Lolcow Peter Guerin / Docforbin - Columbine Shooting and Daria Fanboy, Thinks Trolling is Worse than Actual Murder

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Reactions: AnonAutismo
I remember coming across this fellows work years ago, people were passing it around and making fun of it so often. Even making MST3K style riffs on it, only with text. I also saw enough to see he was one of those people who were Daria fans. I am just saying Daria fandom, from the perspective of an outsider, looked like it had a few creepers. For certain, some of those of the "eehhhhhhhhn I certainly enjoy interacting with all of the sassy, smart young ladies who enjoy Daria!" vibe.

Triumph of the Retart is a classic but we must not neglect his crossovers of Daria and anime, like the notorious story where. Oh well.

Guerin certainly can reproduce the spirit of the Daria character.

Each of the other Sailor Senshi made her introductory speeches as well. It was now time for Daria to make hers:

"I am Sailor Mercury, Misery Chick of Justice! In the name of Mercury, I'm going to nag you to death!"

"What the Hell. . ." Sailor Moon found herself saying.

But there was no time to waste.

"Eat lead, Sailor Senshi!," yelled the first crook.

Just then, a red rose dart hit the ground.

"You shoot, and it will be the last thing you ever do," Tuxedo Mask said as he stepped out of the shadows.

"Here comes the calvary!," Daria said sarcastically.

Recently, the Sailor Senshi had been given some new powers, and now they were going to be put to the test.

Sailor Moon was going to be first. She yelled, "MOON THUNDER PUNCH!" With that, she threw her fist, and it knocked both crooks off their feet.

Sailor Venus was next. "SUPER VENUS BLINDSIDER ATTACK!," she screamed. With that a blinding light issued from her hands, temporarily blinding the crooks.

Daria was still new at this, so she decided to use one of Sailor Mercury's old powers. She shouted, "SHABON SPRAY. . .FREEZING!" The crooks were frozen solid.

"Hmmm, just like in 'Duke Nukem 3D'!," she quipped. Then, she went up to them, and kicked them. They shattered into little pieces.

"Your face, your ass, what's the difference!," she sneered. The rest of the Sailor Senshi stood in disbelief, with their mouths wide open.

Daria ran down the street and caught up with Quinn. She was balled up in a fetal position, crying.

"Quinn, it's over now," said Daria; "Ms. Barch killed Beavis and Butt-Head. They won't harm you anymore." Daria took Quinn in her arms, and hugger her, letting Quinn cry on her shoulder. It didn't matter if she was splattered with brains on her outfit.

"Daria, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad that you showed up," Quinn sobbed. "I'm very lucky to have a big sister like you. I'll never deny that we're sisters ever again, even if I get drubbed out of the Fashion Club!" Quinn broke down and cried. Daria patted her on the back. Daria smiled to herself. The others went up to her.

"Daria, you're OK!," Trent said.

"Trent, what's going on here?," asked Daria.

Trent got closer to her and said:

"It's terrible, Daria. The Lawndale Militia has taken over the town. They're trying the city government in a moot court. Then there was the plane crash, and we found Ami here. Then, of course, Beavis and Butt-Head tried to rape Quinn. It's all been so horrible. We're happy to have you back. And, Daria. . ."

"Yes, Trent?," she aksed.

Trent went up to her and said, "I love you. I always felt it, but until now I never had the courage to say it. After seeing you being willing to sacrifice your life to save your family, it has given me the courage to tell you how I feel." They then French kissed.

"EWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!! They're kissing!," Quinn said.

"AWWWWWWWWWW, isn't that sweet?," Helen said. Jane just nodded her approval. She knew all along how those two felt for each other, and somehow she felt vindicated that she played a part as matchmaker in this affair. Jesse got a bit emotional. "It's all too beautiful, man!," he said.

Ieyasu saw it coming. "NOW!," he yelled. Ami dumped the flares overboard, and the missiles went right for them, blowing up harmlessly though it was a bit too close for comfort for everyone aboard. They were jolted a bit.

"YAHOO!, and I don't mean that Internet search engine, either!," Ieyasu said.

"Stand back!," Usagi said; she then shouted, "SAILOR MOON KICK!!!!!!!!!!"

The door was kicked into splinters. She and the others ran up the stairs to the top of the bell tower. Anthony was there, armed with an AK-47, some white phosphorus grenades and a Bowie knife.

