Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

[dunbrine47]

Go AwAy MoM. I'm TrYiNg To SaVe tHe FhRaNcHiSe.

 

[Bon Bon]

I've got a little one

There's a guy on KYM who's whole posting is three things,
1) Contributions on a Welcome to the N.H.K. Article
and then these two are special because in both cases he is the sole contributor:
2) An article on one of those 4chan -chan suffix girls called "hikichan", who is obviously mentally ill and not very relevant to the internet but the article is crazy long and basically cataloging her entire online history,
I stumbled on this guy in the first place because KYM has a "newest images" section and I found out this guy has uploaded, in batches, 75 and counting images, mostly close ups of her face, often stills from videos.

Spoiler: these are all his uploads

and
3) A short article about a song, the main example-of-relevancy in which is a video of this girl he's creepy about dancing to the song.


So needless to say I was pretty perturbed by this guy, so I look up his username and find a profile on https://maiotaku.com/p/hikikomori93
if you don't want to make a dummy account to view all that's really on there is
A) screenshots from Welcome to the N.H.K., which pretty much confirms to me on top of the username that it's the same guy. (on top of the bio)
B) Confirmation that it's a man so not the girl being attention hungry or something
C) The bio, "I'm an American Hikikomori who struggles with social anxiety. i've been dealing with this extreme kind of social withdrawal on and off for over a decade i am also a huge anime fan."
D) He likes Watamote lol

So yeah it's pretty wacko imo
oh EDIT: also his last visit to the dating site was 11 months ago and the girls' article was created 10 months ago, make of this what you will

 

[Adamska]

Okay, strap in everyone, this is going to be a big one.

Rufus Wars: The Spergalorian

Yes, I know I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel for Star Wars titles, but as you'll see when you read on, this one is actually surprisingly relevant.

As always, link to the previous story, which also contains links to every other Rufus story for newcomers.

I first got wind that something was brewing in Rufus Town roundabout August when his sister sent me this pair of screenshots from his Facebook (the comment censored in yellow is from her):

View attachment 993473View attachment 993475

That's right, Rufus was working on a follow-up to his Episode VII script.

Or to be more precise two follow-ups:

View attachment 993480

Yup, we has scripts for Episode VIII and Episode IX now, and yours truly managed to get his hands on them, along with the accompanying letter and some other stuff that was in the Dropbox link.

So how are they?

More incredible than I could ever have imagined.

There is insanity contained in the pages of these scripts that mere mortals dare not gaze upon.

I said in my previous post that this was the hardest I'd ever laughed at a Rufus update. The truth is, this is the hardest I've laughed at something in a long time full stop. If you thought the Episode VII script was a ride, the Episode VIII and Episode IX scripts are an all-day trip to a Theme Park.

Summary/review of the Episode VIII script (titled Fall of the Alliance) below the spoiler, but I would strongly recommend reading through both scripts in full because a summary just can't do justice to Rufus's writing. Also, these summaries are almost as long as the actual script once my comments are added in:

Spoiler

Considering how much Rufus hates The Last Jedi and the Disney Star Wars films in general, it's rather surprising that this script opens practically identically to The Last Jedi. It starts right where the previous film script left off, with the Resistance Galactic Alliance getting attacked by the First Order the Empire with one of their superweapons.

Yup, turns out the Empire have a new superweapon in this one called the Death Star Destroyer (no, really) which is essentially a massive Star Destroyer rammed through the middle of a Death Star. Seems slightly redundant to me, but the concept of a planet-sized space station with the ability to destroy a planet was already kind of silly, so I'll let this one slide.

The Death Star Destroyer promptly lives up to its name and nukes Coruscant. The surviving Galactic Alliance fleet tries to fight back, but is eventually forced to flee into Hyperspace. During the space battle, we're introduced to two "new" characters - Jacen and Jaina Solo, who show up in the middle of the battle and promptly have to be rescued by Han in the Millennium Falcon.

Meanwhile, Darth Rondus gets his arm restored by his mysterious Master (who does a ridiculous hiss every fucking time there's an 's' in a word) with some weird Force magic and he's allowed to go off and join the space battle. Unfortunately, he shows up just as the Galactic Alliance fleet escapes, and takes his frustrations out on an unfortunate Stormtrooper by beheading him. He also locks horns with Grand Moff Yorpty, who returns from the Episode VII script, which is great because in my headcanon he talks like a hillbilly.

Now, up to this point, I was finding this script pretty unexceptional. There was bad dialogue and stupid shit going on, sure, but not the kind of unbridled insanity you'd normally expect from something Rufus made. The script was mostly just boring and had more padding than the cell Rufus is probably going to end up in one day (which is funny because it's still too short for feature length). There's a scene at the beginning of the space battle which lasts an entire page and it's literally just all the pilots reporting in to each other. We don't need to know that fucking Purple Leader (which could be a porn star name now I think about it) is standing by.

