Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

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Picklepower said:
Yeah cuz we were talking about hentai, and told me he did, and his excuse was, he thought the blonde one was a girl, but didn't stop jerking off and was able to finish. I was like," Okaaaaaaaaay" and I changed the subject. I have know clue what this person does now.
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OK I know that entire things shtick is "adolescent boys that look and dress like girls" but I call bullshit because sex scenes.
 
Francis E. Dec said:
Some guy on a gun form I frequent left this pile of schizophrenia on every single board:

The US Government and Police departments of this country are now installing devices into your body to create severe pain.

They are installing devices into your head,mouth,shoulder,penis,vagina, once these devices are installed you automatically black out at night, they then proceed to enter your home, and install more of this crap into your body.

They want to hear every conversation you are having and control every aspect of your life, all in effort to line their pockets with money, with disregard to your life, and your family's life.

Help stop this atrocity by spreading the word to as many people as possible.



Beware, the police and government are now having undercover friends drug you, put you to sleep, and install tiny microphones into your mouth and skull. Side effects may include severe pain, accidents that were not your fault.

When you go to sleep, you black out, and the government and police break into your home and rape you, and install more of this shit into your body.

Spread the word. Don't let new friends sleep over.

Tell all your friends, its only a matter of time before it effects you.

Signs that this has happen to you,

1. severe tooth pain.
2. your anus was loose when you woke up.
3. your girlfriends vagina has some kind of bump in it.
4. unexplainable pain randomly, throughout the day.
5. stomach pain, cant crap.

things to do to annoy the police and goverment that are listening to you through unuathorized taps into your body. (this helps kill some of these in your body and flush them out)

1. making slirping sounds with your mouth.
2. try to stay up for over 48 hours without going to sleep, try to take a lot of craps.
3. monster energy drink.
4. avoid eating out, try cooking at home.
5. avoid shady doctors and clinics.
6. lots of bread and crapping.
7. after meals use a plastic toothpick to clean your teeth.
8. boiling hot showers.



watch what you say, some money hungry rat is listetning to everyword you say.




The police and government are now installing tiny microscopic microchips into your mouth and body so they can listen to every word you are saying.

Don't come to los angeles, everyone in the town is a goverment or police rat.

Don't let strangers sleep over at your house.

These same devices installed into your body create pain.

It's in everything you own, you visit a doctor, he sticks it into your body.

In the food you eat.

In your tire ..............

Watch out, be careful what you say and do.
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Reminds me of some loon on /cow/ (and I'm not talking about autphag, Robbay or Moleman) who suggested that the government plants CP on dissidents they can't get for a conventional crime.

There's being skeptical of the government. And then there's thinking that the Feds are evil masterminds when in reality they're (usually) well-meaning incompetents.
 
Francis E. Dec said:
Some guy on a gun form I frequent left this pile of schizophrenia on every single board:

The US Government and Police departments of this country are now installing devices into your body to create severe pain.

They are installing devices into your head,mouth,shoulder,penis,vagina, once these devices are installed you automatically black out at night, they then proceed to enter your home, and install more of this crap into your body.
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Frankenstein Earphone Radios, eh? I bet they can also make you over one foot shorter or one foot taller, as the Computer God sees fit.
 
