stood out in my head was in Biology when studying cells, she asked what the difference between a male and female cell is. The next 20 minutes was an embarrassingly painful explanation on how they don't have genders.

Next was a kid named Jake. He was a grade ahead of me so most of this information I got was from friends though I did see him a few times. He had a serious over bite and had a kept cases of soda in his locker to hand out at lunch in a lame attempt to get friends. Near the end of the school year while we were in chemistry we heard screaming come down the hall. The teacher told everyone to stay seated while he looked out in the hall to see what was happening. Two of the history teachers also came down to see what the hell was going on. Immediately we heard our school cop tell everyone to go back into their classrooms as two cop cars pull up to the front of the school. The chemistry room windows faced the front of the school and all of us including the teacher just watched as Jake ran outside, without a shirt yelling at the school officer. While two of the police who just arrived tried to talk him down, he stripped to his pants. By now the cops were done talking and started to approach him where he made a run for it. We got to watch as Jake tripped over his own pants face first, get tackled to the ground and then sprayed with pepper when he attempted to fight back. Rumors went around from he had a knife and threatened a teacher to he also kept drugs in his locker. We never really found out what happened and Jake was never seen again.

The last major kid, we'll call him BB. You'll find out why.
At our school we had a program where you could take classes off campus, one of these was an animation program. It was practically a breeding ground for Autism. I was in the minority of students who actually wished to pursue it as a career while everyone else took it thinking they would be making video games. If 4chan wished to take a physical form it was here. It was pretty evident who actually worked and who didn't. A majority of the class just watched YouTube videos or took advantages of the tablets to draw anime.
We had one kid who refused to use the program Maya and only worked in Blender. He preached every. Single. Day. About how Blender would eventually out perform Maya even when our teacher told him multiple times why it never would. He thought he was hot shit and wanted to be the next Freddiew when he failed to learn the fundamentals of animation, not even bothering to learn how to use our green screen room. Another kid who never worked once. Every time I got a glance at his screen it was on some YouTube video. He made this awkward sounds and would pace the room in what looked like an imaginary sword fight, sound effects and all.

Then there was BB. I had the misfortune of sitting a computer away from him. He was obsessed with Transformers, especially Bumble Bee, hence the name. All of his work had Bumble Bee associated with it. Me and another kid working in the portfolio class joked that he had a fetish of Bumble Bee. He always had bad breath and smelt like mold and cat pee to the point I began to wear a heavy coat doused in perfume to block the smell.
He also thought he was a game developer. He had an entire website and Facebook page on it. Watching his "trailer" for it, it was a doom ripoff where you shot the same lab coat zombie through three levels of the same map. The craziest part was he was trying to sell the game for $20, even going as far as announcing special deals off on holidays.
The best though was on a really slow day while working the room started to slowly smell bad. All the students kinda looked at each other as it got stronger and stronger when one of boys yelled out "WHAT SMELLS LIKE SHIT?" At which BB covered his head in his hands, screeched like a cat and ran out of the room. I almost puked when I saw a small brown puddle on his seat.

BB shat himself. :briefs:

I was allowed to work at an empty computer but the room smelt like shit the rest of the day. Eventually it was confirmed he did have a fetish for Bumble Bee after one of the kids found his Facebook page. I have since deleted the screen shots but it became a joke among some of the kids he had a crush on Bumble Bee.

There's others but nothing comes to mind right now.
 
The one that's stood out in my head was in Biology when studying cells, she asked what the difference between a male and female cell is. The next 20 minutes was an embarrassingly painful explanation on how they don't have genders.
Radical feminist in the making.

The best though was on a really slow day while working the room started to slowly smell bad. All the students kinda looked at each other as it got stronger and stronger when one of boys yelled out "WHAT SMELLS LIKE SHIT?" At which BB covered his head in his hands, screeched like a cat and ran out of the room. I almost puked when I saw a small brown puddle on his seat.
:cryblood:
 
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