I'd say that kind of goes for Rufus's Episode VII script too, which was mostly funny because of the novelty of reading Rufus's ideas for a Sequel Trilogy put to paper, but was more boring and stupid than actually funny.

Little did I know, all that was just the hors d'oeuvres of crazy. Rufus was saving it all up for the main course.

There is a subplot in this script involving Jace Solo, although I use the term subplot advisedly because it takes up almost as much time as the main plot. Now, anyone who read the Episode VII script realised immediately that Jace was a self-insert for Rufus, but in case you had any doubts, we now have 100% confirmation that this is the case, as you'll see further down. And that's what makes this subplot so fucking hilarious.

The subplot starts out innocently enough, but if you thought Jace was whiny in the last script, Rufus dials it up to 11 here. The opening scene sees him begging Leia and Han to go out and fight in the space battle, which they grudgingly agree to, on the condition that Luke keeps an eye on him.

So sure enough, Jace flies out in an X-Wing, spots a mysterious ship during the battle and a like fucking idiot decides to follow it without backup. The mysterious ship leads him back to Cloud City (because coming up with new locations is hard alright) where after a short chase on foot, he discovers the pilot is a Mandalorian. Guess how Rufus decided to confirm the Mandalorian's gender?

View attachment 993518

Classy. Anyway, the Mandalorian proceeds to knock Rufus into the carbon freezing pit where he promptly gets frozen in carbonite. The Mandalorian then leaves Cloud City with her newly minted Jace popsicle.

We'll park this subplot for now, but don't worry, we'll be coming back to it very soon.

Luke quickly finds out that Darth Rondus can track the Galactic Alliance fleet through the Force (um, okay) so all the Jedi have to stop using it for the time being (aren't they in tune with the Force at all times because they're Jedi? But he can only track them when they actually do something with it? I don't know).

Luke decides that they need to take the fleet to Tython, the birthplace of the Jedi, because it's in the deep core so they'll be hidden from the Empire and can get "guidance there". He's also hoping the innate Force energy of the place will mask them - um, what? I thought Darth Rondus could track them through the... oh who the fuck cares?

Back in the Jace subplot, the Mandalorian flies the carbonited Jace to Concord Dawn (Rufus does his usual trick of saying in the scene descriptions, "I'm not going to reveal the name of this place until later", but I ain't doing that shit). Once there, she promptly unfreezes Jace and he goes through the exact same shit Han did in Return of the Jedi after he was unfrozen.

The Mandalorian now reveals herself as Boba Fett's daughter Aravis Fett (Rufus is a Narnia fan, who knew?) and that she's been stalking Jace because she got the hots for him from a HoloNet broadcast. But she decides the bonking will have to wait until Jace regains his sight and leaves.

We then get a short scene of the Galactic Alliance fleet arriving on Tython and Luke, Leia, that one Jedi Master from Episode VII called Teq, Jacen and Jaina going off to find the first Jedi Temple. They leave behind a downcast Han who laments he wishes he'd trained to become a Jedi. Ordinarily, I'd write a paragraph saying how that's a stupid idea because Han isn't Force sensitive but... let's just says this is addressed later.

And now we get to the point where this goes from being a bad fanfiction into something so much more disturbing.

On Concord Dawn, Jace can see again and tries to escape, but Aravis returns. She starts acting sexy towards Jace, then reaches up and takes her helmet off and PLOT TWIST she's stunningly beautiful. Rufus describes her as looking like, and I quote, "Britt Ekland and Emilia Clarke rolled into one". Guess we know what Rufus's type is then.

After taking off her helmet, Aravis disappears behind a curtain and steps out in the Slave Leia costume. This is the point when you realise that we are witnessing Rufus's personal wish fulfillment fantasy. And that fantasy becomes a nightmare with this line from Aravis:

View attachment 993530

So you're trying to seduce someone, and the first thing out of your mouth is: "You know your mother used to like this lingerie." Why am I suddenly getting flashbacks to that one episode of Friends?:

Later on Aravis compares Jace's sexual prowess to that of his father's. Urgh.

Okay, back to the main story. Luke and his team find the first Jedi Temple, fight a reanimated General Grievous Darth Rondus left behind when he visited Tython earlier offscreen, discover Rondus nicked the Holocrons that were supposed to be there, and Rondus finds out they're on Tython thanks to a camera in Grievous's eyes. Han finds out from Lando, who happened to conveniently drop by Cloud City, that Jace was there and has been abducted by a Mandalorian, so they go to Concord Dawn to rescue him.

On Concord Dawn, Boba Fett shows up and is none too pleased to find out his daughter's been bonking a Solo, especially since she was hired by the Empire to bring him in. I'll just say now that Boba Fett is my favourite character in these scripts. He's just so wonderfully dry. Han and Lando show up on Concord Dawn and after some bartering, Boba Fett agrees to form an alliance with them against the Empire because Jace and Aravis are in lurve. Seems legit.