Hi, new here and thought I would post about a "friend" of mine. I don't know how I always get mixed up with people like this but for whatever reason they like to come to me. I thought it was pretty funny so I thought I'd share it.
A few years back there was this kid in my math class named Alec and was quite trouble maker. He would pretty much just do whatever he wanted the whole class period and was completely obsessed with rocket pens (If you don't know what a rocket pen is it's those G2 pens with the mechanics and what not of it moved around so you could shoot the pen part of it out and it goes pretty far for a pen and a tiny spring.) He would always have one or two of them and just launch em at random people. During exams he must've been feeling particularly bored and took out one of his dozens of pens and launched it directly at the teacher and nailed her right on the arm (I think it even left a little mark). Needless to say she got REALLY mad and told him to go to the dean's. Of course he didn't so and he said something along the lines of "I don't listen to fat people" and it looked like the teacher was turning a red. A sort of shouting match came up from her screaming at Alec to go down to the dean's or else and Alec just brushing her off saying whatever and I don't care. Eventually she got upset and directly called the office to have someone come pick him up. Now the deans are VERY harsh/unfair/hot tempered/whatever. So when the dean came to the class room she was pretty mad to begin with. When Alec refused to get up I swear the dean looked like she popped a blood vessel and became absolutely furious and seemed to try her hardest not to scream. Alec just made fun of her and eventually he was literally forced from his seat and pulled from the room and he was just dancing around and making lots of noise on his way out. Never saw him again after that though and I assume he was expelled for abusing a teacher or whatever.
 
I still follow Jordan White (the McDonald's Brony) through every Youtube channel he makes. I don't try to make him upset because he is actually a sympathizable person (but very autistic) and he comes up with entertaining content anyway without being harassed.

I haven't encountered any real life lolcows since highschool to be honest.
 
Say Apple! said:
Hi, new here and thought I would post about a "friend" of mine. I don't know how I always get mixed up with people like this but for whatever reason they like to come to me. I thought it was pretty funny so I thought I'd share it.
A few years back there was this kid in my math class named Alec and was quite trouble maker. He would pretty much just do whatever he wanted the whole class period and was completely obsessed with rocket pens (If you don't know what a rocket pen is it's those G2 pens with the mechanics and what not of it moved around so you could shoot the pen part of it out and it goes pretty far for a pen and a tiny spring.) He would always have one or two of them and just launch em at random people. During exams he must've been feeling particularly bored and took out one of his dozens of pens and launched it directly at the teacher and nailed her right on the arm (I think it even left a little mark). Needless to say she got REALLY mad and told him to go to the dean's. Of course he didn't so and he said something along the lines of "I don't listen to fat people" and it looked like the teacher was turning a red. A sort of shouting match came up from her screaming at Alec to go down to the dean's or else and Alec just brushing her off saying whatever and I don't care. Eventually she got upset and directly called the office to have someone come pick him up. Now the deans are VERY harsh/unfair/hot tempered/whatever. So when the dean came to the class room she was pretty mad to begin with. When Alec refused to get up I swear the dean looked like she popped a blood vessel and became absolutely furious and seemed to try her hardest not to scream. Alec just made fun of her and eventually he was literally forced from his seat and pulled from the room and he was just dancing around and making lots of noise on his way out. Never saw him again after that though and I assume he was expelled for abusing a teacher or whatever.
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What a little shit.

Sadly, this behavior isn't that uncommon. Kids in my country are becoming increasingly cocky now that the teachers aren't allowed to touch them. They risk getting fired just for removing a troublemaker from the class. :/
 
Say Apple! said:
Hi, new here and thought I would post about a "friend" of mine. I don't know how I always get mixed up with people like this but for whatever reason they like to come to me. I thought it was pretty funny so I thought I'd share it.
A few years back there was this kid in my math class named Alec and was quite trouble maker. He would pretty much just do whatever he wanted the whole class period and was completely obsessed with rocket pens (If you don't know what a rocket pen is it's those G2 pens with the mechanics and what not of it moved around so you could shoot the pen part of it out and it goes pretty far for a pen and a tiny spring.) He would always have one or two of them and just launch em at random people. During exams he must've been feeling particularly bored and took out one of his dozens of pens and launched it directly at the teacher and nailed her right on the arm (I think it even left a little mark). Needless to say she got REALLY mad and told him to go to the dean's. Of course he didn't so and he said something along the lines of "I don't listen to fat people" and it looked like the teacher was turning a red. A sort of shouting match came up from her screaming at Alec to go down to the dean's or else and Alec just brushing her off saying whatever and I don't care. Eventually she got upset and directly called the office to have someone come pick him up. Now the deans are VERY harsh/unfair/hot tempered/whatever. So when the dean came to the class room she was pretty mad to begin with. When Alec refused to get up I swear the dean looked like she popped a blood vessel and became absolutely furious and seemed to try her hardest not to scream. Alec just made fun of her and eventually he was literally forced from his seat and pulled from the room and he was just dancing around and making lots of noise on his way out. Never saw him again after that though and I assume he was expelled for abusing a teacher or whatever.
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:lol: Great first post, happy for you. Welcome!