"STAND BACK!!!!!!!!!! I'LL KILL YOU ALL IF YOU DON'T!!!!!!!!!!," he yelled.

Sailor Moon stood in front of everyone else and said:

"You evil man! Trying to subvert the very nation and government you claim to be saving! I am the pretty soldier Eternal Sailor Moon, champion of love and justice! In place of the Moon, you're punished!"

"You're not in Tokyo anymore, you Jap bitch!," Anthony said, and flung his Bowie knife right at Usagi.

Daria tugged on a rope, causing a bell to ring and strike the knife out of harm's way.

Daria now stared at him.

"Why are you waging this war for?," she asked.

Anthony replied, "To bring back constitutional government."

Daria responded, "Then why do you want to establish a dictatorship that is the complete antithesis of everything that the Founding Fathers fought for in the Constitution? About sixty years ago, another group existed that blamed their nation's problems on minority groups and a so-called decadent government. They eventually got into power and killed many who opposed them. They were called the Nazis. Groups like yours keep saying that the letter of the Constitution must be obeyed, but you violate its spirit by trying to deny rights to minorities and others who disagree with you. Besides, if you really take over this country, what is to stop the same groups you persecute from forming their own terrorist organizations like the Black Panthers and the FALN? Groups like yours forget that violence only brings on more violence. Your vision of the Americana Dream is everyone else's nightmare, and I won't allow you to bring that to reality."

"Then you are a traitor!," yelled Anthony.

"No, you're the traitor, Mr. Corlew," Daria replied.

Anthony screamed "DIE, TRAITOR!!!!!!!!!!" and lunged for the Bowie knife. Daria got there as well and a fierce struggle began. They were rolling around the floor, getting perilously close first to the opening for the ropes, then to the edge of the tower. Punches were exchanged. Blood was spilled. Usagi and the others stood there helplessly. Daria knocked the knife out of Anthony's hand. Anthony then locked Daria in a chokehold and threw her up against the ledge.

"You can't stop us all! There's too many like us all over the country!," Anthony bellowed. "Now I'm going to snap your neck!"

Everyone knew they had to do something now. Trent saw the Bowie knife there on the floor and picked it up.

"I WON'T LET YOU MURDER THE WOMAN I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!," Trent yelled

Anthony turned around to see Trent throw the knife right into his heart. Anthony stood there for a second, then drew the knife out.

"I'll take you with me, you welfare-cheating hippie!," he managed to spurt out. He was ready to fling the knife back at Trent.

Usagi, however, ran up to him.

"SAILOR MOON KICK!!!!!!!!!!," she yelled and kicked him real hard.

The force of the kick threw Anthony clear of the ledge and out of the tower. Anthony yelled "AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" as he plunged the one hundred feet to the ground. The body made a great "SPLAT!!!!!!!!!!" upon impact, then was ran over by a Humvee troop transport, an M1A1 Abrams tank, and a National Guard unit singing Fleetwood Mac's "Tusk"
 
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The force of the kick threw Anthony clear of the ledge and out of the tower. Anthony yelled "AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" as he plunged the one hundred feet to the ground. The body made a great "SPLAT!!!!!!!!!!" upon impact, then was ran over by a Humvee troop transport, an M1A1 Abrams tank, and a National Guard unit singing Fleetwood Mac's "Tusk"

That's a complete ripoff of the end of The Naked Gun.
 
So I'm guessing he waited all month for the best article to attach "you guys are a bunch of meany poopypants!" to, except nothing really showed up so he settled for this one. Which is actually appropriate in a way because it's about a callout to parents that refused to control their kid (seriously, there are so many red flags over what the parents are claiming really happened).
 
And even if the parents are telling the truth, we're not the neighbors writing letters to the parents of autistic children, FFS. We're the neighbors sitting on our porches watching the trainwreck unfold.



(And yeah, there's definitely some more going on that the parents on telling. The whole "gofundme" thing, the fact that they can't afford to move, but they can afford a swanky condo in an affluent area? Pull the other one, it's got bells on it lady. Oh, and I found her facebook.)


Okay, back to Peter.
 
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I saw this thread got bumped and got excited that there was new content, but this is just disappointing. He's reacted much angrier than this to insults against Garfield.
You know what you must do, young warrior.
 
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