Rufus is my favorite part of this thread, and just as I'd finally accepted that we'd heard the last of him, he goes and totally outdoes himself yet again.
I think my sister in law is a real life lolcow. She isn't active online, I don't think, but being around her sure is an experience.
- been in university for 12 years without graduating. Yes, 12 years. She often implies that she thinks I'm lying about having two degrees because she can't fathom how someone would finish school within a reasonable time frame.
- quite overweight but it's due to genetics! She's just allergic to gluten and MSG, she'll tell you before asking the waiter for a third portion of free bread before her 3 course meal and desert even arrives.
- every illness under the sun and it constantly changes. Of course they go away when she wants to do something or someone invites her to eat.
- however no one wants to invite her out because she takes hours to get ready. I'm not joking, we have missed entire events because she didn't get ready in time despite being home napping all day and knowing what time the event started. She will wait until everyone else gets ready and has their shoes on before saying "well I guess I should get ready too! Haha." Then she will slowly meander to the bathroom to shower after stopping for a snack and some conversation.
- her dog died like 7 years ago. The dogs last meal is still sitting in the food bowl. I didn't even ask about that one, it was just fucked up
- won't work, won't drive, won't leave the house alone. Too many speshul disabilities
Rufus is my favorite part of this thread, and just as I'd finally accepted that we'd heard the last of him, he goes and totally outdoes himself yet again.
Coming from the guy who gave us Proctor the Butt Doctor, this makes me happier than you can imagine.
I will say things ended up being less dramatic than @CWCissey ’s prediction that Rufus would commandeer a tank to attack the cinema, but I was definitely not disappointed.
I mean if his parents won't kick him out, and he tries to find yet another way to circomvent his punishment, starving him is probably the best suggestion going forward short of just banning him from leaving the house period imo.
I mean if his parents won't kick him out, and he tries to find yet another way to circomvent his punishment, starving him is probably the best suggestion going forward short of just banning him from leaving the house period imo.
After the second tard out at the theater, I'd almost certainly burn his Star Wars stuff and force him to watch as I do so, banning it from this house until he either gets a job or leaves. Then not bail him out if (lol more like when) he gets jailed for tardery reasons because either get a grip or get out of my life you cancer.
After the second tard out at the theater, I'd almost certainly burn his Star Wars stuff and force him to watch as I do so, banning it from this house until he either gets a job or leaves. Then not bail him out if (lol more like when) he gets jailed for tardery reasons because either get a grip or get out of my life you cancer.
Occasionally when someone famous dies, this guy's tweets will appear on on my Twitter feed for some reason, even though I don't watch preschool shows. He thinks that it's a great idea to mourn dead celebrities with characters from PJ Masks:
Fuck, I must have scrolled over the notification again. A little late on the reaction but holy shit. Rufus did not disappoint. I'm just glad he didn't chimp out and attack the theater staff with a lightsaber.
Not even a month after I put up my bittersweet Goodbye, but not forever post and Rufus actually delivers the goods. I guess I should learn to be more patient or something.
Anyway, let's get on with it:
Rufus Wars:Spergsistance
Really scrapin' that barrel for titles now.
As I've said before, Rufus's parents laid down some drastic measures to stop him going to see The Rise of Skywalker. The bars on his window after the Solo incident were just the start. After the film was released, he wasn't allowed to leave the house unsupervised (not that he really goes anywhere anyway) and his parents made sure at least one of them was in the house with him at all times to ensure he didn't try and sneak out. This has, not to put too fine a point on it, been an absolute pain in the arse for them, but weighed against an unruly tard causing chaos and destruction over a humble Flash Gordon pastiche, it was a small price to pay.
In the past Rufus has justified going to see the Disney Wars films, despite sperging for months about how awful they'll be, by saying he's "satisfying his curiosity" or wants to "get some closure". This time he didn't even try to hide his true reasoning - he said he wanted to go to a screening of the The Rise of Skywalker to protest and disrupt it. I guess honesty is a virtue after all.
Unfortunately for Rufus, after about a quarter of a century dealing with his bullshit, his parents have finally got savvy enough to try and minimise the fallout from his autism. But as they say, viruses adapt, and not before long, Rufus found a weak point in their defenses and slipped through.