And btw there is something about the name alec.... My greatest personal lolcow was also called Alec.
 
littlebiscuits said:
Say Apple! said:
Hi, new here and thought I would post about a "friend" of mine. I don't know how I always get mixed up with people like this but for whatever reason they like to come to me. I thought it was pretty funny so I thought I'd share it.
A few years back there was this kid in my math class named Alec and was quite trouble maker. He would pretty much just do whatever he wanted the whole class period and was completely obsessed with rocket pens (If you don't know what a rocket pen is it's those G2 pens with the mechanics and what not of it moved around so you could shoot the pen part of it out and it goes pretty far for a pen and a tiny spring.) He would always have one or two of them and just launch em at random people. During exams he must've been feeling particularly bored and took out one of his dozens of pens and launched it directly at the teacher and nailed her right on the arm (I think it even left a little mark). Needless to say she got REALLY mad and told him to go to the dean's. Of course he didn't so and he said something along the lines of "I don't listen to fat people" and it looked like the teacher was turning a red. A sort of shouting match came up from her screaming at Alec to go down to the dean's or else and Alec just brushing her off saying whatever and I don't care. Eventually she got upset and directly called the office to have someone come pick him up. Now the deans are VERY harsh/unfair/hot tempered/whatever. So when the dean came to the class room she was pretty mad to begin with. When Alec refused to get up I swear the dean looked like she popped a blood vessel and became absolutely furious and seemed to try her hardest not to scream. Alec just made fun of her and eventually he was literally forced from his seat and pulled from the room and he was just dancing around and making lots of noise on his way out. Never saw him again after that though and I assume he was expelled for abusing a teacher or whatever.
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:lol: Great first post, happy for you. Welcome!

And btw there is something about the name alec.... My greatest personal lolcow was also called Alec.
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Sauce?
 
God, those two stories were amazing.

I never really interacted with most of the really weird kids. The only one that I could confidently call a lolcow is Casey and his family.

Casey is a few months younger than me (so we're both 21 right now, though he looks like he hasn't even hit 18 yet), but was a year behind in school because he got held back in kindergarten and that's not an exaggeration. He's the oldest of four kids, with a sister and a pair of twin brothers. Casey's house was a few down from mine, and since he was the only peer within walking distance we hung out often. He viewed me as his best friend for a few years, but I really only hung out with him because I felt sorry for him and I had no other people interested in video games and the like nearby.

Casey's family was nuts, and at the time consisted of an extremely redneck alcoholic father and a downright crazy Christian mother. The hairdresser mother once wore a shirt with a closeup of Jesus's hand spurting blood from the nail in it around the house. She was also very easily swayed by "woo-woo", like homeopathy and magnetism: she believed that standing on concrete or other non-natural surfaces or wearing shoes caused you to lose connection to Earth's magnetic field and become ill. She had a mysterious "herbal tea" that she kept on a magnet in the fridge that always made her high as balls, and gave her kids foam pillows filled with magnets to improve their health. Later, she became a Bejeweled addict. The father was otherwise normal, if you consider a lazy alcoholic normal. Their relationship was filled with strife and they broke up and got back together repeatedly, until it finally fell apart a few years ago.