Back on Tython, Darth Rondus arrives and confronts Luke. He reveals PLOT TWIST that he's Luke's son... kind of. He says he was created by his Master from the DNA of Luke and other Jedi to be the perfect warrior. Rondus has the perfect chance to kill Luke, but instead he bitches out and has the Death Star Destroyer destroy Tython after the Galactic Alliance fleet has the chance to escape.

Luke and co meet up with the Mandalorian fleet, and the ghosts of Obi Wan, Yoda and Anakin appear to tell him something terrible is about to happen. Turns out Rondus's Master is doing some jiggery pokery with the holocrons (I thought Holocrons were supposed to be data archives, why is he using them like Infinity Stones) that makes Obi Wan, Yoda and Anakin disappear. I'm not even trying to keep up with how the Force works in this script.

At least now we know Rufus's ideal first date - getting frozen in carbonite and shagged by someone wearing his mum's old bikini.

So that was Episode VIII and the ride isn't over yet. How can this get any crazier? You had to ask didn't you? Read on for my summary/review of the Episode IX (Rage of the Force) script:

Spoiler

When I first started reading this, I thought Rufus had given up with this one and it was just going to be a dull slog to the end. The script opens with ten. Fucking. Pages of non-stop exposition recapping the events of Episode VIII, and this is after the opening crawl, which was designed for the specific purpose of providing quick and easy exposition and already recapped Episode VIII for us.

Fortunately, it didn't take much longer for the hilarity to start.

So Jacen and Jaina's Masters (remember them? They were in the Ghost Nebula last time) show up where Coruscant used to be after returning from Ghost Nebula and conveniently intercept a transmission from Jacen just as they arrive that allows them to find the fleet. They're called Varda and Galagala (try saying that five times fast). Galagala is a Twi'lek and Rufus goes to great pains to point out that she's dressed like Aayla Secura because Rufus horny. Why do I get the impression this script was mostly written with one hand? It would explain all the fucking typos.

Anyway, they say they found Darth Plagueis's tomb and it's been looted and the body taken. They think this means Darth Plagueis has returned given all the shit that's been happening with Darth Rondus. They say that Darth Plagueis can only be defeated with something called the golden lightsaber, which Luke will have to go on a quest to find. When did this become fucking Tomb Raider? At least we get more gloriously dry dialogue from Boba Fett, about the only self-aware character in this fucking script.

Anyway, the key to the location of the golden lightsaber is on a water planet called Aquarius (10/10 for imaginativeness with that name Rufus) and Luke, Han, Lando, Chewie, Jacen, Jaina, Jace and Aravis go off to find it in Lando's ship the Lady Luck.

Once they're there, everyone suits up in full-on wetsuits to go diving... except for Aravis who wears a skimpy one-piece swimsuit for no fucking reason except Rufus horny. I'm starting to think the only reason this is on a water planet is so Rufus had an excuse to have his waifu Aravis strip off again.

Anyway, they dive down, find a cave, find a clue in the cave that says the golden lightsaber is in "the place your journey began", fight off some gremlins and we get a rip-off of that scene from The Empire Strikes Back where it turns out the cave is actually a giant slug. This post needs a separate section for "Things Rufus has ripped off" because as you'll see, it only gets worse from hereon out.

As the Submarine Lady Luck's leaving Sardinia Aquarius, it's caught by the Liparus a Star Destroyer and brought on board. They're greeted by Karl Stromberg Grand Moff Yorpty, who orders for them to be put in the cells with the crew of another Submarine a Galactic Alliance cruiser they caught offscreen earlier... except for Anya Aravis, who Grand Moff Yorpty says will be coming back to Atlantis the Death Star Destroyer with him.

If you're wondering what's with the strikethroughs, it's because this entire sequence is lifted almost word for word from The Spy Who Loved Me.

So Aravis gets taken away, leaving a distraught Jace behind. The rest of them are taken to the cells, but they start a prison break with the cruiser crew and then leave, blowing the Star Destroyer up as they go (it's called the Destructor, so it was probably asking for it). The group splits up at this point, with Jace going back to the Galactic Alliance fleet to mount a rescue mission for Aravis and Luke, Han, Lando, Chewie, Jacen and Jaina heading for Hypori, because that one clue they found on Aquarius told Luke he had to go back to fucking Hypori.