Earlier this week, Rufus announced that he had an interview at Game (for non-Brtifags, that's our imaginatively-titled version of Gamestop) in [REDACTED]. He presented a confirmation email which looked legit and asked for one of his parents to drive him to the train station so he could go to the interview. His parents have been absolutely desperate for him to get a job, so although they were a bit sceptical at first, they agreed to let him out to attend the interview. However, they said he wouldn't be allowed to travel to the interview on his own, and someone would need to come with him. Rufus seemed a bit annoyed at first, but eventually agreed to be chaperoned to the interview.
So Rufus's Mum drove him to [REDACTED] in the hopes that he would finally be gainfully employment after two plus years of doing nothing but writing hilariously bad fanfiction. The Game Rufus was interviewing at was in a shopping centre with a cinema, which put his Mum on high alert. Rufus wanted her to wait with the car, but she insisted on following him into the shopping centre. Rufus pointed out that it would look awful is his Mum came to the interview with him. She agreed, and positioned herself in a coffee shop roughly opposite Game. Rufus went in and his Mum settled down with a coffee to await his return, casting strategic glances at the door to make sure Rufus didn't try anything.
An hour later, and Rufus still hadn't returned. The email he'd shown his parents had mentioned some kind of assessment centre, but Rufus's Mum was sure that something was wrong. She waited a little longer, before going into the Game. She accosted a member of staff, and asked what was going on with interviews. The member of staff told her that there weren't any interviews that day, and at any rate, they weren't hiring at the moment.
Fearing the worst, Rufus's Mum began to head towards the cinema. She didn't get far before she saw Rufus stomping towards her with a thunderous expression on his face. He froze when he saw her, and tried to explain that the interview had finished and he'd gone to get something to eat, but she didn't buy it for a second.
Rufus eventually cracked under questioning and the truth came out.
Demonstrating tactical genius that would shame Grand Admiral Thrawn, Rufus had meticulously forged the email inviting him to the interview, gone into the Game, hung around for a bit, waited for a crowd of people to leave, slipped out alongside them, and headed for the cinema. Once there, he'd bought a ticket for The Rise of Skywalker and as the film began, he'd stood up in front of the whole cinema, and started doing a live reading of his Sequel Trilogy scripts.
I, and I'm sure many others, would probably have been over the moon if this had happened in our screening of The Rise of Skywalker, and more than happy to let Rufus carry on unopposed. Unfortunately, cinema staff didn't see it that way. Rufus was kicked out only minutes into his monologue and left to reckon with his furious mother.
As a result of his behaviour, Rufus's computer has been confiscated and disconnected from the internet. He's only allowed to use it with internet access if he's supervised by his parents and they know he's applying for jobs. He's allowed an hour of "free time" with it in the evening, but without internet access.
All I can say after all this is that Rufus's dedication to making a fool of himself will never cease to amaze me
Not even a month after I put up my bittersweet Goodbye, but not forever post and Rufus actually delivers the goods. I guess I should learn to be more patient or something.
Anyway, let's get on with it:
Rufus Wars:Spergsistance
Really scrapin' that barrel for titles now.
As I've said before, Rufus's parents laid down some drastic measures to stop him going to see The Rise of Skywalker. The bars on his window after the Solo incident were just the start. After the film was released, he wasn't allowed to leave the house unsupervised (not that he really goes anywhere anyway) and his parents made sure at least one of them was in the house with him at all times to ensure he didn't try and sneak out. This has, not to put too fine a point on it, been an absolute pain in the arse for them, but weighed against an unruly tard causing chaos and destruction over a humble Flash Gordon pastiche, it was a small price to pay.
In the past Rufus has justified going to see the Disney Wars films, despite sperging for months about how awful they'll be, by saying he's "satisfying his curiosity" or wants to "get some closure". This time he didn't even try to hide his true reasoning - he said he wanted to go to a screening of the The Rise of Skywalker to protest and disrupt it. I guess honesty is a virtue after all.
Unfortunately for Rufus, after about a quarter of a century dealing with his bullshit, his parents have finally got savvy enough to try and minimise the fallout from his autism. But as they say, viruses adapt, and not before long, Rufus found a weak point in their defenses and slipped through.