The twin brothers were the youngest, and both of them distinctively blonde and pale. They're teenagers now, but when I knew them they didn't even speak proper English; remember what people say about twins developing their own personal style of communication? The pair spoke in a sort of slurred English dialect that reminds one of a 4-year-old. It had nothing to do with a speech impediment or mental disability. They would simply cry when someone tried to give them lessons, so the parents gave up and let them learn on their own. The middle child, the sister, was a wannabe street chick who had sex with adults before she was old enough to drive and bragged about living the "thug life" when she was just a poor white chick. She claimed to speak Italian because of her ancestry, and I can guarantee she doesn't know a lick of it. A few years ago she finally had a baby at about 16. To make matters worse, her refusal to ever participate in school resulted in her being held back for several years, and she was still in middle school when she had the kid.

And now we come to Casey. Short, very skinny, always let his hair grow into a mushroom-shaped mass. Looked awkward, talked awkward, and grew a giant ego as he got into high school. He didn't enjoy bathing, and once went over a week without brushing his teeth purely to see how long he could do it before my mother yelled at him. He ended up at our house a lot, and my mother did her best to try and fix him up. Almost every effort failed miserably. The kid was also pretty dumb: he didn't know where Hollywood was and was about a hundred years off on the Civil War. He once talked about loving the "smell of plutonium" at a gas station (he meant petroleum) and spent the next 2 minutes defending his word choice. That's one of the most grating things about him: he's painfully wrong a lot of the time, but stubbornly refuses to accept anyone's corrections. Like I said, he got a big ego in high school. He started hanging out with the other weird and loner kids, and they all formed a big group. Casey is a decent artist, and the compliments of his skill led him to think he was going to be the next big illustrator.

Eventually, the family's failure to function in society caught up to them: they snuck out of their house in 2011, I think, moving into an apartment complex a few miles away to avoid debts. A month or two after they abandoned the house, my friend and I snuck in and took pictures; they basically ransacked their own home, tossing drawers around and taking the mattresses from the beds. I found the daughter's journal, where she had made up a fake modeling agency letter to show off to the kids at school.

Last we saw Casey, he was working at Walmart. He was shifty-eyed, barely spoke above a murmur, and supposedly ran away from a customer who asked him a question. He got fired after a few months. The only times I ever interact with him are rare tabletop RPG games where he gets invited.
 
Here's another story I got.
I was just reminded of one of the biggest lolcows I've encountered.
My friend Daniel. I met Daniel in the third grade. We sat next to each other, and started talking about video games, Legend of Zelda, etc. We also had in common we were both kids who had been picked on, but Daniel got it much worse. He was a fat, janky looking, insane Christian, homophobe. He was always either being hit on by guys to freak him out, or someone was activating his Christian rage mode. Lots of playground scuffles and lots of crying into sleeves. One notable event was the time he ran around the playground screaming, "DEVILS!" Every time he saw someone, he would scream that and run away. He had to be subdued by the teachers. He later told me he saw everyone on the playground as actual Devils. To this day, I haven't asked him if he actually saw that or if he was just trying to get attention.

Years later in middle school, at a 4th of July party at a friends house (which I couldn't attend due to family), he did something bad in a bathroom. The group were laying down, about ready to go to sleep, when someone started talking about sex. After someone detailed a particularly graphic depiction of a porn scene, Daniel jumped up off his air mattress and ran to the bathroom, which is directly connected to the bedroom they were in. After hearing grunting and some slapping noises, my friend decided to investigate. He flung the door open, and there was Daniel, sitting on the toilet playing with his meat mandolin. He started screaming at them to shut the door, not stopping his hand party. He slammed the door shut on his own, and emerged a moment later. Red-faced and pissed off that they had caught him beating the bishop. We never let him live that down. Years later in high school, he finally thought we had forgotten. He was wrong.

