We'll call the lolcow "Red" for the purposes of this story. Red honestly looks like a skinnier, paler, crustier, and shorter version of Brianna Wu. Red, as you may have guessed, is also a ginger.
I first med red in fifth or sixth grade, so around 2002. She rode the same bus as me, and, as I didn't have many friends at the time, became friens with her. I thought she was weird, but I put up with it. We had a lot of the same interests, especially in terms of video games. I liked anime from 6th to 8th grade, but I was never a weeaboo, thankfully. This was not the case for Red.
Red would bring
binders of yaoi porn to school every day. She would show it to people, including elementary schoolers on the bus, and claim that she drew it, although in reality she just printed it out from the internet. Strangely, she never got in trouble for this. She would always eat pocky during lunch, and she would walk around the school listening to her mp3 player and singing anime songs.
In eighth grade, she would race people to the lunchroom, but she didn't realize that they were doing it because they liked laughing at the weird way she would run.
When someone annoyed her, she would ask a nearby person "can I kill him/her?" and, occasionally, hit them with this weird, downward slapping motion.
She thought she was a witch or a white mage. Once, she "cursed" someone in the halls of the school by screeching "I curse you!" and hissing at them while gesturing at them with both hands.
She often claimed that she was psychic, and insisted to an English teacher that she could see the future in her dreams.
She did standard weeaboo stuff, such as trying to insert Japanese into everyday speech.
She would often say stupid things, claiming that ice cream isn't a food, that money is not money, and other ridiculous stuff.
She had several imaginary boyfriends (which continues to the present day, which I'll get to in a bit), one of which she claimed was a fifteen year-old Japanese police officer who was training her to be a ninja.
She once confessed her love for me with a shitty poem and a drawing of InuYasha, and maintained a one-sided crush on me until my freshman or sophomore year of college.
She would always spend all of her money on pocky, anime DVDs, and video games, then would get pissed off when people had nicer things than she did.
She would wear the same smelly, red hoodie every day, and she had Chris-chan-like skills with makeup. Unlike Chris, though, she liked to use a lot of blacks, silvers, whites, and dark reds in her makeup. She often looked like a juggalo clown.
She was a pathological liar, often insisting that things that didn't happen happened and vice versa, or that things happened differently than they actually did. Sadly, I think that she believed it when she made these statements.
Once, during a homecoming week dress up day, she wore her mom's square dancing dress, ratty black boots, and a Naruto headband and claimed to be an assassin. The dress up theme was dream careers, and she wanted to be a contract killer. Strangely, she didn't get caught up in our school's zero-tolerance policy. People asked her all day if she was supposed to be a hooker, which set her off and was hysterical.
I began distancing myself from Red in ninth grade, as I was no longer interested in anime at that point, and I was finally exiting my super awkward stage. Despite this fact, she continued to insist that I loved anime, that I was her best friend, and so on for years afterwards.
After high school, Red went to community college and would stalk me on Skype for awhile, but she eventually dropped out and, in either 2012 or 2013, stopped messaging me with any kind of frequency. She has never actually been employed, save for a month or two at KFC. She got fired for not showing up to work. She still lives with her parents.
She used to publicly roleplay on Facebook, Gaia, tumblr, and Soundcloud, but has stopped over the past few years. Nowadays, she'll whine about being lonely or sperg about anime once every few weeks on Facebook. I think she still roleplays privately, but I'm not sure where.
She discovered D&D around 2011. She got mad at me because I told her I wasn't interested in it, because, as she claimed, I knew what it was, and I enjoy Final Fantasy, so I should like D&D. She actually got kicked out of her D&D group, which was her only real life social interaction outside of her family to my knowledge, in 2013 for being an obnoxious sperg, and she went on a huge Facebook rant. She would continue to post about it for months.
She supposedly got engaged in 2012 (with a ring that someone pointed out cost $12 at JC Penney), but never named her fiance, posted pictures of him, or generally made any kind of references to him. The wedding was originally supposed to be last Spring, but it was mysteriously delayed to August. The day that it was supposed to be, she claimed that they broke up right at that moment.
These are just a few of the big incidents of things she does or has done; there are many,
many more. If I remember any more, I may post them. Sorry for how disjointed this is; I'm a little drunk and I've been in front of a computer screen all day studying for a
huge test on Monday.
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