Earlier this week, Rufus announced that he had an interview at Game (for non-Brtifags, that's our imaginatively-titled version of Gamestop) in [REDACTED]. He presented a confirmation email which looked legit and asked for one of his parents to drive him to the train station so he could go to the interview. His parents have been absolutely desperate for him to get a job, so although they were a bit sceptical at first, they agreed to let him out to attend the interview. However, they said he wouldn't be allowed to travel to the interview on his own, and someone would need to come with him. Rufus seemed a bit annoyed at first, but eventually agreed to be chaperoned to the interview.
So Rufus's Mum drove him to [REDACTED] in the hopes that he would finally be gainfully employment after two plus years of doing nothing but writing hilariously bad fanfiction. The Game Rufus was interviewing at was in a shopping centre with a cinema, which put his Mum on high alert. Rufus wanted her to wait with the car, but she insisted on following him into the shopping centre. Rufus pointed out that it would look awful is his Mum came to the interview with him. She agreed, and positioned herself in a coffee shop roughly opposite Game. Rufus went in and his Mum settled down with a coffee to await his return, casting strategic glances at the door to make sure Rufus didn't try anything.
An hour later, and Rufus still hadn't returned. The email he'd shown his parents had mentioned some kind of assessment centre, but Rufus's Mum was sure that something was wrong. She waited a little longer, before going into the Game. She accosted a member of staff, and asked what was going on with interviews. The member of staff told her that there weren't any interviews that day, and at any rate, they weren't hiring at the moment.
Fearing the worst, Rufus's Mum began to head towards the cinema. She didn't get far before she saw Rufus stomping towards her with a thunderous expression on his face. He froze when he saw her, and tried to explain that the interview had finished and he'd gone to get something to eat, but she didn't buy it for a second.
Rufus eventually cracked under questioning and the truth came out.
Demonstrating tactical genius that would shame Grand Admiral Thrawn, Rufus had meticulously forged the email inviting him to the interview, gone into the Game, hung around for a bit, waited for a crowd of people to leave, slipped out alongside them, and headed for the cinema. Once there, he'd bought a ticket for The Rise of Skywalker and as the film began, he'd stood up in front of the whole cinema, and started doing a live reading of his Sequel Trilogy scripts.
I, and I'm sure many others, would probably have been over the moon if this had happened in our screening of The Rise of Skywalker, and more than happy to let Rufus carry on unopposed. Unfortunately, cinema staff didn't see it that way. Rufus was kicked out only minutes into his monologue and left to reckon with his furious mother.
As a result of his behaviour, Rufus's computer has been confiscated and disconnected from the internet. He's only allowed to use it with internet access if he's supervised by his parents and they know he's applying for jobs. He's allowed an hour of "free time" with it in the evening, but without internet access.
All I can say after all this is that Rufus's dedication to making a fool of himself will never cease to amaze me
Did the psychiatrist write him off as a lost cause after a few sessions, or did he try to Force-choke the psychiatrist and get banned from that office?
Anyways I'm not too sure why they're insisting he needs to get a job since he's guaranteed to scream about Star Wars and get fired on the off chance he made it that far (which I doubt, he'd do it during the interview like last time). And possibly arrested for assault if he tried that Jedi duel thing again and his boss was a lot less nice about it.
Did the psychiatrist write him off as a lost cause after a few sessions, or did he try to Force-choke the psychiatrist and get banned from that office?
It was more of a case of him just refusing to engage. I think the sessions just kind of petered out after a while. I’d pay good money for the notes from them though.
Anyways I'm not too sure why they're insisting he needs to get a job since he's guaranteed to scream about Star Wars and get fired on the off chance he made it that far (which I doubt, he'd do it during the interview like last time). And possibly arrested for assault if he tried that Jedi duel thing again and his boss was a lot less nice about it.
His parents have decided far too late that now is the time to install a work ethic in him and their now-autistic devotion to this outweighs their common sense as to what unleashing their unruly tard on an unsuspecting public will result in.