Back at the fleet, Jace and Boba Fett decide to team up to rescue Aravis, with Boba Fett pretending Jace is his prisoner he's exchanging for Aravis. This is actually a surprisingly good scene and there's some good interplay between Jace and Boba, but it's surrounded by so much crazy it can't really shine through. They get to the Death Star Destroyer, where they find Grand Moff Yorpty's put Aravis in some Sith stasis chamber which holds her in eternal sleep and has dressed her up like a doll for no fucking reason. Rufus's attitude to gender politics is on full display in this script - he introduced Aravis as a devil may care badass, but once his self-insert conquers her, she spends most of her time either stripping to her swimwear or being a damsel in distress. I think that's the saddest part about all this. Rufus thinks he's Jace, but he's actually Grand Moff Yorpty.

Anyway, we get yet another scene ripped off from The Spy Who Loved Me where Grand Moff Yorpty tries to kill them, but he fails, Boba Fett says "You've shot your bolt, now it's our turn" and him and Jace fill Yorpty with blaster fire. They get Aravis out of the coffin and escape the Death Star Destroyer.

On Hypori, Luke, Jacen and Jaina hunt for the golden lightsaber, while Han, Lando and Chewie stay with the Lady Luck. Above Hypori, the Galactic Alliance fleet meets up with the Death Star Destroyer and the Death Star Destroyer does absolutely fucking nothing. This thing is so powerful it could wipe out the whole Galactic Alliance fleet in one stroke, but it's just sitting there.

Luke, Jacen and Jaina find a cave with a shrine, and they think they've found the golden lightsaber, but psych, it's all a trick by Darth Rondus's Master who is.... drumroll please... it's fucking Darth Plagueis because of course it is. And he's swapped out his Muun body for some kind of spider mutant one.

Darth Plagueis pulls out his quadruple lightsabers (yes, really) and challenges Luke to a fight. Darth Rondus gives Luke Anakin Skywalker's old lightsaber, which he apparently found just lying around, to help him in the fight. Darth Plagueis kills Luke almost immediately, but brings him back to life with the power he's learned from the Holocrons Darth Rondus has been gathering. He says he'll give Luke three chances to defeat him... why is this a fucking video game?

Luke loses again and is killed and resurrected. Darth Rondus goes in for the killing blow, but Anakin's old lightsaber suddenly turns into the golden lightsaber, because it turns out it was inside Luke all along. Y'know what, this script shouldn't be called Rage of the Force, it should be called The Man with the Golden Lightsaber. We're already got someone who apparently looks like Britt Ekland running around half-naked for no discernible reason, all we need to do now is a get a CGI Christopher Lee, an Ewok Butler and dig up Lulu to sing the theme song.

The golden lightsaber gives Luke a slight boost, but it's not quite enough. Earlier in the fight Darth Plagueis managed to knock Luke's green lightsaber out of his hand and we now start getting to the part of this whole update that caused me physical pain from laughing.

There's no way I can do this justice in a summary, so I'll just reproduce the original text here:

View attachment 993604



That's right, Rufus is now ripping off Avengers: Endgame.

Also, remember how @CWCissey nearly had a stroke over Han saying he wanted to train to be a Jedi and Chandler Cats joking (that's right, joking) that Han being a Jedi would be a cool idea? Turns out that was actually foreshadowing all along!

My sides are in orbit.

And we're still not done yet.

Luke, Han, Jacen and Jaina engage Darth Plagueis and Darth Rondus and we get one of the most legendary notes to a director ever written:

View attachment 993617



I don't think anyone, in the history of the Star Wars fandom, has ever looked at a lightsaber duel and said "You know what would make this even cooler? Some 80s new wave music!"

And we're still not done yet!

Darth Plagueis gets tired of the lightsaber duel, and uses his powers to resurrect an entire army of Sith Warriors. They bear down on their heroes, and all hope looks lost, when:

View attachment 993618

And it turns out that all the Jedi who died previously have been resurrected just like in Endgame. This is apparently because Darth Plagueis doesn't know how to use the powers he has, so he accidentally resurrected the Jedi along with the Sith. So Rufus can't even rip off Endgame right because he needs his villain to be as incompetent as Dick fucking Dastardly. I did notice that the resurrected Jedi didn't include Mace Windu, so apparently Darth Plagueis's resurrection magic has a "No darkies" policy.

So then there's a big battle, our heroes fight side by side and there's a rip-off of Gimli's "Never thought I'd die fighting with an Elf" line with Han and Boba Fett, but to be fair, it's kind of lampshaded.

Up on the Death Star Destroyer (which is still just fucking sitting there through the whole fucking battle), Grand Moff Yorpty is still alive somehow and turns the Death Star Destroyer on Hypori. He fires it, but all the Jedi on the planet manage to use the force to hurl the superlaser back at the Death Star Destroyer, blowing it up. We also get our second swearing joke of the trilogy:

View attachment 993628

Eh, at least it wasn't another fucking exhaust vent.

Eventually, Darth Plagueis manages to master his powers and tries to use them to wipe out the Jedi, but PLOT TWIST Darth Rondus cuts him down (thought you needed the golden lightsaber to do that) and absorbs Plagueis's power. Then this happens:

View attachment 993632



This is where I nearly cracked a rib from laughing.

