💬 Off-Topic Phil in Jail

[Broseph Stalin]

So we all know that the chances of Phil going to jail are slim since he's such a chickenshit faggot, but let's say that he did get arrested after successfully pooping on the holocaust memorial or assaulting someone in the streets. How do you think he'll handle getting locked up? Hell, who would bail him out of jail? Pretty sure Jordman won't, unless he feels pity for the poor potato man. And with all those tattoos, surrounded by minorities and gangs with prison tattoos that are better than his?

 

[AnchuentProphecy]

He'll get raped and murdered in prison.

 

[VLAD]

So we all know that the chances of Phil going to jail are slim since he's such a chickenshit faggot, but let's say that he did get arrested after successfully pooping on the holocaust memorial or assaulting someone in the streets. How do you think he'll handle getting locked up? Hell, who would bail him out of jail? Pretty sure Jordman won't, unless he feels pity for the poor potato man. And with all those tattoos, surrounded by minorities and gangs with prison tattoos that are better than his?

I wonder who he'd use his phone call on. Robyn? Mom? Prime Minister Jennifer Lopez?

 

[Billy_Sama]

They will lock him where his type belongs and throw away the key.

Spoiler

 

[Sanshain]

I think he'd act belligerent for as long as possible, then when the reality of his situation becomes obvious, break down into an utterly hysterical mess and end up sniveling in a corner. Phil has no capacity to handle reality in any way that doesn't involve his own delusions of it. Forcing it on him would merely result in him experiencing a spectacular psychotic break. That's my analysis, anyway.

 

[autisticdragonkin]

He'll get raped and murdered in prison.

Probably other inmates will be too afraid to touch him

I think he'd act belligerent for as long as possible, then when the reality of his situation becomes obvious, break down into an utterly hysterical mess and end up sniveling in a corner. Phil has no capacity to handle reality in any way that doesn't involve his own delusions of it. Forcing it on him would merely result in him experiencing a spectacular psychotic break. That's my analysis, anyway.

Likely he will end up dying from this and perhaps a legitimate suicide attempt

 

[Positron]

He'll get raped and murdered in prison.

Murdered, yes; raped, NO WAY.

Probably other inmates will be too afraid to touch him

He'll be murdered by poison.

Likely he will end up dying from this and perhaps a legitimate suicide attempt

He will, as the Chinese say, be suicided.

 

[Adamska]

Pigman Phil would be hosed with a shower every day and squeal like the porcine fuck he is. Then he sobs when the local latino hoodlums locked in with him start laughing at him/punching in his face. He may get murdered in prison depending on how said latinos feel towards him.

 

[Clown Doll]

As a serious reply, I think that Phil has spent enough time with riff-raff that he's almost bound to have picked up some tips on how to conduct one's self in prison. I believe that he'd initially know to keep his head down to avoid getting any unwanted attention but when he'd start to open up to other inmates, they'd catch on quick that Phil's a repulsive creature and possibly beat him.

Also, we know that Phil fetishizes being put in shackles, cuffs and so on, so maybe he'd be getting off to that thought, I dunno.

Spoiler: Recycling because relevant

Spoiler: Our little Translatinx potato in jail

Spoiler: Source picture of Phil cosplaying a prisoner

 

[HG 400]

As a serious reply, I think that Phil has spent enough time with riff-raff that he's almost bound to have picked up some tips on how to conduct one's self in prison.

Yeah, but Phil actually taking advice from people? Lol fuck off.

 

[Positron]

As a serious reply, I think that Phil has spent enough time with riff-raff that he's almost bound to have picked up some tips on how to conduct one's self in prison. I believe that he'd initially know to keep his head down to avoid getting any unwanted attention but when he'd start to open up to other inmates, they'd catch on quick that Phil's a repulsive creature and possibly beat him.

There are two (or perhaps three) part of his potato-mind at work here: one hand he is a complete coward who would no sooner retreat to his imaginary Autistan than face icky reality, on the other he has a pathological urge to be the center of attention, to be not only accepted, but adored and venerated. How he will play out in jail depends on which side gets the upper hand.

The third side, the wild card of the scenario, is that Phil is a perpetually horny permavirgin, and the jailhouse setting -- with the uniforms, enforced discipline, and close proximity with virile "toughs" (regardless of whether he lands in male or female confinement) -- is exactly his wet dream. I think if he's to get in trouble, it will probably because he tries something sexual and stupid.

 

[Sperglord Dante]

I believe that he'd initially know to keep his head down to avoid getting any unwanted attention bu-

No fucking way. Phil will probably yell about transmisogyny amd opreshun all the way from wherever the cis white cops cuff his obese ass to the prison. By the time he runs out of steam everyone in the precint will know there's a new fagboy in jail.

 

[Psycho]

I'm kinda surprised Phil hasn't been thrown in jail already. A lot of cities have a lot of laws that make it difficult to be homeless and I'm amazed Phil hasn't been put in jail for breaking one of them. Anyway, if Phil went to jail for one of those anti-homeless laws, he would freak the fuck out until the jail put him in a psych hospital, instead. The hospital would keep him in there for a week or so, put him on medication and set him up in some kind of halfway house. He would tolerate the halfway house for a week or two before he found some extremely insignificant rule he couldn't tolerate and either run away or get kicked out; and then he would post on facebook about how he was assaulted and raped in prison.

 

[TrippinKahlua]

I say yes.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Prison would at least be arguably (physically) healthier for Phil than living under a bridge is. They don't make Nutraloaf from blocks of cheese.

 

[AnOminous]

As a serious reply, I think that Phil has spent enough time with riff-raff that he's almost bound to have picked up some tips on how to conduct one's self in prison. I believe that he'd initially know to keep his head down to avoid getting any unwanted attention but when he'd start to open up to other inmates, they'd catch on quick that Phil's a repulsive creature and possibly beat him.

He wouldn't have to open up to them. He has tattoos all over him in insultingly mangled appropriated Spanish that identify him as someone who needs a beating.

 

[An Ounce of Vagina]

In jail he'd likely just get told to shut up so his cellmates can sleep.

In actual prison his delusions, ego, and inability to keep his mouth shut would get him daily, even hourly, beatings.

 

[introman]

Phil has been to jail and it was back during the occupy philadelphia days. Phil was arrested for a group protest by occupying a highway. He was put in a solo cell and complained about not being put in with the girls. If Phil gets arrested again -- he will be put in a solo cell or Protective Custody.

 

[Sperglord Dante]

He wouldn't have to open up to them. He has tattoos all over him in insultingly mangled appropriated Spanish that identify him as someone who needs a beating.

Most of the spics in jail are 2nd and 3rd generation immigrants whose Spanish is only a cut above Google translate.

...I doubt they'll run out of excuses to beat the living shit out of Phil, though.

 

[Reddit Avenger]

Murdered, yes; raped, NO WAY.

Never underestimate the non-existent standards of horny prison rapists.