I do sort of feel for his parents, even if them not putting their foot down until now is a big part of why Rufus is the way he is. You work hard all your life and build up a small fortune, and your reward at the end of it is looking after an insane manchild who only puts effort into sperging out and sitting around all day writing angry letters and unfilmable fan scripts.
More of a horrorcow. Know a guy who has 4 kids and has tried to lie about having narcolepsy to get on disability. Thankfully, his attempts fail. Unfortunately, he refuses to get a job and mooches off a woman who has a legit reason to be on disability.
He's threatened her with a gun at least once and has hoarding tendencies. He spends most of his share on redbull and some sort of illicit stimulants. Probably meth.
Only thing keeping him afloat is mommy and daddy's money. So he's mooching off a disabled person and his parents at the same time.
The parents are mild horrorcows themselves. Sad thing is, none of these people were that bad until a few years ago. They were just hillbillies that viewed themselves as anything but.
The moocher was always a jobless moocher, however. He wasn't going around getting high off meth and threatening people with guns, though. Waiting for some Florida Man tier antics from him.
Only reason he still has the kids is because his parents mostly care for them. A guy around Spoony's age needs his parents to care for the kids.
Rocket Man is the noisiest eater I've ever come across: not only does he chew with his mouth open but he also moans and groans while eating (and doing many other everyday actions), so his meal times normally go "scrontch scrontch MNNNNN scrotch honk slop slip NNNNNNGG crunch crunch MMMMMNNN"
also, whenever he drinks anything he makes a loud GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG sound
he has some kind of trouble with eating, as an hour or two after having his dinner he often ends up coughing and retching, like a dog - several times he's actually thrown up his dinner, though thankfully he's managed to confine it to the toilet and clear up afterwards
the fact he's swallowed half a lungful of air along with his dinner is a likely factor, and his compulsion for charging around doesn't help either
While he's more of a source of rage than laughs, I knew a guy on Discord who was... something else. He's the type of horny roleplaying teenager that would try to force sex into something innocent. He'd get pissed when someone said they didn't like certain Pokemon. I've had a few incidents with him myself, where he'd get snappy at me for trying to mediate a situation in a server I was modding in. In this case, he was acting like a dipshit towards a fellow mod.
He even lied about his age to find out about the fetishes of a grown-ass woman he legit had a crush on. Said woman was in a relationship at the time and not interested in him at all. Guy basically had horny teenager brainrot. His views on sexuality were... odd, to say the least. He thought that, to be a furry, you had to be lgbt.
He also has assaulted one of his friends multiple times, usually aiming for the head. Once it was over said friend laughing a little because the guy accidentally paused a game.
Wouldn’t call him a lolcow per-say, but he’s definitely fucked in the head. He’s this kid in my town that’s pretty much infamous for having a messed up family, stalking anyone who was nice to him for more than five seconds, and trying to pick fights as he got older. His mom was schizophrenic and his Dad was a huge piece of shit. His mom was a frequent patient at the hospital that mine worked at; one day she came in with her son, my mom felt bad for him, asked me to hang out out of pity, and I’m like “Sure, what’s the worst that could happen?”. First of all, this guy would do little else but giggle to himself like a retard, and he’d lie constantly to get people to come over; lie about having whatever new game everyone wanted to play, lie about shit he promised his parents would take us to, lie about having other friends, etc. Spent the night at his place and the first thing I witness when I enter their shithole house was his dad jerking off, and then his mom giggling to herself in her bedroom without pants. Then we go to Friendly’s only for the Dad to freak out because I asked for ice cream, and then his mom flipping people off on the highway and almost getting into an accident. It then occurred to me that this kid was dirt poor and when I told everyone else at school (Was around 11-12 years old at the time), everyone pretty much had the same experience. I stopped talking to him from there on out, and all throughout high school he’d stalk me, show up at my house unannounced and uninvited, and acted as if we were lifelong friends. Then in college if he saw me driving he’d follow me, then he thought I was ignoring him he’d enter whatever building I was entering and try to pick a fight. Long story short, got me and a few other guys in our town who’s had problems with this fucker and placed a massive restraining order on his ass.
Haven’t seen him in over 3 years and I hope to fucking god I don’t see him ever again.