So Luke uses the power to destroy the Sith, but dies in the process. I don't even know why I'm typing up this summary, just go read the Wikipedia synopsis for Endgame and replace all the Avengers with Star Wars characters.

Everyone mourns Luke, but Ben says there's hope and then... something happens where all the Jedi who were resurrected are absorbed into Luke and he comes back to life. I don't even know what's going on anymore, my brain's become mush.

The script ends with Jace and Aravis getting married on Tatooine. So this entire story of the Trilogy is capped off with Jace getting laid? Why do I suddenly get the feeling this should be playing over the end credits instead of the Star Wars ending theme?:

The final shot is Luke, Leia and the ghosts of Obi Wan, Yoda and Anakin watching the twin suns set. It's a nice moment, I'll admit. Lord knows Leia does fuck all else in these scripts. Just a shame the path to get here is so... well, Rufus.

So there you have it. I'll link the full scripts in this post and I look forward to hearing your thoughts. I'll also link Rufus's second letter to Lucasfilm that accompanies the scripts. It's even more unhinged than his first one. Dude's losing (more of) his mind.

I don't know what Rufus thinks will happen with these. Even if they were filmed, Carrie Fisher's dead. What's he expecting them to do? CGI her in for the whole thing? I know I said Leia does nothing in these scripts, but it would still be too big a task for most production houses.

Oh yeah, Rufus also made some posters for all the proposed film in the Trilogy which were in the Dropbox:

Spoiler: Mad photoshop skillz

View attachment 993652
View attachment 993654
View attachment 993655

Gotta love how he used the same models of the main characters for all of the posters. Also, he's used Clemence Poesy as the model for Aravis in the poster. I have to say, she doesn't look much like Britt Ekland meets Emilia Clarke, but that's just me.

If you're wondering what that ugly black box is doing there, well, Rufus photoshopped his own head onto Alden Ehrenreich's body to create Jace, so if you needed anymore proof that Jace was a self-insert, there it is.

So there's your early Christmas present Rufus fans. I hope you enjoyed it and it lived up to the hype.

As a special bonus treat, I'll leave you with this recent Facebook post from Rufus. I think it speaks for itself:

Spoiler

View attachment 993674

His sister called him out in the comments and his response was pretty much what you'd expect:

View attachment 993675

And if you're still around after all that, I have a favour to ask.

Spoiler: Feels inside

Following the Doximation earlier this year, Chandler Cats was one of the many users who decided to delete their account and walk away from the Farms. While I miss her dearly, I completely understand and respect her decision to do so. She was one of the most dedicated Rufus followers and reading about his antics always put a smile on her face. Without going into too much detail, she's been having the year from hell, and she said the Rufus stories went a long way in cheering her up, which means a huge amount to me and Rufus's sister.

I don't know if Chandler Cats is still lurking the site or has come back under a different account. I'm not in communication with her off site. She invited me to join a Facebook group she runs, but I politely declined, as I don't want to connect my real life identity to the Farms.

So what I'm asking is this: if anyone is in contact with Chandler Cats off site, or knows someone who is, please tell her a new story's up and send her my regards. I want her to know that however grim things get for her, I'm still thinking of her and Rufus is still alive and kicking. If someone can do this, I will give you full credit and you will hold a special place in the pantheon of Rufusology.

TTFN.

Okay, pretty decent find

Now Rufus has no right to claim he actually has a grip or understanding of Star Wars that's superior to Disney given this is literally committing the same sins that he shrieked about them doing but far dumber. The bit where he just copied parts of the Spy Who Loved Me gave me mild brain hernias. Especially since he's even forcing it to be that which it isn't by making it have beats from other movies with no understanding. It's one thing to use a genre to be a skeleton for your serial inspired space opera that follows people' it's another to make non-characters retrace exact scenes because you are uncreative or want to reference it.

Hell, the film posters he made are lies too given that it's more for his shit OC than anything else. He's literally mimicking the rat out of lazy incompetence and doesn't know it.

Also what a doof; he's supporting the very thing he hates by backing the official lego. Bootleg or bust you clown.

 

[Man vs persistent rat]

Not sure if this is best here or in Obscure Laughingstocks (as he was a community pet) but he's too niche for that. Seeing this post reminded me of somebody from a forum a long, long time ago, who thankfully despite deleting their account have their posts preserved. May as well document it somewhere since it'll disappear at some point and he's weird/obscure enough to warrant a few minutes of laughing.