Another middle school incident was when he challenged the school bully to a fight. Daniel was well versed in tae kwan do, mind you. He showed up to the fight, got one good kick in on the kid, and promptly got his ass beat around the soccer field. He told me he didn't want to hurt the other guy too bad. That bully himself was a bit of a lolcow, but that is a story for a different time.

In high school, the ride didn't end. Apart from all the random hallway shouting matches and threatening to stab people who called him gay, he also became a romantic. Senior year, he fell in love with a girl. Not a little crush, he fell head over heels for this girl who showed him a little bit of kindness. He would constantly complain to me about how she didn't want anything to do with him after he bothered the shit out of her for weeks. She finally caved and went to the prom with him, only to leave halfway through to join her redneck hambone boyfriend. Really sucked for Daniel.

In college, he got tricked on a Chris level. He started getting texts from this girl who wanted to date him. She asked for weird pictures, including one of him with his shirt off, and one of his dick. He obliged accordingly. On top of that, he accidentally posted the pic of his D to Facebook, and promptly scarred everyone of his friends. Later, after a roller coaster of emotion with this girl, including the girl promising to take his virginity, it was revealed it was someone pulling an elaborate prank on him. He was surprisingly calm when it was revealed. He didn't rage, he just seemed relieved. He's gotten better about his antics though. He has stopped being a Christian nut, he doesn't hate gays anymore, he has really mellowed out. Probably all that dank he is smoking.

I've kept friends with him, not out of pity though. Him and I are pretty close nowadays, and he still occasionally does something pretty funny.
 
PhysicianPhallus said:
there was Daniel, sitting on the toilet playing with his meat mandolin.
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Wow, super Christian but wanking it? Surprised he isn't frightened of even touching himself.
 
There's this girl on IMDb.

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A woman my roommate used to date is an absolute lunatic. I call her 'Sac des Chattes', which means 'bag of cats', in reference to how we describe her: MAD AS A BAG OF CATS. She's way too into the BDSM 'lifestyle', like she likes to live it ALL THE TIME and won't do anything at all unless some 'dom' orders her to do it. Not even eating or going to bed. When people ask what she wants in a boyfriend, she says, 'Oh, I don't want a BOYFRIEND, I want a MASTER!' Which is fine, if that's your thing, but she lets people do things to her she hates and is uncomfortable with because I don't even know. She's really nuts. Goodness knows why Waffle (the roommate) dated her, except he was really down and desperate after he and his now-ex-wife separated. The relationship didn't last more than about three or four months.

Anyway.

Chattes had knee surgery in November and on New Years was only JUST off the crutches. We (my boyfriend and I) were supposed to go over to her house for a belated Christmas celebration, but that night it snowed really hard, and it was accumulating on the road. It was too dangerous to leave by the time we were done with our errands, so we called and told her we'd reschedule. She was upset but seemed to accept it. She asked when Waffle was coming, and since the last contact he'd had with her was when she sent him her cut-up slave collar and a nasty breakup letter in the mail, he said, 'I didn't think you'd want to see me considering our last contact.' She had a hissy fit and hung up on him. And then tried to call him.

After seventeen missed calls, she sent a text message that said, 'ANSWER OR I AM WALKING OVER.' She lives a mile or so from us but it's snowing out and she's JUST OFF OF CRUTCHES.

Boyfriend's sister lives with Chattes (so she could take care of her) and we called her and said DO NOT LET CHATTES LEAVE, SHE IS THREATENING TO WALK OVER HERE.

After another eight missed calls from Chattes, there's silence.

We go on playing Mario Kart.

There's a knock at the door. WE all look at each other like NO WAY SHE DID NOT.

Oh yes, out there in the snow at night is Chattes. She walked all the way over. She snuck out of her apartment when boyfriend's sister was in the bathroom.

We didn't let Chattes into the house. I half-expected she would come back in brandishing a machete.
 
bradsternum said:
http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIfJGZRw435FC9ph3QLzWzQ?feature=watch

I swear, this is a David Lynch project.
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How did you find this?
 
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