This was entirely a music forum which for some reason attracted some people who couldn't stop powerleveling about their personal lives (there was a white nationalist, a person weirdly obsessed with being the cool guy in a community of classical music dorks, the young pseudo-intellectual guy who was trying to be edgy by directly asking female members whether they'd like to participate in bisexual orgies, the old guy who revelled in being as offensive as possible in the ultimate curmudgeon act, etc). This dude in particular was basically a sex tourist, who had a severe case of grass-is-greener syndrome. He hated his 'repressed' home country, so loved going to places like Thailand and India where he could buy whores for almost nothing and praise for how 'free' from repression those places were. He ended up hating a lot of the places he visited because he was a misfit, getting upset over being expected to sit cross-legged in Korea when he taught English, etc.

Thread 1 / Archive (random PL)

Thread 2 / Archive (pseudo-intellectual cultural critique)

Thread 3 / Archive (here he PLs immensely)

Thread 4 / Archive (more PL)

Thread 5 / Archive (a pseudo-intellectual tract)

Thread 6 / Archive (same)

Thread 7 / Archive (wherein he posts a log of his sexual escapades)

Thread 8 / Archive (the nefarious Koreans making him sit cross-legged)

Thread 9 / I ain't arching 36 pages of this shit (he was of course a conspiracy theorist)

Thread 10 / Archive (unsolicited sperging about his job that allowed him to travel a lot - coach driving)

Sadly I couldn't find his most notorious photograph, of some asian barfly in his bedroom who looked around 12.

I didn't know him outside this forum, but from his Photobucket account name (SeanMcHugh02), found unsurprisingly that he has been active elsewhere, some uninteresting posts on travel forums (dead links, no sex), but there was also:

Link / Archive (a batshit insane tract on the talk page of the Prostitution in Thailand Wikipedia article)

Link / Archive (he also posted on the talk page of a bukkake illustration on Wikipedia)

I wish this rabbit hole went a bit deeper, but I couldn't find any social media pages. Eh, I'll give him some time, I trust him to continue to be insane. On the travel sites I ran into, he was at least active up to 2016.

 

[Bizarre Monkey]

Damn I can't hope to match the stories you guys have here, but I do have one particular person I've had to deal with.

He went by Lonnes which was an anagram of his real name Nelson, he was a Parisian and became a laughing stock.

Basically at first most of us on a discord channel were simply like 'eh' towards him. he was a frenchie, so we mocked him for that because he reacted hilariously to it.

This all pretty much started when he applied for moderator status, in the interest of 'bringing justice to the chat' to which most of us laughed. The admin himself said all he'd be doing is sorting out behind the scenes stuff, i.e. digital paperwork.

I personally told him he's a fucking idiot for thinking he'd enjoy being a moderator, but he insisted on it so i told fuse to let him have it.

So after some time of him being moderator he got al shitty, stated it wasn't what he thought it was, and then pulled a big 'i'm leaving this unjust server and i suggest everyone do the same move'

So we all jumped solely for the purpose of seeing how far he'd go.

I was pretty vocal about him and often called him out on his behaviour, so he started baiting me into insulting him, he'd then point fingers and say i was an awful mean person beyond other shit.

One day I eventually told him that if i actually wanted to ruin his day i could do it in an instant because i knew what got under his skin... pretty much everything as he was very thin skinned.

The stupid fuck dared me, he said he could take it. I had the feeling it was gonna be used against me, but I didn't care I just wanted to emotionally ruin him because he was legitimately starting to get on my nerves.

Well boy howdy did he kick up a stink, the great thing is, he made this dare in the public chat, so everyone KNEW he'd allowed this, and unlike what he apparently expected? He had no one on his side and I had basically kicked his shit in on his call in his own channel.

I am honest to god surprised he didn't flat out ban me, it's not like anyone would be surprised by it, i had nothing left to prove, he'd done all that for me.

But then, Toenails happened.

Basically Toenails was short for TordxLonnes, Tord was a member of the chat who was nice, a little naive and unfortunately, she took pity on Lonnes as she only knew half of the story why I and others despised him so much.

Eventually I'd had enough and told Tord what had gone on, Lonnes was around and started going OFF, in a way I'd never seen. Other people started defending the squealing pig, people who later, would outright condemn his very existence.

So basically, I left and i advised anyone who was sick of his shit to go with me as a sort of parody of the parisian himself.

He was the sort who thought himself a hero and bringer of justice, all he was really interested in was being pitiful enough that he'd get laid.

We discovered that he was making plans to visit Tord, who was a 14 year old girl living in the states, people were warning him that he'd go to jail as that's pedophillia, but he wouldn't listen, he truly was his own worst enemy.

It seems Tord finally broke it off with him officially so he was saved a prison sentence in a nation far from home. After i got him kicked from a channel I was in and I'd removed him from my life, I basically just moved on, the only updates i get about him are from Streema, a german fellow who was once his friend, but now finds him highly distasteful.

There were other choice idiotic things he did, like referring to me as his "Nemesis", asking me not to refer to him as a pedophile (which i had never actually done, i kept silent on the whole thing because i wanted him to get arrested, lmao), making two incredibly shit games in rpgmaker (one which is essentially just the legend of zelda but without combat)and becoming known around parts of the web for generally being a weird fucking stalker

Sorry for the font formatting, the author of this tumblr page needs to really look up color theory.

If pressed I could find more about him. But for now i think this is probably enough to process.

 

[CWCissey]

Dead.

I will read these scripts when I find some time, but the fact he's straight up ripped off The Spy Who Loved Me gives me great hope for the future of Rufus' spergouts. His takes on the James Bond franchise would be the stuff of legend.

 

[TheImportantFart]

I will read these scripts when I find some time

Can’t wait to hear your comments on them. Your review of Rufus’s Episode VII script was fucking hilarious.

 

[Big Nasty]

Wtf I love Rufus Wars now.
Boba Fett's daughter is supposed to be a badass bounty hunter just like her dad, but actually she's just a celebrity stalker.

Also, a quadruple lightsaber, is that like a 4-way tire iron with laser blades or what?

 

[TheImportantFart]

Also, a quadruple lightsaber, is that like a 4-way tire iron with laser blades or what?

Based on the scene descriptions, I think that was the idea. Anyone who actually tried to use one would end up cutting themselves to pieces.

 

[TheJelqster]

I know this one guy who autistically jumps up and down like a jackhammer when he talks about a game he likes. I have a ton of stories about him too.

 

[Glitched_Humanity]

Had a coworker i knew back when i volunteered at a animal shelter who was obsessed with skyrim and furries. he never bathed and would talk about skyrim all day. Had to stop him a lot of times talking to boomers about the why they should play it and showing them his furry drawings(it was questionably sfw). got so bad I had to pull him aside and tell him no one cares; they just want their dogs back. worse thing was when he bought his alienware laptop to work(at a animal shelter) and spent the whole day looking at porn with no headphones. He wasnt the most fucked up person Ive seen but had to fire him. next day he comes to work because he couldn't tell his parents he was fired from volunteering. I ultimately told his parents but they asked if he could hang out at the shelter because he has no friends. I had a firm talking to about his behavior and was surprised when they defended him. Apparently he was autistic and that was his only 'creative' outlet. Thankfully he got into a fight with a female worker after she was creeped by him after showing her some type of digimon furry shit he drew. He punched her in the face and he was arrested for petty assault(6 months in jail i think). I left soon after but he still 'hangs' out in the parking lot playing his laptop and playing skyrim.

I wont say he was a bad person(got me into skyrim) but he didnt understand not everyone enjoys his 'special' interests.


He was 27yo.

 

[Muttnik]

New to Rufus Wars. Holy shit I laughed so hard.

Spoiler

Still better than Disney though.

 

[Adamska]

Still better than Disney though.

What. No.

No.

I've described my visceral glee at how Disney's fucking up and I still think their movies are better than Rufus' shit scripts that do exactly the same thing that the Rat does.

 

[Muttnik]

What. No.

No.

I've described my visceral glee at how Disney's fucking up and I still think their movies are better than Rufus' shit scripts that do exactly the same thing that the Rat does.

Rufus entertained me with autism instead of make me grind my teeth with disdain and contempt for lazy corporations. I'd rather have the former.

 

[Adamska]

Rufus entertained me with autism instead of make me grind my teeth with disdain and contempt for lazy corporations. I'd rather have the former.

Scripts are only a portion of how a movie can fail tho, and compared just to the scripts of Disneywars as a whole, this is still more shit and does many of the exact same things that Disney did but less competent man.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

Didn't she literally have an account here? I remember her posting in the Waifu thread in Community watch.



Yeah, here it is.

I didn't know that! Those aren't threads I watch so I wouldn't have seen her posts. That's funny though that she has an account here, girl's got no self awareness.

 

[The Un-Clit]

Not sure if this is best here or in Obscure Laughingstocks (as he was a community pet) but he's too niche for that. Seeing this post reminded me of somebody from a forum a long, long time ago, who thankfully despite deleting their account have their posts preserved. May as well document it somewhere since it'll disappear at some point and he's weird/obscure enough to warrant a few minutes of laughing.

This was entirely a music forum which for some reason attracted some people who couldn't stop powerleveling about their personal lives. This dude in particular was basically a sex tourist, who had a severe case of grass-is-greener syndrome. He hated his 'repressed' home country, so loved going to places like Thailand and India where he could buy whores for almost nothing and praise for how 'free' from repression those places were. He ended up hating a lot of the places he visited because he was a misfit, getting upset over being expected to sit cross-legged in Korea when he taught English, etc.

Thread 1 / Archive (random PL)

Thread 2 / Archive (pseudo-intellectual cultural critique)

Thread 3 / Archive (here he PLs immensely)

Thread 4 / Archive (more PL)

Thread 5 / Archive (a pseudo-intellectual tract)

Thread 6 / Archive (same)

Thread 7 / Archive (wherein he posts a log of his sexual escapades)

Thread 8 / Archive (the nefarious Koreans making him sit cross-legged)

Thread 9 / I ain't arching 36 pages of this shit (he was of course a conspiracy theorist)

Thread 10 / Archive (unsolicited sperging about his job that allowed him to travel a lot - coach driving)

Sadly I couldn't find his most notorious photograph, of some asian barfly in his bedroom who looked around 12.

I didn't know him outside this forum, but from his Photobucket account name (SeanMcHugh02), found unsurprisingly that he has been active elsewhere, some uninteresting posts on travel forums (dead links, no sex), but there was also:

Link / Archive (a batshit insane tract on the talk page of the Prostitution in Thailand Wikipedia article)

Link / Archive (he also posted on the talk page of a bukkake illustration on Wikipedia)

I wish this rabbit hole went a bit deeper, but I couldn't find any social media pages. Eh, I'll give him some time, I trust him to continue to be insane. On the travel sites I ran into, he was at least active up to 2016.

I've only just tackled thread 3, holy hell I can't believe he gave his whole neg-slanted history completely unsolicited like that, as M put it, he's just made himself a sitting duck.

The fact that it goes on for another 7 threads worth (which I am totally going to read) clearly confirms the man is a potential LOLcow. All he needs to do is be a bit more prolific, maybe get on YouTube with a music analysis show and a few pokes will blossom him into a whole new cow for us to milk.

 

[Cole phleps]

So this guy has been mentioned on the farms before a few times, but no one's really gone that far into him and its kind of a shame.

I found this exceptional individual named youngdefiant and he is :autism: incarnate and the embodiment of Poe's Law. He has a multitude of videos on PS4 Spidey, RDR2, Zelda BOTW, and whatever else is pissing him off that week. My own :autism: tendencies make it hard to tell if this exceptional individual is serious, so I must know: is he related to the great Chad "looks like a dildo" Warden or is he's the reverse version of our boy @SammyOfMobius

Spoiler: Vid dump

If you're unfamiliar this is youngdefiant, the king of youtube, gaming, anime, and manga as well as anything else he feels like attaching to his title any given day. He is one of the most bitter gamers and weebs I've ever seen. He started out on youtube over 10 years ago now, he's been having meltdowns because people won't donate to him or subscribe on twitch lately blaming everyone but himself for his lack of success.

It seems he's nuked most of his old videos that didn't have many views, but his earliest available videos are 8 year old assassins creed clips.

He later attempted to make relatively pleasant tips and tricks videos for awhile.

He started making pretty average rants about videogames for a while, but where he really starts to go off the rails is his insert popular game SUCKS RANT-ONLY IDIOTS WILL BUY THIS GAME! series and weeb shit. In the game videos, he just hurls a slew of oddly personal insults at the viewer while claiming whatever game is trending at the moment is the worst game ever made never giving any reasons why. He just keeps repeating that only fake gamers will buy or enjoy this game. He's made like 5 of these about Red dead redemption 2 alone.

His anime videos are the same shtick right down to the fake fan insults. Where it starts to get interesting is if you watch the cod video above he spends the first minute bitching and whining at the viewers for not donating and subscribing. A lot of people claim he is a troll and I used to be in that camp, he tries to be over the top as possible. In most of his recent videos though he spends a lot of time just getting really emotional and constantly insulting the viewer trying to shame them and insinuating they're thieves for watching his content and not subbing on twitch or donating. He threatens to quit youtube and walk away forever unless you start to donate multiple times, sometimes sounding on the verge of tears. I may just be being optimistic but I think there may be a market for his brand of spergy content, he has 10k subscribers. He should just direct his insults at whatever he's ranting about, instead of personally at his audience and blaming them for his lack of success be somewhat respectful and people may actually warm up to him.

 

[Broseph]

So this guy has been mentioned on the farms before a few times, but no one's really gone that far into him and its kind of a shame.

I just watched his "Final Fantasy 7 Remake Sucks" video and he literally spent the first three minutes laughing like a faggot and sperging about how nobody subscribes to his channel and nobody watches his streams and nobody donates to him because "yOu MoThErFuCkErS aRe DuMbAsSeS wHo DoNt DeSeRvE mE" and "herp derp only filthy casual fans are excited about the Final Fantasy 7 Remake!" and the few videos of his that I watched have more dislikes than likes.

 

[HeyYou]

So this guy has been mentioned on the farms before a few times, but no one's really gone that far into him and its kind of a shame.

Gotta be a troll doing it for the money, he reminds me of another YouTube ranter: ya boi Michael Does Life. He shilled his Resident Evil 2 (2019) is TERRIBLE videos on /v/ constantly.